EreJean Week, Day 8: Birthday
And with this, EreJean Week is finished! I shall also be participating in Eruren/Eruere week and the SNK shipping spree, not to mention the 8 million other stories I will be writing... Chao!
The room was cold and dark, lit only by the lanterns they had set up, though many had been extinguished except for the one by his side and the ones by the door. Jean tugged the blanket a little tighter around his shoulders as he leaned closer.
"Hey, you stupid bastard. Sorry I'm late. Training the new kids went a little longer than I thought it would. There's this one kid, Jakob… He reminds me of you when we were younger. A suicidal bastard through and through. And he's eager to see the outside. To explore the lands that Armin talks about. The ones of ice and fire and of the endless salty sea."
Jean managed a small smile, nostalgia and melancholy weighing him down. "He's got a lot of heart. I think you'd like him. Though Armin and I are worried that his eagerness is gonna get him killed on his first expedition. The mortality rates have dropped, but even so… Well, it's better than how it was when we were still fresh out there at least."
His hand traced the smooth, warm surface of the crystal, its natural luminescence allowing him to see the figure that seemed to float inside, frozen in time within his cocoon of impossible crystal.
Chestnut tresses were still caught by a gentle breeze, even the short ponytail he'd let grow out when they had hit twenty - one Jean loved to tug on and play with. Emerald eyes flecked with gold and blue were still shut in a way that almost made it seem like he could have been sleeping. His mouth was still pulled in that tranquil but sad smile as his arms stretched up, reaching out to the world outside the crystal.
Jean grimaced as he set his hand overtop Eren's, separated by just a few centimeters of thick, tough crystal. "I miss you… It's getting hard to remember your voice. Your laugh. The way you could comb my hair back... I'm starting to forget. And no, you ass, it's not because I'm old. Twenty-six isn't that bad, and besides, you're older than me!"
He knew no response would come - he'd known that for well over a year. Even so, it hurt to receive silence in place of a snarky, feisty comment full of fire and life. The exact opposite of the limp body suspended within those crystal confines that pulsed with a faint beat, slow and rhythmic. Eren's heartbeat.
"You've been in here so long… Less time than Annie was in her crystal, but still… It feels like years have passed. And fuck… I fucking miss your dumb face." Jean pressed his forehead to the warm crystal, small shudders running down his spine. Amber eyes clenched tight as he bit into his lip, fighting the burning sensation that had crept into his eyes.
"Why'd you have to do it? Why'd you have to be a suicidal bastard and sacrifice yourself? You idiot. I was fine. I could have gotten out of it."
That was a lie, one he couldn't bring himself to believe no matter how many times he chanted it in his skull. Had it not been for Eren throwing himself in the way, Jean wouldn't have escaped with just a broken leg. But Eren wouldn't have had his legs bitten off and been flung to the ground where a dozen TItans had swarmed around him. And when Mikasa and Levi had come in to slaughter the grotesque beasts, they wouldn't have found Eren in the crystal, legs half-healed, too peaceful and quiet for his usual nature.
Jean would have been dead and Eren would have still been alive and outside the walls of that crystal. The blonde would have preferred that. The Titan-Shifter would have gotten over it. He was strong, brave, resilient, stubborn.
And having a dead lover might have been easier. All Jean could do was watch and and talk and wait for a day that might never come. There was no mourning with Eren in the crystal - just the faint hope that teased him every time the crystal warmed or cool or when that faint beat quickened or grew stronger. I'll still wait for you. Always.
His hand tightened against the crystal as he smiled, small but still present. "Remember that time in training when you dropped my ass on the ground when we were doing hand to hand? You were a sly bastard, picking up fighting techniques from Annie. It pissed me off so much, but even so, those moves were still pretty freaking amazing...
"Sometimes I can't believe we went from basically hating each other to somehow falling in love. Armin had us pegged ages ago, but I know for a fact that no one else was expecting it. Probably because I kept hitting on MIkasa like an idiot. I mean, she's gorgeous and brilliant, but she's not you."
