To Destroy a CD
Fanfic by Kathryn Grover
***
Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. Please don't sue me. My life
savings is an entire seven dollars.
***
It was a beautiful summer morning. Akane screamed as she destroyed yet
another pile of cinder blocks. Ranma sighed and sat down at the table
for breakfast.
"I swear, there is nothing on this planet she couldn't destroy."
"I wouldn't say that, Ranma," Nabiki said, with her usual sly smile.
"Yeah? And why's that?"
"I bet 2000 yen (20 US bucks) that I could find something that she
could NOT destroy."
"You're on!"
Nabiki pulled a CD out of nowhere. "If Akane can't destroy this CD by
tonight, you owe me. Have fun!" She dropped the disk on the table and
left.
Ranma picked up the CD. It SEEMED ordinary enough. He took the CD
outside.
"Hey, Akane. Can you do me a favor and destroy this?"
Akane looked at Ranma, then at the disk. "You can't be serious."
"I am."
Akane put the CD between her fingers, and started to bend it. She
obviously intended to make it explode with the 'ol CD snapper technique.
But no matter how she bent it, it would not snap. Ranma stared at it.
"No way. That shoulda burst it into a million pieces."
"Is this some kind of joke?" Akane asked him.
"Not really. It's just that Nabiki doesn't think you can break it."
"Is that so?"
"Yup. But don't worry, I believe in ya!"
Akane looked at the disk. "Okay then."
Akane placed the disk over the edges of two cinder blocks, a few
centemeters apart. It looked like a little rainbowy bridge across the
blocks. She used her trademark "break anything" chop.
And the cinder blocks fell apart. The CD was still in one piece.
And our heroes stared at it. Nabiki chuckled to herself.
"I'm not beaten yet!" Akane screamed. She placed the CD on a paper
towel and tossed it in the microwave for about 50 minutes..........
***
50 minutes later.........
***
Akane scrubbed the burnt paper towel off the bottom of the microwave
using a steel wool pad. On the table sat the CD. It didn't even have a
scratch.
"Alright, that's the last of it!" she said as she tossed the pad onto
the counter.
"Now what?" Asked Ranma.
"I don't know! I can't believe I can't break a stupid CD. I've
destroyed plenty of them before!" In anger, she threw it against the
wall. It bounced off the wall and bonked Ranma in the head.
All he could say was "Ow."
"I'm not beaten yet!" Akane screamed as she ran to a drawer and
produced a large Exact-o-knife (TM) and a large case of razor blades.
***
2 hours later
***
Akane sighed as she threw away the entire case of razor blades. All of
them had been dulled from attempting to scratch the CD.
"Ya know, I'm beginning to doubt *Ryoga's* ability to destroy this
thing," Ranma commented. "This has gotta be a CD from hell."
"Let's try something else. Oh, Kasumi! Wanna go see Dr. Tofu?"
***
Our friendly doctor went absolutely crazy at the sight of Kasumi. Akane
shoved the CD into Dr. Tofu's figiting hands, wondering about the
result.
***
As Dr. Willams set the bones in Dr. Tofu's hand and put a splint on
each finger, Akane stared at the CD. There HAD to be a way to destroy
this thing. Good thing it was a hot day.
"Hey Dr. Tofu? Can I put this CD in your car?"
"Sure, go right ahead Akane."
***
After leaving the CD in a hot car with the windows up for about two
hours, Akane hoped to find a melted mess. Instead, she found a good-as-
new disk. She promptly screamed. Ranma just kinda sat there slack-jawed.
They returned to the back yard, and sat across from each other, staring
at the CD between them. It glimmered innocently in the sunlight. They
only had about an hour left before sunset, and then Nabiki would come
to collect. Ranma gulped. Every time he got a *LITTLE* money saved,
Nabiki always found some way to con him out of it.
Akane ran to the kitchen, and returned with a meat cleaver. She hacked
at the CD. The cleaver shattered.
"THATS IT!" She screamed. She got a really big bucket of paint and ran
out into the street. She painted a huge X on the pavement, and placed
the CD in the middle. Then, she brought out her extra EXTRA large
mallet of DOOM and hurled it at the sky.
***
Somewhere, in the space shuttle..........
"Say, Joe, what's that heading toward us?"
***
A flaming space shuttle hurtled toward the street. (Good thing for the
pilots that they recently added ejection seats.) The spaceship did a
perfect nose dive onto the CD.
Ranma went to inspect the damage. He dug through the twisted, burning
wreckage, and finally came upon a piece of a CD.
"YES!" He screamed for joy as he brought the two halves of the CD up to
Akane, who began cheering as well.
"Oh, Darn," Nabiki simply stated.
"Say, Ranma, what kind of CD was that anyway?"
Ranma put the two pieces together and read the english writing on the
label.
It said: "Get AOL NOW!: 500 hours free!"
***
I'm guessing you people are wondering WHY the heck I wrote this. Well,
it turns out, those things are pretty darn tough to destroy using
conventional CD destruction methoods. So why not have a girl who's
stronger than Superman have a go at destroying it?
This fic inspired by the e-mail gag "How to give a cat a pill".
