Henry stood awkwardly by the couch. During painfully slow minutes waiting for Shawn he had moved from the couch, to the kitchen, to the porch and then back to the couch before standing awkwardly in the living room of his house--a world that had so suddenly become so unfamiliar.
When he had gotten the call he was devastated, his entire world collapsed. He did not know if he had cried, but it did not matter, not anymore. From the moment he called his son to come over, he felt nothing. It was as if he were empty inside; there was nothing left to feel anymore.
He was sure the tears would come eventually, he had know enough good police officers that died far too young, seen enough families and carried to them the burden of such news to know that the tears were inevitable. But for now he felt nothing, just an empty void.
Henry heard the roar of the motorcycle and heard Shawn's footsteps on the wood of the porch. A tuft of dark brown hair was the first thing he saw of his son and in that one glance everything changed. The emptiness of his feelings turning into a sort of terror. The horror of knowing he was going to hurt his son, his family.
He had told enough wives their husbands were never coming home to know that it was never easy news to tell. But the thought of his son being the one to hear the news, to shed the tears, to feel such overwhelming sadness…
He wished he could have just told his son over the phone and let them each wallow in their own sadness alone, but he knew that was never an option.
"Hey, what is so…" Shawn stopped midsentence as he turned to see his father standing by the couch, terror in his eyes. "Dad?"
Henry felt sick inside. He knew that he had to say it (he had practiced it endlessly in his head). He knew that it would be easier once he shared the news, as horrible as it was. But he knew how sad, how truly devastated, it would make his son.
The four words stuck to his tongue and the thought of saying them was the most painful thing in the world.
He did not want to look Shawn in the eyes, but he could not look away. With his voice steady and emotionless he spoke, "Your mother is dead."
Suddenly it was real, the news heartbreaking, the emotion returned. He led his son over to the couch to sit. It was not his fault she died--none of it was his fault--and yet he felt as if he were the one to have destroyed his son's world.
"How?"
"Car accident." Their thoughts collapsed into fragments and simple words.
Shawn cried.