Annual Reviews
a Primeval fanfic by phoebenpiper
[Author's Note: This is set sometime between 5.1 & 5.3 and is a humourous take on a few things that always bothered me during season 4. Enjoy!]
Becker didn't mind doing the annual reviews. He liked the opportunity to sit down once a year with his soldiers and let them know how they were doing. In a job such as this, soldiers who didn't work hard, who didn't follow orders, tended not to last very long, so those who were still employed (hell, still alive!) after a year were obviously doing most things right. That meant there didn't have to be any big confrontations or awkward scoldings; Becker could simply be upfront, make simple suggestions for improvement, and get through the evaluations quickly so he wouldn't have to worry about them for another year.
Or so he thought.
"How are your reviews going?" Jess asked the moment Becker appeared in Ops. Not wanting to be rude, and figuring his current task could wait, he headed straight for the hub as the field coordinator continued, "You're not being TOO mean, I hope!"
His annoyance with her slightly scolding tone was counteracted by her teasing grin...and her extremely low-cut blouse! Becker, ever the gentleman, refused to stare, instead making a point of looking into her eyes - her big blue eyes which, he peripherally noticed, were nearly the same colour as her distracting blouse - as he replied, "I'm not mean; I'm fair. But everyone can use some improvement."
Jess smiled coyly at him, as if wordlessly inquiring how exactly she could be improved.
Not being a fool, he avoided her unspoken question - just as he avoided the urge to glance down at her cleavage - as he went on, "And I'm nearly through. Just a few more reviews and I'll be done for another year."
"Not quite."
Whirling around, Becker caught sight of Matt sitting at his laptop nearby and realised he must have walked right by the team leader without so much as a second glance. Frankly, Becker was surprised to see Matt out and about - these days the man seemed to spend most of his time tucked away alone in some corner of the ARC - so Becker had to wonder what had brought Matt out to the centre of Ops...and what he'd meant by his last comment.
No doubt responding to Becker's inquiring eyebrow, Matt explained, "You still have YOUR review to get through," the barest hint of a smile upon his face.
It had been often discussed by the senior staff lately that their team leader hadn't smiled much since Emily had gone home, so it was nice to see Matt's gloom starting to lift. However, Becker wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect that his upcoming annual review was the cause of such pleasure.
Jess must've sensed Becker's unease for she soothed, "You've nothing to worry about. You're brilliant at your job. Besides," she added, her eyes sparkling with mischief, "everyone can use some improvement, yeah?"
Matt nodded, adding drily, "I think I've heard that somewhere."
Becker rolled his eyes, definitely dreading what was in store for him.
...
They'd set the review for mid-afternoon, but unfortunately Becker wasn't able to make it on time because his previous appointment, as expected, hadn't gone particularly well. McCoy had shown up late (which was one of the things Becker had planned to talk to him about) and then blamed it on one of his coworkers (which was ANOTHER thing Becker had planned to talk to him about). McCoy also was not one to take criticism well (which again had been on the list of items to discuss), so the entire encounter had been quite uncomfortable...and had gone on much longer than planned. Thus Becker was quite grumpy - not to mention winded - by the time he arrived a few minutes late for his own review.
Matt didn't seem terribly bothered by his lack of punctuality, no doubt recognising that Becker was otherwise reliable, and merely jumped in straightaway.
"I'm not a big fan of these evaluation forms," Matt said, tapping his pen against the paper thoughtfully, "but they do help one stay on track, yeah?"
Becker nodded, still breathing heavily, having just sprinted across the ARC to avoid being later than he already was.
"So, let's start at the top, yeah?" Matt continued, glancing down at the form, "Let's see - first item: following orders...or, in your case, failing to do so."
Becker's back was suddenly up. "When did I not follow orders...sir?" He spat out this last word with some venom, trying to rein in his anger by falling back on military formality.
"Just a few weeks ago, I guess it was now," Matt commented, his tone flat and his face nearly expressionless. "When you were to blow up the shopping mall to kill that nest of giant bugs."
"What are you talking about?!" Becker snapped. "I DID blow it up. Per your orders, I set off the detonator and blew those bloody creatures to kingdom come." And saved your life, he wanted to add, but he kept that to himself.
"No, not per MY orders," Matt responded calmly. "As I recall, I ordered you numerous times to do so, but you kept delaying. It wasn't until Lester-"
"That's because it wasn't safe! You and Connor weren't out of range yet!" Becker defended, furious that the team leader was making such a big deal of this. True, it'd been a tense moment there, with Abby insisting he wait whilst Matt and Lester yelled through the comms to get on with it. But in the end, the job had been done: the creatures had been destroyed, and Matt and Connor had escaped relatively unscathed.
So what the hell was Matt's problem?!
The team leader, however, calmly shrugged. "That was my call. You should've done it sooner, when I ordered you to."
"Fine!" Becker snapped, crossing his arms angrily across his chest. If he had followed his orders, Matt might not have survived...and thus wouldn't be here now to give him this evaluation!
Which wouldn't be such a bad idea!
"The next time you order me to blow you up, I won't hesitate! How's that?"
Matt nodded, jotting something down onto the evaluation form before changing the subject. "Now, let's talk about you falling asleep on the job, shall we?"
"WHAT?! What kind of-?! I would NEVER-! How DARE you-!" Becker couldn't even spit out a coherent sentence, he was so furious.
