Stoutland Chase, a parody of Frozen

A/N: Written as an experiment to test out this Frozen-themed AU I came up with a few months ago. In this world, Hilda is Elsa, Rosa is Anna, N is Hans, and Nate is Kristoff accompanied by his faithful Sawsbuck, Hugh. Bianca is also Olaf.

It's tweaked here and there, but tell me what you think.

Disclaimer: I do not own a thing

"Come on, Hugh," Nate said to his oddly named Sawsbuck. "We gotta go fast. Use your rage."

Hugh huffed loudly and started dashing through the thick snow of the kingdom of Unova, pulling the sleigh containing his best friend and his best friend's acquaintance with great strength to transport them up the steep incline.

Rosa let out a cheerful smile and leaned back in relaxation, "Lucky for you, I happen to like fast."

Nate turned his head towards her and felt a pang of panic when he saw her leaning back. "Hey!" He put a hand on her back and pushed her up, "Don't do that! Do you know how easy it is to fall off a sleigh that's going up a slope?" He was most likely speaking from experience.

Rosa rolled her eyes, "My bad, I was raised in a castle and not in the mountains."

Nate sighed and looked back to the front to better guide Hugh up the slopes.

Deciding that the journey would take a little bit of time, Nate decided to make some conversation with his passenger. "So, mind explaining to me what happened to your sister that motivated her to cast this entire kingdom into an icy cold hell hole?"

Rosa nodded, figuring that she would have to explain the story to him at some point, "I'll give you the short version: I got engaged and for whatever reason, Hilda freaked out just because I'd only known him for a day. We argued in front our guests in the ballroom about her refusing to bless the marriage, one thing led to another and I pulled off her glove and-"

"Wait," Nate interrupted, his mind sticking onto the words 'freaked out just because I'd only known him for a day.' He looked at her with raised eyebrows, "Are you telling me that you agreed to marry someone you'd just met?"

Rosa nodded as if it were the most normal thing in the world, "Yeah. So we argued, and I pulled off her glove, then all of a sudden, ice started-"

Nate interrupted her again to restate his words in a more serious matter,"You got engaged to someone you just met that day!?"

"Yes, weren't you listening?" Rosa answered, remaining way more natural than he was.

Nate let go of one rein on Hugh and face palmed himself, "Did anyone tell you a thing or two about strangers?"

Rosa crossed her arms defensively and scooted away from Nate just a little bit, "As a matter of fact, yes. And for the record, N is not a stranger."

Nate let out a scoff, and if one could hear through the loud crunching noise of Sawsbuck hooves on snow, so did Hugh. "Really?" Nate smirked at her. "What's his last name?"

"Of the Plasma Isles," Rosa managed to answer, a little less confidently than her past words.

"Favourite drink?"

"Moomoo Milk."

"His best friend's name?"

"Most likely Hilbert."

"Eye colour?"

"Dazzling."

"How big are his shoes?"

Rosa raised an eyebrow, "Wait, what? Like shoe size matters."

"Have you even gone a date with him or something? Or watched a play? Or anything?" Nate questioned. "What if you find something you hate about him? What if you hate the way that he scratches his ass and smells it?"

Rosa almost gagged out her lunch, "Excuse you, Mr. Mountain, but N happens to be a prince."

Nate scoffed, "For your information, all guys do it."

"Well, when it comes to true love, you ignore small faults like that," Rosa defended, feeling quite satisfied as she said her point.

"It's not true love if you've known him for less than a week," Nate explained. "Those are the rules I live by." Hugh huffed more loudly than usual, which was most likely Sawsbuck-talk for 'Preach.'

Rosa chuckled, "Really? Are you a love expert or something?"

"No…" Nate admitted, keeping his gaze forward. "But Hugh is."

"Hugh is a love expert?" Rosa started laughing. "That's rich."

"He's more than just a one-trick-Blitzle," Nate warned. He looked over to the Sawsbuck in front of him, "Ignore her, Hugh. Just keep going."

For the first time in forever, Hugh did not obey Nate and started slowing down, bringing the entire sleigh to a steady stop.

Nate was obviously confused, "Hugh? What are you doing?" He stood up in the sleigh and looked at his partner.

Rosa uncrossed her arms and started looking around, "Maybe he heard something."

Thinking smartly, Nate grabbed the torch in the back of his sleigh and stuck it inside the lit lantern hanging from the side to spread some light around. He held it up to observe the area with more illumination.

Hugh let out a very low growl and put himself in a position to attack.

Nate focused his hearing just a little more and finally heard what Hugh was hearing. More footsteps on the snow, more specifically, paw steps on the snow. His experienced eyes looked into the darkness of the woods until he could see the familiar outline of wild Stoutland coming their way.

"Crap," Nate grumbled. He sat down in his seat and handed the torch to Rosa before grabbing the reins, "Hugh, we don't have time to attack, just go!"

Hugh obeyed this time and straightened his position before taking off in a rather fast sprint.

Rosa nearly fell out of the sleigh and had to grab onto the front to steady herself. "EEP! What's going on?"

"Look behind you," Nate encouraged, keeping his eyes forward.

Carefully, Rosa turned her head behind her only to be greeted with several angry Stoutland chasing the trio with great speed. They did not appear to be the adorable lugs of fur she had read about in books or looked upon in paintings. They also ran really fast for pokemon that would barely reach the height of her waist.

