A/N: I have written yet another Waking the Dead story, which I'm very happy to share with you. It was a bit of a challenge, as my friend wanted me to work with the two most scarred characters on the show, Sarah Cavendish and Peter Boyd. But I think the story is okay. Please let me know what you think. Even if you hate it! Just tell me why. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Nor will I ever, I'm afraid…
A Game Of Words
"Boyd?"
Boyd was more than a little startled when Grace's soft voice suddenly broke the silence. Tough he tried very hard not to let her know that. It would alert her to the fact something was wrong.
"Boyd?" Grace asked for a second time.
Shaking his head, he realized he was not doing a very god job at keeping her from worrying. She was his best friend, had been for over ten years, and she had seen the good, the bad and the ugly. How could he have ever thought that she wouldn't notice something was wrong?
"Yeah, Grace?" he said.
The way she was staring at him would have made him feel very uncomfortable if he hadn't known her for so long. As it was, he stared straight back at her. It was a challenge, and she took the beat.
"She's going to notice you looking at her if you don't stop burning holes in her back with your eyes," she admonished.
The smile playing around her lips told him she was enjoying this. And that she knew she was right. But Boyd would never admit to that. Grace always got a little smug when she was proven right.
"And who would the 'she' you are referring to be?" he asked.
He was sure the twinkle in his eye would tell her that he was joking, that he was annoying her just a little.
"Why, our dearest DSI Sarah Cavendish of course," Grace smirked.
Boyd groaned, his head falling back into his neck. There was no point in lying, Grace would see right through him.
"I should have known you would figure it out," he grunted.
Yet there was no venomous undertone, he was simply pretending not to like the fact she had found out about his secret.
Grace concealed the fact she was laughing by holding one of her hand in front of her mouth. Which was a good thing, as they were sitting in her office and the other team member would most likely have noticed her joyful mood.
"It isn't hard to notice you fancy her when I catch you staring at her more than twenty times a day," Grace sniggered.
Boyd was not above pestering her a little in return.
"And what would your sweetest David say if I told him you spend most of your time staring at me?" Boyd countered.
Grace tried to look at him sternly, but did not succeed because she couldn't help but sneak a peek at the elegant silver ring on her finger.
David and Grace had been together for five years, and he had proposed to Grace almost six months before. The profiler, who hadn't thought to ever find someone she would love as much as her first husband Adam, had accepted his proposal immediately.
"He loves me too much to care," she deadpanned, smiling.
Boyd silently agreed with her. David as absolutely devoted to her, and he would walk through fire for her if that would keep her safe. As her best friend, Boyd was glad she had found such an amazing lover, because she deserved it.
"I bet he does," he replied.
They were both silent for a couple of minutes before Grace spoke again.
"You know, you cannot keep doing this to yourself. It's not healthy. You should really talk to her."
The profiler's words surprised the detective superintendent. His mouth fell open, his eyes became as big as saucers.
"I thought the first thing you'd tell me to do was keep away from her. That she's just as damaged as I am and that we would only end up dragging each other down. That we're not stable enough for a relationship," Boyd said.
Grace cocked her head slightly, tapping her finger against her bottom lip.
"You are right in saying that you're both damaged. But you have changed a lot since your son died, Peter," Grace said, using his given name.
Boyd did not verbally respond. Instead, he simply shifted positions slightly so he could listen to the rest of her story.
"You are more in control of your emotions. You haven't lashed out at anyone in more than two years, choosing to venture your discomfort earlier to prevent yourself from snapping. You opened up a little, which is what's going to be really important if you decide to confront Sarah. You're at ease with yourself. I know you'll need to learn to communicate in a relationship again, but I'm sure you'll manage. So I think it might work. Which is the reason I'm being this supportive," she told him.
Boyd thought about that for a moment. She was right, he didn't wake up feeling angry with the world anymore. He exhibited less self destructive behavior, which made his life a lot easier.
But there was one question that he needed to have the answer to before he could decide whether he would confess his love to Sarah.
"But what about Sarah? Is the time right for her?" he asked.
"Sarah's still suffering from PTSD. Which means there'll be days that she'll want to be alone, and days that she is too afraid of the memories to be alone. It won't be easy for her to admit that, though, since it will make her feel very weak. On the other hand, in the time she's been working here, she's opened up to all of us. She's more than ready to let some new people into her life. And she's become a lot stronger. She no longer freezes when she steps into a house, is less likely to draw her weapon when it's not needed. So I think what goes for you, goes for her as well: if she's willing to commit, to work on the relationship, it's possible," Grace said.
