I Still Ain't Over You

By Augustana

Perfect day to fly kite. The sun's up and the wind is blowing enough to almost steal your breath away as it weaved into the trees. Kids seemed to take notice as they raced inside to fetch the paper contraptions. Could you really blame them?

Remy Lebeau. Known and loved by many, but partial to all. The man who only knew what was expected of him. He was a thief, a cheat, a liar, a player, and a murderer. He was the best at what he did, and knew it too. He took pride in his past scars and felt no remorse from breaking away from the closest thing he knew to a family. He was a loner in all.

His crimson eyes flashed over the fields in the park take note of the kids that started to gather with Kites in hand. He then looked to the skies as the paper vessels took flight, dangling above the tree tops, rocking wildly in the wind. Something that most people have seen and done before. But not Remy, the infamous Gambit had no time for such childish habits. His father made sure of that.

To tell the truth, Remy didn't really know why he was in this particular park in this particular side of Connecticut. But alas, here he was. He knew though, why he shouldn't be in this particular side of Connecticut. Rogue.

Rogue was also the reason why he shouldn't even be in Connecticut in the first place. She was weakness, to the fullest meaning for Remy. She brought out everything he hated most in himself. Around her he was clumsy, emotional, jealous, and worst of all, attached. But it wasn't just Remy, Rogue also changed around him. She became jealous, moody, and worst of all, detached. But yet, it took all Remy got to finally pull himself away from her.

And still he couldn't breath. He had this ache in his chest ever since he stepped foot out the mansions gate. No matter how many jobs he took or how many women he found; the feeling never left. He didn't understand why. She was nothing to him, she couldn't even touch him, couldn't satisfy him, so why does the touch of another not feel enough? What power did she have that a touchable woman not possess?

Out of luck and out of tune
Half a day and I'm confused
Love may wash away the blues
But I still ain't over you

He shook his head to stop the train of thought. He needed to go for a walk. This type of thinking was a bad sign. Always ended up getting him kicked out of some bar for being to drunk to realize he was thinking aloud. He needed to feel air breeze through his hair, through his veins. Drain her from his body. Clean the toxin from his blood stream.

The thing that hurt him the most though was the fact that he was the one that broke it up. He was the one to walk away from her. He left her. So why can't he just leave? She should have been the one to nurse a broken heart. Not him. He dug into his pockets with a shaky hand and fished out his Lucky strikes and lit it up in a fluid moment that took years of addiction to perfect. Something he couldn't break away from. With that thought he glanced down at his pack and pondered.

Was that the reason he could shake her? Was she a addiction to him? Did her presence hold some lingering nicotine for his senses?

Hey, I'm the blood in your veins
I'm the cold when it rains
I'm your heart when it breaks

He shook the thoughts away once more, this time with a set glare. No woman should be this much trouble for him. He was the world renowned Gambit, Master thief and breaker of hearts. What would John-Luc say one he hears of this? No, John-Luc would never know of this.

She had no one to blame for him leaving except herself. If she hadn't told him that she loved him, he wouldn't have left. But she did and there was nothing else for him to do but run. Remy Lebeau was not a man of commitment and she should have known that. She had no hold over him and he had to prove it. Here he is a whole year later and he survived. He needed no one. He loved no one.

He walked into the post office figuring a job should be just the release he needed. But alas who should be standing next to his p.o. box except the one and only Kitty Pryde. He stopped dead in his tracks as he watched in on the scene ahead of him. She looked a lot different with her hair down, more grown up. Her height though was the same as always, just below his chin. How many times has he rested his elbow on her shoulder knowing that she hated the gesture? How many times has he pinched her sides only to earn a deep glare that showed her irritation?

Time, no it ain't on our side
I'm the truth to your lie
Love your tear when you cry

He lost track of time reminiscing, not realizing that she had already turned around and was stunned as well by the sight of him. A year seemed to have not even touch him though. His hair the same as always just barely touching the collar to his trench coat and his eyes still giving off the air of a whole life time of experiences and crimes.

"Gambit?" She whispered in disbelief. He blinked trying to gather his thoughts. He knew whatever he said to Kitty was what Rogue was going to hear. He knew that at least wouldn't change over a year.

"Kit." He replied summoning his usual voice of arrogance. She blinked at him seeming to be still in shock at seeing him.

"When did you come back in town?" She asked in still stunned. He smiled, knowing that he never really left. But that's not something he wanted her to know.

"Just t'day. Caught me jus' as I was getting my mail." He informed with his famous smirk as he slid past her to open his p.o. box. She though didn't let him up.

"Are you gunna stop by for a visit?" She asked in what seemed to Remy as almost hopeful. Funny thing was, he knew Rogue wouldn't sound so hopeful at that thought. He grimed and shook his head no.

"Non. Jus' mail this time, p'tit. Besides, y' know I'd jus make things more uncomfortable by showing up." He reasoned pulling out his mail and flipping through letter by letter before picking out what he was waiting for, his paycheck. He sensed Kitty's remorse by his words and glanced up in time to see her sigh.

