Perfect Two
The tears continued to overflow as I listened to 'our' playlist. It's been over a month since I let myself listened to 'our' collection of songs. She dedicated these to me and I dedicated some to her. It pained my heart to listen to this songs because it will bring back some memories, memories that I tried to forget since we broke up the first week of November ever since I got here in this place.
I wiped the tears away as I continued to stare outside. This is the first time I had my alone time inside the train and I cherished every moment of it as I relived the past on what really happened between me and Quinn? Is it my fault?
My tears were unstoppable as I remembered every thing she said, every words, every dreams we made. And now, in a flash, they were gone. And somehow I felt that I'm the one responsible for everything.
I closed my eyes as I tried to stop my tears but it was useless. My heart is breaking and it was the worst feeling ever. I'd rather be hurt physically, I could probably handle that, but this? I can't. It's breaking me apart. My heart is shattering into pieces. I feel alone.
Yesterday, I prayed that she would come back to me. I really thought she's the one. A part of me still believed that we are meant to be together. We survived 8 months of long distance relationship and we only have 1 year to endure before we could be together but… I took a deep breath when my phone rang. It's not my assigned text tone for Quinn so I knew that it's not her.
I look at my phone. It's Brittany. She had been constantly texting me for a while now. Actually I had been constantly texting two persons right now. The moment Quinn told me to let her go, I tried to entertain other people. I am single and available so I could do everything I want, party anywhere I want, right?
Brittany: Have you eaten your lunch?
I typed my reply. I'm not hungry actually. I might as well sleep as soon as I get home. My head hurts. :(
I put back my phone inside my pocket and continued to stare outside. I exhaled a deep breath. I'm getting nearer to my destination. I look at my iPod and played the last song in our playlist.
I swear to myself, I will leave everything here in this train.
Every heartaches…
Every pain…
Every memories…
All of Quinn…
I know that I'm exaggerating but I'm really serious. As soon as I stepped outside of this train, I will forget everything about Quinn.
"Let me go and move on"
Her words kept ringing in my ears. I gave my last card to save our relationship but it's useless. She wants me to move on, and I will.
I heard my phone beep again, I ignored it. It's probably Brittany again or maybe it's Sam, the guy who's trying to pursue me. Yup, I am bisexual. To be honest, maybe I'm going to try to become straight, live a normal life for my family. My heart broke because of a girl, maybe I need to try a guy this time? We'll see.
The train stopped. I wiped my tears away and stood up.
Goodbye Quinn.
I will let you go and move on.
Unknowingly on my part, it would mark the start of a new life for me.
The opening of my heart…
The beginning of a new love...
And the start of my happiness…
Let me introduce myself first, my name is Santana Lopez, age 27. I'm a nurse by profession but I write anonymously in a website for girl-to-girl love stories. So, yeah, I am secretly a writer. I am not yet out in the public. Several months ago, I outed myself with my mom but she didn't accept it at first. My brother was supportive but my mom can't handle it. She told me that she was severely surprised because she hasn't given any clue that I'm into girls. So, I told her I kept this secret for a long time and right now I'm showing her the real me. I remembered that date, it was August 14, 2013. She told me she would never forget that date. I was devastated. My mom and I were super close, we're like best friends but this created a line between us. She told me she would try to accept it but she will bury this secret until the day she dies. She won't tell my father because it will really make him disappointed. I am a daddy's girl too, I was given everything I asked for from my dad. And my mom said, my dad will never accept the path i'm choosing for myself. What will our relatives say? What will the other people say? She was worried that I was going to cut my hair and dress like a boy. I told her I'm not doing that. I am different. I am me. I'm just a girl falling in love with a girl. She said that can't be. In our society, that can't be. Screw this country for not being open-minded about things. We exists as well as gays exists but it's very difficult for them to accept girl on girl relationships. We are humans too. I cried a lot and I haven't had any sleep at that time.
The next morning, my heart bled when I saw my mom crying in the corner. Her eyes were red and she was trembling. I hugged her and cried with her. So at that moment, I made a decision. I can't handle seeing my mom like this. So, I told her that I'm going to break up with Quinn FOR THEM. For my family. To avoid the shame it will inflict. I saw my mom's eyes lighten up and she hugged me so tightly and thanked me afterwards. My tears welled in my eyes. Goodbye to my happiness. Goodbye to my own self.
