You Never Know
Maysilee
Seems just like yesterday, you were a part of me. I used to stand so tall I used to be so strong, your arms around me tight, everything had felt so right, you made me feel ok for once in my life now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep. I'm barely hanging on.
"Here I am, once again! I'm torn into pieces! Can't deny it, can't pretend! Just thought you were the one! Broken up, deep inside, but you won't get to see the tears I've cried, behind these hazel eyes!"
"Maysilee, Get down here!"
"Coming!"
I ran down the stairs, to the dinner room and kissed my dad's cheek.
"Singing again, I see." He said softly.
"Yes, Daddy."
"It was about time you got down here." My mother said. "Your food is getting cold."
"Sorry, mom." I kissed her cheek and sat between my parents.
"So, we've been thinking-" My mom began.
"Not yet, Charlotte." My dad interrupted. "Let her eat some first. "
My mother sighed but she agreed. I looked between the two of them, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.
"So how was your week at school, Maysilee?" My father asked.
"It was alright." I said. "I'm bringing my grades up in Mrs. Flickerman's class."
"That's great." My mom cheered. "Effie always had been a pain in high school, but she's very passionate about her job. Has she been helping you?"
"Yes, actually. Her husband always cheers me up when I get frustrated."
"Caesar comes by?" My mother asks. I don't know why she has to call my teachers by their first name especially Mrs. Flickerman and her husband.
"Yeah, he brings her treats and sometimes small gifts at lunch when she's tutoring me. "
"How sweet." My mother compliments. "No one thought that they would end up together, with him being a class clown and her always wanting everything in order but he cheered her up when she was feeling down, especially during her parents' crises."
"Enough, honey. I doubt Maysilee wants to hear about her teacher's past and her lovey dovey husband." I really don't but I can't help but notice my mother's hurt expression. She was only trying to make conversation and it so happened to be about my teacher's love life/history.
"Actually," I cut in. "I think it's kind of sweet, Mrs. Flickerman's story, I mean." It was only have true.
I glance over at my mom, who seems cheered up by now and I wink at my dad. A corner of his lips turns up slightly before he continues to eat. I smile at my own bowl and bring a spoonful of soup into my mouth.
"Now," my parents both began. It was kind of freaky how they did that. My mother smiles and my father lets her continue. And he talks about how lovey dovey Mrs. Flickerman and her husband are.
"We were thinking you should get a job, you don't have to start right away, of course. You can work only on weekends or you can wait until summer to work in the afternoon shifts during the week."
"Now, we know how stressful school can be so it's totally your choice but we think you're at a good age to start working and adding some of your own money to your college fund." My dad adds.
I gape at both of them for a second before regaining my posture. "Is Lily going to be a part of this?"
"Of course." My mom sounds excited. "She came up with the idea. She'll tell you more about it when she comes back from her date."
"Who is it this time?" I groan.
"Maysilee." My father says warningly.
"Sorry."
"So what do you think?" My mother asks, completely ignoring my interaction with dad just a few seconds ago.
"I don't know. What kind of job is it?"
"It's at the hob." My dad tells me. "You can work as a waiter, washing the dishes-"
"Ooh! And there is also karaoke for those employees who want to sing." My mom cuts in.
That grabs my attention and I sit up in my chair.
"But only if you've earned it." My dad says.
"Ok." I say. "I'll think about it." I'm good with people, sure I don't talk much and I don't have a new date each week like Lily, but I've got the skills. And while washing other people's plates is a little disgusting, I'll survive with only a few grimaces. We all know that my answer is going to be yes.
"Great." My mom says. "That's all we ask of you."
I nod and we resume eating until we're all done. By the end of it, I wash the plates while dad cleans the table and mom takes a shower. I'm just drying and putting up the last plate when Lily comes through the door.
"I'm ba-ack" she sings.
"Oh, honey how was your date?" My dad asks from the sofa.
"Oh, you know. Just like any other date."
"So he's not, the one." I say as I come into the room.
"I don't know yet but he's got another chance for a date."
"Wow. That good, huh?" My dad grunts.
"Oh, daddy." My sister laughs. "You know you'll always be my number one."
"Do you really have to have so many dates? It's like you're on a rush to leave us."
"Dad." My sister says seriously. "I already told you that I'm going to go to the nearest college and work at the nearest hospital. I'm not going away. I want to stay as close to you guys as possible. Plus, George wants to be the mayor. You know, once he's done with college and all."
"George?"
"George Undersee. Dad, you always ask so many question about my dates before I even walk out the door and you can't even remember the name of this one?"
