It was early morning when Pyrrha came to the shower room to have her day ruined.
That's not what she was intending, of course. She expected to just sneak into the showers around 6am when virtually no one was ever awake, have a pleasant half-hour to herself before she had to start acting like a person, and maybe brood a little. Nothing unusual. Nothing unexpected.
What she got, however, was an encounter with Ruby Rose and Weiss Schnee in front of the sinks. They were in their pajamas, their hair was wet (how early did they come?), and from the way they hopped apart when Pyrrha stepped into the room, she knew they'd been kissing. Her heartbeat decided to jump straight into fight-or-flight, but the rest of her settled on just freezing in place, wide-eyed with shock.
"Oh! Hey Pyrrha!" Weiss said, taking another step back from Ruby. She was flushing red.
Ruby only managed a "Hey!" and an awkward, crooked smile, but at least she was attempting to make eye contact (Weiss was looking somewhere above and to the right of Pyrrha's head).
Pyrrha sat and blinked over and over for a second while she tried to figure out a totally normal, proportional, human-like response. She plastered on a smile that looked like fear and said, "Um, hello Weiss. Ruby."
They looked around at nothing, especially not each other, for a few more awkward seconds. Then Pyrrha said, "I'm going to take a shower now," pivoted, and walked hastily into the back of the shower room.
Once she was in the shower and the hot water and noise helped dull out her racing mind and thaw her weirdly stiff body, she could make some sense of her own thoughts. The issue was, she didn't like what she was thinking.
Knowing Weiss and Ruby kissed . . . grossed her out. Which was weird, honestly, because girls kissing had not historically bothered her (at least since she was ten - anyone kissing used to bother her). The fact that it was her friends should make it even easier to take this in stride, shouldn't it? - But she absolutely wasn't. She replayed the second she walked in, saw them step apart, rewound the scene to something she never saw, to Weiss and Ruby's lips touching. Had it been soft, sweet, romantic? Or worse, casual, and this whole thing had slipped under her radar for such a long time that those two kissing was barely of note?
Pyrrha felt nauseated and she didn't know why. It was just a kiss, right? What did it matter to her?
Things only got more confusing when Pyrrha was walking around the school grounds on a free period before lunch. History had done its job in distracting her, but she still felt jittery and anxious, so she hoped the walk would help.
She was walking briskly through the posterior garden, filled with tall shrubs lined by flower beds, when she heard a giggle coming somewhere just ahead. There was something about it, low and mischievous, that piqued her interest in precisely the way that told her she should not be curious. She slowed her steps, making sure to minimize the sound of her creeping over the cobblestone. First came the heavy curtain of blonde hair, then a school uniform, then entwined hands, and then Pyrrha knew exactly what she was looking at.
Pyrrha stopped in her tracks and just stared. Somehow, Yang and Blake were so wrapped up in making out that they had failed to notice her, and she was transformed into the accidental peeping tom as Yang pulled Blake close against her body. Her hands slid slowly, far-too-sensually-for-daylight down Blake's sides, grabbing her ass for good measure.
Blake laughed and Yang giggled and Pyrrha just made a squeak. Unfortunately, that meant they both noticed her, disentangling immediately.
"Oh, maidens, I'm so-"
"-oh 'sup Pyrrha we were just-" Yang tried to cut in, but Pyrrha could not be stopped.
"-so sorry, I was just taking a walk and I didn't expect to find you here and I didn't mean to stare I just-"
Blake put her hands up to try and get Pyrrha to talk, "- hey, Pyrrha, come on, it's chill, we just were making out and-"
Unfortunately, the words 'making out' only exacerbated Pyrrha's panic: "-JUST KIND OF FROZE AND ANYWAY BYE NOW!"
Pyrrha made a bunch of small, rapid waves, and then backpedaled out of sight before power-walking for the academy.
What in the world is up with team RWBY?