My mom went back to her normal routine. I was quiet the whole time. I broke up with Quinn even if she begged me not to. Quinn suffered every pain I inflicted her to, but I was hurting too. She was calling and texting me but I'm not replying to any of her texts. She left me several voicemails and she was crying endlessly. It broke my heart but this is for our own good. I chose my family over her.
The thing is, I ALWAYS choose my family over love. The reason I broke up with Dani my first love and best friend, was because of my family too. She was in Canada when she needed me. There's lack of communication in our part because I was afraid that my mom would noticed. Actually, I told already my mom before that Dani and I had this relationship when I was in college but of course she didn't accept it and cried too. I was scared so I sidetracked her, I said that Dani and I were just lonely and we mistaken our friendship into something else. she believed in me but I became more careful not to give her any doubts about my friendship with Dani. So, when she needed me, I wasn't there. Of course this created a line between me and her, thus problems arise.
My brother tried to console me because I wasn't eating, I locked myself in my room. My mom and I weren't talking. I was hurt and devastated. But then a week later, she approached me. We fought. I was telling her the real me again. I could still remember my words, "Mom, I'm doing this for our family. But is it really okay for you that I would marry a man that I don't love? That on the day of my wedding, I would look into your eyes and you can see through me that I'm not happy with this. Is that okay for you mom? That my life would be a living hell because I'm not happy? That one day, I might cheat on my husband for a woman?" She was speechless at that time. But she told me that love can be learned in the process. I looked down and tears welled in my eyes again. Why can't she understand me?
After several discussions and fighting for my happiness, I hugged her and cried, I begged her to accept who I am. She cried too and finally agreed but there's one condition. We won't tell my father yet and this will be kept a secret in the meantime. She told me not to tell anyone and not to be out on Facebook because we have so much relatives there. I agreed with her condition. She told me to go back to Quinn and I smiled and gave my thanks. But a part of me knows that she's still not accepting my true self. She was constantly going to church and I bet she's praying away the gayness inside of me.
As soon as I got home, I let myself lay awake on my bed. I look at my phone and once again, I saw the messages coming from my two distractions. Sam and Brittany. Actually apart from them I have several text mates. All are guys. But I'm not really paying attention to them. The thing is, these guys just live nearby, they saw my picture on we chat app and they started to bombard me with messages. But I have to admit, some are really good-looking, well based on their pictures. Anyway, I answered some of them but I'm not really into them.
I have one rule. When I'm SINGLE, I am a player. If you're flirting with me via text, I could flirt with you.
BUT… If I'm in a relationship, I am a very loyal and faithful girlfriend.
Anyway, I opened the message of Brittany first. I still remembered the question asked by my roommate last week regarding Brittany and Sam, and of course Quinn.
" Are you still texting Brittany?"
"Yeah." I said, smiling giddily as I look over my phone.
"I have a question, though."
"What is it?" I tear away my gaze from my phone. I can't help but smile. Brittany is a very interesting girl. She sent pictures of her and I must admit, she is really pretty. Brittany is one of my readers, she complimented me on one of my stories and we became FB friends last September. She broke up with her girlfriend too and at that time, I needed someone to talk to because me and Quinn were having problems. She knew the ups and down of my relationship with Quinn. We haven't had any chance to meet up because being a very faithful girlfriend that I am, I promised Quinn that I won't meet up with any of my readers, so I didn't brought that up with her. And I think Brittany wasn't interested in meeting up too.
"In a scale of 1 to 10, what is Brittany, Sam and Quinn's rank for you?" my roommate asked.
I scrunched my eyebrows indicating that I was thinking thoroughly. "Actually, let's start with Sam. Sam's rank is 5 going down. I don't want his style. He was jealous with the guy I posted in Facebook and it's not even cute. It's kind'da irritating. He texted me a message saying 'let's get this straight babe. I love you. Do you love me?' I was like, really? Major turn off." I shook my head.
My roommate laughed at me.
I continued, "Brittany is 6 going up. She's sweet and pretty. I think the time might come that I'm going to fall for her but I don't know. I'm still not sure. But she's cute when she's jealous with the guy I posted. She was like, 'i think i'm jealous. :( yeah, i think I am'," I smiled and continued, "and I must admit, it's kind'da cute."
"How about Quinn?"
"As of this moment, Quinn is 8 going down. I still love her and somehow I'm still hoping that she would come back to me. I'm not texting her though. She told me to move on and let her go, I'm doing the exact same thing as she wished." then I looked at my roommate straight in her eyes, "If Quinn would ask me to come back, I will drop these two, Sam and Brittany."
She laughed, "They're all long distance. Haven't you had enough?"
"Sam plans to come here in Australia but that would still be a long time, I guess. If I'm going to choose a very safe side, I'd rather choose him for the straight path, my mom would be ecstatic if I decided to marry a guy. Sam wants to marry me by the way. I told him I'm into girls before and I am a virgin when it comes to men. He told me I'm his sassy rockstar chic and I have to admit, I felt butterflies inside my stomach when he said that. Somehow I feel special again."
"How about Brittany?"
"Brittany is different. She's very flirty and I'm single so I could totally flirt with her too. To be honest, she's worming herself inside my heart but I have to be careful. She just broke up with her girlfriend, I think. I don't want to be a rebound. And again, it's fucking LDR!" I snorted. "Maybe we could go to a lesbian bar? I'll search for it." I grinned at her widely.
Brittany: Are you home?
Me: Yeah. I'm sleepy. I'll text you later.
I don't want to be rude but I'm really not in the mood for conversations.
Brittany: I hope you're okay. :(
I took a deep breath. I called my mom and cried on the phone. I let her believe that I was crying because I missed them, that I was homesick. I just made my mom worried so I said my goodbyes to her. Then I called my friend, my mentor, Rachel Berry.
"Hello Rache…" I said softly.
"San! What happened? Why are you crying?"
I sniffed. "I'm perfectly fine, Rache. But she had to text me and say that she missed me. I assumed that she wants me to come back but I was wrong. I gave up my last card. I told her that there's someone, two actually, whose starting to worm themselves inside my heart just to make her jealous but she was unaffected. She doesn't love me anymore."
Rachel took a deep breath on the other line, "So is this about Quinn again? I thought she was out of the picture already?"
"She was. But she had to text me and say she missed me. She's playing with me. I think she wants to keep me at bay while she enjoyed herself there with her new girl." I said, still crying.
"I told you already to cut all of your communication with her. You never listen don't you? She won't come back, she just wants to be your friend. She will never come back, San. So forget about her!" Rachel said, her words firm.
I found myself nodding. "I made a mistake telling her I have someone, right?"
"You did made a mistake. You sounded so desperate. Your plan backfired." Rachel said, obviously disappointed with me.
"Yeah. I know." I put my fist above my chest, "Rache, it's so painful. I'm really hurting. I can't take it anymore."
"San… you can do it. Remember, I suffered a lot of pain than you, I understand you but you have to be strong. Just cut your communication with Quinn. Cut all of it. You listen to me now okay?"
I nod my head as I wiped my tears away, "Okay."
"Cut all of your communication with her, San. I'm serious." Rachel repeated.
"Yup. I will." then I smiled, "You made me calm. Like always."
"Of course." Rachel laughed. "I know you too well. And you know what, believe me Santana, you're just sad and lonely. You were never in love with Quinn. She was just at the right place at the right time. You just feel alone right now."
I was silent for a moment. Tina and Rachel never fails to tell me that. I know I'm in love with Quinn. But we started wrong, she was just a fuck-buddy-slash-roommate that begged me to become hers by crying in front of me. I was really sure that when I told her I love her too, I didn't mean it. I just gave her a chance because I thought she was the one. That after 3 years of being single, she was the one who came into my life so I really thought she was the right person for me.
"Thanks Rachel. I think I have to rest now. My eyes are red already." I said.
"Okay. Try to get some sleep." she said.
"Rache?"
"Yeah?"