Matt, however, seemed unfazed by Becker's harsh tone for he placidly clarified, "During the stakeout of Ethan's flat, I seem to recall you indicating in your report..."
Becker gave a frustrated sigh, his anger suddenly switching focus from Matt to himself. He still couldn't believe he'd been so irresponsible as to invite Jess into his car that night, to allow her to chat him up until he'd let down his guard and lost track of the time...and of Ethan. He should have called for back-up hours sooner, but he'd been enjoying the time alone with Jess. They'd only been talking, he'd told himself, so where was the harm? Of course, Ethan had been happy to provide a sobering answer to that question. So really, there was no need for Matt to beat up Becker over the incident for he'd already done a thorough job of beating up himself. After all, not only had he nearly been killed for his own stupidity, but he'd nearly gotten Jess killed as well, a fact he had a hard time forgiving himself for. Had she not been able to disarm the bomb (which luckily she had, since she was brilliant as well as gorgeous), they both might be dead.
Though then he wouldn't be forced to sit through this review!
"It won't happen again," Becker stated simply, hoping Matt didn't make him elaborate.
The team leader didn't, instead merely marking something upon the form before setting down his pen and looking thoughtfully up at Becker. "Now," he said, his voice sounding grave, "we need to discuss something even more serious - lying to a superior officer."
Now Becker had been more than willing to admit that he'd made a mistake by inviting Jess into his car during the stakeout, but there was no way he was going to let this latest accusation stand. Especially coming, as it did, from Matt, who had himself completely lied to them all about hiding Emily, and look how well THAT had turned out!
"I object! I have NEVER lied to you!" Becker didn't bother to add "on the job" for he was certain that was implied. Sure, he'd told Matt over a few beers last Christmas that he wasn't in the least bit attracted to Jess, but he didn't think that statement should count against him for this evaluation because God knows he hadn't really admitted those feelings to himself yet. And Matt had never been very forthcoming about his feelings for Emily either, if he was going to get all technical about it.
Luckily that wasn't what Matt was talking about, although his next comment didn't do much to clarify.
"In case you don't recall, I'm referring to an incident on the container ship many months ago, when you barely shot the Kaprosuchus in time before it nearly ripped me limb from limb."
Becker stared blankly at the team leader. He always had a hard time keeping track of all the scientific names for the creatures, so it took a moment to recall the large crocodile-like creature, though he still couldn't quite place the exact incident.
"And I lied to you?" he asked, trying to rack his brain as to what he might've said...and for what reason.
Matt nodded. "You indicated you were late in arriving because you'd, quote, 'hit every red light'."
Becker's temper flared once again. He had no memory of saying such a thing, but how could Matt have the audacity to accuse him of lying? Surely it wasn't possible for Matt to know the traffic conditions he'd driven through, so how could-?
But before Becker could form any coherent rebuttal, Matt continued, "Or am I supposed to believe that you just happened to have a stash of chocolate bars lying about, 'just in case' someone at the ARC happened to request one whilst you were out on a call? Because, as I recall, you didn't have any time to stop on your way back to the ARC afterwards."
Becker wasn't sure whether it was the sudden memory of the incident flooding into his brain or the fact that he recognised the hint of a smile on Matt's face that made his anger disappear in a rush, replaced instead by chagrin...and guilt. After all, the sweets shop had been right on the way to the docks, so he hadn't thought a minute or two would matter that much.
But before he could formulate a proper apology, Matt went on. "Although I would be happy to wager such a stash exists now, yeah?" The team leader's eyes twinkled with merriment as a full-blown grin burst forth across his face. It was definitely nice to see Matt so happy...even if it was at Becker's own expense.
"If I said 'no'," Becker inquired warily, "would that count against my evaluation?"
"Absolutely! Not only would you be, presumably, lying to a superior officer once again, but more importantly, I've got 20 quid on it."
Becker couldn't help but laugh, momentarily wondering who'd be stupid enough to make that bet.
As if reading his mind, Matt continued, "Connor's convinced he would've found the stash by now if it existed."
So Matt and Connor had been joking about him behind his back. And Abby, too, no doubt! And Becker thought they were his friends! He growled under his breath, "Just wait until I do HIS review," before realising, "Oh, but I'm not- hey, wait a minute!" It had all suddenly become clear. "You aren't to be doing my review at all - Lester's in charge of the reviews for all senior staff."
Matt shrugged, looking extremely pleased with himself. "Oops. Must've slipped my mind. My bad, yeah?" he teased drily, crumpling the evaluation form into a ball and tossing it into the bin.
Becker gave a frustrated sigh. He couldn't believe he'd just made such a fool of himself in front of the team leader. It was now clear Matt had been taking the piss from the moment their interview started - before, in fact, remembering the man's amused look back in Ops.
"Say," Becker began as a new thought suddenly struck him, "do you think Connor knows Lester's to do his review?"
Matt shook his head. "I'd be happy to tell Connor you're looking for him, if you'd like - I'm off to find him now anyway, since I've 20 quid coming to me."
Becker nodded. Perhaps his own humiliation, along with Connor's 20 quid, wasn't such a high price to pay for bringing a smile to their friend's face.
Though Becker still meant what he'd said - he wouldn't hesitate to blow up Matt the next time the opportunity presented itself!
...
THE END