Disclaimer: Don't own Escaflowne, never will
Why is it the one person you want, you can't have? Why do you have to live without the one person you can't? How do you go on living knowing, that this will be the last time you'll see the one you'll only find true happiness with? That this will be the last time you hear their voice? That this will be the last time you'll see their smiling face? That you love someone so much, but watch them fall for another? But most of all why are we not destined to be …together?
Heaven in your Eyes
Do you remember what a war caused? How it destroyed so many lives? How it changed many people? Do you remember how a war brought us together… but in the end tore us apart? Do you remember me? Remember …
Van woke up with a start trying to remember what his dream was about. He heavily sighed as he ran his fingers through his unruly ebony locks. What's happening? … Hitomi why? … What's going on? Van asked himself as he closed his eyes reliving the dream over and over again, as she called out to him … asking him to remember. Slowly he threw the sheets aside wanting to cool his tense body. He gradually walked towards the balcony of his room, staring at the midnight sky, with so much pain as he pulled up the ruby pendant … his only reminder of …her. He watched it remembering their short time together, a beautiful moment in his life, that he will remember relentlessly.
Mystic Moon, Tokyo …
" Hitomi …" Yukari sighed as she looked to Hitomis' sleeping figure. "Hitomi … return to us, please … Hitomi … we need you …" Yukari pleaded as she took hold of her hand, grimacing at the coldness of it. "Hitomi … you can pull through … this isn't you! Your stronger than this!" Yukari cried out as her words were jumbled up by the sobs.
"Yukari, I should bring you home … we'll come back tomorrow" A deep voice spoke coming in the room silently. He walked over to her slowly helping her up.
" … I just … can't leave her … what if she wakes up tonight? … She won't understand … I need to stay … please Amano … just let me stay for the night…" Yukari shook her head still holding onto Hitomis' hand tightly.
Amano reluctantly nodded, understanding she needed to do this " … I'll come by tomorrow …" Amano hesitantly began to walk out the room when he suddenly paused wanting to say something " Yukari … I just hope she can forgive" Amano sighed closing the door behind him in regret.
" Amano … I don't care … I just want her to wake up… but …but why did it have to be this way! … Why did it have to be you?" Yukari asked regretting the day she told someone else about Hitomis' … adventures.
Flashback …
" Yukari, you have to believe me … it's all true" Hitomi looked over to her friend anxious for her expression, but frowned in dismay seeing her friend shake her head and denying any relevance to her story.
"… Hitomi … I know … I know that you've been missing for a week, and that this 'fantasy' was only meant to hide what really happened. Hitomi … you have to stop doing this … it's … it's not good for you to think like this …" Yukari held Hitomi at arms length, clasping her hand over her friends shoulder as she looked into her eyes, trying to shake some sense into her. Hitomi looked at her blankly, and for the first time the sparkle in her jade eyes left, leaving traces of lost hope and a forgotten friendship.
" … It's …true … Remember when the metal dragon appeared and took me away …" Hitomi spoke in a dead tone looking down, making the question sound like a statement. But, Yukari shook her head vigorously
"…No … it was only a dream … Hitomi … just a …dream" her voice echoed in the back of her mind …just a dream… Hitomi shakily looked away trying to not think about that possibility.
" … No it's true, I know it in my heart … a heart can never lie, it will stay true… until my last breath … that's how it will always be" Hitomi looked back to Yukari with tears " … I thought that you of all people would understand, that you would … believe…" Hitomi got off the bleachers they were sitting on as she grabbed her duffel bag and slowly walked away, the tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. " … But I thought wrong" she looked back as quickly as she turned away, and slowly a tear flowed freely in the wind as it finally hit the cool steel of the stands.
" … Hitomi, maybe you need help … I mean … if whatever happened was so … so awful…" Yukari hesitated to go after her friend but concluded she needed time on her own.
Flash forward
" What?! Are you saying that you told 'those' people about her dreams? … Something I thought you would keep a secret … this … this is not possible. You were just a psychiatrist … someone I could open up to … without fear of … of EVERYTHING … fear of ridicule... fear of …of THIS! " Yukari yelled within a pallid office.
