A/N: Words can not describe how utterly AU this is. It will eventually get to a "comfort zone" but the first several chapters will be totally different. Enjoy. =)

DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Dick Wolf. Intellectual Property belongs to TStabler©, for your enjoyment =)

"No one gets in, no gets out, no one moves, no one even takes a breath without my consent. Am I clear?" Her subordinates muttered their agreement as they marched down the unfamiliar hallway and through the doors of the strange police precinct. "This is a joint effort. We're sharing the glory, but it's my show. If anyone dies, the blood's on my hands. I just got a manicure. Am I understood?" Again, the four people walking in step behind her shouted a terse and coordinated, "Yes, Ma'am." She stepped through the glass doors of the Special Victims Unit and held up a hand, her team stopping on a dime.

Brian Cassidy looked up and the file he'd been holding dropped to the floor. John Munch thought he was going to have a heart attack. Monique Jeffries scoffed and sipped her coffee like it was no big deal. Pete Breslin whistled and hooted.

Elliot Stabler, who was being outfitted in a bulletproof vest and extra weaponry, had died. Or, at least, he might as well have. His heart was racing, he couldn't feel his feet, his mouth went dry and he definitely was not suffering from any sort of erectile dysfunction. She was stunning. Her long, dark hair grazing her shoulders. Her lips looked to be just the right balance of pouty and taut. Her body was killer, tight in all the right places and curvy where it mattered.

Captain Don Cragen stepped up to her and held out a hand.

"Agent Benson, it is an honor to meet you. Thank you so much for stepping in and taking this case. I know it's trivial compared to what you normally face..."

She shook his hand, but did not smile. "Captain Cragen, you have three armed psychopaths holding a school full of children hostage. That is hardly trivial. Behind me," she said throwing a thumb over her shoulder, "Porter, Lewis, Hampton and Welken." As she said their names they raised their hands, like trained monkeys. "They're my team. They've got an entire mobile communications and forensics lab in the van outside and Porter's an ace with weapons. He can fire anything, including a bow and arrow if you've got it." She looked around at the motley crew of detectives, her eyes landing on Elliot. "I guess that's coming with me?"

Elliot's eyebrows just about flew off the top of his head, before narrowing so low they almost touched his nose. "Excuse me?"

Cragen held up a hand, stilling Stabler. "Yes. This is an SVU case, you need one of my guys in there."

Cassidy spoke up as he rose off his desk. "Sir, I take back my initial 'no fucking way' and would like you to reconsider..."

"No."

"Okay, then." He sat back down and went back to staring at Agent Benson.

Porter pulled a high tech looking vest out of a black back and wrapped it snugly around Agent Benson's torso, while Lewis strapped various weapons and devices to the pockets and compartments, some snapping on, some zipping in, some even being held on by powerful magnets. Hampton strapped a funky looking watch on her wrist and Welken stuck a black hearing-aid-type device in her ear, pulling a thin, flexible wire out of it until it reached her cheekbone.

"Holy shit," Munch said. "She's a Transformer."

Agent Benson laughed. "Nope, I prefer the term android."

Munch gasped, clutching his chest. "And she's a Trekkie! Why is my dream-girl young enough to be my daughter?"

"Okay, Benson, ready." Porter said, moving the bag and preparing to move out.

"Sorry, I don't have time for introductions, but when we bag the bastard, I'll come back and get all of your names." She shot a glance at Elliot. "Ready?"

"Yeah, this is good to go," he said with an attitude and a strong desire to take her up against the wall. What was it with this woman?

"Good," Benson muttered as she began walking toward the exit. "Lewis, please give our guest The Five."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Elliot was pulled into a V-Formation with the agents. "The five? The five what?" he asked as he was sandwiched between Hampton and Welken.

Lewis, her long brown hair secured tightly in a bun, turned to Elliot. "You will not refer to Agent Benson as anything but 'Benson' while on task. You are her subordinate, you follow her orders. You will not try to be her hero, she can take care of herself. You are to continue on task if she gets hurt, do not stop to help her, the task comes first. And five, you do not argue with her, fighting distracts from the task. If you follow The Five, you'll get along fine."

He addressed Benson. "Wait, so I'm just supposed to leave you there if one of these guys shoots you?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes," Agent Benson said unflappably. She led them out to the black van and slid the door open, climbing in first, signaling Elliot to get in next to her. Lewis and Porter joined them in the back. Hampton drove and Welken took shotgun. Elliot looked around the van and his head spun. There were several large and small computers and other high-tech devices hooked up to various ports and on one of the screens he saw...himself. But, only his right side. Agent Benson noticed him staring at it and laughed. "My earring. It's a camera." She flicked her ear and the image on the screen moved.

Elliot smirked at her. "Nifty."

She held out her hand to him. "Benson"

Taking her hand in his he replied, "Stabler"

"Yeah, I know who you are."

"How the hell? Oh, right, you people know everything about everyone, don't you?"

"Not everything. Are you married, Stabler? Children?" Benson asked as the van began to slow down. "I don't see how that is any of your business," he responded curtly, but silently prayed that she was asking because she wanted him as much as he discovered he wanted her.

"It isn't. But, there's a chance we're going to be losing some innocents today. That's our term for what you'd call an innocent victim," she clarified. "If you have a girlfriend, wife, whatever, Stabler, tonight will be one of those nights you need to go home and get good and fucked. Forget about the world a while."

His eyes widened and he coughed, laughing a little. "You're very blunt, Benson."

She smirked. "Thank you." The van stopped and the only two people getting out were Benson and Stabler. She climbed out first. "Follow me. Stay close. Don't do anything unless I tell you to do it. We're going into the coffee shop. The storage closet in the basement, if we blast it in the right spot, will lead us straight through to the boiler room of the school." Stabler looked at her, shook his head and cocked an eyebrow as he followed her into the building.

A/N: So, how's that for a new spin on things?