Hi again! More songfic, woo! This one has two parts though. Monumental, I know.
Anyway, here's part one. This whole thing takes place about two years after the end of season three. This is in Jude's POV.
Disclaimer: I do not own Instant Star or the lyrics to Fine Frenzy's "Almost Lover".
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
What the fuck, Tommy? Why is it, even after you rip my heart out and throw it on the floor, rolling over it with your luggage as you leave, that I can only think of you? And it's not even hating you. It's remembering all sweet things you did and the times you made me swoon. Exhibit A: leading me to the roof of G-Major with your hands over my eyes for a 'driving lesson' in your famed blue viper.
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
Exhibit B: singing me "Love to Burn" on the night of my eighteenth birthday. I swear, when I looked in your eyes, I could have sworn I saw love.
You're a good faker, Tom Quincy.
Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
We were so good. After I figured out the whole Jamie-and-you thing almost two years ago, we got together. I'd say it was the second time, but the first time barely counted. You fucked that one up too. I should've known. But I thought we were solid this time – both happy, and it finally seemed like you loved me as much as I loved you. Guess I was wrong.
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I don't even know what to say. I'm just sitting here in our– no, I guess it's just my room now. My house. My fucking broken heart. The remnants of my shattered dreams.
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
You left me alone. I hate you so much. Get out of my head.
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I'm saying goodbye to you, to us. Though I suppose you don't really care, considering you did that a few days ago. And it seemed pretty fucking easy for you, Mr. Quincy. You turned your back on me; here's me returning the favor.
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
God, I should have listened to what everyone said. That you'd just break my heart, that I was just another girl to you, that everything you told me was a lie.
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
But I could've sworn I was different. Exhibit C: when you grabbed my hand for the first time in public, after our first 'official' date. I don't count the whole ditching-me-at-the-restaurant-with-anonymous-bald-guy thing, though I guess it should go down as foreshadowing. We were just walking down the street. It was late, Quincy, and you grabbed my hand and spun me around. Do you even know how much my heart fluttered?
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget these images, no
How did you have the fucking nerve to kiss me and then tell me you're leaving? Your bags packed, house-keys on the table, jaw clenched. You kissed me, said "I'll always love you… this is for your own good, Jude" and left. It's for my own good? What, so that I have practice for the next time my heart gets broken? Forget it Quincy, you've already done that, and you always end up preparing me for the next heartbreak that - surprise! – is from you. Think of a new excuse, asshole.
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
I guess it's partially my fault, though. I just had to go and keep falling for you. I loved seeing you happy, and I thought I made you happy. God knows you made me happy. But I guess that didn't mean anything to you, did it?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
I'm moving on. Go away. You're not welcome in these thoughts anymore.
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I'm purging myself of you, Tom Quincy. There go the pictures, the jewelry, the flowers; everything you'd ever been a part of.
I guess that means I have to get rid of this heart you always had a hold on, too.
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
I should change up my routine a bit, probably. No going to the pier; that has you all over it. No nighttime drives; too many memories of me and you taking a ride under the stars. I can't even wake up the same, Tommy, because I'll expect you there beside me. You're engrained in my life, damn it.
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Well here you are, Tommy. This is what you thought was better for me. Me living here, miserable and alone, wondering what the hell I did wrong or why I wasn't good enough for you to stick around. And I bet you're prancing around feeling great thinking you just did the good deed of the century.
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?
I believed you every time you looked in my eyes and told me you loved me. I believed you when you said you would marry me. I believed you every damn time. I thought we would always be together. Apparently, we were in very different mindsets. Leaving me was a like a fucking walk in the park for you. Why?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
You were the love of my life, Tom Quincy, but apparently I wasn't yours. So goodbye to the dream life I thought I had with you, the plans for our future, our life together. Guess I was still the naïve fifteen-year-old when it came to you.
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
I'm cutting you out. I'll be one jaded woman of twenty, thanks to you.
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I guess I was never going to be good enough, no matter how hard I tried. So here's what you wanted, Tommy-boy. I'm letting go.
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Fuck you, Tom Quincy. Why'd I have to fall for you? Why'd you have to always break my heart? I should have fucking known.