Boyd expected her to have something to add to that, but instead, the profiler got up. Without saying another word, she turned her back on her friend and left Boyd to ponder.
But the DSI did not stay at CCHQ to do that, as it was seven in the evening already. Their working day would be through in an hour, but because they had nearly solved their latest case he decided to let his team head home an hour early. They could wrap this case up tomorrow.
Stepping from behind his desk, he made his way to the door.
"Alright everybody! I've just decided I'm not keeping you in late tonight. So I suggest you leave before I change my mind," he called out.
Sarah, Spencer, Grace and even Eve, who had come up from her lab about ten minutes ago, did not need to be told twice. Like a whirlwind they cleared their desks of all the papers that had accumulated their throughout the day, Eve helping wherever she could. Spencer was already at the door before the last drawer he had opened had closed, and Sarah followed soon after. Eve was next to leave, waving at Grace as she walked away.
The profiler had planned to be the last to leave, Boyd realized as she nodded almost imperceptibly before slipping through the door herself. He was glad for the extra courage she had given him by doing that.
As he turned off the lights, he was touched by the fact that even after ten years she cared enough to notice he was afraid. No matter how many times they fought, their friendship remained and even got stronger. And he was glad for the constant in his life.
By the time he had finished that thought, he was at his car. Getting behind the wheel, his mind returned to the other woman that had taken up residence in his heart and of whom he hoped she would become a constant as well.
Sarah had at first seemed like a hard woman, someone who was rather cold. He had not been attracted to her straight away because of that, as he liked his woman to be independent and strong but not cold. She had seemed to be too much like him for her own good.
But slowly, she had shown her complete personality. And Boyd had been pleasantly surprised. He had discovered that the coldness was more bravery than anything, a quality he did admire in a woman. It was a façade to protect herself, which he understood after she had told him why she was suffering from PTSD. He had also seen her overcome her fears with his help, which had told him that she was not as hard as she portrayed herself to be. She had even thanked him later, and had given him a small smile for the first time.
Since that day, he had been falling for her. Even despite the fact she was not his usual type. All of his former girlfriends, including Luke's mum, had had brown hair and dark eyes.
Apparently, though, it was now time for a change, as he found himself just as attracted to Sarah now as he had been to Mary.
Pulling into his driveway, he realized that he ought to take Grace's advice. He would keep wondering what might happen, and eventually, Sarah would meet someone else and he would have no more chances of telling her how he felt about her. Unless he talked to her, he would never be certain.
The only question that remained was how he would tell her about his feelings. If he was too direct, she might be afraid to make the wrong decision. Which would only make things more difficult, for the both of them. He had to tell her, but in a way that she would understand she was in control of everything that happened.
Dropping his clothes unceremoniously onto the chair in the farthest corner of the bedroom, he opened the door to the bathroom with his free hand so he could step in.
You should have asked Grace's opinion on how to continue down this road, he mentally berated himself.
But then again, the profiler would have probably told him he would have to figure it out on his own. She was a firm believer in not meddling in relationships, which was why she had never done sessions with couples.
The hot water hammering on his skin from the moment he stepped into the shower had a therapeutic effect. It made his mind stop spinning, removed some of the tension from his muscles. And the monotone sound was only adding to the effect.
Twenty minutes later, Boyd was drying himself off. After he had finished, he grabbed a pair of lose fitting pajama trousers and a t-shirt.
He was not someone who ran around in pajamas the entire day, but he was making an exception because he wanted to be as comfortable as he possibly could whilst he was thinking. And because he hoped that a good night's sleep would help him solve his problem.
So he crawled into bed without hesitating, pulling the covers over himself and turning onto his side. As he lay there, he realized he was glad for the chance to relax after spending days between pictures of badly broken bones. He was tired after the long hours they'd spent trying to find the people responsible.
Which was why he was already asleep at nine that evening, dreaming about solutions and possible outcomes.
And the next day, he found he had been lucky. While he was sleeping, an idea had formed in his mind.
When he arrived at work, nobody was there yet. He walked straight to his office and pulled out his pen and some paper. If he was to do this, he had to act quickly, or his plan would be completely ruined.