Pyrrha had sincerely believed it couldn't get worse than that. Unfortunately, that left her off-guard when she heard a loud crashing sound coming from Team RWBY's room as soon as she returned to her dorm for lunch (intent to isolate and talk to absolutely no one). Being the compassionate person that she is, she immediately turned to RWBY's door and knocked. When she didn't get an immediate response, she figured Zwei might have knocked something over - there might even be dangerous glass all over the floor! So, naturally, she opened the door to take a peek.
That peek contained Weiss Schnee sitting on her desk, her legs wrapped around Yang fucking Xiao Long, who was presently sticking her tongue down Weiss's throat in a way that just felt inappropriately graphic. They tried their best to snap apart when they noticed Pyrrha, but it took several tries for Weiss's legs to actually be out of the way for Yang to back up enough for Weiss to stand, and in that time, Pyrrha had already shut the door.
Then, Pyrrha did a double-take. Her instinct was to shout in her confusion, but she settled for just texting really fast.
Pyrrha: HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU EVEN GET UP HERE? YOU WERE LITERALLY JUST WITH BLAKE LIKE 20 MINUTES AGO.
Yang: uh there was emergency?
Yang: look, like, things are OK. this isn't what it looks like.
Pyrrha: I don't even know what it looks like. Other than /much/!
Yang: OK. but i promise everything is fine. i'm not like, cheating on Blake if that's what you're thinking.
What in the world did that mean? There was clearly something going on between Blake and Yang, and clearly something going on between Yang and Weiss, and clearly something going on between Weiss and Ruby! The math didn't exactly add up to 'not cheating' - unless this was some bizarre experiment? Is this what people meant when they said kids start acting hormonal once they're away from home?
Whatever was going on, Pyrrha was in no state to deal with it, and her dorm was far too close to RWBY's. Maybe the library would finally give her a reprieve.
Pyrrha had calmed down again after a half-hour in the library, sitting cross-legged in a cozy chair on the second floor while reading the news on her scroll. Unlike in other settings, the library was one place where it was totally appropriate if no one approached you or spoke to you when you were off by yourself, clearly bothered about something. It made it less noticeable for Pyrrha how unwilling people were to approach her in the first place. There was also a lot less metal around, so she didn't have the constant hum of her semblance in her ear.
She was more embarrassed than panicked now. Blake, Yang, Weiss, Ruby - there were just kids after all, why should it bother her if they were curious, affectionate, or just downright hot for each other? They lived and worked in close proximity every day. If Marigold weren't such a dunce and either Nora or Ren had remotely similar appeals to her, could Pyrrha honestly say she would act so different? Would she really let invisible interests like decency and caution get in the way of that endless want to touch, to be touched? Most likely, yes, she would. But she couldn't blame other people if they didn't want to build themselves cages to live in.
There were whispers and giggles coming from among the book shelves behind Pyrrha. It wouldn't have bothered her at all if at this point she couldn't pull the sound of Ruby's voice out from everyone else's. She was younger, louder, and more relentlessly energetic than anyone else at Beacon, and she was impossible to miss after a few months living across the hall. Pyrrha turned to look as the voices got closer, and she began to hear footsteps getting closer.
Far down one of the rows, Ruby Rose was leading Blake Belladonna by the hand, walking backwards and giggling all the while. As if she could feel Pyrrha's stare, Ruby turned halfway around and spotted Pyrrha sitting there, her back to Ruby as they still managed to make eye contact.
Pyrrha didn't need it spelled out for her. She didn't need to see them kiss. She didn't need to hear any more of Ruby's incessant giggling. She knew what was going on. Despite the fact that it made absolutely no sense to her, and despite the fact that she could feel her heart squeezing painfully in her chest, she at least finally had a picture of what was going on with team RWBY.
They weren't just a team anymore. Pyrrha had no word for it anymore, but she knew it was something that happened at Academies. Sometimes, a whole team falls for itself, pulled together by a magnetic leader or just their collective gravitational force, and they became an isolated unit that was everything to each other. Friends, lovers, comrades. Some people just adapted to a chaotic and violent world by seeking solace in things they could not stand to lose, and so they swore to themselves not to lose it. Pyrrha remembered thinking that was romantic, but mythic, too much to really be true.