Fanfic by Kathryn Grover
***
Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. Please don't sue me. My life
savings is an entire seven dollars.
***
It was a beautiful summer morning. Akane screamed as she destroyed yet
another pile of cinder blocks. Ranma sighed and sat down at the table
for breakfast.
"I swear, there is nothing on this planet she couldn't destroy."
"I wouldn't say that, Ranma," Nabiki said, with her usual sly smile.
"Yeah? And why's that?"
"I bet 2000 yen (20 US bucks) that I could find something that she
could NOT destroy."
"You're on!"
Nabiki pulled a CD out of nowhere. "If Akane can't destroy this CD by
tonight, you owe me. Have fun!" She dropped the disk on the table and
left.
Ranma picked up the CD. It SEEMED ordinary enough. He took the CD
outside.
"Hey, Akane. Can you do me a favor and destroy this?"
Akane looked at Ranma, then at the disk. "You can't be serious."
"I am."
Akane put the CD between her fingers, and started to bend it. She
obviously intended to make it explode with the 'ol CD snapper technique.
But no matter how she bent it, it would not snap. Ranma stared at it.
"No way. That shoulda burst it into a million pieces."
"Is this some kind of joke?" Akane asked him.
"Not really. It's just that Nabiki doesn't think you can break it."
"Is that so?"
"Yup. But don't worry, I believe in ya!"
Akane looked at the disk. "Okay then."
Akane placed the disk over the edges of two cinder blocks, a few
centemeters apart. It looked like a little rainbowy bridge across the
blocks. She used her trademark "break anything" chop.
And the cinder blocks fell apart. The CD was still in one piece.
And our heroes stared at it. Nabiki chuckled to herself.
"I'm not beaten yet!" Akane screamed. She placed the CD on a paper
towel and tossed it in the microwave for about 50 minutes..........
***
50 minutes later.........
***
Akane scrubbed the burnt paper towel off the bottom of the microwave
using a steel wool pad. On the table sat the CD. It didn't even have a
scratch.
"Alright, that's the last of it!" she said as she tossed the pad onto
the counter.
"Now what?" Asked Ranma.
"I don't know! I can't believe I can't break a stupid CD. I've
destroyed plenty of them before!" In anger, she threw it against the
wall. It bounced off the wall and bonked Ranma in the head.
All he could say was "Ow."
"I'm not beaten yet!" Akane screamed as she ran to a drawer and
produced a large Exact-o-knife (TM) and a large case of razor blades.
***
2 hours later
***
Akane sighed as she threw away the entire case of razor blades. All of
them had been dulled from attempting to scratch the CD.
"Ya know, I'm beginning to doubt *Ryoga's* ability to destroy this
thing," Ranma commented. "This has gotta be a CD from hell."
"Let's try something else. Oh, Kasumi! Wanna go see Dr. Tofu?"
***
Our friendly doctor went absolutely crazy at the sight of Kasumi. Akane
shoved the CD into Dr. Tofu's figiting hands, wondering about the
result.
***
As Dr. Willams set the bones in Dr. Tofu's hand and put a splint on
each finger, Akane stared at the CD. There HAD to be a way to destroy
this thing. Good thing it was a hot day.
"Hey Dr. Tofu? Can I put this CD in your car?"
"Sure, go right ahead Akane."
***
After leaving the CD in a hot car with the windows up for about two
hours, Akane hoped to find a melted mess. Instead, she found a good-as-
new disk. She promptly screamed. Ranma just kinda sat there slack-jawed.
They returned to the back yard, and sat across from each other, staring
at the CD between them. It glimmered innocently in the sunlight. They
only had about an hour left before sunset, and then Nabiki would come
to collect. Ranma gulped. Every time he got a *LITTLE* money saved,
Nabiki always found some way to con him out of it.
Akane ran to the kitchen, and returned with a meat cleaver. She hacked
at the CD. The cleaver shattered.
"THATS IT!" She screamed. She got a really big bucket of paint and ran
out into the street. She painted a huge X on the pavement, and placed
the CD in the middle. Then, she brought out her extra EXTRA large
mallet of DOOM and hurled it at the sky.
***
Somewhere, in the space shuttle..........
"Say, Joe, what's that heading toward us?"
***
A flaming space shuttle hurtled toward the street. (Good thing for the
pilots that they recently added ejection seats.) The spaceship did a
perfect nose dive onto the CD.
Ranma went to inspect the damage. He dug through the twisted, burning
wreckage, and finally came upon a piece of a CD.
"YES!" He screamed for joy as he brought the two halves of the CD up to
Akane, who began cheering as well.
"Oh, Darn," Nabiki simply stated.
"Say, Ranma, what kind of CD was that anyway?"
Ranma put the two pieces together and read the english writing on the
label.
It said: "Get AOL NOW!: 500 hours free!"
***
I'm guessing you people are wondering WHY the heck I wrote this. Well,
it turns out, those things are pretty darn tough to destroy using
conventional CD destruction methoods. So why not have a girl who's
stronger than Superman have a go at destroying it?
This fic inspired by the e-mail gag "How to give a cat a pill".