I swallowed hard, "Can you please pray for me? Pray for me that I'm going to meet the right person soon? Please."
"Okay. I'll pray for that." she said.
"Okay. Thanks Rache." then I ended the call. I took a deep breath.
The next morning I woke up with several texts from Brittany and Sam. I ignored Sam's texts, I focused on Brittany's.
The conversation went on and on until I decided to call her. She was really a good friend, and not to mention sexy. Actually she gave me a picture of her in a two-piece bikini and oh my fucking shit. SHE IS REALLY SEXY.
"Hello?" I greeted.
"Hi." she said. Even if I couldn't see her, I can tell that she's smiling. Her voice is cute by the way.
"Is it okay that I call you? You're not busy?" I asked.
"No, I'm not. It's okay. I just woke up actually." she said in her bedroom voice. Hmmmm sexy.
"So how are you?" I said, I can't help but smile.
"I'm okay. You have a nice voice. You made my day actually." she said that I can't help but grinned widely. She's flirting with me, wasn't she?
"Oh. Really?" I grinned widely again. I can feel my heart beats fast. I ignore it. "You know what, I'm really sad. It's about Quinn again. She texted me yesterday and a part of me thought that we would be okay finally but I think it's never gonna happened." My smile faded.
For an hour, we talked about my past relationship with Quinn and hers too. Brittany was a good listener and I enjoyed talking to her. There is flirtatious remark coming from her and of course, from me but I'm still guarded. This is not the right time. I enjoyed talking to her and besides she's too far. I'm in Australia and she's in my home country. If I can help it, I don't want to be in a long distance relationship anymore.
I checked out my Facebook and I saw her status message. A phone call from Australia with (icon of heart and lips). I smiled and pressed like to her status message. A phone call from Australia with love? Hmmm. She's really flirty. I smiled again. My heart beats faster again but I ignored it. There's no way I'm falling for her that fast, right? Actually we've been texting on imessage since December but not constantly. We've just been texting constantly, I think December 10? There was a party at school the next day when I let myself know her for a bit.
Another message from her. I read it and smiled as soon as I saw it.
Brittany: Thanks for calling. It made my day. You have a nice voice. ;)
Me: Thanks. You should have heard me sing though.
Brittany: Can you sing for me?
Me: Maybe next time. Haha.
Brittany: You're going to call me again? Can't wait for that. ;)
Me: Yup. If you want me to.
The conversation went on and on and I must admit, I really enjoyed it. She asked for a favor and my heart stopped. I think this is beyond what I had expected for.
Brittany: Can I ask you a favor?
Me: Sure.
Brittany: Can you just update just to let me know that you're home safe?
I stared at the text message. She wants me to update? Is she starting to become clingy? I hope not.
I typed my reply. Me: Sure. I'll update for you. Anyway I need to go now. Bye. Take Care.
The next morning, I heard my phone rang, Quinn is calling. So I answered it. See, just when I thought I could move on, she was like pulling me backwards.
"Hello? Why are you calling?" I asked. I don't know if I have to be excited or what. Usually I wasn't the one calling or texting her first. She was always the first one to make a move, after all she told me to let her go and move on right? I wasn't the one to begged anyway.
"I just missed you." she said, her voice lowered.
I took a deep breath. Here we go again. "I missed you too."
"So, how are you?" Her voice became confident again.
"I'm fine." I said.
"I don't want to lose you." she said.
"Me too. We're friends right? Anyway, we promised to meet after a year, march 2015?"
She breathed, "That's too far."
"I know." I said.
"I need someone by my side. If only you didn't leave me here."
It's my turn to breathe. "You're right. I shouldn't have left. I should have waited for you. But you know that you were really too late."
"Yeah."
I swallowed my pride. "I still love you. There are two persons giving me special attention but I still love you." If Rachel will hear me, I'm positively sure that she will hit me right into my head.
"Give them your attention," Quinn said.
Tears welled in my eyes. I was turn down again. "Okay. If that's what you want." Why is she like this? I'm positively sure it's because of Lily.