Ruby let go of Blake's hand and turned the rest of the way around, bringing her hand up in a small wave.
Pyrrha stood, taking a deep breath before about-facing to look at Blake and Ruby.
"Hey Pyrrha," said Ruby.
"Hello Ruby," Pyrrha replied. After a few more seconds of still silence, Pyrrha bowed and said, "I'll get out of your way."
Before Ruby could respond, Pyrrha turned again, walked over to the railing of the second floor, and vaulted over it. By the time Ruby even got to the ledge to see if she was okay, Pyrrha was already gone.
"I just - don't get it!" Pyrrha said, exasperated, as Marigold blocked a jab from her spear.
"What's there to get?" she replied, shoving the spear aside and making a quick cut for Pyrrha's arm.
Pyrrha decided to follow the momentum of her spear and spun around, dancing out of range of Marigold's counter while the two of them sized each other up again. Pyrrha shrugged. "How did this even happen? Why didn't we notice earlier that all of team RWBY - our friends - are all dating each other? And how are Ruby and Yang both caught up in this?"
Marigold broke in before Pyrrha's next question with a vertical slash, but Pyrrha just blocked, then pushed her back with a kick as if she were just a small, rowdy puppy.
"Isn't that weird? Isn't that so weird?"
"I guess?"
They were sparring, as usual, on top of the dorms at dusk. Marigold was getting worn out fast with the way Pyrrha kept casually blocking, parrying, and dodging her every move, but Pyrrha barely noticed. She especially didn't notice how hard she was hitting back.
Pyrrha sighed, appearing to relax for a second. Marigold followed suit, slowly lowering her shield as she kept her eyes trained on Pyrrha. Pyrrha looked away for a second, just watching her opponent out of the corner of her eye. When Marigold finally lowered her shield entirely, Pyrrha called, "Quick shot!" flipping her spear into a rifle and firing a round off at Marigold's chest. She seemed to be expecting it, though, because her shield snapped up to catch the shot with plenty of time.
"Good," Pyrrha said, flipping the rifle back into a spear, then a sword. "Your reflexes are improving immensely. That will help when we're up against more long-ranged teams in the tournament."
Marigold looked abashed, but also pretty pleased. Her shield shrunk down so she could scratch the side of her head as she smiled. "Hah - thanks Pyrrha. This training has been . . . really helping. Plus, Ruby's started sniping me at random during weapon's training to see if I can see the shot coming, so I think it's less reflexes and more . . ." she shrugged, "I guess instinct? I get this kind of feeling on the back of my neck, like a one-second warning when I need to defend myself. It's weird, but handy."
Pyrrha sheathed her sword and nodded, closing the distance between the two of them. "Yes, I know what you mean. Adjusting to consciousness beyond your own body can take time. And practice. But you'll get both."
Marigold shrugged again and said, "Unless Ruby shoots me in the chest first?"
Pyrrha snorted, but it also didn't feel very funny. "I suppose."
Mention of Ruby only brought Pyrrha right back to the place she'd been for hours - the sick feeling in her gut, the tension in her throat. She didn't understand it at all.
Pyrrha took a deep breath again, swinging her arms forward and back to stretch her shoulders. She said, "I'm . . . livid, I think. I don't know when the last time was that I was this angry."
Finally, Marigold sheathed her sword, recognizing that the sparring was over. "I don't get why you're so upset by this, to be honest. Weiss and Ruby seemed like a foregone conclusion months ago, and Blake and Yang . . . kind of just makes sense. And even if it's a little weird that they're all kind of dating, it doesn't seem like a bad thing, really?"
Pyrrha wanted to just say, 'Yeah, I get that,' and move on. But instead she just got more exasperated; "How can you even say that? Don't you love Weiss? Haven't you been pining after her since the moment you stepped foot on this campus? You and Ruby both, you just can't-"
Once Pyrrha realized what she was about to say, she grit her teeth together to keep anything more from escaping.
