821 words; for the Bingo Challenge on HPFC. Regulus/James, for DarylDixon'sgirl1985
He's more than sure that Sirius would kill him if he knew.
Regulus is another star - bright, untouchable, and gone before the light can reach him.
He wonders, perhaps ironically, if Sirius is the same, if he burns so hot that when he finally is silenced, it will be as all encompassing as this.
Because Regulus is lost to him, now; before, he could be secure in the knowledge that even though what they had could never be permanent, that Regulus desired something so vastly different than what he did, at least the memories of dark nights in even darker hallways in the darkest parts of the castle lived on in someone else.
But now they don't.
He's so sure of it, and he cannot explain for the life of him why the news of Regulus Black being declared missing the in the news has broken him so thoroughly. Lily, though he loves her so, is not Regulus and never has been and never will be. And she does not understand.
Remus knew. Remus understands.
And he listens without judgment as he recounts those nights -
"...he was so smart-kind, even, even though he had every reason not to be. How did this happen to me? How could this be real? He - he can't be gone, Moony, he can't be -"
He breaks.
Remus pours more of the fine Russian vodka Emmeline Vance had gotten for him some months ago, after she returned from Moscow in search of something for Dumbledore. (He can't quite imagine what could be there but he knows better than to ask and - well. The alcohol is a blessing in disguise, really.)
"Prongs, I thought you were over him. You told me years ago you were."
Remus sounds tired. He's always tired, it seems, and a guilty glance out the window tells why.
"I thought so," he admits, hiccupping as he downs half the glass. Remus' resigned, sort of irritated look tells him that he probably drank hundreds of Muggle Euros' worth of vodka, but he can't bring himself to care too much. "But - is it wrong to be sad for him? They'll likely never find him. He was probably alone, and he probably suffered -" he falters again, tears spilling anew.
Never one for coddling, Remus just nods briskly. "He probably did," he agrees, but his voice is soft. "Listen, James - Sirius will be home soon. I don't know that you can explain this away, so how about you go sleep this off? I'll tell him you just didn't want Lily to know you'd been drinking."
He nods sadly and stumbles a bit when he stands. Walking to the guest room is a challenge, but he manages somehow.
Remus followed him, and he notices only after he crawls onto the bed and watches as the other man clicks off the light.
...
"Star gazing again?"
He keeps his voice light, and Regulus doesn't jump like he'd hoped. He doesn't even turn around, and that's how he knows something's wrong.
He steps up to the railing of the Astronomy Tower, leaning his elbows on it and absently kicking his toes into the concrete below him. He glances sideways at the younger boy and watches the hair get blown into gray eyes.
It's an easy decision to brush it back, run his fingertips over Regulus' temple and then his cheek and jaw. Finally, there's a sign of life, and Regulus leans into his touch.
"What is it, love?" he asks, and the Slytherin sighs, looking down at the ground.
"They asked me to join them."
The sentence is so quiet he thinks at first it was his imagination. Then the words register and he straightens, knowing without needing clarification what he's talking about. It's all over the news. The radios. The students talk of little else, and war is no longer a distant concept.
They're just children. But children can be soldiers too, he knows, and the thought makes something clench in his chest.
"You can't," he denies automatically, but he knows that's not right, either.
"I have no choice, James," Regulus snaps, a bit angrily, then softens. "I'm sorry," he murmurs. And after a moment, "I'm terrified."
It's all he can do; he pulls him close and buries his face into soft dark hair, feeling the slight weight of Regulus' arms as they come to rest on his waist. Helplessly, he presses kiss after kiss to Regulus' head, trying to comfort and living in the knowledge that it's not enough.
Regulus breathes apologies into his skin alongside kisses, and then when their lips meet, he savors it.
It's the last time he speaks with Regulus in person.
Letters come on occasion, but it's not the same and conversations are hard to maintain when they're not spoken aloud. Those taper off over time, and then stop altogether.
He marries Lily Evans and dies a year after Regulus Black.