"I want to rest my heart. I want to become single and focus on my family. Lily is sweet but I'm not showing any kinds of attraction to her." she said. A part of me believed her but there's still doubts. "You're always jealous. I'm not even doing anything. When she slept on my bed, we just talked. We didn't do anything."
I took a deep breath. "Love…" I bit my lips, shit! I called her in our endearment, "When I wasn't jealous of you and Lily, you want me to become jealous. When I became jealous, you don't want me to be. Where will I stand? I'm confused." I smiled, "Besides, you were the one who was very strict before. You don't want me to go out, and you always checked for my profile picture if it was approved by you or not." I said in my sweetest voice.
She laughed and I felt my world lighten up. God, I missed her.
"I need to go now. Do you want me to wake you up later?" I asked.
"Okay." she said.
"I love you." I said. She didn't answer. I took a deep breath. "Bye."
I know I'm crazy. Stupid me.
Later that afternoon, I called her and woke her up. I used my sweetest voice to wake her up. The thing is, I know I'm not sweet. But I'm trying to be. Then she texted me after, I love you babe.
I scrunched my eyebrows, I typed my reply. Babe?
Quinn: That's 'babY'. I just made a mistake.
Me: Okay. I love you too baby.
Quinn used all of the endearments known to man. From Mine, Honey, Love to Baby. She said she wanted to used them all so if we broke up and I find another one, we won't use any of it. Selfish reasons.
That's why when Brittany asked for our own endearment, I chose 'Bhie'.
Anyway, that was the last text we shared on that day. We weren't together still. I looked at my keyboard. Y and E are on a different places, It's impossible that she mistaken E for Y. But still, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
xxxx
Later that afternoon, me and Brittany were constantly texting. I started to open my heart for her, like really know her. She was only 21 and I'm 27. Her age is a major turn off for me because she's so young. But anyway, I was impressed by her achievements. At the age of 15, she was elected a public official, she graduated BS Biology from one of the famous school in Manila. She was supposed to study medicine but she was fascinated in public service. I was really impressed. This girl is really something.
She told me when we were having our second phone call that she planned to have a line installed so we could text more often when she's at work. I bit my bottom lip at that. What if Quinn would come back? I am faithful and loyal when I'm in a relationship so I can't text Brittany anymore. Anyway, we continued our conversation knowing each other's information. I was honest with her. I told her what really the problem was, with my parents and Quinn. She was really a good listener.
xxxx
The next morning we continued our phone call conversations. She was really fun to talk with. I even sang for her but I was so shy that I didn't know if she was impressed or not. Actually, I have one reader last year, who flirted with me too. I sang for her and she asked for more. Quinn was also fascinated with my voice, she said she fell in love when she heard me sing. But for Brittany? I don't know. She seems unimpressed.
Later in the afternoon, I asked Brittany if we could have our very first video call via Facetime. She agreed so right now, I'm really nervous.
The call connected. Here it is.
Oh shit. I know she's pretty but she's really pretty.
"Hi." she greeted.
I smiled at her. "Hi." I said awkwardly.
"I like your cheeks." she said.
I laughed at her. "You're kidding."
"I'm not." she said, laughing. "I like the shape of your lips."
I lowered my head. "Really?" I can feel my cheeks reddened. I look at her once again. I like her nose and her smile. Not to mention her full bottom lip, I bite my lip while staring at her lips and then we were silent. She licked her bottom lip too and I felt my heart beats faster. That was HOT.
We were getting flirty with our conversations days before and right now seeing her like this, it makes me feel hot all over.
She lick her lips and I did the same thing too. This girl is smoking hot! Is she trying to seduce me? Because if she was, she can get her victory dance later because right now, I want her. I am sexually frustrated and Brittany doing this kind of seductive gesture is making me feel hot all over.
"You're so hot." I said softly.
She grinned widely. Oh my god, that smile.
"You like it?" she asked.
"Yeah." I nod my head.
Actually, I feel that Dani likes me. She's very sweet via texts and I'm not numb of this sweet gestures she was showing. Of course, I felt that she's into me. But maybe she was just fangirling. She's only 21 years old. And one of my friend, Tina, said that she might just be liberated or she might just be a flirt. Tina told me to take care of my heart. On the other hand, Rachel once told me that she's pretty and she might fall for her too if she's not married.