Still, Marigold had heard enough. Her brow furrowed with concern, and she shuffled her feet uncomfortably. She rubbed the back of her neck as she asked, "Pyrrha . . . are you jealous of Weiss? Because Ruby and I are your friends?"
"No," Pyrrha lied, holding her gloved fingers to her temples. "It's . . . it's not that."
Exclusion. Jealousy. Fear. Yes, these were the things Pyrrha felt, didn't want to feel, didn't want to admit she could feel. But Marigold, for however dense she could be, was good at recognizing that Pyrrha was only human, even when she forgot that herself.
What did Pyrrha feel when she thought about Weiss Schnee? She was studious, dedicated, loyal, beautiful. None of these things bothered Pyrrha - they were endearing. But the way Ruby looked at her, and the way Marigold talked about her . . . these hurt.
"I think . . ." Pyrrha finally said, quietly, "I think that I'm upset. Because. Because Weiss can get over herself and admit how she feels, and I just . . ." Pyrrha lifted her hands in defeat, then dropped them down as if she just lost the energy to keep holding them up. "I just can't."
There was a long pause while Marigold worked over something in her head. The anger Pyrrha had been building over hours was beginning to dissipate, replaced with self-pity. She hated letting herself believe that she was powerless in front of her shortcomings, knowing that the only reason she'd ever become an athlete or a huntress was because when she felt that there was something wrong with herself, she found something to overcome. She disciplined herself, re-shaped herself over and over until she could be what she wanted to be. But in her mind, that had never involved being brave. She minimized risks. She did not invite them in.
"Pyrrha, do you . . . like Ruby? Like . . . more than a friend?"
Pyrrha closed her eyes, trying to find an answer.
Yes, I do.
But they are just feelings - and they may be fleeting feelings. But this invites consequences that might not be so fleeting.
I don't want to hurt like this. I don't want to be jealous. I don't want to resent a friend.
So what? You stop feeling? You give up even the precious little room you've left for others in your heart? You can't both care and not care.
I could stop being a coward. For once, I could just be honest and deal with the consequences.
It will hurt.
Yes, it will.
When she opened her eyes again, Marigold was watching her with the same look of concern, though softer now.
Pyrrha slowly shrugged. "Maybe . . . a little. I suppose."
Marigold put her hands on her hips, not making eye contact. "I think you should talk to her then, right? About how you feel?"
"I . . ." Pyrrha's reflex to shut that down was hard to fight, but she tried. "Probably. I suppose so." She glanced over at the edge of the roof. "I need to think."
Marigold nodded, recognizing her cue. She waved goodbye while Pyrrha strolled to the edge and sat down, dangling her legs in the air.
It wasn't long until Ruby arrived. Pyrrha sensed her a second before she came through the door, but she didn't bother to turn around. Marigold had gotten nervous and spilled her guts as soon as she saw Ruby, most likely. Or maybe Ruby was just here to explain all the weirdness Pyrrha encountered today.
Ruby didn't say anything or approach. Then, Pyrrha received a text.
Ruby: hey, you good to talk?
And, well, Pyrrha had to smile at that.
Pyrrha: I can talk. Why don't you sit down with me?
A breeze blew along Pyrrha's back, rose petals drifting past her before being picked up by the draft at the edge of the building, and Ruby stood right next to her before plopping down and letting her legs dangle as well.
They sat quietly for a while, looking at the earth far below their feet. Despite all the dread in Pyrrha's heart, this silence was nice. Just sitting with Ruby when there was no need to fight for your life rarely failed to be nice. Ruby was very good at keeping herself occupied until you you were ready to talk, humming bits of song or just playing games on her Scroll.
Finally, Ruby said, "Y'know, I wanted to say sorry about being so awkward today . . . you kind of stumbled into something I don't . . . really know how to explain yet, I guess."
"I think I've got it figured out anyway," Pyrrha replied.
"Oh. Huh."
Pyrrha nodded. "You and your teammates got close. You bonded. And those bonds changed - into something more, right?"
"I - I guess it's not really that hard to explain, then." Ruby scratched the side of her face with a finger. "I honestly hadn't known it was an option, really. Like, I get the gist of what happened between my dad and mom and Raven before I was born, but for something like that to happen to me . . ."