" Yes … but you got to understand, this is the way we are living now … this is how we survive … I'm sorry Miss Uchida … I needed the money" the man looked away in shame as Yukari stormed out of the office heading for Hitomis' home.
A few minutes later she arrived at her friends' house, looking around in confusion and fear. Everything seemed to consume her as if the world was spinning out of control and she was at the center of it, knowing there was nothing she could do … knowing all this was her fault. "What is going on?" Yukari grabbed a man walking out the house as she finally composed herself.
"Young lady, this is not a place for you … you are not involved please leave" the man looked at her sternly, but Yukari didn't care for him and continued in the house, hearing the man scream at her to stop. The only to see Hitomi scream out as her father and brother tried to pry her from the men. Her mother was crying out for them to stop taking Hitomi away.
"Stop! … Please what did I do?!" Hitomi cried out as she looked ahead of her to see Yukari shocked in front of the door still lightly clasping the knob. The men paid no heed to Hitomis' plead, when she suddenly grew silent. They slowly sat her down and took out a needle. " NO! What are you going to do?" Hitomi asked going hysterical looking to the man beside her. At the same time she let her guard down the man had thrust the needle in her arm. Her eyes widened as she looked back to the man holding the needle then quickly to Yukari. She began to get drowsy and leaned to the side of the chair, but before she closed her eyes she mouthed to her dearest friend " …Why?" with that said she passed out and was flung over to be held by a man with green eyes and short ebony hair, his expression was of pain and suffering though he handled Hitomi with care. Soon Yukari including Hitomis' family was raving with rage and tried to pull her away from them but with no avail, they took her away.
That was the last time Yukari saw her …that is until now… and even now, she never really knew what happened to her.
End of Flashbacks …
" … Oh … Hitomi please wake up, for … for the sake of those beautiful dreams that you told me about … those dreams of beautiful dragons, heavenly knights, rouge machines and a place where dreams always come true … please Hitomi wake up … so that together we could go there and be at peace … please wake up" Yukari pleaded realizing how she wanted to be like Hitomi … to have such a beautiful and imaginative mind, but was that why she couldn't believe Hitomi? Was it because she knew that she could never perceive an imagination as wondrous and glorious as Hitomis?
Hitomis' Mind Do you remember what a war caused? How it destroyed so many lives? How it changed many people? Do you remember how a war brought us together… but in the end tore us apart? Do you remember me? Remember …This was the same dream, and Hitomi was calling out for Van, she was calling out for his help, but the words never seemed to be completed, after a few words their sound would be lost and neither she or Van could remember the words she told him, the words jumbled between the space between them.
…Remember how I promised that…I would never forget, but please I need your help … to remember, because … I'm forgetting … Van come please take me back …I need you to be with me … so … so I can remember … how to feel, please I'm forgetting … everything
Hitomi kept on reliving those words over and over in her head, and at times she was so close to Van she could feel him yet she was to far to touch his sun kissed skin, something she really didn't mind, for their love was something more than physical, for though there was urging to see one another, their love could withstand distance time and space, there was no limit to how far their love could reach one another … but also there was no words that could fully describe what they felt for one another… because no one has ever experienced love like this that could be explained.
"Van I need your help … please come back" Hitomi pleaded in her slumber
Fanelia …
There was a sudden surge of strong emotion to Van that he suddenly clutched his chest as if trying to let the feeling subside in his heart, this rarely happened but when it did it was a surge of many emotions, all sad, hurt, loneliness, longing, hope, love, despair and care wrapped up into one strong feeling leaving him breathless and scared … for he knew that this feeling came from Hitomi and could only mean that he didn't know whether it was a good thing or something … awful.
" Hitomi? … Tell me what's wrong …" Van looked up in the sky trying to see her smiling face shine down at him, like the sun would do relentlessly and would do long before he leaves Gaea … a place Hitomi called … utopia. He didn't quite understand what she meant but the way she spoke of it made him feel like she cared for his home.