"You look sexy by the way in the picture you sent me." I said.
"I shouldn't have sent that picture because I haven't received any texts from you that day but you insisted. I'm glad that I sent it." she grinned widely. Oh god, she can transformed from one sexy goddess to a cute one.
"I like flat tummy. I like yours. You look sexy." I said, making my flirty move again.
"Do you want to see me half-naked after I shower?" she said softly.
My eyes widened. Oh. My. God. "Really?"
"Yup. Do you want to see me or not?" she asked, biting her lips.
Shit. "Yeah. I'd love to."
"Okay. Wait for me." she said then we ended the call.
I exhaled a deep breath. Oh my god.
After 30 minutes, she called via Facetime and I was like speechless when I saw her. I can't even look at her. She had her undies and bra on and I can't even look straight at her. She is so sexy! I was mesmerized. I was looking at her when she's not looking at me. I was so shy.
"You're not even looking at me." she said. Fuck, she noticed.
I narrowed my eyes, "I'm a bit shy."
She laughed. "Don't be."
"You're so hot." I said as I was forced to look at her.
She smiled at me, then she bit her lips again. Unconsciously, I opened my mouth. I want to kiss her. Damn. I want to bite that lips. Damn.
"You're making me hot." Brittany said in a very seductive voice. "I like your lips."
Shit. I narrowed my eyes at her. I can feel myself sweating and getting wet down there. I licked my lips unconsciously.
"But unfortunately, I have to work, so I'll txt you later?" she smiled.
"Okay." I said. That was the time my breathing became normal. God, this woman. What is she doing to me?
We continued our conversation via texts. I had learn different things about her. I even heard her via phone call doing her marketing business and I admit, I was impressed on how she could talk publicly. On my part, I was honest with her. I told her everything about Quinn and about Sam. She said she liked me for being honest with her.
But then I felt it, the feeling that I can't give her up anymore. Ever since I entertained Brittany, I haven't replied with Sam anymore. And even if Quinn comes back, I can't give up Brittany. If I have to be honest with myself, I'm beginning to like her, maybe more than that. But I have to check my feelings first. I don't want to hurt her, I don't want her to feel she's just my rebound girl. I can't do that to her. She's nice. She's a good person too. She deserved to be treated nicely.
We were constantly calling and texting each other for days when she dropped the magic words via text. I was speechless.
Brittany: I love you bhie. I'm starting to like you even more. This is not just like, I know this will turn into something.
I have to reread her text first. I am so much flattered.
My heart beats faster but is this right?
I typed my reply. Me: Wow. Hmmm. I'm speechless. I wish I could hear you say that.
10 seconds had passed and I receive another text from her.
Brittany: I want to say that every chance I get. I'm willing to wait Bhie. I'm sorry if I dropped the word.
I swallowed hard. My heart hammered into my chest again as I typed my reply. It's okay. I'm sorry if I can't say back the words now. But it doesn't mean that I don't have feelings for you because I do, I really do have feelings for you. I think I'm falling for her too but I was so scared to admit that to her and to myself.
Brittany: I know Bhie. Don't worry. I'm just here okay. Let us enjoy what we have right now. Just remember that there is someone waiting for you. I feel that I'm really starting to love you.
I smiled. I'm feeling butterflies inside my stomach and it's making me feel giddy.
But this is just too fast.
I don't know what to think anymore.
I definitely don't want to be hurt anymore.
As days passed, I can't help but feel something about Brittany. She's just so nice, smart and perfect. Actually, she's turning to be my ideal girl. She's just so perfect for me and that scares me a lot. Because for pete's sake, I just broke up with my girlfriend a month ago. This is not me. So I decided to call my rescue team-slash-friends in times of need via group video call. They knew everything about me. They knew almost every guys and girls I was involved in.
"She's too young and wild San, she's just 21." Tina said. "Remember the time we were at that age? We were fooling around. Ask Rachel."
Rachel smiled and agreed. "Yup. We were constantly dating different girls. We were all sweet to each one of them." then she giggled.
I rolled my eyes, "I am loyal and faithful with Dani at that age." I objected.
