Josh's eyes darted around the cold field, the sounds of sirens mixing with the sounds of Mozart in his head as he counted who was with him.
There had been a fire at the hotel. He woke up to the alarm as soon as it started and immediately had a checklist going of who he needed to wake up, who was on the floor with him "get everyone out, get everyone out" cycled through his brain, not breaking for a second as he launched himself at the room the Santos's were in, yelling, banging on the doors. He could smell the smoke, not a lot but enough to knew that it wasn't a false alarm, that he needed to get everyone out.
Eventually, everyone had gathered on the field. Josh knew exactly where the meeting point was, he checked that at every hotel he stayed at. He wasn't about to let it happen again. Nobody else was going to die because Josh didn't know what to do. Lou, Ronna, Edie, Bram, The Congressman, Helen, the volunteers. He couldn't think of anyone on their team who wasn't here but he wasn't sure, he wasn't thinking properly maybe he forgot someone, maybe someone was still in there, he should go back in, he should go check just one more time, just in case.
He caught sight of the Russell campaign team on the other side of the pitch, saw Will, saw Bob Russell. But there was one more face he couldn't find. Josh kept looking back and forward scanning the crowds desperately as he tried to keep his breathing under control, trying to pretend like everything is ok. He was turning in circles now, looking everywhere for the flash of blonde in the crowd that he knew so well, listening past the sirens and the concerto for her voice.
Those around him had noticed his bizarre behaviour and were starting to close around him. No! Didn't they know, just give him space, let him breathe, get out get out get out. His brain was starting to give out, he recognised the signs of a panic attack, he had certainly had enough. Santos reached out to grab his arm and Josh was already flinching away, don't let him touch you. But he couldn't find the words to say exactly what he wanted said, to let known what was wrong.
"Don't touch him" suddenly a strong voice appeared from behind him, familiar and grounding, making her way forward. "Nobody touch him" she reaffirmed
"Who are you" Lou was quick to speak up
"You're from the Russell campaign" Matt recognised her, wondering what a spokeswoman was doing inserting herself next to his campaign manager and telling them all what to do
Josh finally spoke up "Donna" he whispered "help"
Donna immediately found herself at her side "do you want me to touch you?" Josh was torn, he wanted her touch, always but it was still too much and he found himself shaking his head "that's ok, you're ok" she soothed "you got everyone out ok, your whole team is here, Will got out, I'm out it's ok, nobody is still in there.
"Joanie?" Josh asked causing Donna to pale
"Josh, do you know where you are?" But Josh didn't answer, he was too far gone now, lost in the fires of the past "Ok Josh, it's all good, everything is fine. I just need you to sit down now ok, can you do that by yourself" Donna fell back into a routine that had become scarily familiar in the past.
Josh jerked his head, knowing his legs wouldn't let him lower himself to the ground, Donna wrapped her arm around his side, lowering both of them to the ground together before moving away to give him some space as well as trying to hide from an intimacy that once had been so familiar and now found itself at odds with their current situation.
"Josh, we are going to start with breathing and then we will work on your heart rate - is that all good with you?" Josh didn't protest so Donna took that as a good sign. She slowly led him through the breathing "Josh we are going to breathe in for 5 counts and then out for 5" Donna counts for Josh slowly matching her breathing as well. Slowly Josh's breathing starts to return to normal although still shaky.
As Josh's breathing calmed down Donna knew it would be wise to get his heart rate to follow "Josh I want you to rest your hand over my heart and focus on that" Donna could only hope her own heart rate wouldn't skyrocket when Josh rested his hand on her chest. It took some manoeuvring but eventually, Donna got Josh's hand against her chest with one of her own against the pulse point of his neck and her other arm still holding him up. When they were settled Donna finally looked up at her audience "Congressman, nice to meet you. I would shake your hand but" she gestured her head to the situation at hand
"No it's fine" the Congressman answered briskly "but can you please tell me what is going on and who exactly you are?" Santos was exasperated by not knowing who this woman was and why she was currently on the ground with his campaign manager.
"Donna Moss, spokeswoman for and advisor to Bob Russell"
"So you do work for the Russell campaign - how do I know you won't use this against us, 'the Santos head guy collapsing in a heap at a hotel would make a good attack ad" Santos snarked to Donnas
Donna looked devastated by the accusation "I would never, I could never hurt Josh in such a way."
"Well forgive me for not immediately trusting someone from the other team."
Donna opened her mouth to reply but was bet to it by the man on the ground
"Trust Donna always" Donna looked down to see Josh still curled into her, his eyes facing the ground but his heart rate starting to match her own.