Van tried to contact her be it was unsuccessful and he began to get uneasy pacing back and forth; glancing the sky every few minutes. "Hitomi tell what's wrong! … I don't know what to do, I feel that your still with me … but I can't reach you … have you already moved on?" Van asked himself shaking his head even If I wanted to return … what if you didn't want me … I …" Van was cut off as Merle stepped into his room.
"Lord Van … are you coming to dinner? … Come people are waiting for you" Merle looked over to him as he shook his head turning toward her.
"… Come let's go … " Van spoke distracted as he leaded the way out. Merle scrunched her nose in confusion and felt something nudging at her, something Van wouldn't tell her. But even now, she couldn't reach him, their relationship had somewhat withered over time, and somehow the two had never truly spent anytime together anymore.
"Don't you even want to know who is here?" Merle stood in front of him quite aggravated at his ignorance.
"Huh? … Oh yeah come let's go eat…" Van was suddenly cut off by Merle twitching her tail furiously, making Van look at her strangely
" Lord Van … I said someone was coming to dinner. Don't you want to know who it is?" Merle looked at him waiting for his response. But all Van did was closed his eyes abruptly trying to get out of his trance.
"Merle I'm sorry, so just tell me who's coming?" he asked rubbing the back of his head blushing from his absentmindedness.
" –sigh- Princess Mylana is coming, Princess of Basram … she is the one who you are to marry … if you don't choose by eighteen…" Merle was cut off by Van
"…I know Merle, I know" Van grew silent and looked out the window wistfully, as though wishing for something to jump out of the heavens and save him from this melancholy life as Merle sighed and looked away. She wanted to tell him, she wanted him to return Hitomi.
"Lord Van if you really want to marry her … go and get her …" Merle trailed off as the Princess Mylana slowly walked toward them.
"Uh! … Um… I was asked to go and get you because … Miss Merle didn't return … I see you are alright … I must go head back … Good Day, dear king" Mylana scurried away from Van back the way she came from, to avoid any odd situations.
" -sigh- Lord Van … what were you thinking about? … Before I came … what was wrong?" Merle started up the conversation as if Mylana hadn't interrupted them. Soon the two began to walk before Van answered. Carefully he tried to place his wordings correctly, trying to tell Merle what she needed to know, and not what she wanted to.
"I … I really don't understand it myself … I mean Hitomi. I can't contact her and it's been about eight months … I don't know if she moved on … or if she has forgotten … but I do know she still there" Van looked over to Merle trying to find guidance from her.
She looked over to him confused not knowing what to answer " Lord Van … I'm sure she hasn't forgotten about you … I… I-sigh- … maybe you should wait a little longer … if she wants to talk with you …I know she will" Merle finished off as they approached the dining room and were greeted by the guards.
Mystic Moon, Next Morning …
"…Yukari?" a deep voice asked slightly leaving the door ajar. He looked down at the two sleeping figures, slowly advancing to Yukari. He lightly shook her to wake her.
"Umm…" Yukari stirred in her sleep, not wanting to wake up and face reality "…Amano? … Yukari looked over to him rubbing her eyes, but before he could answer Hitomi began to move.
"… Hitomi?!" Amano asked looking at her in shock. She didn't quite wake up when he came storming out the door calling for a doctor.
"Tomi?" Yukari asked looking over to the side in disbelief. Slowly Hitomi woke up letting her eyes flutter open drowsily
Meanwhile …
"Silas, everything is going as planned, we recorded all recent activities and we were told she is soon to recover … she will not remember anything of the Destiny War … the procedure was needed or we couldn't record the events, that will determine our..." The man was cut off by a deep voice liberally laced in pain.
" I will burn with the rest of my kind for doing this to …her, I ruined her …" Silas paused, remembering the other man standing next to him. Immediately directing his advisor to leave, Silas returned to his thoughts.
" … Why … why did I wreck her? –sigh- No this is for the better, it is best that she never knew love … it is better that she never felt such a love, a love which she was letting destroy her heart… Yes, it's better that she never knew of what she lost" he looked up in the sky looking for the place where could return to, where everything was taken from him.
Tokyo, Japan …
"Hitomi you're awake!" Yukari cried out as she wrapped her arms around the frail body. Almost instantly tons of nurses and doctors rushed in and pulled Yukari away from Hitomi. Forcing her away from Hitomis' grasp.
