Its been a year. An entire year, when I finally decided to do it. August 25th was the day, the last time we spoke, the last time I smiled, dressed in color, the last time I wore my hair up, the last time I was happy. I thought it was a joke, a sick twisted joke. I laughed. I bloody laughed at it. The paper was demolished in my hands, it dug into my palm until it bled. I let it bleed until the whole paper was stained in scarlet. Paula shed a tear, mother cried, and I continued to laugh. I laughed like a madman, which mother thought I was. Who am I kidding, maybe I was, maybe I still am. I laid in my bed that night, and laughed until I passed out from exhaustion. In the morning and the rest of the next day I didn't laugh, I didn't cry, I was emotionless. I made Paula keep my hair down. I let the stringy curled strands fall over my face. My hair stayed flat from sleep and I left the dull curls as they were. Hah, it almost looked the way it did on the ship, when we fought the bizarre dolls.. It seems humorous to me now, but I didn't even crack a smile then. I wanted to look as dull and lifeless as I felt, so I wore all beige. The dress I wore, pinched snug on my waist and fell flatly against my legs. I've never worn it before and never planned on wearing it. It was nothing important, just a gift from Mother. She thought it be a nice lounging dress, yet I never let it touch my skin, until that day. Until then, I had refused to wear something so lifeless, so dull, it just didn't suit me at all.. Everyone else was very surprised by my drastic change in attire, but they didn't question me... They let me do as I wish since I was now 'widowed.' The word disgusted me.. It was a lie, so I laughed more. I was amused yet disgusted by the fact that everyone was going along with it. The news swept through London like a fire, well I shouldn't say that.. So many fires have spread through in the past few years.. Some were grieving, others celebrating. There were so many mixed emotions coming through. The late Earl Phantomhive was a strong topic. It was the only thing people set their minds on. And as the wife of the late earl, I was also a common topic. "How does she deal with her betrothed dying?" They'd murmur as I passed them on the streets. "And it doesn't help with the fact that she's so young." I cringed at the people who spoke those words. First it was uncle Vincent and his wife who burned in the fire, and then it was Aunt An who perished and lost her life to the Jack the Ripper case, and now Ciel has disappeared. He wasn't dead. He couldn't have died. He had been fine that very morning. We danced that very morning. Yes, we did dance then.. But something was off.. He smiled through the entire dance. Ciel Phantomhive hasn't truly smiled since we were merely children.. Since before the fire, since before he lost everything.. Since before... Since before Sebastian.. The Midnight Black Butler with his blood colored eyes. Something was wrong the moment Sebastian came into the picture. I'm still puzzled about where that Butler even came from. He appeared with Ciel's return. I'm sure everyone, at least once, questioned the new coming Butler, but we we're all too shocked with Ciel's return to ask or even care. I was one who didn't question. Overcome with emotion, I let it slide. I observed this stranger, but it didn't seem that there anything wrong, but there was always something wrong. He was too powerful to be normal truly not even human. But I never said anything. I only wanted to have Ciel happy, but he never was. No matter how hard I tried... He was never happy.. I knew he wasn't satisfied with life, so I tried to make it better. I tore through my brain trying to find a way to please him. On every visit I took to the Phantomhive manor, I'd wear the brightest colors, and where the biggest smile, hoping for his happiness, but I always failed, and now he's gone. The first week after he disappeared, I actually thought that maybe I would be fine, that eventually my mind would clear and that I would be ok.. But no I looked into the past two years. I'm not an idiot, no, I'm far from it.. Ciel thought he could trick me, but I know what he was hiding.. The day on that ship was when I realized everything.. Ciel had done something awful.. He had summoned something evil, something hellish. He had summoned a demon..