She gulped rather nervously and looked forward with her eyes wide open. "Did we do something wrong?"

Nate whipped Hugh's reins, "Maybe. I think we stepped into their territory."

"Territory?" Rosa asked.

Nate rolled his eyes, "Wow, you really were raised in a castle." Suddenly, Nate felt a set of Herdier jaws biting at his shirt before being pulled backwards right off the sleigh. "GAH!"

He rolled off the sleigh and barely survived by gripping onto the back of his vehicle. "WHOA!"

Rosa let out a worried gasp and turned around, "Nathan!"

Despite holding on for his life and keeping his feet up to avoid the snapping jaws of the Stoutland, "The name's Nate!" He struggled to pull himself up before he felt one of the Big-Hearted pokemon sinking its jaws right into his calf. "AHHH!"

In panic, Rosa looked through the back of the sleigh to see anything that would help them out. All she could find was a rolled up blanket and an ice axe. Considering the fact that using the ice axe would end in Nate receiving a surprise lobotomy, she did the next logical thing and set the blanket on fire with the torch.

Even though he was already panicking, the sight of his blazing blanket made him panic just a little more. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Rosa grabbed the torched cloth and lugged it right at the Stoutland that had its teeth sunk in the leg of her mountain guide, "Saving your life!"

"AHHHH!" Nate screeched and ducked his head. Somehow, the blanket hit the Stoutland right in the head and distracted it just enough to let Nate go. Realizing he was free, Nate used the strength in his arms to pull himself back onto his sleigh. "You almost set me on fire!"

"But I didn't!" Rosa added, taking on the reins with confidence.

Once Nate got back to his seat, however, he grabbed Hugh's reins right from her hands, "I got this."

Rosa pouted, "But I wanna help! And you're injured!"

"I don't trust your judgement, Ms. I'd-Marry-Someone-I-Just-Met!" Nate explained.

She felt her temper being sparked and stepped on his injured foot, "Hey! It's true love, Mr. Mountain Man!"

"OW!" Nate yelped out and grabbed his bitten limb. "I apologize for questioning your illogical decisions, your Majesty!"

Right before Rosa could say another comeback, she was interrupted by Hugh letting out a fearful yelp.

The two looked forward to be greeted with the sight of two cliff facing each other, creating a rather large gap in the mountain that they were currently sliding towards. There was no other option than to jump.

Nate knew Hugh could easily make that jump, but he would have to sacrifice his sleigh for survival.

"Get ready to jump, Hugh," Rosa warned, crossing her fingers and mentally praying to Arceus.

Using his remaining strength, Nate grabbed Rosa from behind, "Don't tell Hugh what to do! That's my job!"

Rosa let out a loud yelp as Nate tossed her forward, thankfully landing on Hugh, who didn't seem to mind the extra weight. "What are you doing?"

Nate ignored her and grabbed his ice axe. They were running out of time and they had to act quick, as the vehicle was closing in on the cliff with every second. With one swing, he used the ice axe to sever the reins used to attach Hugh to the sleigh. "Jump, Hugh!"

Using the almighty power of Sawsbuck adrenaline, Hugh reached the edge of the cliff and leapt with all his might. Rosa grabbed onto his antlers rather tightly as they soared through the air.

Behind them, Nate in the sleigh shot off the cliff like a Razor Leaf, ice axe gripped tightly in his hand. Since the sleigh relied more on momentum as opposed to strength, Nate bravely jumped off once he felt the vehicle start to fall.

Rosa yelped once more as her and Hugh landed on the other side, the white powder cushioning the impact of their fall. Rosa rolled off Hugh once they made contact, "Ugh… I don't think I should do that again."

Nate's legs proved their strength, despite the injury, as he flew through the air, taking him far enough to be able to swing his ice axe and dig it into the frozen cliff edge. He managed to dig it in far enough to allow himself to hang off the icy edge, gripping onto his axe for dear life. "Gah….!"

Rosa recognized the struggle in his voice and quickly crawled to the cliff, "Nathan!"

Nate managed to look back in his position only to see a herd of angry Stoutland snapping and growling on the edge of the cliff. He looked down and saw his sleigh falling down the gap in the mountain right before crashing into the rocks and snow. All he did was groan, "Dammit, I just polished that."

Rosa crept near the edge and extended her hand down as much as she could, "Hey, do you trust my judgement now?"

Nate rolled his eyes and grabbed her hand, "At this moment, yes." With her help, Nate managed to get onto solid ground in seconds. "Thank you."

"No problem." Rosa laid her eyes on his leg, lifting up the sleeve to reveal his bitten calf, observing the teeth marks and ripped skin. "How's your leg?"

Nate's face softened just a little bit as he pushed her hand away. "I'll be fine." He pushed her hand away from his limb and tugged at the bottom of his undershirt beneath his coat to rip off a few strips of cloth. He wrapped them around his leg to act as a temporary bandage, "Don't worry about me."

"Wait, what?" Rosa was confused by his stoics regarding his wound. "But you're hurt."

"Don't worry about me," Nate re-stated. Somehow, he stood up and walked over to Hugh, making motions for her to follow. "I'll be fine."

Rosa got on her feet and sighed. She would have a hard time believing his latest words.

So? What did you think? Are you mad at me for wanting N to be Hans? Because you are not the first one.

I originally posted this on my tumblr account and I want to post it here just to see what anyone thinks. I could use the judgement.

K'bye