She sat at the edge of the castle grounds, waiting, listening. It was a quiet night at Hogwarts and the silent forest teemed with life that was neither seen nor heard. She'd never spent time in the forest, but she knew what lived there from listening to Hagrid and to Remus and to Harry.
Hagrid talked about Aragog, the giant spider, and his progeny. Remus had told her stories about waking up in there surrounded by centaurs who wanted to know what he was doing there. Harry had talked about the unicorns whose light shone bright among the trees and whose blood shone brighter.
A twig snapped and Tonks did little more than blink, a hand moving up to push her mousey brown hair behind her ear. She listened for the movement that would come, at some point, denoting the life she knew was out there, in there.
But the sounds didn't come and the forest stood still, silent in the moonlight. She looked up, and the full moon shone down on her drawn and weary face. She'd asked for duty time and time again, knowing that all that waited for her in Hogsmeade was an empty flat and an emptier bed. So she waited here, on the edge of the grounds, every night waiting.
She remembered what it had been like before, at headquarters, last year. She'd seen him all the time, in and out of the house, something pleasant always happening while Molly was there. Now the house stood lifeless and empty with no Sirius to dress it up for Christmas and no Molly to yell at her for waking her aunt's portrait again.
"Merry Christmas, Remus." She smiled brightly at him, shaking strands of pink hair out of her eyes.
"Happy Christmas, Tonks." He'd smiled and clinked his glass of nog with her own, hugging her tightly before turning back to Arthur who'd been trying to tell him about the miracle of Plugs.
"Remus…" She touched his shoulder lightly and he turned to face her once more, "can I talk to you?" She nodded toward the hallway hopefully.
"Of course." He left his glass with Arthur who turned instead to Kingsley, sure that someone wanted to hear what he had to say.
They walked quietly out into the hallway and then off to a side room that had once housed a beautiful grand piano and now was the resting place of a moulding, rotting hunk of wood and ivory.
"Did you need something, Tonks?" He asked quietly. Even here, with the doors closed, raised voices were likely to wake Mrs. Black.
She didn't say a word, but leaned in and gently kissed his lips, drawing back, looking up at him.
Confusion was written across his face and he shook his head lightly, "No, Tonks. Don't. You know why I can't, why we can't. Please just forget-
She shook her head, clearing out the memories that she knew would only bring more tears and more sleepless nights. Of course she'd tried again to make him listen to her, make him understand that it didn't matter. It was never any use. He was living in London and it had been months now since she'd seen him.
Tonks stood and began to walk again, following the path that she was slowly beating into the grass. The moon was sinking slowly and she knew that Kingsley was on his way to relieve her. Nothing could relieve her, but maybe she'd sleep tonight.
An empty flat and an emptier bed awaited the young auror who lay down that morning and didn't sleep. A full bottle of dreamless sleep potion sat on the nightstand, still sealed in wax as it had been months ago when Dumbledore pressed it into her hand, insisting that she take care of herself.
An hour later Kingsley came to the stump she'd been using as a seat all night, a piece of parchment crumpled on the ground beside it,
Remus,
I can't just forget and you ought to know that by now. Please, Remus. All I'm asking is that you try, for once, to understand what I've been through.
-N. Tonks
The other auror shook his head and sighed. Poor girl. She'd taken her cousin's passing badly.