A/N: This can be whatever pairing pretty much. It don't really matter. It can even be het. Please be kind and review pouty face Luv Yas!

He Walked Away Today

He walked away today. I don't know if I will ever see him again. I felt so good when I was shoving him through the door, but now after his sillouhette has faded, all I can feel is this emptiness - this hollowness - inside me. It grows larger every moment I spend thinking of him.

Where is he? Is he with her? Why did he leave so willingly? He knew I would have let him stay if he'd asked, but he walked away. He walked until I couldn't see him anymore, but I still stood there staring at the space where he had just been and wondering 'What did I just do?'

I was so sure before he left that I was doing the right thing in turning him away. I thought I was going to be happy, thrilled ever. I thought it was the beginning of something brand new. I thought I was moving on.

It was the beginning, but the beginning to what? I barely knew a life without him. He was my world for so many years. We were the best of friends. We were the worst of lovers.

So why then did my soul ache in his absense? Why did it feel like the world had just collapsed beneath my feet and I was being dragged down with it? Why did it feel so much like drowning?

I struggled to breathe. It seemed like with each breath, it got harder and harder to inhale. My chest felt tight-constricted. My lungs were suddenly too large for my torso. I felt like I was suffocating.

My eyes were dry and bloodshot from not blinking. I stared through walls and people without ever knowing they were there. I saw none of it. I was lost - circling the drain?

I didn't know what was going on. Everything was suddenly so confusing. I didn't know what I wanted. I sure as hell didn't know what I needed. At least, not until after it was too late to claim it.

My mind argued - torn between thoughts of loneliness and freedom. I had never realized how lonely freedom could be. Maybe solitude was what I needed. Maybe I needed a friend, a true friend. I thought I just needed you.

I probably shouldn't have gotten so drunk. It was our reunion. We were supposed to be happy. I don't know why I wasn't. I thought he was all that I needed. Did I fall out of love with him somewhere along the lines?

If that was the case, then why did it hurt so much to even think about him? Why did the thought of him with her tear at me like a clenched fist around my heart? Why did I want to chase after him, even though I knew it was too late and he was already with her? Why did I want to appologize when I'd done nothing wrong? I wanted to crawl to him on my hands and knees and beg for his forgiveness. I wanted to grovel. I wanted to make him see what he had reduced me to. I wanted him to know how much I care and always will.

I wanted to do everything, but instead I did nothing. I was too stubborn to go after him. I knew I was right in what I did. I had to keep telling myself that I had made the right decision. I had to keep drinking. I thought that maybe everything would just go away if I drank enough. I thought my mind would stop racing with questions I didn't want to admit the answers to. A thought occured to me after my 11th shot. I needed to fuck. That would fix everything.

I welcomed his arms around me. They felt good when everything else was miserable. My body responded to his touch instinctively. I relaxed into him and he took me.

The stairs were trouble. He nearly dragged me half the way. When we hit the bed, my brain ceased to function. He moved against me so naturally. It felt good. Everything he did was right.

He fell against me after, laying his head on my chest. It wasn't until after the afterglow had worn off, that the thoughts came pouring back.

A/N: please review! would mean the world to me! oh! and did this seem like slash or het to y'all?