"Oh, honey, you can't blame me. There's been so many."
"And none of them have been such a good shot as this one."
"I thought you said it wasn't that good."
"Did you really believe me?"
"Not for a second, sport."
I smiled, Lily had been such a tomboy growing up and dad can't help but call her that occasionally. It always makes my sister smile. Lily kisses his cheek and turns to me.
"Did you hear? They're looking for employees at the hob."
"Yeah, I heard while you were out on your fantastic date."
"And….?"
"And… I'm willing to give it a try."
"Oh, that's great!"
"We'll go tomorrow. I know the owner, Sae. She's got some talent with stew, she's the one who told me about the job before putting the flyers up."
"How do you know?" My das suddenly asks. Oh no.
"I went there." My sister tried. "On a date once."
"Really? Your last date before this one was a few weeks ago. How come you told us about the job offer yesterday?"
"Because I've gone with friends after that?" She wringed her hands.
"Lily." My dad used his warning tone, like he did with me a dinner. Except Lily doesn't take those as well as I do. "Ok, ok. Today wasn't my first date with George. It was my second. Kind of."
"Kind of?"
"I really like him, daddy, and he just invited me to lunch there once-it's really close to school- so we went in his car and today was out first official date."
Her fingers were turning red, as was most of the rest of her hand because of how hard she was wringing them.
"I went with her." I cut it.
"What?"
"Yeah, I was there when he asked her. He seemed nice enough and she had been talking to him for a couple of weeks now because of a project they were doing together. She said she would but only if I went so I did. i didn't sit with them though and I didn't know they were offering jobs there.
"Did you know she had a date there before?"
"She didn't. She just didn't want to get in trouble with you, her first time was the time she went with George and we went together afterwards. Just the two of us, occasionally George. She has been there alone with him twice now I think but we trust him.
He wasn't buying it. It just knew. I wish mom were here…
"What's going on?" And there she is.
"Did you know Maysilee has been going to lunch with this George?"
"Of course, I thought you knew." My mom lies smoothly. "They have been going there with Maysilee most of the time. He seems like a nice boy from what I've heard. Did you know he wants to be mayor? Honey, isn't it wonderful?"
"Am I the only one who didn't know about this?"
"I'm sorry, dear. I didn't know you didn't know. I was sure I had told you. Could you forgive us, Thomas?"
"The boy is having dinner with us as soon as he's available. I want to meet him."
"I have his number." Lily says and gets up to dial.
"I'm going to bed." My father said.
"I'll catch up with you later." My mom said, pecking his lips.
"Love you, Daddy. Good night." I said as I kissed his cheek."
He grumbled a good night before entering his room.
"Do you think he's upset?" I asked mom.
"He'll get over it."
"You were eavesdropping before you came in, weren't you?" I said, lowering my voice.
"Of course, one must always be prepared."
"You're the best."
"I know." She smiled. I smiled back and kissed her cheek. She pulled me into her embrace as Lily came back in.
"He's coming to dinner tomorrow night. Where'd dad?"
"He went to sleep."
"Thank you." She says as she breathes a sigh of relief. "Both of you. George's prepared for the lie tomorrow. Do you think we'll get caught?"
"Doubt it but if we do, your dad will love him so much, he'll let it pass." That made Lily smile broader and she threw herself around mom.
"Good night, mom." Lily whispered and kissed her cheek before heading off to bed.
"Good night, mom." I said as I squeezed her hand.
"Good night, honey. Love you."
"Love you too." I said before closing thed door to our room.
"I saved your ass." I say to Lily once i sit down on my bed.
"You did." She laughed. "I already thanked you."
"What are sisters for?"
"To bring eachother down and pull eachother's hair when one of them 'borrows' something of the others." She laughs.
"Not us." I say.
I get my pajamas out and crawl into bed. She follows suit and we turn off our lamps.
"Nope, we've got eachother's back." She says once she's settled down.
"Always?" I ask, extending my pinkie finger across the space between our beds.
"Always." She promises as she links her own pinkie through mine. I smile in the dark as i settle into my own bed.
"Good night." I whisper.
"Good night." She whispers back.
I plug in my earphones and go to sleep to my music.
Haymitch:
Another hour, another day, another week. Another infinity in this dreadful place. Aunt Sae had helped my mother, even when I didn't want her to. That meant I owe her. So here I am, five in the afternoon and at the hob, washing dishes and bowls. This will be my job until I figure I've paid Sae back enough. She offers to pay me but I turn it down. I'm here to do what I must, not to get any benefits out of it. Sae has put up flyers asking for help, that only incenses me more. How am I supposed to get out of here if others are going to be working here? That just means it takes longer to pay the debt. Longer days, longer weeks, shorter says with my mother and all because of him.