Jean was infinitely grateful that there was no one else in the chamber, especially since he was saying such dumb, sappy things. Things he hadn't really liked to say. It had just never felt right, not in the world they lived in. He could say "I love you" with barely a hitch, but even attempting to say sweet nothings tended to end with Eren laughing uncontrollably. Once, that had been an irritating thing - after all, he was trying.
Now he just missed it. He longed for it all: that obnoxious attitude; the explosive sneezes; the stench of sweat after a long day of training; how Eren always found it necessary to splash him when they bathed together. And the way he would sing "Happy Birthday" in the strangest voices.
"Five more minutes until you've officially missed it again, you asshole. You've got some nerve, missing my birthday again. I… I miss you. The book Armin got me, The bear tooth from Mikasa, all the rest.. None of it matters. Not when you're stuck in there. Shit…"
His hand clenched against the crystal as his eyes clamped shut. It was warm, almost like Eren's heat. The pulse against his ears reminded him all too well of late nights and early mornings or close brushes with death when they pressed their ears to each other's chests to feel that heart as it pumped life through their bodies. But there was no give of skin or muscle. No strong arms to wrap around him and hold him tight when the world was shit and he needed comfort.
"Dammit!" Jean spat as his fist smashed against the crystal. The pain was instant but he didn't give shit, not when the man he loved was trapped inside meters of mysterious, super-strong crystal. Not when he couldn't hold back his tears any longer.
They dripped down onto his uniform pants, slow and quiet. He hadn't cried in a while, instead holding them back with a hopeful smile and by throwing himself into his work. But he couldn't hold back forever. That was just impossible. Jean's shoulders shook with silent sobs as he pressed closer to the crystal, to the gently beating warmth that could never, ever possibly replace those strong arms, that solid chest.
"Eren… God dammit, Eren! Why you? Why'd it have to be you? You've… you've just done so much for humanity. You don't fucking deserve this, not this. Bullshit. This world is fucking bullshit. Things were finally going good. Finally we were beating back those bastards. We could have had them, We could have finally annihilated all those damn Titans. We… We could have had a peaceful life. Could've moved to the ocean and built a cabin and made a good fucking life... Dammit!"
The blonde slumped back, fingers dragging at the warm crystal. His eyes ached from the tears, his heart throbbed with so many things he couldn't put into words. That was how a lot of things were as of late. Especially when it came to Eren. When it came to thinking of what he missed, how shit he felt every single day. It didn't help that he still turned to look for Eren to tell him something amusing or to bitch at him about something or just to hold his hand only to find an empty place, only to get a knife to the heart.
Jean swiped at his faces, smearing the tears across his cheeks before he pressed his forehead back to the crystal. His hands settled over Eren's, still separated by several centimeters of crystal. That impossible crystal, still so mysterious and impenetrable, no matter how many formulas they made or tried to break it. The shell that Eren could be trapped in forever.
Or maybe for just a few more minutes.
"I don't know if you can hear me, but fuck it. I miss you, Yeager. I miss you so fucking much. More than I ever thought could be possible. Fuck… Eren, I love you. And I'll wait for you as long as it takes. A month, a year, a decade… No matter what, I'll always come back to you. You'll always be the more important person to me."
He managed a watery smile as he peered through the clear substance to the man trapped inside. There was still no change - no movement, no sign of the crystal weeping. His legs still weren't growing back. His hands hadn't curled or twitched like Annie's hand in the days before her awakening. He was still as limp and lifeless inside that living rock as he had been on the first day.
"Hey, suicidal bastard. Hurry up and wake up. There are a lot of people waiting on your dumb ass." Mikasa, Armin, Levi, Zoe, and so many more. Not to mention the rest of humanity, the people that despised him for what he was but relied on him to help eradicate the Titans. Selfish bastards. He's human too. More human than them.
Jean pressed a kiss to the crystal, hand clenched by his side. He grabbed the lantern and turned, footsteps echoing off the walls of the chamber. Before he shut the door, he glanced back to the faintly glowing crystal with the dark, legless form trapped within in, peaceful and quiet. Unmoving. Trapped in time within the protective cocoon he had made for himself in some desperate, last-ditch attempt of self-preservation.
"Please… hurry."