"You won't make anything uncomfortable." She pushed resting a hand on her hip; Remy couldn't help but have a flash back of Rogue. Her nose scrunched up in frustration as he hands flew to her hips accentuating them more so than they already were. He shook his head clear of the image.

"Not s' sure Roguey would agree on that p'tit. Besides, the mansion ain't the best place fo' a t'ief, non?" He brushed past her once more reaching for the door.

"You didn't hear about Rogue?" His hand slipped from the door handle as he slowly turned to the small woman behind him. He knew what he must look like right now and hated the fact that just her name alone could make him so weak as to show his unresolved to the woman before him. Kitty hugged her shoulders, which he knew was code for nervousness. What could have Rogue possibly have done to make her nervous? "She left two months ago." He stunned by the news. Rogue had no family, no friends. Where would she have gone? What would make her go?

"Chere left?" He didn't even notice his slip up of calling Rogue by the nickname he gave her. His mind was still reeling over what would possess Rogue to do such a thing.

"Yeah. She got engaged like barely a month after she gained control of her powers. Just up and left him one night. No note no call, just vanished from thin air." As she explained Remy could tell Rogue had hurt the girl by her actions. Kitty's aura seemed to darken by the second. "To tell you the truth, I figured she was with you." He blinked at her in surprise. He sure as hell didn't see that coming.

"Why'd you say that?" He asked almost appalled. She blinked at his response, giving him a look as if he was blind.

"Well, I figured you would be the only person she had left, outside the mansion that is." She stated obviously.

He didn't know what or where he was going. But when Kitty told him about Rogue, he just fled. Ran out the door dropping all his mail and leaving Kitty agape. He ran for a good twenty minutes before he finally stopped for breathe. He reached the highway before realizing he didn't have a destination in mind. He knew though. He could finally feel his resolve. Life had meaning to him now.

Rogue didn't need him. She had loved him, but she didn't need him. Her loving him didn't make her weak; it made her stronger. He saw it now. It made sense to him now. She did hold a power over him. She was an addiction. She was all the things he thought she was, except she wasn't weak. No, she was in fact stronger than him.

He needed to find her. He needed to see her face, tell her his thoughts and show her he wasn't weak anymore. No, he was now strong. He was strong because she was strong.

But where could she be?

He found himself at the mansion without even realizing his actions. Scaling the walls and picking the lock to her window. Years of practice, or just fate? He didn't know nor did her care. He slipped into the dark room feeling a sense of pain at seeing someone else had now occupied the room he once considered sacred. He looked to the dresser to feel a jolt of ice down his spine. A picture of Rogue with another man. He picked up the picture and realized he recognized the man. He scanned his brain for a name. Warren? The rich angel? Had she loved him? Was he the one she was engaged too?

He put the picture down. Who she left was of no concern for him now, just where she left too. He turned and scanned the room once more. Nothing. Damn, this was going to be harder than he thought.

It was a Sunday afternoon and the whole city seemed dead. The only place that seemed to get business at this day was churches and bars. He knew this, yet he couldn't help but curse as he went through all the streets scanning for something that could trigger a clue to her. A name, a street, or heck he was about to start interrogating strangers. He found his bike and started driving aimlessly.

It wasn't until seven hours later and three cities past did a thought occur to him. It was mire like a memory. A lazy Tuesday afternoon, Rogue had been off on a mission and it was Remy's turn to stay behind and watch the mansion. The mission had lasted three days and by the time Rogue had walked in the front door she had dragged Remy by the collar out to the garden, her own little sanctuary. She collapsed on the bench and dragged him to sit next to her just telling him that she just wanted a second to herself away from the others. He didn't realize it at the time, but her confession had in turn lightened his mode.

She pulled her legs up to hug them to her chest as the wind blew her whit locks about her eyes. The sight making him smile even then. Three minutes passed in complete silence that hung peacefully between the couple. The scene around them seemed to have swallowed their thoughts. Or so he had thought.

"Can ah tell ya something personal, Remy?" He gave her a peak from the corner of her eye at the sound of his real name. She was the only one to know. The only one he gave it too. She sighed and looked to her knees in nerves.

"Ah think, if, and ah do mean if, but if ah ever get control of mah powers." She looked up almost in a daze. Obviously the thought gave her comfort from the small smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Ah think ah'd leave the mansion, and just take off." He was taken back by the confession. He never saw Rogue leaving the mansion. It was the only place she had in the world.

"Jus' up an leave?" Remy asked her softly confused by her reasons. She turned to lock in his gaze. She was smiling warmly. Something truly remarkable all on it's own.

"Yeah," She whispered in a daze and a twinkle in her eyes. "Just leave and never come back. No more saving people who hate us. No more fighting, traveling, just go somewhere and just live." She finished smiling wide as she went on.

"Where'd chere go?" He asked her finding her smile contagious. She sighed in content as she pondered her answer.