"Woman, where's the damn food?" My dad yelled from the kitchen.
"It's almost ready." My mother said frantically, coming into the kitchen.
"I work all dam day and I can't even get my supper on time!"
"I told you it's almost ready." She said as she got out the bowls, cups, and spoons. She served him the stew she had made at the last moment. She didn't have much ingredients for the stew because she had little money. She barely had the time to go buy them because she spent almost the entire day cleaning up the mess dad had made the night before.
"Stew again?" He'd bellowed. "I work off my ass each and every single fucking day and all I get is your poor stew?"
"That's all I have." She'd say in a tight voice.
"Do you know how bad this shit is?" He took a slurp and made a sour face. "Taste this shit!" My mother would reach out in a scared and careful manner. Normally this would be the time where he'd yell at her and then go out to drink up what little money he did gain. But tonight things got especially horrid. His hand shot up and dunked her face in the bowl. "Do you see? Do you see how sickly it is? She came up coughing and gagging. He gave no warning. He shoved her against the wall. I didn't think he'd hit her. I was wrong.
He threw a punch at the drywall behind her and made her cry out in fear. She was trembling under his touch, begging him to stop. "Not in front of Haymmy." She begged. "Not in front of your son."
"That trash is not my son and you… you're not my wife." He punched her stomach, he slapped her. She tried not to scream, she tried. But she couldn't help it. She cried out, tears streamed down her face. She had begged him to stop, he didn't. He wouldn't. I saw it all; I was frozen in place trembling. She was looking at me, pleading me with her eyes to go hide. It was in that moment that I snapped. I threw myself at my father with all the might an eight year-old had.
"Don't hit mommy! Don't hit mommy! Stop hitting mommy!" I threw my hardest punches, the hardest I could. It wasn't much. I was malnourished and small. He hit me. He hit me on my arms, on my face, on my stomach. Anywhere he could reach, he hit while my mom screamed hysterically behind him. She ran to the kitchen and I felt joy rush through me. She's running away. I thought. She's getting away.
When the black spots starting appearing at the corner of my eyes, she came back and I thought frantically. No, no, no… the last thing I saw was the heavy pan hitting my father's head and I felt his grip loosening on me while she hit him repeatedly screaming at the top her lungs. "Leave him alone! Don't touch him, don't you dare touch my son ever again, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!"
I woke up to a soft beeping. My mother was beside me, a bandage around her head. She had her chair pulled up close to my bed-hospital bed I realized a few minutes later- tightly holding my hand.
"You're awake." She smile, her eyes filled up with tears again.
"Don't-"I coughed, a coughing that shook my entire fragile body. She softly shushed me, rubbing my back, tears streaming down her face. "Don't cry, mommy." I croaked. "I'll stop coughing. I promise. I'll make the pain go away. Don't cry." She cried harder and clutched me to her chest. I wrapped my thin arms around her and hugged her back just as tightly, ignoring the pounding headache. I wouldn't tell mommy. I wouldn't tell mommy. When she let me go, I touched the bandage around her head and let my hand run to her cheek where I wiped away the tears. She took my hand and pressed it against her cheek.
"Go to sleep, Haymmy. Rest up."
"What about you?"
"I'll be alright, baby. I promise. I'll be right here when you wake up. I won't leave you." She promised.
"I won't leave you, either." I promised back.
Two days later, Sae came to Ohio and took us back to her house in North Carolina. We stayed with her until mom got a job and moved us to our own small apartment but Sae still helped us."
I hastily wiped a tear away.
Stew. I thought bitterly as I washed the bowls. It's been eight years since then and that memory still haunts me each day, each night. What would have happened if I had never gotten in the way? Would I still have my mom? What would have happened if she never got in the way? Would I still be here? My mother and I have always been there for each other and I don't plan changing it anytime soon. We'll never leave each other. We promised.
"Haymitch, take a break. Have you even done your homework yet?" Sae said as she walked into the kitchen.
"I already did it."
"Then why don't you go spend time with your friends?"
"Don't have any."
"You've done enough. Take the rest of the day off. In fact, take the whole weekend off."
"Sae, I'm doing what I have to."
