Entry for a New Chapter Contest

Title: Receiving Hope

Characters: Eric, Sookie, Pam, Jason

Word Count: 4888

Pen Name: PickingUpSlack

Beta: A Redhead Thing

Status: New writer.

Disclaimer: I do not own Southern Vampire Mysteries.

I sat on the bed waiting for Sookie, my wife of two years, to come out of the bathroom. It was not an unfamiliar situation, in fact, at this point in our marriage it had come to be an awful routine.

I remember the first couple of months, we would run out to the store, giggling and kissing each other discreetly, sometimes not so discreetly, buy that little box that was 'easy to read' and then rush right home. From there we would run to the ground floor bathroom, not even bothering to go upstairs to the master, and I would stand impatiently outside the door while she peed, laughing at her shyness.

Those days were gone now, as was our laughter, and kisses were few and far between. I was sad, Sookie was sad, and our house was filled with just the two of us. Two years ago that had been enough, but it now felt so empty.

I perked up as I heard the toilet flush, but immediately came back down to earth, dejected, when she didn't come running out immediately. If there had been a plus sign, I would have known immediately.

The term, 'No news is good news' definitely did not apply in this situation.

Sure enough, she walked out of the bathroom, and though you couldn't see it on her face, at this point in our lives, I could tell that she was devastated. Again. But she didn't cry. We were past crying at this point. Some days I wondered if we had any tears left to shed.

She looked at me with bleak eyes, and there was so much I wanted to say to her. That I loved her, that I didn't blame her, that it didn't matter, and that we would get over this. But it wouldn't be anything she hadn't heard before, so I just kept my mouth shut.

I just held my arms out to her, and she stiffly dropped into my lap, and we sat there together in silence.

Sex wasn't fun anymore. It hadn't been for a while now, not since after the sixth month of trying. It was all mechanical now, with Sookie carefully calculating the days when she was ovulating, and demanding sex when the time came around. Nothing I could do would sway her from her schedule, and it was exhausting, so after a while I just gave up, and let her use me as a stud.

But I never resented her for it, because despite all of our problems, I still loved my wife just as much as I did the day we first met. I was just as determined now as I was then to make her happy and give her everything she wanted.

Up until this matter, I had succeeded. I owned a string of successful night clubs, bars and restaurants, and Sookie had a job at the library that she didn't actually need to keep. We were young, and rich, but we weren't happy. The one thing she wanted more than anything in the world was the one thing I couldn't seem to give her.

Sookie wanted a baby.

I had known this from the very first day I met her, she had never attempted to hide her desires, in fact, she flaunted it.

I had just opened my very first bar, when she walked in on opening night. She caught my eye immediately and I moved over to her to introduce myself. She smiled, shook my hand, and said, "My name is Sookie Stackhouse, and I want to have a big family."

I had gaped at her momentarily before replying, truthfully, "Me too."

She had looked stunned for a moment at my reply, before smiling mischievously and divulging that, though her statement was true, she only introduced herself that way to deter idiots from hitting on her. It was right then and there that I knew I had met my match.

After that night, we went on a date, which turned into several, until I found myself in a whirlwind romance that I never got bored of; a first for me. From the first night and onwards, Sookie captivated me, and there was not a doubt in my mind that I would marry her and be deliriously happy.

I was right, though I suppose I should have stated how long I wanted to be happy for. Our issues with having a baby put a lot of strain on us, and our marriage, and I often wondered how much of it we could take.

We never had our problem looked into, never went to a doctor to find out what the problem was, because neither wanted to blame the other. However, in not getting it checked out, it left a lot of what if's and questions up in the air that none of us had the answer to.

Another month, another sitting period on the bed. I laid on my back and just stared at the ceiling. Sookie hated the popcorn ceiling, so ours was completely smooth, and as I laid back, I felt like I was looking at a blank canvas.

I heard the toilet flush but didn't bother sitting up until I heard running. I bolted straight up just as the bathroom door flew open, banging into the wall behind it.

There, framed in the doorway, was my beautiful wife, her long blonde hair flowing down, and her face flushed prettily. In her hands was a pregnancy test that clearly had a plus mark on it, marking it plainly, for the first time ever, as positive.

She stared at me and I at her, and then she flew into my arms without me even having to open them. She collapsed into me, burying her face into my neck, and I could feel little trickles of tears running down and soaking my shirt.

For the first time in so many months, she allowed herself to cry. She was finally happy. I buried my face into her thick hair to mask my own tears. I had finally given my wife the only gift she had ever truly wanted.