"Hey" Donna whispered moving her hand to wipe the hair out of his eyes "You need a haircut" Donna tried to keep some levity in her voice
Josh finally looked up at her, his eyes begging "need to know they are safe" he whispered, his voice was still frantic and Donna knew he was about to descend out of the calm she had got him to if he didn't know that his makeshift family was safe and he hadn't left them behind.
"Who do you want first, White House or Sam, it's still early enough to catch everyone at the White House"
"C.J"
"Yeah I thought you would" she smiled softly before looking at her audience "I need someone to make a call for me" one of the women responded instantly and pulled out her phone ready to dial. Donna smiled before rattling off Margaret's number "that is the personal number of the Chief of Staff's assistant Margaret Hooper - when she answers I want you to tell her you have Donna here and we have a situation with Josh she will then connect you to either C.J Cregg, Leo McGarry or President Bartlet depending who can be pulled out of their meeting first - if you have a choice get transferred to C.J first" the young woman looked stunned by the small woman on the ground asking her to call the President but quickly put on her game face as she dialled the number and worked through the instructions.
Donna was half listening as she made the call to make sure she followed her instructions but most of her attention was on studying the man in front of her while slowly murmuring to him, keep her words soft as to not upset him further. Finally, the young woman spoke up again "Evening Ms Cregg, I have Donna here for you"
"Can you put your phone on speaker?" Donna asked,
"Donna" C.J's voice came through the phone "Darling, you guys there?"
"Hey C.J" Donna smiled at the older woman reassuring voice "It's a pretty bad one, there was a fire and alarms he wants to talk to you first"
"Hey, mi amor." C.J softens her voice and works through the plan Donna had designed for this occasion "I was just sitting in my office, it was pretty cold which means when you talk to the President he is going to say it is nice and warm" Donna smiled slightly remembering the debates the Senior Staff used to have with the President.
"C.J, just thought I would say before you divulge state secrets you are on speaker with Congressman Santos and his campaign staff"
"Thanks Donna, Hi Congressman, Josh will be just fine, don't worry too much. It can be scary the first time"
"Hello, Ms Cregg" Santos responds
"Josh, you missed Senator Rosenthal having a complete meltdown the other day, honestly he just lost it at the Speaker" and with that C.J launched into a hilarious story as though they were two friends drinking side by side instead of one friend helping the other one down from a panic attack. By the end of her story she had Santos's team giggling quietly at the antics and Josh had almost managed a smile although his hand was still against Donna's chest, feeling her heart.
"I'm going to have to hand you over to the President Josh, you know how he gets when he isn't the first one to talk to someone"
"Thanks C.J" Donna smiled
"Donnatella" the President boomed through the phone.
"Mr President" Donna smiled at the warm familiarity
"I am so glad you are there with him" Donna blushed at the praise from the man she looked up to.
"Me to Sir"
"Hi Josh, I was sitting in a very warm Oval office when I heard C.J was talking to you and I thought I would come to say hi, anyway I was reading this book the other day, did you know that in French there are seventeen words for surrender, what did we ever do to them to make them have that many words" and so the President went on listing the most useless facts that he could come up with like a regular day and they did the same thing with Leo, letting each of them talk until Josh could convince himself that his family was safe and nothing was going to hurt them.
"Sam" He whispered reminding Donna there was still one more call to make
"Leo I am sorry to interrupt, we also need to call Sam"
"Of course, Donna if you could call me and C.J later that would be appreciated"
"Will do Leo, thank you for everything"
Donna grabbed the phone and quickly dialled Sam's number
"Sam Seaborn" He answered almost immediately
"Hi Sam it's Donna"
"Donna! What can I do for you?" Sam exclaimed excitedly, in his way of making everybody feel special
"I am here with Josh and we have had a bit of an episode, I was wondering if you could just talk to him, let him know everything is ok?"
"Of course, Hey Josh. Sorry about any background noise I am on a beach in California, you would love it here it is much warmer than Washington. Anyway, I have been following the campaign, that speech in Kentucky was fantastic, I would love to sit down with the guy who wrote that" And so like the rest of their family Sam talked and slowly Josh relaxed against Donna.
"Thanks Sam" Josh whispered as Sam began to wind up
"Anytime Buddy, thanks for looking out for him Donna" Josh breathed out slowly as Donna hung up the phone
"Josh do you remember what happened"
"There was a fire, and the sirens yeah"
"Yeah, and you got everyone out and it is all good. Now we are sitting on the field at the meeting point" Donna hoped he was ready to stand up, the midnight chill starting to seep into her skin
"Donnatella?" Josh asked
"Yeah Joshua?"
"Thank you" Donna smiled at the kind words
"Come on Josh, I think it's time we get you inside. The fire was contained to a small section and the building is completely sound" Donna assured "Congressman, can you help me stand him up"
Josh started looking up from where he had been studiously watching the ground "The Congressman is still here?"
