Barney leaps to his feet when she gets up, hovering behind her, not sure if he was supposed to pull out her chair. He doesn't have any clue what the rules are. Oh, he understands seduction, pursuit, raw, impatient need, but he has no experience with this - with relationships.
So he steels himself and tries to go with it, just as he's been trying to go with it these last four weeks. The end justifies the means after all. It's hard though. It's hard not to let his eyes drift across the bar to the random blonde or redhead or whatever, give her the nod, the wink, the leer. It's hard not to show his interest when he's being forced into this… monogamy.
He thinks the word like it's a curse.
And it's not as if anyone's forcing him into this. It's was all his idea. All this - this dating thing - it was what he wanted, wasn't it?
So he tries to fake the emotion he's not feeling because the act is everything and, damn, he just wish he knew the rules. Ten years and he's never been into a woman this long.
It must be love.
He reaches out a hand for Rebecca and she takes it and he knows she thinks he's not the one. She's going through the motions because sometimes having someone in your life is more important than being independent.
Crap, when did he start thinking like a girl?
Barney takes Rebecca's hand loosely in his, forceing himself to relax, physically, unknotting muscles that want to snap back into place. He forces himself not to look all the way to the end of the booth because it might give him away.
So he plays the game. He kisses Rebecca gently on the cheek, places a hand on the small of her back. He saw Marshall do that with Lily yesterday and he guesses that it's probably one of those elusive couple-rules.
He forces himself down a notch, setting his awesome at sixty percent. He's seen Ted do that enough times when he's been in a relationship.
He says a general "See ya", taking in the whole table, and he never, ever meets Robin's eye.
He wonders how long he'll have to keep this up before she stops seeing him as that guy.
*--*--*
Barney gets to have a girlfriend.
The thought makes her feel sick. Not just because she's jobless, leeching off Ted, single, eating far too much ice cream, she's getting acne for Christ's sake…
Robin's lost her train of thought.
And, damn it! He's not looked at her. He's literally not looked at her all night. He's so wrapped up in that… that… bimbo!
Okay, so Rebecca's not a bimbo. She's a research scientist at NYU and she's pretty, clever and actually seems nice.
What a bitch.
So what in the seven circles of hell does Barney see in Rebecca?
And why does he get to have a girlfriend?
Robin tackled him about it a few nights ago, when he'd asked Ted what he should get Rebecca for their one-month anniversary. Well, she'd ranted at him for being an idiotic sap. She hadn't really made much sense.
Barney doesn't do monogamy. But he hasn't so much looked at another woman in the bar since he's been "dating" (hah!) Rebecca.
He hasn't even looked at her.
Barney always used to look at her.
He used to watch her and smile at her and she'd felt like the centre of his universe.
How dare he not look at her?
And now he was leaving with Miss nice/pretty/clever/bitch.
How dare he?
Robin puts her head in her hands. What in the hell is wrong with her?
*--*--*
Barney offers Rebecca her coat, helping her into it. Okay, so all he has to do is think about this as a string of dates. Just a string of dates. He can do dates. He's the master of dates. He doesn't have to feel anything because the point is the seduction. Just not the seduction of Rebecca.
His eyes flicker over to the booth before his brain can stop them.
Robin's sitting with her head in her hands. His lips twitch into a smile.
"Ready?" Rebecca answers, returning the smile, thinking it's it's for her.
Suddenly he can't do this.
He takes Rebecca outside.
"I'm sorry…" He says, and he's surprised to find he means it. He can feel Rebecca's pain. He's never felt any girl's pain before.
(except Robin's)
It confuses him for a moment because he wonders if he hasn't started developing feelings for Rebecca too. But no, all he feels is… weird guilt.
Barney Stinson does not do guilt.
"It's okay," Rebecca says. She's sweet about it. She's brave and she's kind to him. But he can tell she is hurting a little.
"I'm really sorry," he repeats. Because he really is.
"It's okay," Rebecca squeezes his arm. "You're a nice guy, Barney."
*--*--*
He goes back into the bar - shell shocked and dragging his feet. One month. One whole month of fake-monogamy (well, kind-of actual monogamy) and he'd lost sight of the prize. He sits down, sullen and confused. He can't get his head around it.
"Hey Barn…" Lily says, touching his arm with an uncertain smile. They are all looking at him.
"What?" He says, angrily. His voice cracks. He recoils from their concern. He doesn't like this. He doesn't like feeling so exposed. Can they see into him? See his feelings? Can they smell his guilt like a shark senses blood?
He shudders inwardly. They are still all staring at him.
"Rebecca and I… broke up…" He stumbles over his words. There's no attempt at bravado, at elegance. Why is this effecting him so much? It was a fake relationship. He should be faking heartbreak. He should be playing on their sympathies. He should be using it to get Robin.
Using it.
Why does that word suddenly sound so wrong?
Robin reaches forward to take his hand and he jerks it away. She reaches forward again and takes it firmly, lacing her fingers through his.
"I'm sorry," He blurts. He has no idea what he's saying. He feels pulled apart - like she can see right into him. Like they all can.
It's… scary.
She squeezes his hand like she's his anchor.
She smiles.
He blinks.
He smiles.
What just happened?
*--*--*
He looks… like a little boy and a grown man, all wrapped up in one, confused…
He looks… genuine.
Robin has only seen that look a few times - always when it was just the two of them. For a moment she feels a stab of jealousy that's ten times worse anything she felt over nice/pretty/clever/bitch.
Hang on, jealousy?
Robin Scherbatsky doesn't do jealousy any more. Robin Scherbatsky certainly doesn't do jealousy over her sleaze-ball friend.
But that's not a sleaze-ball expression, is it?
She's kind-of ahead of him when he tells them that he and Rebecca broke up. She tries not to smile, tries not to feel as though she could see the signs.
Come on! Robin Scherbatsky does not do self-deception. There were no signs. Barney and Rebecca had seemed happy. Couple-y. Normal.
And, yeah, that's what's weird right there. There is no way that Barney Stinson should have ever settled for normal. It's like when Ted tried to marry Stella. Robin could see so clearly that the fit wasn't right. That the relationship was compromising his essential Ted-ness.
That's what was been wrong with Rebecca. She's been attacking the essential Barney-ness. Turning Barney too far the other way - into a relationship drone.
Not only that, but the bitch had stolen her man!
And… crap.
Crap crap crap.
"I'm sorry," he says. To her!
Was there some kind of telepathy going on here?
She reaches forward instinctively, tethering him to her. He looks lost. She feels the need to show him the way, show him his true path.
When he smiles, she realises that she is too.
*--*--*
Later, upstairs in the apartment, they are kissing. Languidly, slowly, as if both of them are afraid that the other might break. He wants to say it, needs to say it so badly that the words are burning their way out of his throat of their own accord.
But is it right? Will it ever be the right time?
Jesus, it's hard to think when they're kissing. Is this going to go on for hours, like last time?
Because he really wouldn't mind if it wasn't for those words in his throat. Those deadly, heartbreaking, gut-piercing words.
"This isn't-" He tries to say, but she cuts him off.
"I'm not-" He tries to say, but her lips and her tongue steal the rest.
"Please don't think-" He gets out a whole three words before her fingers dance across his scalp in lazy circles.
She's not playing fair.
Finally he erupts. "I love you!" He manages.
She smiles, her eyes dancing. "I know!" She says, laughing, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
As if it's the most awesome thing in the world.
So he kisses her because she doesn't need to say it back.