Half an hour later, right before Grace arrived, five papers were laying on his desk. Getting up, he made his way over to Sarah's and carefully placed on of the small notes on her chair. That way it would not be noticed by anyone else, and she would be able to hide it if she so desired. He kind of hoped he would, at least until he was certain she felt the same way.
When he saw the smile Grace was flashing him, he was flooded by happiness at her approval. No matter what happened, Grace had his back, which was a comforting thought.
"I doubt he'll be kind enough to admit to having murdered his girlfriend. The punishment hanging over his head will probably keep him from that," Sarah suddenly said.
Boyd cursed. He had not noticed the door opening. Grace apparently had, because she laughed out loud as he ran towards his office again.
"Why are you this happy today?" Spencer asked her as they came close enough to see her.
The profiler did not hesitate to give him an answer, although it wasn't the truth.
"David just called, apparently he has something special planned for tonight," she happily told him.
Sarah smiled brightly, obviously glad for the other woman. Spencer seemed elated as well, even though he always claimed not to be a romantic. Boyd was certain that had something to do with the fact he had been getting a lot more texts while at work, and the way he would smile when he got them.
Boyd watched as Sarah picked up the piece of paper. He was glad to see her turn her back on the other as she read it.
Sarah was surprised to find the small note on her chair. Being very curious by nature, she wanted to know what was written on the paper, and who had written it. She was slightly disappointed to find only a few lines of text.
Dear Sarah,
I hope I managed to pick your curiosity by writing this. If you are comfortable enough to play this game, you will find out who I am by the end of the day. If not, you will never hear from me again. I promise. Now, if you take the first option, go to the ladies' room at noon. Stall three will be locked. You'll find the key with the next note.
There was nothing special about the word order of the letter, the words the person had used were nothing but ordinary. There was no signature at all, which meant that would not help her to derive her admirer either.
She folded the paper, sliding it into her pocket. For some reason, she trusted this person. She couldn't say why, there was no other explanation than that there was something familiar about the voice hiding behind the words.
Sarah was unable to focus on anything that day. She drove to the Gallagher's house to pick up their suspect, but she passed up the opportunity to help interview him. Instead, she let Grace do the honors.
And she was right to do that, as they were still grilling Adam Gallagher while she made her way to the toilets two hours after the interview had begun. And there was an extra spring in her step, she was well aware of that.
Sarah quickly discovered the second note. The key connected to it fit the lock of the last toilet. Now that she came to think of it, she had never realized there was a toilet with a lock. The reason why became clear as she picked up the letter. This one was longer. It said:
This lock was put in during the first year my predecessor worked here. Apparently, he liked his privacy and was afraid other would still get in, despite the lock that was already present. When he left, he didn't take the key, which is why I could use it now.
Alright, enough. It's time for the first clue. Grace hates the football club I support. Maybe you should ask her which one that is? If you're clever enough, you might already guess my identity. If not, there will be another note at your desk when you return.
And don't forget: if you want to stop playing, you can. Just say the word, and this game is over.
Sarah walked back to her desk, grabbed a paperclip and connected the letters. Even the third, because even if she had her answer, she wanted to keep all of them. After that, she waved Grace over.
"Yes, Sarah?" the older woman said.
Sarah gestured for her to sit down before she continued the conversation.
"I want to know what football club you support," she said.
Grace was surprised to hear that question, which was made clear by her raised eyebrows and the fact her eyes suddenly became comically large. But she answered the question none the less.
"Liverpool," she said. "Why?"
Sarah contemplated the possibilities. Lying, or telling the truth. Or part of it. Eventually, she went with option three.
"Someone said that it would help me figure out the answer to a question he asked me. At least if I knew who the biggest enemy of the club was," she said.
Grace smiled.
"Good luck," she said.
"You're not going to tell me?" Sarah asked incredulously.
Grace laughed, pressing her right hand to her side. Sarah couldn't help but join in.
"It's Manchester United Football Club," the profiler said when she finally managed to speak again.
That did not help Sarah at all. She did not know who supported Manu FC. She decided there was nothing she could do but use the third note. This one was actually pretty long.
I bet Grace liked helping you. But I think I should help you a little more. Here are two more clues.
First: I work here, which is how I met you. But you wouldn't know I've been paying more attention to you than I probably should have. Does that help to narrow down the list?
Second: If it doesn't, here is another clue. I'm very adamant about solving cases. I cannot focus on anything until a case is closed.
