Chapter one:

9:20pm

I am happily skipping through the valley of the totally loved up, and I have to say it's about time.

Dave the Laugh aka the Hornmeister, actual asked me to be is girlfriend. Well actually, I asked him to be my girlfriend, but he totally agreed.

He even dumped smiley Emma for me, and that's love because she was very smiley.

I am positively lurgified with love, which is a lot nicer than it sounds. I haven't told anyone yet, but first to know should really be my bestest pally, Jas.

9:25

Phoned Jas

"Hello?"

"Ah Jas, Mon petite idiot, guess what?"

She just huffed and went all Jasish

"What's got you in such a good mood?"

Sacre bleu does she not understand the fundamentals of the guessing game? Lord Sandra give me strength.

"Jas the whole point of the guessing game, is the actual guessing part." I pointed out, trying to sound sweet. After all, I am happy as a… happy thing, so I can't have Jas having the humpty dumpty with me, as she is my bestest pal- stupid fringe or no stupid fringe.

"I don't know Georgia? You perfected a new flame dance? What?"

I did that sighing thing.

"Honestly Jas, you are utterly crap at this game"

She practically flicked her fringe at me through the phone line

"God Gee, just tell me"

"Alright, fine. I just wanted you to know that I am officially the sex kitty girlfriend of hornmeister, Dave the Laugh"

"Well, you're over Masimo quick."

Blimey O'riley's trousers, she's changed her tune

"Jas, I specifically remember you picking Dave over Mas anyway."

"Well yeah but-"

"exactly"

She huffed (again) and went all jasish (again) before saying "well, I'm happy for you Gee."

"Merci, I am officially out of the depressing bakery of love, and have caught the bus into the city of extreme snogging"

"ok. Nite."

"night Jasy, love you"

She sighed, and then said "I love you too, Gee"

9:40

Phoned RoRo

"Rosie, guess what?"

"You're marrying a Viking too?"

"No, but I am totally the girlf of the hornmeister now,"

"That's fabby Gee, but I have to go. Sven wants to show me his new pair of furry shorts"

Christ on a bike "are they even furrier than the last ones?" I asked

She just laughed in a good way, if you like the sound of mentally insane laughter and hung up. I worry about her sanity sometimes.

But still, I am even more worried about Sven's shorts. Like where do you buy those? Perhaps he makes them.

Maybe he borrowed some of Angus' fur, its moulting everywhere, its revolting. How can I expect to be the girlfriend of the hornmeister if I am covered in cat fur?

STAGLAG 14

8:00 AM

Thank god I remembered to fill my pouch, because I will probably see Dave on the way home from school. Now that we're not 'just mates' I have to keep up appearances and all.

RE

Whilst Miss Wilson rambled, probably about her undying love for Rudi Keymer, the gang wanted to know all the goss about what went down between me and Dave. So keeping up the theme of our recent Rom and Jule performance, I wrote

Forsooth, Egad! After Rom+Jul and Masimo went off to ye olde London, Davey toldeth me that he dumpethed smiley Emma for I, the sex kitty and we proceeded to doeth number foureth on the scale of snogging then I askethed him to be my girlfriendeth and he accepted.

Bringeth oneth the snogging

Which I think they all appreciated, until Wilson saw the note ad grabbed it. She read it in her head and went sensationally red, probably thinking about Rudi. She then threw it into the bin and gave us all 'a warning'. This followed with several rounds of disco dancing when Wilsons back was turned, due to our girlish tension.

End of day

The ace gang took special precautions to sneak into the loos, just before the bell to do the whole lippy, upside down blow drying skirt-rolling thing, in case we saw the guys after school. We managed to get past Lindsay, who still probably couldn't see due to her pink crying piggy eyes due to Robbie's departure. I pity her, because the sex god just left her whereas the sex meister was prepared to take me with him. Yet, even though I declined and we broke up, I got a lovely new hornmeister boyfriend, where she just has no boyfriend, ADM and no forehead.

After Ellen actually considered stopping to pluck her eyebrows, I decided it was time to drag the Ace Gang out of the loos before Lindsay found us, and thankfully she missed us. And just as predicted, Dave, Tom, Declan, Rollo and Sven were all outside waiting for us.

God Dave is gorgey. How could I not have noticed how irresistible he was sooner? I could have snogged him after that first stiff Dylan's gig we went to. But alas, I was blinded by the pretence of love with Robbie, and then Masimo.

RoRo immediately ran up to Sven and they started practically doing number ten in front of my very eyes, which was disturbing. Tom and jas were all sickly and smiley, holding hands and what not. Ellen was being totally ditherspaz, and I could tell she was thinking about her eyebrows, and Jools kept rolling her skirt higher. But me no, me I would be cool. I Hoped.

"Hey there sex kitty"

God since when did his voice turn my knees jelloid, Jesus Christ.

"Hey Dave,"

Yes that was cool. Cooler than cool, cooliscious, god shut up brain! God he has a total sex smile, it's hard to focus.

"God Gee, I know I turn your knickers jelloid, but you could at least try to hide it" he joked. And that was it really, after that I was just normal with him. Playing tickly bears and joking about comedy twisting and what not.

And it was really nice. And for once I didn't feel like a goosegog around my mates and their snogees.

Eventually jas and tom pratted off to compare vole spit or whatever, Rose and Sven went back to hers for snogging and snacks (probably at the same time) and Jools and Ellen went off with Rollo and Declan, which just left me and Dave on out Jacksies, rambling about the forest, that was the high street.

He just smiled and grabbed onto my hand, "come on sex kitty, I'll walk ya home"

And it was double really nice.

With knobs on.

And then he gave me a little kiss, barely a three on the snogging scale because he knew that my mutti was probably staring through the curtains, winked and said 'S'laters' which was nice.

Masimo was all for kissing me awkwardly all around my face when my mutti and vati were there, which wasn't very nice.

The snogging was good though, but not as good as Dave. He is quite literally, the lip biter extroadinare. I think I have all the horns for him, cosmic, general, particular, everything.

I think I am actually in love with him.