"Eric, it's really happening," She mumbled into my shoulder, and I could barely make out what the words were, but when they finally computed through my addled brain, I grinned goofily.

"Yes lover, it truly is."

We were happy.

First Month

Once again I was lying on the bed, but for once I was next to my wife, with my head on her belly and her hand on mine. We knew it was silly, because we couldn't feel the baby so soon, but it was an amazing feeling knowing our baby was in there.

"What do you think we'll have?" She asked musingly, stroking my hair softly, hypnotically lulling me to sleep.

"I don't care," I replied, kissing her stomach lightly, letting my lips linger and hoping the baby could feel it.

"But do you want a boy or a girl?" she pressed, and her hand stopped stroking, which displeased me on so many levels, it was kind of insane. Clearly I wasn't used to this amount of contact anymore, which in the beginning of our marriage was done on a regular basis.

"Healthy." I said firmly, and moved up to kiss her on the lips, lingering, hoping she could feel my love for her.

"Healthy," She sighed, and went back to stroking my hair, and I moved back to her belly.

Second Month

"Eric!" I heard her cry from the bathroom. I dropped the bowl of cereal I was holding, ignoring the shattering of ceramic, and rushed up to our bathroom and through the door.

"What?" I burst out, panic boiling up in me, so much I could barely breathe. My cell phone was already out, and I was hovering over the number three, ready to hit it and call the paramedics. With Sookie, I took no chances and they were on speed dial.

"I'm having discharge," she cried out from her hunched over position by the toilet, looking so helpless my heart ached.

"What kind of discharge?" I asked, feeling vaguely uncomfortable with this whole line of questioning, but I shoved it aside, because dammit, Sookie was freaking out and I needed to be strong.

"No blood, but it's yellowish. What does it mean?" She looked up at me expectantly, tearfully, and I stood there clueless. I hit number four on my speed dial and called our OB/GYN.

"Normal." Dr. Ludwig said.

"Normal?" we echoed back in unison, Sookie's hand clenched tight around mine, cutting off my blood circulation, though I didn't let it show on my face.

"Normal." she snapped. She wasn't the most polite doctor in the state of Louisiana, but she was certainly the best. She stared down at the tissue filled with some of the discharge once more, before crumbling it up and throwing it away. I was disgusted at the idea of bringing it with us, but Sookie wanted to take no chances.

"Mrs. Northman, I understand your concern, especially with all of your trials conceiving the baby in the first place, but trust me when I tell you that this is normal. Your body, to use a cliché, is going to be going through a lot of changes, and it's important to remain calm and not panic at every little thing. Trust me, when something is truly wrong, you'll know it." She was also extremely succinct.

Sookie's hand loosened its grip on mine a little.

Third Month

I was going over the books at one of my bars, Fantasia when I got the news. I was poring over them with a fine tooth comb to make sure everything was in order. All of my business ventures were important to me, but Fantasia was special. It was my first bar, and where I met Sookie.

I heard my phone vibrating insistently from the drawer I always put it in. My eyebrows crinkled when I saw it was Pam, my best friend, business partner, staunch lesbian, and Sookie's guardian when I was working late. It wasn't unusual for her to call me at night, usually for me to pick up something Sookie was craving, so I didn't worry too much when I answered the phone.

"What does she want now Pam?" I asked wryly, already putting on my jacket and picking up my keys, anticipating the next weird food combination I would have to be sickened by as I purchased it.

"For you to come to Shreveport Memorial right now," she replied with a tinge of panic and fear in her voice, which I had to admit, freaked me out more than anything else could have. Pam was the calmest, most rational person I knew, so for her to be scared said a lot about the situation.

I hung up immediately and rushed to the hospital, breaking a dozen traffic laws to get there, but I didn't give a fuck. All I knew was that Sookie needed me, and I needed to be there for her, no matter the cost.

I ran into the emergency room, and was about to harangue the nurse for information when out of the corner of my eye, I saw Pam stand up from a chair off to the side. I didn't even have to say anything, she just shook her head sadly, and I lost it.

I crossed the room in two strides and enveloped her into a hug, and we let our tears soak each other's shirts, hiding them from the world.

"Why are you still here?" Sookie asked harshly, when she saw me standing in her hospital room doorway, holding a bunch of flowers that looked slightly obscene. I figured she would appreciate them. We didn't really do normal.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked, confused, assuming she was talking about the fact that it was past visiting hours, but she couldn't honestly expect me to leave her, could she?