"Notify … that she has awaken" one doctor spoke vibrantly to the nurse behind him. " My name is Doctor Hakeshi, How are you doing Miss Kanzaki" he asked smiling down at her.
" … -sigh- … *cough, cough* … Where... am … I?" Hitomi asked dazed as she blinked a couple times to adjust to the light.
"Hitomi! " Yukari smiled at her clutching onto Amano, while Amano smiled warmly at her. Hitomi just looked at them with a detached expression and then looked towards the window trying to remember something, trying to remember what had happened to her all those years ago.
"Um …Miss Kanzaki, I bet you're wondering why you're here. It's simple you see" He paused slightly, trying to get her attention unsuccessfully "Well, on one of you track practices you had fainted and banged your head badly, causing to shut down your central nervous system … I'm sorry to inform you that you were in a coma for one year" The doctor explained as Yukari gave a puzzled look as she glanced toward the doctor. Yukari knew this wasn't true, and when she was about to speak up …
"What are you talking about? she only been in a coma for one month …" She was instantly cut off and the doctor told Amano and a nurse to talk with her outside the hall.
"You're …lying" she convicted, but with little assurance, she, herself couldn't quite understand what was real or not anymore.
"Kanzaki, please sit down we need you to rest fully … your parents will be here shortly" Hakeshi directed her back as he helped her sit back against the bed panel.
Meanwhile outside the room …
"Why are you lying to her?" Yukari asked looking back to Amano and then the nurse, when no answer came she began switching her glances to Amano then back to the nurse..
"… -Sigh- She doesn't remember anything … Yukari calm down, it is better that she won't remember anything, she won't remember the ominous times … understand she will be content like this …" Amano reviled doing this but it seemed that Hitomi will finally be happy without her unpleasant memories, and most of all her delusions.
"No! I can't just let her forget, those memories are what made her; what she is now! You can't take that from her! It would denying her very existence" Yukari screamed out in defense. Her eyes then met with the nurse, who was getting impatient.
"…Do you want her to remember what YOU did to her? You want her to hate you?" The nurse asked looking at her callously. Everything became diffused as Yukari looked in her eyes, everything was do dissimilar, there was no luminosity in the women eyes those eyes were so uncanny almost un-human.
" … I … I … this … this can't be right … but … if it's for her best … I…" She was lost for words. Unable to rebuke or even settle on what she morally has to do, so she nodded and headed near the doors.
"Hitomi … your mom is coming soon, she said she was delayed in traffic" Amano spoke holding onto Yukari, trying to remind her of what they had previously discussed.
She warmly smiled and gestured for them to approach " … Yukari, aren't you happy, I'm awake?" Hitomi asked sarcastically as she hugged Amano and gestured to also hug Yukari.
" Um… Of course I am … how could I not?" She replied with a hug " … but go get some sleep, your house is way across town, your mom will be here in a couple of hours" Yukari let go of her and weakly smiled.
Everyone headed out as Hitomi forced herself to sleep. The last person flicked the light switch off letting her snuggle into her warm sheets. Immediately as the light went Hitomi looked around hyperventilating, suddenly everything started to swirl and room became an even darker shade and she was rapidly being engulfed in darkness. Hitomi cried out for help but nothing was heard HELP! She yelped with no avail she started to feel dizzy and soon her eyes became hazy and she was unable to focus clearly. Her eyes then became hollow and void and she feel back on her bed.
Vision …
Brightness surrounded her as she overlooked a rigid cliff, she sighed contently as the wind played with her long golden locks and slightly ruffled her silky dress. Suddenly darkness consumed everything and she abruptly turned to where the source of the only light was flickering, whipping her hair across her rosy cheeks. She ran toward the light but there was an endless stretch of nothingness, she as unable to reach it, unable to feel that void in her heart, that has resonated when the darkness surrounded her. But she never gave up, to her giving up meant losing everything, and so Hitomi would never do such a thing, suddenly a familiar voice began to whisper something to her, She paused and froze afraid of the looming presence. Once again the voice became louder and clearer.