Tina laughed, "Yeah. You were. You should be enjoying your life at that age but you were in a commitment. But what I'm trying to say is, don't fall for her. I don't know. I had this bad vibes about her. It's just too risky for your heart. Just enjoy the moment. Enjoy the attention she's giving, but remember DON'T FALL FOR HER."
I shrugged. "I don't know. I think I am starting to fall for her…" I admitted.
"Oh shit!" Tina rolled her eyes.
"Oh my god!" Rachel squealed. "That's too fast San." then she furrowed her eyebrows. "Remember that I prayed for you to meet your 'true' other half? That's just too fast. I should take back my prayer."
"No No No please don't Rache. I like her. She's amazing." I said in a higher tone, smiling at Rachel. I really like Brittany and I'm thankful that I got the chance to know her.
"Be careful San. She's too wild for you." Rachel added. "To think that you haven't even meet in person."
"Santana Lopez, listen to me." Tina interrupted. I was forced to look at her. "She showed her half-naked body to you right? She is wild. W-I-L-D! I bet if you asked her to have sex with you, she would definitely agree. She's not the girl for you, San."
That got me thinking. Maybe Tina was right. Brittany is not the girl for me. I can't afford to have a long-distance relationship anymore. I can't be hurt anymore. If she wants to play then I could play along.
Brittany: Hi Bhie, how was your day? I miss you.
I smiled as soon as I read her message. I typed my reply. It's okay. I miss you too.
Seconds later, she sent another message. I've been thinking of you like a lot. I want to see you in person.
I smiled. I want to see her too. I want to see you too. But I have to be honest. I gulped as I typed my next reply. I know you're young but you're so hot and I'm sexually frustrated so I can't promise that we won't have sex when we get the chance to meet. Are you up for that?
I swallowed hard as I waited for her reply. I know I'm being forward but I need to know. I'm not testing her or anything just like Tina implied but I'm just telling the truth. She's so damn hot. Can anyone blame me? I really want her.
My phone beep and I read her message immediately.
Brittany: Let's take things slow. I really want to know you San.
Oh my god. My cheeks burned. Was I… rejected? What have I done? This is awkward.
Nevertheless, I typed my reply. Oh. Just like I've said. You're too young for me. I'm sorry for being too forward.
Then I received another message from her.
Brittany: It's not about the sex. I like you, San. There's something about you that's drawing me near. You're different from other girls and I like your honesty a lot. I want to take care of you. Give me a chance to show all of this to you.
Once again, I was confused. Will I believe in everything she says?
We shifted our conversation via video call and because I'm so honest, I told her everything I'm scared of.
"I have to be honest with you, I'm scared of falling for you. You're so young for me." I told her. "And I don't want to be hurt anymore. I just broke up with my girlfriend and I don't want you to feel that you're just my rebound. I'm not that kind of person."
"I'm young, yes but I'm matured in so many ways. I won't hurt you and I'm willing to be your rebound. Make me your rebound. I can be your distraction." she said.
If a girl tells u that? What would you say? I'm not the person who uses another person for my own selfish reasons so I really can't take her offer.
"I can't Brittany. I just can't do that. You don't deserve that." I said.
"But it's okay. I really like you and I'm willing to be the person who can make you forget about your ex. Give me a chance?"
My heart pounded against my chest uncontrollably. Why am I feeling like this? This is different.
But it's too fast for me. This is really getting fast. I just… I don't know. I haven't even met her personally. This is insane right? And it's fucking long distance again.
There are lots of girls and guys here in Australia, maybe I could meet someone here and it won't be a fucking LDR.
But I have to admit, Brittany is really worming herself inside my heart. What would I do?
I need someone here beside me. I suffered long enough in the past with that 'long distance relationship' issue. Could I afford another one?
Honestly? I really don't know.
Brittany is just so perfect.
She's sweet, nice, smart and pretty, not to mention sexy. Hmmmm, my weakness actually.
Oh Brittany… Why are you doing this to me?
I breathe deeply and smile at her via video call.
She's my sweetest temptation.
A 100% seductress.
And I'm ready to give in..
I'm about to give in..
Should I really give in?