by Mlle Lambert
Email: country@attglobal.net
Spoilers: Nothing you don't already know.
Season/Sequel: Future Season
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: Possible character death
Pairings: Sam/Jack
Summary: A comatose Sam wishes she could have had more time to say what
she needed to say. Sam's POV
Status: Complete
Disclaimer: Sam and Jack aren't mine…dang it. "The Dance" lyrics don't
belong to me either. What a cruel world! :-P
Author's Notes: I don't know where this came from. Actually, I
do…English class. I was actually supposed to be studying, but I needed
to get this out. Just don't tell the teacher! Hope you like!
Written: October 15, 2003
Archive: Ask me first.
Feedback: Constructive criticism is welcome. Please, no flames! I don't
respond kindly to them!
Sometimes the pain is unbearable. It envelops me. It rules me. I
don't want it to, but it is stronger than I. They thought I was not
getting enough sleep at first, or maybe I was overworking myself. Then
it went from bad to worse. I collapsed one day. I don't remember where
or when. I can only see the look on his face as I fell into his arms. It
haunts me every day.
He visits me often, and I can hear him cry out my name in anguish. I
wish more than anything that I could take him in my arms and comfort
him. Many times, I find myself missing the friend I have in him. I
wonder what might have been if we'd had more time. Then I ask whoever
may be listening why, of all the enemies I've made, disease was what
finally conquered me.
He's here now, communicating silently by stroking my hand. I hear him
say that someone's coming to help me, and he'll be with me through this.
I know he doesn't believe in miracles or that I can hear him, but it
does us both some good. His voice soothes me, and it helps him get by.
For some strange reason, a memory comes to me and with it a song. I
picture us at a party…dancing.
"Looking back
On the memory of
The dance we shared
'Neath the stars above
For a moment
All the world was right
How could I have known
That you'd ever say goodbye?
"And now
I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives
Are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance."
If only he'd known how wonderful it felt to be in his arms. So good…so perfect…so right.
"Holding you
I held everything
For a moment
Wasn't I a king?
But if I'd only known
How the king would fall
Hey, who's to say?
You know I might have changed it all."
I once promised myself that if I died I'd have no regrets. Now, it's a different story.
"And now
I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives
Are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance."
I can feel them healing me. I manage to open my eyes and gaze up at
the friend—the love—who I've come to know over the past several years.
"Sam," he whispers almost inaudibly.
"Jack?" Even as I say the word, it seems foreign and unknown.
Tears shine in his eyes. "You're going to make it through this."
I motion for him to lean down, and he does so. "I love you," I say.
My strength is gone now, and I close my eyes. Am I dead, or am I just
sleeping? I don't know, but as I feel his lips press softly against
mine, I realize I no longer have regrets.
"It's my life
It's better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance."