I don't want to be alone.

It hurts. So much.

They look so happy. He looks so happy. Why can't I make him smile like that? His soul is tainted. It is slowly being cleansed though because of her. How can I possibly compete with her? I cannot have him. He is already hers.

Pain.

So much pain. Will is ever release me from its prison? I feel it in my chest. It is constricting around my heart. Do I deserve this? Can I change it?

Will he let me?

I am scared. I want him. I want to be with him. Why can't I get over him? He haunts me. I hate it.

I love him.

"Hatsuharu?"

He looks surprised to see me. I can't tell if he is disappointed or pleased. Rain continues to pelt down on me as I stare at him blankly. I am on his porch. A moment of awkward silence passed over us. Then he moves away from the door and gestures for me to come inside.

"Haru, what on earth were you thinking?" he snaps. I like it when he scolds me like this. It means he cares. "You'll catch a cold if you stay in those clothes, or worse! Why are you out in the rain?"

"I was talking a walk when it started raining," I explain. I am inside now. It is warm and dry. My clothes are plastered heavily to my skin. "I got lost, but I guess I just ended up here. I'm glad, though. I missed you."

I turn to face him as I speak. He has that stubborn look in his eyes. A furious blush brightens his pale cheeks. This is always his reaction when I say something so stupid. I can't help it thought. It always slips before I can stop to care what trouble it will cause.

"You should change," he murmurs under his breath. He is embarrassed again. I nod and follow him upstairs after reaching down to unclasp the buckles of my boots and leave them at the door. "Stop being so careless. It is possible for you to get hurt, you know."

"Why?" I ask. A familiar smile forms on my face as we come to stand on the second floor. "Are you worried?"

"Of course not," he says quickly. His blush depends when he sees my curious smirk. "You just need to be more responsible! I wonder what Rin would think of you!"

"Not much, apparently," I answer without emotion. My heart still burns at the sound of her name.

He says nothing else as he leads me to Kyo's room. I know he would have let me borrow his own clothes if I could fit into them. He is so small and slender for his age. I am a year younger and I have already outgrown him in both height and weight. It makes him seem even more feminine.

The thought immediately triggers my hormones. Without a pause my gaze darts downward to watch the sway of his slim hips. He looks so petite in the pants he is wearing. They make his legs look even longer. My eyes continue to drift south before I can help it.

My insides coil with fueled hormones raging within me. They burn white hot and make me inhale sharply as images flood my mind. He glances over his shoulder at me and I meet his concerned gaze. A second passes and then we are at Kyo's door.

"I'll wait out here while you change out of your wet clothes," he tells me as I move to step inside. I pause at the door. I glance at him sideways and stare relentlessly as he finishes, "So I can dry them for you. Tohru isn't here, but I think I can manage."

"Tohru's not here?" I repeat. He nods and tilts his head at me in that innocent way that always makes my heart pound.

"She and Kyo went shopping just before you got here," he explains. This interests me.

"What about sensei?" I ask harmlessly. He pauses before answering my question.

"He went to go see Akito," he says. I hear the hate and fear in that name on his tongue. He does not notice my observation. "You should really change before you get sick, Haru. Hatori is probably already made at you for running off again. Hurry up so I can take care of your clothes."

I cannot help the instinct that pushes me. I turn to face him and grin. He recognizes my expression. He freezes.

"Don't you want to come in with me?" I tease and his cheeks burst into fire again. "Don't worry. I'd make it entertaining for you to watch. I mean, it's the least I can do."

As I speak I step closer toward him. We are alone and he is glaring at me now. He still blushes. I take one more step. He has his back against the wall. I lean forward and take his chin in my fingers. We're so close. I can feel his breath. He would have stopped me by now if someone had been with us. He would have acted tougher. My smirk grows.

"The very least."

"Get off," he hisses. I refuse and decide to tease him more. I don't know why. I just do it.

"Why would I do that?" I ask sarcastically. I know I sound cocky. I know he probably thinks horrible things about me. I just can't help it. I get closer and he becomes even tenser. The tip of my nose touches his lightly. "Relax. I won't hurt you. Unless, of course, you like it like that."

Even I know when I have gone too far.

My cheeks stings. I find myself staring at the wall when I slowly open my eyes. I blink twice and then turn my head to look at him. I feel no passion in my expression now. I cannot feel surprise or guilt or hurt. I feel only the emptiness that echoes my heart. Can't he see it? What does he think when he sees my stoic expression? Does it mean nothing to him?

He is glowering at me. His entire face is bright red and his dark eyes are burning intensely. He looks flustered and pissed at the same time. I know we are both glad that we are alone.

"How dare you?" he whispers. I can feel his anger. I am not ashamed. I know he wants me to be.

I think he will leave then.

He doesn't.

We stare like that for a long time and look into each other's souls. I know all he sees is a freaky little kid with issues. I see the boy I love with all that is left of my heart. Pain hits my hard. I blink. The only sound is the water dripping from my rain-soaked clothes. Our intimacy starts pulling at me again. His heat radiates off his body and on to mine.

I look down and away from his eyes. My gaze travels to his lips. They are perfectly sculpted into his skin. I have wanted to feel those lips on mine for such a long time. I could so easily take them now. It is his lips that make him look like such an angel.

It is his eyes that make him look like a girl.

Those eyes watch mine and see where they land. He tenses for just a second. It surprises me when he relaxes and I look at him. His hard gaze locks with mine. He reads my thoughts. He knows my truest weakness. He throws it in my face.

"If you do, I will never forgive you."

He hurts me.

"I know, Yuki," I respond.

I pull away from him and move for Kyo's room again. He lets out a breath of relief. My throat tightens. My heart cracks just a little bit more. Why can't I be good enough for him? She is. I notice my damp hair has shifted in front of my eyes. I lift a hand to push aside the white locks. My hand freezes upon hearing his voice.

"I'm sorry, Haru."

I smile a real smile then and turn back to him. I do not dare read what emotion is in his eyes this time. I refuse to be pitied.

"No you're not," I tell him with that smile still on my face. My response catches him off guard. I can tell. I ignore it. "I'm going to go change now."

I leave him in the hallways and shut the door.

My heart aches.

I hate my heart.

It just loves him too damn much.

So, I basically just got inspired last night after reading my brand new volumes of Fruits Basket and decided to write another HaruXYuki fanfiction. Obviously, this one is a little one-sided, but I think that's how it is in the manga. I've always wondered how Haru really thinks, and I want to explore that. I've never really liked Rin or RinXHaru, so sorry for those of you who do. I just think Haru puts up with a lot more than he's given credit for. I hope you enjoyed. And I hope I made the two act in charater. I'm not really sure if I did or not. Be sure to review so you can tell me!

AnimeCountDown.