"Not here in the hospital Eric," She snapped in a tone I had never heard from her before, "Why are you still in this marriage?"

Finally, what she was trying to say sunk into me with horror. "Sookie… no. I would never leave you."

"Well why the hell not?" She shrieked, and I was afraid a nurse would call security, and I tried to shush her to no avail. "I'm DEFECTIVE! It took me forever to get pregnant, and I couldn't even do that right! I killed our baby! Our perfect… baby… would have… looked like… you." She dissolved into sobs, and nothing coherent could be gotten out of her, and a nurse had to sedate her while I looked on helplessly.

Six Months Later

"Sookie, it's time." I said from the doorway, holding my keys, and looking at her lying curled up under the sheets, her default position since that awful day.

"I'm not going," She said stubbornly, not even turning to look at me.

I sighed. Already this was more than we'd said to each other at one time in months. It had been hell, but despite it all, I still loved Sookie, and was determined not to prove her right. Though more and more lately I got the feeling that she might leave me, and I was scared to even go to work, terrified that I would come home to find her gone… or worse.

Everyone, including an unusually sympathetic Dr. Ludwig said that she just needed time, but it had been six months and still no improvement, so the good doctor had recommended the best psychiatrist in the state that specialized in loss of all kinds.

"Fine Sookie, you leave me no choice," I said, and pushed off the jamb with my shoulder and made my way to the bed side. I reached over and easily lifted her up and onto my shoulder in a fireman's lift; it was too easy, she weighed next to nothing. She kicked and punched at me feebly. All the fight she had left her at this point.

I carried her down the stairs and put her in my corvette's passenger seats, buckling her up gently before kissing her lightly on the forehead, and murmuring, "It's for your own good lover."

Dr. Octavia Fant, had to be a saint, I decided. She dealt with Sookie's sullenness and mulishness like she'd seen it all before. She probably had.

Sookie refused to talk. At all. She hadn't even said hello, which I'm sure had her Gran rolling in her grave at that very moment, with her granddaughter ignoring all the southern manners she'd been taught.

"Sookie, if you won't talk, I will." The doctor leaned to her desk, and took down a framed picture, and stared at it for a minute, sighing, before handing it to me. It was an ultrasound. Dated twenty years ago.

"Her name was Amelia." Out of my peripheral vision, I saw Sookie raise her head a little, and I held the picture out to her. She didn't take it, but I saw her eyes swivel towards her, and then stay, her gaze riveted by the black and grey image.

"This was taken at seven weeks, and I lost her at nine. It was still way too soon to tell the gender, but I knew it would be a girl. Mother's intuition and all that." She gave a small little smile. "When I lost her, it took a long time before I could come to terms with what I was feeling, and before I could find words to phrase it." She took a deep breath. "I felt helpless."

I saw Sookie finally lift her head to stare at the doctor as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing.

The doctor continued, ignoring Sookie's reactions. "I was helpless, devastated, and felt alone, though I was always surrounded by people. And the most visceral feeling I had, was the one of being empty. For eight weeks, I was never completely alone. I always had this little person, who depended completely on me, and then one day, I woke up, and she was gone. Is that some of what you feel Sookie?"

All Sookie could do was nod numbly.

The doctor nodded in understanding. "Quite honestly, Mr. and Mrs. Northman, this may not be what you want to hear, but this is the truth: The only thing that will cure this pain is time." She leaned back to the desk and grabbed a pamphlet, this time handing it to my wife. I only briefly caught a glimpse of the title; 'GRIEF: HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.'

"Unlike with the death of a family member, where you go through five stages of grief, when losing a baby through miscarriage, most believe there are four steps to overcoming your grief and pain. First, and I felt this was the hardest, you must accept that your baby is gone. Secondly, you need to grieve. I know you both felt you were already doing this, but you're not. You must accept the pain you are feeling no matter what. Cry, even if it's the middle of the day, scream, even if you are in public, sitting there numbly is not grieving. It's suppressing, and that is one of the most dangerous things you can do. Thirdly, you need to adjust to your life without the baby, and finally you need to establish a new relationship."

"How do I that?" Sookie asked quietly, surprising me, and when I glanced over at her, she was holding onto the ultrasound picture tightly, as if it were a lifeline.

"Which one?" Dr. Fant asked kindly.

"The first one? The last one? Any of them?" She snorted ruefully, and I thought I saw a glimpse of the old Sookie, the one I fell in love with.

