Extinct

Aoshi didn't even sigh. He did never.

He was alone now. But during the day the people in the Aoiya would feel the decreasing of his mood due to the lack of sighs. The inhabitants of the Aoiya had developed an amazing radar for his feelings. They had gotten used to it. But they did never oversee it.

A few months had gone by since Kenshin and his friends left Kyoto. The Aoyia had been rebuilt, physical wounds had healed.

However the mental wounds Aoshi took had healed on its surface. But under his skin the wounds had become … infected. At first he was relieved to finally see the back of the Battousai. But it seemed that his leaving left something on him unfinished. He only could guess that this man could have helped him to his salvation if he had only the guts to talk with him over this. No, not the guts. Yes ,the guts.

After all he was who he was. He could not pass his own shadow, as so often. If he could he wouldn't be in his current situation. Grap. He wouldn't have been at all in situations and wrong places that lead him to his current situation. In depression, desperation, in guilt in…fears. The things, the thoughts were too large, too cornered too bad too dark to…

No- The things are not how they are. Things are how we are…. *

A certain thing to describe Aoshis situation is that he was a broken man with a major depression.

He had the typical symptoms. His thoughts were circling, he was unmotivated and physically nearly unable to get up to things – meditating, ha ! Well he really tried to do so, and this routine which he instinctively pursued himself into was something that kept him from the big collapse. But all the hours alone in bad psychical condition made things even worse. He was too far away as that his giant self-discipline could rescue him.

And so Aoshi had circled the downward spiral.

Also very common for a depression in general and his in the explicit case was that he felt like – speak in modern terms- like he being in the right play, but unfortunally with the wrong textbook.

But his feelings in social interacting, waking every day, thinking every hour or living in general could be best portrayed with the picture of swimming blind.

Aoshi still had thoughts of suicide. Back at Shishios lair the thoughts were concrete and they only seemed not only ok but the only right option.

But now. His family had done so much for him. Welcomed him with open arms, despite his mistakes and nearly finishing off Okina. And again they had grown attached to him. And Misao.

He had not found a way to "answer to her tears" . He just couldn't - he didn`t know how to.

At first he felt it was too early.

And now, too much time had passed.

Aoshi awoke in a chilly night.

He let go his breath and just realized that he had hold it.

He opened the window and laid down on his futon again and reflected his feelings and suddenly

Trough all his grieving, his unsureness in his inside, his certainty in his outside - through all this

He realized that he was something that was going to be an extinct species.

Warriors

Secret organizations

Swordsmen

He was as pathetic as those samurais who still stuck to names and honor.

Honor

Honor was something he had lived for - and saw how people did terrible mistakes, evil things or senseless died for it -

Or all of it in the same time

Pathetic

He had thrown honor all away - and the the battousai ask him to gain it once again. But what for?

He couldn't deny the mistakes he did. But Honor. No. He didn´t have it anymore.

And he didn´t thought of reaching it again... No. He might have some dignity but for honor was no place anymore.

Just pathetic

And within those thoughts he felt a calm, warm and a cold tingle flowing inside him.

He got up. He didn't bother to get his coat. It was cold outside, but he knew he wouldn´t mind.

He slowly took his kodachis. It will feel good to use them again

He walked downstairs, with silent steps not to wake one of the others. And suddenly stand eyes to eyes to Misao. Both were quite shocked. Misao expressed her shock with a startled "ouiiiiek" and Aoshi with a stone faced expression.

"A – Aoshi-sama. What are you doing up so late?"

"Aaa ... " He didn´t know how to answer. He hadn`t expected to meet someone. Misao gave him an awkward look. "I woke up and couldn`t go back to sleep. Now I`m going for a little walk to calm my mind" Well, that wasn`t a lie so far…

Misao moved a little "Okay, Aoshi-sama. I didn`t mean to disturb you" she said in an obedient manner. Aoshi gave her a nod, wanting to go further and stopped. "Misao … sleep well."

Misao turned her head and smiled brightly at him. "Thank you so much Aoshi-sama. I wish you a good night, too. Sleep well and deep when you go to bed! "

Aoshi froze. Even more. And his heart missed a beat.

Then, him relaxing again he said "Thank you Misao. I am sure that I will"

Misao climbed up to the stairs with the delightful plan to curl herself up again in her warm futon and memorize joyful how nice Aoshi just had been. In his own way. She opened her door.

And couldn`t go in.

Something was poking her mind.

It was an perfect example of the feeling that people would describe after some incident.

I felt that something was not right, but it was just a feeling. I hadn´t some proof or something, it was just some foreboding. Maybe just a trick of my mind.

A deep fear began to crawl up her legs, filling her stomach, but she was not able to explain it.

Maybe if I had heard on this feeling this would`ve never happened

A few things run up to her brain . It is a cold autumn night. He didn`t wear his coat.

But he had carried something else … his kodachis.

What the hell is he going to do with them when he was going for a walk? Training? Then why didn`t he say he was going to train?

He surely wouldn`t lie about such a thing, would he?

Misao was absolutely sure that he wasn`t going out to some Oniwabanshu stuff – she would know. After all she was their leader.

She got herself her thick woolen jacket and went downstairs.

And when she was outside of the Aoiya her feet began to run.

She caught up to him in the outside of Kyoto, in the rice fields near the forest.

*from the talmud

Ooookay, who would have thought. I wrote a story, me the passionate reader not writer. All right my hairy friends... i hope that you liked it. Thank you for reading. :)

the rumbling Kotchkashka