"It sounds like a fairy tale, doesn't it?" Pyrrha asked. Even if she could describe it, even though she'd seen it, she still felt like she was describing a phoenix - iconic, certainly, but also certainly not real.
Ruby lay back, legs still dangling over the edge, hands folded on her stomach.
"You're right. It feels like I'm living one, sometimes. Fighting monsters, falling in love . . . it's a little unreal. But I also haven't felt this happy in a long, long time, so I think I'm willing to believe it."
Pyrrha leaned back on her hands to keep most of Ruby in view. "Even so, I admit, I'm having trouble understanding. I can understand having feelings for more than one person, but a relationship? Especially when you live in such close quarters - how can you stand it? Especially around Yang, don't you just get jealous?"
"Eh," Ruby replied with a shrug. When Pyrrha raised an eyebrow incredulously, though, she continued, "Like, kind of? But it's not like how it is for Yang. Like, Yang can't really stand to see me kiss Blake or Weiss at all, even though she and Weiss have barely . . ." Ruby made some gestures with her fingers that insinuated something probably a lot more sexual than she intended. "But, for me I guess, I just feel relieved, getting to ask and getting to know what other people are feeling about me. I was so scared that Weiss's teasing about how annoying I was was more 'joking-not-joking' than just jokes, and like Blake would never see me as anything but a kid." She kicked up her legs for a second. "But we talked. And now I can just . . . ask! For things I want! And we talk! It's . . . neat."
Pyrrha smiled, but just shook her head. After a pause, she said, "I would get so jealous, I couldn't stand it." But she was skirting the truth again, and she knew it. She had to stop. She swallowed, and said, "I mean . . . I am jealous."
Ruby blinked curiously back at Pyrrha as they held eye contact. Then Pyrrha looked back over Beacon and started to speak more quickly. "I really wanted to tell myself that the problem for me was this relationship you're a part of, this quartet or what have you. But that's not it. I saw Yang kissing Blake, and within half an hour I saw her kissing Weiss, and although it really surprised me, it didn't feel anything like when I saw you and Weiss in the bathroom this morning . . . it didn't hurt."
Ruby raised her hands behind her head, lacing her fingers together to make a pillow. "Do you . . . have a crush on Weiss?" Ruby asked, clearly missing some of the details. When Pyrrha shot her a withering look, Ruby went wide-eyed and said, "Oh, crap. Me?"
Pyrrha nodded and gave a half-hearted shrug, looking straight again. "If I'm being honest, I don't have much experience when it comes to crushes. Back before I transitioned, it was so hard for me to tell envy and love apart. But now . . . I just kind of like anyone who treats me like a regular person. I haven't had a day as 'Pyrrha' where I wasn't also 'The Invincible Girl' or what have you." She made air quotes as she spoke.
"Hmm," Ruby hummed for a moment. Her feet battered the side of the building. "That's kind of a low bar for liking, I think."
Pyrrha smiled weakly. "I can admit that, I think."
"Hmm, honest, I don't have a clue what my standards are. I just kinda fall in love with every pretty girl who talks to me."
Pyrrha laughed, bringing a grin to Ruby's face, but that just encouraged Ruby to keep going: "Like, yeah, I just sort of want to kiss Weiss and Blake, duh, but also like . . . Professor Goodwitch, and Emerald, and Nora, and these really mean twins I met at a bar one time, and Penny, and Velvet, and kinda Cinder even though she doesn't really talk to me (she's just kinda like, 'whoah'), and you, and like . . . Marigold, actually, so I guess I called that one?"
Just about every other name made Pyrrha laugh harder, but once it got to Marigold, Pyrrha was literally in tears, unable to stop laughing. Pyrrha always felt like her feelings were messy and all over the place, but Ruby must just live in a daze.
When she was finally able to talk again, Pyrrha said, still through some laughter, "And I'll also admit - your standards are even more ridiculous than mine." It did not escape her attention that she was on that (quite long) list of pretty girls.