" Hitomi? … Hitomi? … Hitomi?" The voice called out as if he too was lost in the darkness, then she quietly looked towards him except his back was turned towards her and he was running the other direction, when suddenly his wings emerged from his back and glowed with white brilliance, at exact precision his wings lighted the whole area. Hitomi called out for him but nothing could be heard, so she quickly followed him, until he stopped. Hitomi reluctantly looked over his shoulder from afar, only to see herself speaking to him
Do you remember what a war caused? How it destroyed so many lives? How it changed many people? Do you remember how a war brought us together… but in the end tore us apart? Do you remember me? Remember … the younger Hitomi spoke to him as she started to fade into oblivion.
"Hitomi!" He yelled trying to grasp her but only to feel the cool air against his fingertips. Unnoticed the real Hitomi gasped at he sight, making him turn around. And just as quickly as he turned around all the light dissipated and she could not see his face.
"Hitomi?" he asked approaching her, shocked by her older appearance, she was taller, her hair was a darker shade of the sandy one she once had, and was also longer than before, just reaching below her shoulders, but the unchangeable thing, the only thing that would remain the same and would haunt him forever and a day … was her jade eyes. Then a her approached her she backed away, afraid of him and what would happen if she let herself know who he was.
Suddenly she was ripped out of their world and she was slowly falling, the peculiar thing was she wasn't scared instead she arched her back letting the wind pass through her like a warm blanket, flashes of memories she could not remember played around in the scenery, but again as they disappeared so did the memories of them, and she just began falling into an endless pit.
She closed her eyes letting herself feel free. But as time passed she felt the urge to open her eyes and when she did she saw a man with wings spread open reaching for her but with no avail as she tried to reach for him her speed quickened and now the wind felt like intensely sharpened knives piercing her back. Though Hitomi was wrong, it wasn't an endless pit, rather the total opposite, as they were beginning to get close she hit something hard and everything went black. In that instant she awoke.
End if Vision …
"AHH!" Hitomi bawled as she woke up. Everyone rushed in as they heard her horrifying scream.
"Hitomi! Hitomi! Are you alright?" Amano questioned as he shook her vigorously, afraid of the dullness in her eyes. Yukari then ran into the room trembling uncontrollably as she approached Amano and Hitomi. Finally she came to her senses and jumped out of the bed and ran towards the corner of the room.
Hitomi looked towards them and hugged herself tightly as she sat in ball in the corner. She looked up once more, they were talking but she couldn't hear them and she turned her head trying to forget everything. Hitomi started to lift her hand to see why she was trembling. She knew something happened to her, but she didn't know what, and she feared not knowing all the more. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she looked up towards everyone. Slowly she shut her eyes trying to forget anything … and everything. But blurred pictures if memories plagued her mind until one second later they all vanished like a whisper lost in the coldness of the wind.
Moments after, silence disintegrated and voices were once again, as soon as that happened everything changed and Hitomi resented being in the same room with these … things. She disgusted them for no reason and she felt like running away, she felt like flying away to another place where they would never find her. She quickly got up and began to run towards the door until something stopped her … it was Amano.
"Allen?" Hitomi asked a little frightened by his gesture "… I … um … Amano?! What are you doing let me go!" Hitomi screamed once more struggling to let go, not even once remembering the name she previously called him.
"… Hitomi you need to rest, your…" Amano was cut off by Hitomi's mother walking in and surprised to see what was going on.
"Hitomi?! Hitomi!" Hameko asked running to her child. "Hitomi, you're alright! … oh I'm so sorry for letting them take …" Someone tapped her on the shoulder before she could continue, she looked back and as the person shook his head she understood.
"What mom? … Letting who?" Hitomi ran towards her mother giving her a weak embrace as she asked.
"…Um …For not being here when you awoke … I'm so sorry Hitomi, nothing will ever happen to you again" Hameko began to cry as she held Hitomi tightly. Hitomi smiled weakly and looked away, never feeling the urge to care for their feelings, it wasn't that she hated them, she just felt indifferent to them for some strange reason.
