Dear Halo - A Collection of Previously Unread Letters from Various Characters in the Halo Universe
Dear Kat,
You've made quite a name for yourself haven't you?
Sincerely,
Disapproving Moa.
Dear Jorge,
We can't afford the high powered ammo for your chaingun, you'll have to make do with 9mm's.
Sincerely,
UNSC.
Dear Rabid Kat Fans,
Get real, she's way out of your league. Also, I am just as impressive.
And I'm not made out of pixels.
Sincerely,
J-Lo.
Dear Cortana,
Please don't seizure me.
Sincerely,
Noble Six.
Dear AI Allies,
WE'RE meant to be the Spartans, Legendary means YOU get hosed first, not the other way around.
Sincerely,
The Gamers.
Dear Dr. Halsey,
OPEN THE "#!&$'% DOOR!
Sincerely,
Noble Team.
Dear Covenant Corvette,
Tag! You're it!
Sincerely,
Shortsword Pilot #1
Dear Frigate Grafton,
Flying within ten yards of something you plan to shoot with a Mac gun probably wasn't the smartest idea you've ever had.
Sincerely,
So that's why our hull is breached.
Dear Auntie Dot AKA Slipspace Rupture Detected,
And we thought Kat talked too much.
Sincerely,
The UNSC Fleet.
Dear Covenant Suicide Squads,
Bet you can't frickin' do it again!
Sincerely,
In Great Pain. Also Dead.
Dear Focus Rifle,
CC: Plasma Launcher
You suck more than a grunt on the teat.
Sincerely,
The Covenant Infantry.
Dear Other Zombie Invasion Survivors,
OMFG THEY'VE LEARNED HOW TO ROLL!
Sincerely,
Completely Screwed.
Dear Credit Cap,
Prepare for weeping.
Sincerely,
The H-165 FOM Target Designator
Dear Carter,
That was pretty. Do it again.
Oh, wait.
Sincerely,
All I'm Allowed to Do Is Run From Scarabs
Dear Noble Six,
You're an A$$.
Sincerely,
Pinned Down by Four Hunters.
Dear Noble Six,
They're saving the Scarabs for John.
Sincerely,
Carter.
Dear Legendary Hunters,
I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!
Sincerely,
Noble Six & Co.
Dear DMR,
It's not you, it's me.
Sincerely,
Can't get the hang of reticule bloom.
Dear Fuel Rod Gun,
When did you get so shmexy?
Sincerely,
Love at First Sight.
Dear Spartan Laser,
LOL!
Sincerely,
Unscathed.
Dear Hemorrhage,
I'll give Bungie credit for one thing…
Sincerely,
Accurately Named
Dear Bungie,
Nope, double beat down still works.
Sincerely,
Pummelled.
Dear Ghost,
That look painful.
Sincerely,
Armour Lock.
Dear Noble Six
Do a barrel roll!
Sincerely,
Sabre Pilot #2
Dear Jorge,
Remember how destroying that super carrier meant saving the planet?
Yeah, about that…
Sincerely,
UNSC High Command
Dear Everything on the Battlefield,
Shoom Shoom Kaboom!
Sincerely,
Rocket 'Hog (AKA Rolling Carriage of Oblivion)
Dear Emile,
So, does the race to the Autumn count anymore?
Sincerely,
Noble Six
Dear Shotgun,
You're obsolete.
Sincerely,
The Sniper Rifle.
Dear Simmons,
Make me a sammich.
Sincerely,
Sarge.
Dear Gravity,
You account for nothing.
Sincerely,
Just Fell From Orbit
THE FOLLOWING BY MY GOOD FRIEND LT ASHLER AND POSTED WITH HIS PERMISSION:
Dear Shotgun
Less-Than-Three.
Sincerely, Sarge
Dear Jorge
Betcha can't friggin' do it again!
Sincerely, gutted, in three pieces...
Dear Needle Rifle,
WTF?
Sincerely, Kat
Dear plasma grenades,
*Snicker, snicker, snort*
Sincerely, Armor lock
Dear Honor guards,
YOU are paying for my otolaryngologist.
Sincerely, the Prophet of Regret
Dear Chief,
I like crazy...
Sincerely, CTN 0452-9
Dear brothers,
The Halo has fired... ...again... ...We are screwed.
Sincerely, Gravemind #2
Dear Prophet of Truth,
You may need to see a doctor...
Sincerely, Arby, you know, that guy you screwed over?
Dear Tartarus,
Don't shake the lightbulb.
Sincerely, Johnson
Dear Sage,
We Hate you.
Sincerely, the guns
Dear UNSC,
You suck at noticing armies.
On your doorstep.
Sincerely, the Covies
Dear Jorge,
Why did you tell me to fly through an EMP shield?
Sincerely, your dead Falcon pilot.