Ruby just kept rapping her heels on the wall of the dorms, most likely causing CRDL some grief.
Ruby said, "But, y'know, just because it's easy for me to feel something for someone doesn't mean I'm making it up. Like, I don't want to have to sort all of my feelings into being 'real' feelings or 'pretend' feelings just to explain who I end up with? Like, I'm dating Blake and Weiss, but that doesn't mean the rest of my feelings don't count."
"I . . ." Pyrrha started, then realized she didn't have a completed thought. She pulled her legs up, scooted away from the edge, and sat cross-legged a little closer to Ruby's head so they could actually look at each other while talking. She pursed her lips while she thought.
"I guess I've never really thought about it that way." She shrugged and said, "I mean, I've always felt that love is either destined or it's not. And if you're not meant to be with someone, you're not meant to be with them . . . and they're just a distraction from finding the right person."
"Oh, huh." Ruby's eyes stopped wandering around, just holding Pyrrha's gaze. "I don't believe in destiny, though. I can't trust some big, complicated force driving me to what's right for me . . . but I think I can trust how I feel." As she said that, she reached out and took Pyrrha's hand, rubbing the back of her palm with her thumb.
It took Pyrrha a few seconds after Ruby took her hand to remember how to process words and really understand what was said, but when she put it together, she blushed. "Here, let me . . ." Pyrrha tugged on her hand until Ruby let go, then quickly undid the laces on the inside of her glove and slipped it off, taking Ruby's hand back. That put a smile on Ruby's face.
Pyrrha blinked and cleared her throat as if resetting herself. She said, "You are . . . romantic, Ruby. And it feels like it should be so easy to believe what you're saying . . . but I don't know how. I don't know how to see the world the way you do."
As if she hadn't heard that at all, Ruby just cocked her head to the side and asked, "Hey, Pyrrha? Do you wanna go on a date with me?"
Pyrrha's heart skipped a beat. "I, uh . . ." A million reasons why she felt like she couldn't do that raced through her mind. Her impulsive desire to say 'yes' cut through them all, giving her a kind of whiplash. She dropped her head into her free hand and shook her head at her own ambivalence. "I'd like that very much," she said, biting back every insecure, cautious, and frankly rational reason she had not to do that. She felt her own hand lifted up, and a soft kiss placed between her knuckles.
When she finally peeked through her fingers at Ruby, Ruby's silver eyes were still locked on her face. The look wasn't quite so intense anymore, but the feeling of Ruby's hand, and her smile, and the way her hair all stuck up because she was laying down, and the fact that she'd just agreed to go on a date all left the small space between them electrically charged. She could feel a draw to Ruby like she could feel the hum of metal all around and below her, incessant, loud, inviting. But she couldn't move. She'd used up all her bravery in that one sentence.
Ruby swallowed audibly, nervous, before saying, "Uh . . . so I'd really like to kiss you right now, Pyrrha." That basically shot an arrow of impulsive-need-to-kiss-Ruby through Pyrrha's heart, but Ruby continued, "But, um. I think I want to talk to Weiss and Blake before I . . . do anything like that." She paused for a second and said, "Well, really, just Weiss. She's . . . she needs a lot of reassurance, like I do."
Right. Weiss and Blake. For a moment, Pyrrha had let herself forget. It twisted the feeling inside her, but it didn't extinguish it. It made her afraid, but it didn't hurt. She believed in what Ruby was feeling.
They sat there for a long minute before Pyrrha said, "Perhaps instead of . . . that . . . then," (actually saying she wanted to kiss Ruby was too much for her right now), "Maybe we could just . . . keep holding hands? For a little while longer?"
Ruby nodded with a smile, scooting a little closer. Even that made Pyrrha more nervous, but not in a way she hated.
Ruby said, softly, "I like you, Pyrrha Nikos."
Pyrrha laughed softly, then said, "Well, that's convenient." When Ruby quirked an eyebrow at her, she said, "Because I like you too, Ruby Rose."
"Great!" Ruby said, and gave her hand a tight squeeze.