"Mother, I missed you …" Hitomi spoke with no feeling and quickly let Hameko go. " … What happen now? … I lost one year of my life … something I could never gain back … except it doesn't seem that way … what will I do?" Hitomi looked out the window closing her eyes trying to figure out what she lost, and at the same time as if being somewhere else, someplace she truly belonged, she felt the urge to cry out for someone to save her but held back unshed tears. She then opened her eyes wistfully trying to be happy to see her family again as she turned around smile.
Except when she opened her eyes she saw a reflection of herself and some man hugging each other in a forest. She turned away trying to forget as the doctor walked in.
"Ah … Mrs. Kanzaki glad you made it in time, we have some papers for you to fill out and if Hitomi is alright she would be able to leave tomorrow morning." the doctor looked over to Hitomi as he flipped back some pages and walked out with Hitomis' mother.
" … Yukari, can you stay here the night? … Please" Hitomi softly asked looking sadly to her. Everything seemed to work out for everyone except Hitomi, And Yukari had noticed this ever since she returned all those years ago.
Yukari looked at her and looked over to Amano before answering, "Of course I'm going to let you catch up on things …" Yukari approached her as she whispered "Everything will be alright" With that said Amano nodded his head and headed out the door, leaving the two girls alone.
That night Yukari and Hitomi talked about irrelevant things trying to avoid the big question, they spoke about events Hitomi in school, and some upcoming ones, Yukari talked about her relationship with Amano, until neither had more to talk about. "Yukari, why does it seem I was gone for much longer" Hitomi looked at her wanting to know.
"… It's maybe because you've been asleep for so long, maybe it seemed longer, I mean everyone was scared for you … don't worry though the doctor said you will recover quickly and could run in no time" Yukari hated to lie to her, but if it was for her best … then so be it.
Gaea, Fanelia …
"King Van, I'm glad you have accepted this proposal, it is beneficial for both our kingdoms … I know that this is hard with the girl from the Mystic Moon and such but …" The king of Basram was cut off before anything else was said.
" … Do not worry, this is still not final, I still have time before I can fully accept … for now the answer is 'no' …" Van looked up as he stared to the princess she was silently sobbing at the end of the table."… I also believe your daughter opposes this arrangement" Van looked on as Merle played around silently with her food.
"Do no worry about her, this is for her own good … it is the privilege, duty and honor as a royal to not only marry for … this emotion … Love" King Basram laughed at the thought of a marriage filled with love, especially when it came to the royals of Gaea.
" …Father … please … this is not his concern" Mylana tightly shut her eyes as she spoke in reverence.
"… Never mind this! let us eat!" The king of Basram announced with a beaming smile as he dug into his plate. Van silently whispered so that he could only hear "The only reason for marriage is … love … nothing else matters …" He bent over to taste some of the food when Hitomi necklace popped out of his silky white shirt, Mylana noticed this and gasped in surprise and shock.
"Where did you get that from?" Mylana abruptly asked as she pointed at the pendant. Van shocked, by her loud voice jumped slightly and realized his pendant was showing he then quickly tucked in back in before anyone else would see it.
"Oh … it was a gift from an old friend… why?" Van looked rather suspiciously at her when he answered.
"… Um … I'm sorry, it just looked familiar to the one my mother had … she died a long time ago and …" Mylana was cut off by her father.
"Child … you mother was delusional the day she died, don't mind the words she spoke to you … it will bring disgrace to her … understand?" Her father spoke dropping his utensils before she could continue her sentence.
" I … just … I … I'm sorry father … " Mylana stopped and began to silently eat as everyone including Van, Merle and the councilors. " NO! You always order me around … I … I …
To be continued …
A/N: Okie this is a V/H fic but don't worry this may seem long and drawn out but they'll eventually meet and it's gonna be the greatest meeting of all time (yeah right) n e ways this is really long (like I said before) but I need to explore both Hitomis' and Vans' life fully before n e thing can happen between them. Let's get something's straight okie only about ONE year has passed between Van and Hitomi, and something happens to Hitomi, yeah it's pretty confusing … I'll explain who these people are later in the chappies okie!
By
Carla Penaglia