"Caldecott Mississip." She answered finally. "Mah home town." He nodded as he remembered. "Got a house down there. Parents died long ago, and ah guess if ah'd go back. Well, it'd almost be like starting over again but with a clean slat." He wrapped an arm around her and she shifted into his embrace without thought. Seldom a time did she do so. But the moment seemed to good to ruin.

"I'd meet chere there." He promised softly kissing the top of her head. She looked up in a smile.

"Ah'll wait fo' ya." She whispered before relaxing in his arms once more.

Caldecott Mississippi. He pulled over to a gas station and some how managed to get a Mississippi road map. He'd waste no time.

Twenty-three hours later and Remy was standing at the lobby of Cadecott's bus station shuffling through a phone book. Not exactly stealthy but it was all he had at hand. He skimmed through the letters. Atkinson, Brewer, Cameron, and finally the d's. He was the only person he knew of that actually knew Rogue's real name. Anna Marie Darkholme. He locked in on the only Darkholme listed. He copied the address and left silently. Caldecott to him seemed quaint enough for a normal life. Small and very rural. No apartments and barely had a hotel. He was lucky to have found a library. He didn't doodle as he looked up the address and a map.

He shoved the map into his pocket after memorizing the directions. Just ten more minutes. It almost seemed unreal as the air whipped through his hair tugging and knotting it beyond repair after twenty-three hours. He knew that he shouldn't have done the whole trip without rest. But this was something he couldn't break from. He needed to see her.

Just one more highway. Just one more light. Just one more street. Just one more house. Yahtzee.

He stepped off the bike and fumbled his hands into his pocket pulling out the crumpled sheet of paper, checking the address carefully all the while lighting a cigarette.

Victory never felt so relieving.

He didn't know how he summoned the strength to scale the steps to the door but there he was, ringing the doorbell. He held his breath waiting for a sound of any kind. After ten seconds his lungs gasped for air and he felt his resolve start to slip. Square one.

How could he be so stupid? Did he really think he'd be the only one to track her down. If the others couldn't find her how could he? She wasn't that simple. This is Rogue after all. How arrogant of him to think she'd keep her word to him after all this time. Did he really think she'd even remember her little confession to him? What right did he have anyways? He left her. Did he really think that after a year, she'd just overlook the fact that he left her when she offered her heart. He shook his head no.

He sighed and put out his cigarette butt. How stupid of him.

*Thump* "Remy?" He turned in flash. Could it really be? He felt his heart stop as he looked into those emerald eyes. How long has it been since he saw those orbs?

"Marie." He let slip through tight lips. Her eyes seemed to soften at him. Was that even possible? He took a step forward unsure. His eyes skimmed along her body. She died her white streaks to blend in with the rest of her auburn hair. Her eyes just as big and open as always, her lips just as pouty, and her curves just as wide. But instead of her long jeans and sweaters, she was clad in a short cotton button up dress just barely touching her knees. He smiled as he saw that she still kept the laced black gloves. His Rogue as she was meant to be, free.

"Ah dreamt that you'd come, but ah never…" She shook her head no as she trailed off. She nervously bit her lip, god how he missed that.

"Whatcha doin here?" She asked carefully. He sighed and scratched the back of his head. After twenty-four hours of searching, he somehow forgot to prepare an answer. Sure he knew what he really wanted to say, but how?

"I finally understand." He slipped out as his mind fumbled for the right words to say. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. He huffed in frustration closing his eyes almost as if he was in pain.

"When chere told me she love'd meh, I didn't understand." He tried to phrase it, eyes still shut. "T'ought that your love was a sign of weakness. An' my pride just finally butt in an…merde." He could feel his resolve slip with each word. What a waste. Twenty-four hours of work only to fail in the end.

"An' now?" She asked slowly, drawing his eyes open to see he hugging her arms tightly as she shifted her weight onto her hip. God how he missed just seeing her frustrated.

"An' now, well, I understand what it all meant. What I felt." He whispered as he slipped up and locked in on her stare. Only she could unnerve him with her eyes alone.

"What did ya feel?" She asked softly and he saw a flash of venerability in her eyes.

"I Loved you, 'cept I didn' know it then. T'ought you just made meh weak, so I left." He explained scratching his neck in his nerves. She turned to look down the street and he saw her blink back the on coming tears. He could feel her pain.

"An' now?" She repeated flashing her eyes on him once more. Finally his resolve melted away as he stepped off the porch but no further. He wanted her to come to him. He was here and the rest was up to her.

Damn the day that I forgot

Came so close then almost lost

It's been one year and 14 months

But, I still ain't over you

"It's been fourteen months and I still ain't over you." He spoke clearly. She broke out in a smile shaking her head almost amusingly.

"Would ah be crazy if ah said ah still love you after all this shit?" She asked breathlessly. He smiled with a chuckle. She never ceased to surprise him.

"Probably." She laughed and stepped forward to wind her arms around his neck. She looked up at him as if she still didn't believe her eyes.

"Well, ah guess ah'm as crazy as they come." She whispered pulling him down for their first kiss.