"Time," Dr. Fant replied. "Time, for steps one through three, but for four I think I can help you there. You have a backyard, do you not?"

Sookie nodded.

"Good. I want you to plant a garden."

"A garden?" I replied, confused by this seemingly random segue.

"Yes. In doing this Sookie, you will be establishing new connections, nurturing things and watching them grow, and enjoying the fruits of your labor."

Sookie nodded, taking it all in, before standing up with tears in her eyes, whispering, "Thank you." She handed back the framed ultrasound, and said, "She was beautiful."

The doctor stared down at her unborn daughter, and I saw a tear of her own in the corner of her eye as she replied, "I know."

We turned to walk out the door, when her voice rang out once more, causing us to pause. "I'll see you both here next week.

Sookie looked up at me, tears rolling down her face, and nodded, smiling softly.

Three Months Later

Sookie decided to plant a vegetable garden, ostensibly so we could literally enjoy the fruits of our labor, but I had a hard time convincing her to let us eat her 'children'. She kept equating it to cannibalism, which freaked me out, so nine times out of ten, the vegetables were rabbit food, or just rotted in the ground.

We were coming up to the year mark in a couple of months, and while we weren't back to normal, things were a lot better.

Sookie was laughing a lot more, smiling more easily, and we were finally back to having regular sex. I got the feeling that the first time she let me into her body, it was because she was afraid I was going to leave her due to not having any sex.

I'm not going to lie, that offended me, but I figure she was allowed to be a bit irrational at times. Of course I missed sex, but I missed having my gorgeous, loving wife even more, and if having her back meant abstaining from sex, then fine, I would just have to spend more time in the shower, that's all.

I was half paying attention to football, mainly focusing on my thoughts of Sookie, when our doorbell rang.

"Eric, can you get that?" Sookie called from the kitchen where she was chopping up carrots for a salad. They were the first thing I had managed to convince her to pull up from the ground.

I meandered to the door, when whoever was there started ringing the bell incessantly. "I'm coming," I shouted right as I opened the door. "Jason." I said in surprise, not at all expecting to see my brother-in-law standing on my porch. "It's not Thanksgiving yet, is it?" I asked sarcastically.

"Ha ha," He laughed sarcastically. "Can I come in?"

I stepped back, widening the door and gesturing him in. "By all means."

Sookie came out from the kitchen, toweling her hands dry, her jaw dropping in surprise when she saw who our visitor was. "Jason! What are you doing here? Is it Thanksgiving already?" She went and gave him a huge hug while I tried to stifle my snickers in vain.

He rolled his eyes, and then said in an uncommonly serious tone of voice, "Can we sit down somewhere to talk?"

Sookie nodded immediately, clucking and fussing over him like only a little sister could, while I trailed behind having the oddest sensation that I needed to pull out my check book. I tried to shake that thought off as we reached the formal dining room table and all sat down.

Jason took a deep breath, seeming to need it to focus, and said, "Y'all know Amy, right?" We both nodded, and I was thankful Sookie kept her mouth shut. Jason had been dating this girl for three months, and my wife absolutely could not stand her. "She's pregnant."

Sookie shot straight up from the table, knocking her chair over, but she didn't stop to pick it up as she zoomed out of the room, vaguely muttering something about pulling something out of the oven. As far as I knew, the oven hadn't been on, but I didn't stop her. I had something I needed to say to Jason. Now I knew why I felt the urge to grab my check book.

I leaned forward across the table, deadly serious. "I will give you whatever money you want or need, or came here for, but once you have the check, I want you to leave and never come back. I can only assume you came here for money, Jason. Why else would you come to visit your baby sister who tried for months to get pregnant, and when she succeeded, had a miscarriage? It couldn't be to rub it in her face that your girlfriend of three months is having a baby, could it? Because I don't think I like that idea very much. I never thought I would say this, but I'd rather you have come here for money."

I thought he was going to slug me, he was so angry, but he didn't. He just leaned forward in the same manner I did, and replied, "Hell no. What kind of brother do you think I am? I didn't come here brag about it, and I didn't come for no money either. Amy doesn't want the baby, she wants to get rid of it, but I convinced her that you guys should have it instead."

I stared at him long and hard, but for once his face was inscrutable. I dropped my voice, and said in a low, deadly tone, "Your sister and I would appreciate that more than our words could ever express, but if we do this, we do this right. You and Amy will sign the form signing over all legal rights. We will of course allow you to see the child, but no way in hell will I allow either of you to come back in five years time and try to take my wife's child from her. We will pay you both a onetime fee. There will be no take backs, and there will be no extortion, and if Amy commits to this, she commits to this. There will be no backing out, are we clear?"