I hope this will help you find out who I am! If you're not yet there and are still willing to play, there is another note waiting for you. I taped it underneath your desk.
Instead of immediately continuing the game, she looked at the clock. It was by that time two in the afternoon. She should finish her paperwork before she opened the fourth note.
It was very hard to concentrate on writing the rapports, however. There was so much going through her head. Who could her secret admirer be? Was it even an admirer, someone with a crush on her? Why had he or she decided to contact her now?
The hours ticked by very quickly between those thoughts and the filling out of the paperwork. Before she knew it, it was five in the evening already.
"Alright everyone, time to head out," Boyd's voice suddenly drifted in.
He was apparently just back from the last interview. It was obvious Grace had taken this one with him as well, as she was walking at his left side. Sarah was surprised that she hadn't even noticed they had headed back down to talk to Adam Gallagher.
"Has he confessed then?" Sarah asked.
Boyd answered while Grace opened the door to her office, grabbing her jacket and purse.
"He has, thanks to Grace. So I've filled out the paperwork, and he's being transported to prison as we speak," he said.
Sarah began to clear all of her files from her desk when Boyd did not say anything more. She was ready to head home, as was he, she could tell. Because in less than two minutes, he had collected all of his stuff.
Spencer, who arrived as Boyd locked the door to his office, immediately ducked for his jacket. He was not staying any longer than he had to.
Sarah, however, did not follow their example. Grabbing the note she had left taped to her desk, she patiently waited for everyone to disappear. Then, she opened it.
If you're still playing the game, I think you've more than earned the opportunity to finally meet me in person. I will be on the roof until seven. Remember, it's your choice.
Looking at the clock, she saw it was now six. There was still sometime left, though not too much. Fortunately, it did not take Sarah more than a single second to make up her mind. She could not explain why she trusted this person so much, but she did. And she had felt electrified all day, this experience had brought back so much of her old zest for life. Whoever this person was, she wanted to thank him. Or her.
So twenty minutes later, she was climbing the stairs leading to the roof.
But the person waiting there for her, was not who she had expected. It was a man, and it was indeed someone she knew. It was Boyd.
"You seem surprised to find I wrote those letters," Boyd smiled.
Sarah nodded.
"A bit. I thought it might be Eve or someone working on the ground floor," Sarah said.
She was pushing his buttons, but deep down she knew he would not be angry with her. For some reason, she managed to get away with quite a lot.
"Do I hear a little bit of disappointment, DSI Sarah Cavendish?" Boyd asked, the corners of his mouth twitching.
Sarah stepped closer to him. Since her first day at CCHQ she had felt attracted to him. The sense of enigma surrounding him had been a big part of that, as had been the fact the man was very handsome to say the least.
"Not at all," she whispered.
Stepping even closer to him, she lifted her hand to touch his face. Boyd closed his eyes, obviously enjoying the feel of her soft skin against his.
Sarah was finding it increasingly difficult to keep from kissing him. His closeness, his smell and the stubble under her fingers was a combination that was too powerful to resist.
Boyd's hands came to rest on her waist, not too high or too low to be crossing any borders just yet. It was a touch that as intended to make her feel at ease, she realized, and she was happy about it.
"Don't do anything you don't want to," he murmured in her ear when she rose to stand on her toes.
"I won't," she whispered back.
Ever so slowly, she closed the gap between them, feeling Boyd mimic her actions to meet her in the middle.
The kiss was oh so soft, without any pressure and with the promise of so much more. The warmth was wonderful, the world consisted of only the both of them. That was, until the need for air became too big.
"Come on," Boyd murmured.
He grabbed Sarah's hand and began to pull her towards the stairs.
"Where to?" she whispered, not even bothering to say she wouldn't come.
Boyd didn't stop as he replied.
"To my house. We need to talk, and I'd rather do it somewhere a little more comfortable," he told her.
Sarah smiled. Boyd was showing his ability to lead whatever situation. He had given her the possibility to back out of the game at every turn, but now he was in control again. At least, partly. And she wouldn't want it any other way.
"Yeah, we do need to talk. But I'm hoping that won't be the only thing we will be doing tonight," Sarah confided in him.
The only response she got was a nearly inaudible groan from her companion. And he began to walk a little faster.
Oh yes, this was going to be a good night. That much Sarah was certain of.