"Child, how many times must I tell you? You owe me nothing, your mother needed the help, and I gave it to her. We all need a hand sometimes. Especially, your mother after the hell my brother put her through. I hope he rots in jail." She said bitterly. My grip tightened on the bowl I was washing before resuming like I didn't hear her. She eventually gave up and went back to tend her customers.
I didn't need her pity. I didn't need anyone's pity. I knew she would sneak the money to my mom and I would sneak it back. That's the way it went. We all knew what the other would do but we were all too stubborn to stop it. That's the way it went. That's the way I could deal with. I don't need her comments at work to go live my life. My mother is my life and my goal is to protect her. Even though she too sometimes hints that she would like me to make friends and go out sometimes. I'm perfectly fine with the way things are running in my life. I don't need a social life. All I need is my mother's smile. Everyday. And I need is to be the one to put it there.
If anyone takes it down and replaces it with a frown or puts tears on her cheek, they win a free trip to the hospital. And who wouldn't want that?
…
I ended up at home at 9:30 p.m. I didn't want to come back too late; I couldn't stand leaving my mom alone all day. I practically had no time for her. It was school, a small trip home, work, dinner, and bed time.
"Hey." My mom smiles when I hug her from behind. She's washing the dishes. She just got this new house. She owns it and I have my own room. We still have to unpack some things but not many, we don't have many belongings. When I'm done paying my debt, I'll get a real job and buy her small gifts each day, or at least each week.
"Hi, mom. How was your day?"
"It was pretty good. I finished unpacking your boxes. Your room is completely ready.
"Mom," I said seriously. "is that all you did today?"
"No. the bathroom's ready too."
"What about your room."
"I'll get on it tomorrow."
"You know you're sleeping in my bed then, right?"
"Don't be silly. There's plenty of room in the living room."
"But I don't want you to sleep in the living room."
"I'll be fine."
"But I won't."
"At least sleep with me."
She sighed. "Ok."
"Ok?"
"Ok, fine. I'll sleep with you and I'll work on my room tomorrow."
"Great. So what did you make for our late dinner?"
"I made stew." I froze. "I know it's not what you would like." She said without going into detail. "But I think we should change its meaning. You know, like a symbol of starting over again. And to celebrate our new house."
"Your house, you earned it."
"Our house. This stew symbolizes a new beginning. Happiness."
I didn't argue but I also didn't say anything.
She sat down after she served me and smiled to me across our small table. "Ready?" I shrugged but ate anyway. "Mmm… I think it's good don't you think?"
It probably was, if it didn't feel like I was chewing cement. I finished it anyway and forced a smile to my mom when I finished, hoping she would see through it, to the pain and anger that boiled in me because of the memories of that dreadful.
"So it's Friday so I thought maybe we could watch a movie together?"
"Sure. What movie?"
"I picked up a comedy romance." I couldn't help it, I laughed and tried disguising it as a cough, that, she could easily see through. "Hey! I think it might be great if we gave it a chance."
"You've always hated romantic comedies."
"But, we're making a new beginning. We're trying new things, bringing back old ones."
"Ok, fine." I said. "We'll watch your sappy movie.
"It is not sappy!"
"It's a romantic comedy, mom."
She laughed. "Ok, you're right but we'll watch it anyway."
"I'll wash the plates, you washed enough already."
"You did enough around the house already. It's only two bowls and cups. I can handle it."
"You sure?"
"Positive."
"Okay."
I wash up the dishes in less than twenty minutes while she puts the movie on.
I come into the living room and she snuggled under a blanket. I settle next to her and wrap an arm around her.
"Did you use the bathroom already?"
"I don't need to go."
"But you'll want to go later."
"Fine, I'll use the bathroom." I get up and go to the bathroom. I did have to go but not badly. I brushed my teeth and went back to the living room still full of boxes. "How did you manage to set up the TV but you didn't finish your own room?"
"I wanted tonight to be special. It wasn't hard."
"You do so much."
"Except my room."
"Hush and put the movie on." She smiled and pressed play. And the hours of torture began.
…
After a couple of hours, she fell asleep. Her head rested on my shoulder and she was softly snoring. I grinned down at her before taking her in my arms and picking her up. She stirred a little but I rocked her gently, like a mother would her child. I walked to my room and pushed the door opened with my shoulder. I lay her down on my bed. She opened up her eyes this time.
"Close your eyes, mommy." I said as I cover her with my blanket. "Go to sleep. I'll be right with you just let me change." She closed her eyes and nodded. I quickly changed and climbed in with her. "I love you. Good night, mommy." She murmured something and fell to sleep. "I'll be right here when you wake up. I'll always be with you. Always." I promised.