Jason immediately began nodding his head furiously, though I could tell some of what I had said had pissed him off, he kept his mouth shut.

"Good. Now get out. I need to discuss this with my wife."

I left the table and walked into the kitchen, not caring if he obeyed me or not. I just needed to see Sookie and to make sure she was okay. I found her, as I had expected, crying into a dishtowel in the corner of the kitchen. I came up and embraced her from behind, gently laying kisses on her neck, soothing her as best I could. Finally when her sobs subsided a little, I whispered in her ear, "They don't want to keep it."

She whirled around in my grasp so quickly it startled me, and she asked anxiously, "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

I nodded, letting a grin spread over my face. "Lover, we are finally getting a baby."

If I thought that adopting a baby would make Sookie less anal about the whole process, I was wrong. She gave Amy lists and lists of what to do, and what not to do, what to eat, what to avoid, and all but gave her a time table listing out when she could and couldn't pee. I could tell it was on the tip of Amy's tongue to tell us both to fuck off, but she was being paid a very generous amount to have this baby, so she kept her mouth shut, for which I was extremely thankful.

We attended all the doctor appointments with her, to make sure everything was okay, and once we got past the second trimester, the doctor said we could pretty much rule out a miscarriage, which made us both breathe a sigh of relief. I didn't know if Sookie could take another loss, and while she watched Amy, I watched her, like a hawk.

My baby beeper went off at four in the morning, waking only me of course. Sookie didn't even roll over. "Fuck me," I muttered, as I groped for it blindly, praying it wasn't another cravings beep. When Sookie was craving something during her pregnancy, it was cute and endearing. When it was Amy, it was just fucking annoying.

Lit up on the screen in bright green letters was: BABY.

I shook Sookie out of her sleep ignoring her mumbles and half hearted slaps. Finally, I lifted her head, and shoved the pager under her nose. It took her a second to adjust her eyes, but when she processed what it said, she was out of the bed and getting dressed before I could blink.

I moved at a much more sluggish pace, catching the jeans and t-shirt Sookie threw at me, laboriously putting them on while she bounced impatiently next to me. When I was done, I stood and pulled her in for a deep and searing kiss. "Lover, the baby is coming, and will still be for the next fourteen hours I'm sure. We have plenty of time."

She hopped up on her tip toes and returned my kiss with a searing one of her one, pulling back with a goofy grin on her face. "The baby is coming," she whispered in absolute joy, before turning and running out of the bedroom, taking the stairs at what sounded like two at a time.

As I had predicted, the labor took another thirteen hours, and Sookie actually fell back asleep on my shoulder. I however, could not sleep at all, too keyed up, and wondering, if we had not lost the baby, if I would feel the same way, this calm and collected. I immediately dismissed the thought as it came into my mind. I knew if Sookie was in the delivery room I would be out of my mind with worry, but with Amy, I was slightly concerned, but as crass as it sounds, all I cared about was the baby.

The mental health of my wife depended on the safe arrival of that child.

I leaned down to kiss Sookie on the top of her head, and prayed everything would be okay.

The delivery had gone off without a hitch, and now we were standing in front of the nursery window, staring at our little girl. She already had a tuft of Amy's dark brown hair, but my favorite part was her eyes. Thanks to her father, our little girl's eyes were the exact same color as Sookie's.

"What should we name her?" Sookie asked, whispering, her gaze riveted to the tiny baby snoozing away.

"I don't know." I whispered back. There was something about standing in front of rows and rows of sleeping babies that made you keep your voice down.

"What about Hope?"

"Hope Northman," I tried it out to see how it felt on my tongue. "I like it."

"Me too."

We leaned together and shared a meaningful kiss, before pulling away and going back to staring at our baby.

Our baby.

Author's Note: Clearly, because I am entering this contest, this is my first ever attempt at writing fanfiction. This was made much easier with the help and support of a fantastic beta, and I want to thank her now for everything!

As I have never been a mother before, I have researched certain parts of this story. Everything is factual, including the discharge, and the four steps of grieving. Even the part about bringing the discharge to the doctor is true. Most mothers recommend it, just to be on the safe side. I will post the links I got my research from, in my profile. If I were a newly expecting mother, I would go to these sites as they have a lot of information and insight.

Thank you everyone for reading!