"Of course Josh, I wouldn't leave until I knew you were ok"
"They care about you Josh" Donna murmured "You have a good bunch here"
"Could be better, if you were with us" Josh said without thinking as Santos helped him stand up
Donna paused stunned at Josh's admission but she knew he didn't really mean that he didn't need her, she just happened to be here at the right time.
"Congressman, I am going to take Josh back to his room and get him warmed up. I won't leave him until I know he will be ok"
"Donna, I have no idea who you are or how you knew what to do with whatever just happened but I just watched the President of the United States answer the phone at your request, so I am going to trust you. Thank you for looking after him, I won't forget this" Santos helped take Josh towards the lift, steading him when he stumbled although now he was starting to come back to himself now that he knew everyone was safe.
When they finally reached Josh's door. Donna pushed it open helping Josh inside. The move reminiscent of nights on the campaign when Josh's delicate system caught up with him
"Thank you, Congressman, what time would you like Josh in the morning"
"Would it be better if he could take the day off?"
"In my opinion yes but my chances of convincing him that are slim, but I will try, he won't want any focus on what happened last night"
"I won't bring it up unless he does" he nods as he closes the door
"Goodnight, thank you"
Once Donna had Josh inside she lead him to the bathroom
"I'm gonna let you have a shower ok. I want you to warm up before you go to sleep. I will be here when you are finished.
Donna used the time that Josh was in the shower to tidy up the area and making two cups of tea for them trying to ignore the ache in her heart at the fact she had briefly had returned to the man she had held so dear and that every moment of this time spent together meant more to her than what she would have done with Russell. Finally, she hears Josh come out of the bathroom and pad into the sitting room to sit next to Donna on the couch smiling tiredly.
"How bad was it tonight"
"How much do you remember"
"I remember getting everyone out and then listening to Leo speak but not really anything in the middle"
"You asked for Joanie," Donna said softly laying her arm on his hand
"Really?" Josh sighed, tears welling in his eyes
"Yeah" Donna murmured "I'm sorry"
"We talked to C.J yes?" Josh looked concerned quickly
"Yeah, she was the first person"
"And everybody is ok"
"Yeah - nobody was hurt by the fire I already checked" they both fell into a silence, sipping slowly at their tea
"Donna"
"Yeah"
"Thank you, for everything tonight"
Donna smiled softly before Josh wrapped her up in his arms placing his head in her neck and holding her as tight as possible. They stayed like that until Donna felt him yawn against her shoulder "Ok, let's get you into bed, I'm going to set your alarm for 8:30 ok" Josh just nodded into her arms already on the verge of falling asleep.
Josh was asleep almost the second he hit the pillow, with just one murmured good night to Donna and a deep sigh.
Donna crept out of the room quietly, grabbing one of Josh's room keys and heading towards her own room needing to call back the White House and to warm herself up.
C.J answered on the first ring. "Hey Donna" she sounded tired even through the phone, she had evidently been worrying since their last phone call "you are on speaker with the President and Leo, how is Josh?"
"Hi Sir, Hi, Leo. Josh is asleep now. He seems to be a bit better. Knowing that you all were safe really seemed to help him"
"And how are you, Donna?" The President asked to Donna's surprise
"Oh Sir, I'm fine, why do you ask?"
"Because we have all been in the room with Josh during an episode and it is scary, let alone doing it with a bunch of people you don't know." C.J finished the sentence for him.
"It was bad C.J, it was really bad" Donna whispered into the phone her voice betraying the tears sliding down her cheeks
"Oh Donna," C.J and the President say at the same time and Donna sighed letting the silence fill the air until C.J spoke up again "there has been something on my mind Donna, why did Josh want to speak to me first?"
"When I first found him he was looking for Joanie, he needed his sister and C.J that's you"
C.J couldn't help her slight gasp at the idea Josh needed her because he saw her as a sister
"Hey guys, I know you are worried but I really need to shower and get back to Josh is it ok if I leave you now. I will ring you back if he goes downhill again or he can hold a conversation with you guys"
"Of course Donna you take care of yourself as well" the Presidents fatherly tone came out as he said farewell to the former assistant
"Thank you, Sir, for everything, you to Leo, C.J"
"Bye Donna" C.J finished the call there, leaving Donna to shower.
It only took Donna an hour to clean herself up and gather up some work materials to work on until Josh woke up and so Donna found herself back on the couch in Josh's room, listening to his breathing knowing nightmares were inevitable after an attack this bad.
Josh had started awake twice in the night and both times Donna was at his side immediately holding his hand and calming his hate rate until he fell back.