Title: kun ajatuksesi ovat tyhjiä ja mielesi sokea
Summary: And their happiness is true and sincere, but sometimes, it fails in trust and they're left wandering in pictures of past.
A/U: The tittle is in finnish and means "when your thoughts are empty and your mind blind". (;
I never meant to write this, but I was bored and tired and meh, it happened. And this is the first FMA fic that I've written and actually finished. :D I love Fullmetal Alchemist to pieces and Edwin is just awesome in its brutal honesty.
Sometimes, when Winry was woken up by the sun shining through her (their) bedroom window, she realized only after a longest of moments that the ache of fear, anxiety and longing in her heart was unnecessary, because Edward was right there, asleep beside her in their shared bed, house, life. But still, it was then when she felt like her teenage self all over again, alone, fearing and crying for him, waiting for him to come back home, come back to her life, tiny in the world where she could be of no help for him.
Sometimes, he woke up to find her silently crying, consoling and proving her that he had truly returned for her, breaking the fears better pushed aside by his sincere displays of love and affection.
And sometimes, she would simply bury her face in his neck and wrap her hands around him, assuring herself that past was supposed to be remembered, not lived in.
Ed had never been master of words, but somehow, the phrases most beautiful she knew were all his.
"We were always meant to be forever - you know that, right?"
"I never believed in love, Winry. I didn't understand why someone would want to choose one person and be with them for the rest of their live. I think I would still live in that belief if it wasn't for you."
"I'm so grateful that you waited for me."
And sometimes, Ed would dream of hundreds little black hands reaching out to him, of single eye burned even into his waking hours, of shapeless form controlling his very life and stealing the person closest to him.
The burning pain, shame, anger, fear, guilt and ambition in his eyes was always clear after his nightmares, when past and present were a tangled and blurred mess in his head. They frightened her sometimes, his eyes. They had so much depth, they were so brilliant gold in color and soulful, so sometimes, she felt like a child looking into eyes of an elder who had seen too much. And sometimes, he wouldn't allow himself be pulled back to reality from the haze of memories in his mind, and it was then when she truly was, once again, left behind, waiting for him to come back, put in a distance and not allowed in.
It was then when it hurt the most, because it meant he wouldn't allow himself to ever truly heal.
So no, it was never perfect.
She had never excepted it to be, but honestly, it was probably the closest thing to perfection either of them could ask for.
It felt almost silly sometimes, cooking dinner or playing with their children or arguing about washing dishes or gossiping about Alphonse and Mei-Chang behind their backs - like they were cheating somehow, because how on Earth was it possible for everything to turn out so well, after so much suffering and pain and darkness?
And even though Ed didn't always seem to really believe in it anymore, Winry couldn't help but smile to herself and think 'well, I guess that's Equivalent Exchange for you'.