Save You

A Angsty Mergana A/U

Merlin was out on the balcony, leaning on the railing with a cigarette burning down in his hand. To be honest he had kind of forgotten that he had been smoking it, his mind was so pre-occupied.

Everything was wrong, it wasn't suppose to be like this, it shouldn't have to be like this. Merlin was aware that he was the re-incarnation of the great wizard that he was long ago, in a time of magic. He knew this, but he was alone in this knowledge, and indeed the world no longer in a time of magic.

Over the years magic had faded from the world, but some of the more powerful sorcerer's of the age had hidden a piece of their powers away within themselves. He had been re-incarnated too many times to count now, but unfortunately as the times changed, magic had a different effect on his body.

Merlin jumped at the sound of his apartment door opening. He took the last drag of his smoke and dumped it into the canister which was filled with butts. Walking into his flat, he saw Arthur standing at the kitchen table, absent-mindedly sorting through the mail. Arthur didn't know of course, who he was in his past life, the greatest King that Camelot had ever known. Many who did not posses magic back then had forgotten who they were as the ages passed by them.

Merlin knew Arthur was once a king, but when he had tried to tell him in their last life, he didn't believe Merlin.. This time around he decided to withhold the information that would have people believe that he was a mad man. Arthur did know however, that Merlin had magic. By some glory of god, and an unfortunate situation where Merlin got caught using it, Arthur had been strangely accepting of it. He always had been, through all the ages. Arthur was his best friend, and no matter how many lives they shared, how many miles that separated them, they always found each other. Two sides of the same coin.

"How is Morgana?" Merlin asked, startling Arthur from his thoughts. He had just returned home from the hospital.

"Have you been smoking again?" came the response as Arthur's nose crinkled.

"Yes, but that doesn't matter," he replied.

"It's gonna get you killed one day," the boy gave Arthur a blank stare, if only he knew...

Holding onto that part of himself was slowly deteriorating him. Magic was not meant to be had this far in the future, and so it tore away at his body every time he used it. He tried to use it sparingly, not needing it like he had in the past, but it was only delaying the inevitable. Merlin was dying, he probably wouldn't live to finish his masters in history. Every time he called on that part of himself, his body would be weak for days and he would spend his nights coughing up blood in the sink.

"Please, just tell me how Morgana is," begged Merlin.

Arthur gave him a serious looked as he leaned against the table sighing, "The doctors still have no idea what is wrong with her. They say that she is bleeding internally and there is nothing they can do to stop it..."

Merlin just stared back at Arthur. He had suspected things would go this way, since it was not a sickness of this world that was wracking Morgana's body in pain and defeating her. She still had the same nightmares, still feared what they meant and the magic ate away at her day by day, night by night. No one understood what was happening but Merlin.

"She's been in that coma for months now...Merlin, they said she won't make it to the end of the week," Arthur's voice fluxed with pain and frustration. The helplessness and incapacity to act, to do something was killing Arthur. Morgana was his sister after all, it was hard on him, but it was still hardest on Merlin.

"You should get some rest," Merlin replied, it was late and Arthur had been at the hospital till all hours for the last few months.

When Arthur didn't budge, Merlin went to him and grabbed his arm, taking him to his bedroom. It was a small apartment they shared, but they needed each other's support, especially in these hard times. Merlin knew that Arthur wouldn't get to sleep so when he sat him down on his bed he whispered "cysgu" under his breath. Arthur slipped into unconsciousness and fell back in his bed.

Merlin's body reacted to the use of his magic, pained coursed through him and he coughed blood up into his hand. When he heard a knock at the door, he quickly wiped the blood onto a stray towel and threw it into a hamper.

He opened the door to Gwen's worried face, "Gwen," he said as he stepped aside to let her in.

"How's Morgana? How's Arthur?" she asked skipping formalities.

"The doctor's had a breakthrough today," Merlin lied, "They think Morgana might make it,"

Gwen's face lit up with joy. Gwen and Morgana had been best friends ever since childhood, "Oh Arthur must be so relieved," she said.

"He is in his room," Merlin stated, "he's sleeping but I'm sure when he wakes up he would love to see you. I have to go out,"

"Alright," she said, she enveloped Merlin in a hug, "Thank-you Merlin,"

Merlin smiled at Gwen, grabbed his keys and left the apartment. He could have taken the car, but he decided to walk so he could take in the night sky properly and clear his head. He fumbled with his smokes, placed one in his mouth and lit it.

It had been easy enough to get into the hospital after hours. A little magic here and there to open locked doors and distract staff. He now found himself in Morgana's room, gazing down at her, his heart swelling with pain, his body weak from the magic.

He couldn't handle it anymore, seeing Morgana, once so strong and beautiful lay there, pale, weak and forever asleep. He could no longer stand by as the man he knew to be as strong as king crumpled in fear and sadness with the fate of his sister.

"Fate..." Merlin whispered, "You have always been too cruel..."

He walked closer to Morgana's bed and took her hands in his. A lump formed in his throat.

"I'm sorry," he said "I love you Morgana, I have always loved you...I just never had the courage to tell you," he stroked Morgana's face, "I always had a duty to protect Arthur, but as the ages have passed he needs me at his side less and less," tears started streaming down his face. "But he doesn't need me anymore Morgana, not like you need me now... I'm sorry for everything I have done to you, I'm sorry I betrayed you, I'm sorry I fought you. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you," Merlin swallowed hard, "But now I can, here in this life,"

Merlin placed his hand gently on the woman's forehead, flashing back to last time he used this spell to save her. Though, this would be different, this spell was too strong for this unfamiliar world. With his last bit of courage, Merlin summoned his magic forth and commanded "Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare mid þam sundorcræftas þære ealdaþ æ!".

The effect was instant on both of them. Morgana breathed in deeply, colour returning to her skin. Merlin's head spun, pain taking over every thought he had. The world spiralled away from him, and he felt himself coughing violently, spitting blood onto the floor. Merlin's world went black.

The cold wind bit bitterly at Morgana's skin. The sky was overcast, the world was an empty place. Morgana's black dress hugged her slim figure. Arthur stood beside her, also in black, Gwen beside him an engagement ring upon her finger.

Morgana stepped up to the coffin and looked down at Merlin. Tears streamed down her face as she placed a single rose across his chest.

"Thank-you Merlin, for saving me," her words held the weight of a history that she now understood, but no one else would know. "We will meet again..."

(A/N: The first bit of magic that Merlin uses is simply the word 'sleep' in Welsh – google translate ftw – and the second is a copy paste from the "Crystal Cave" script, I won't say more than that for spoilers. I was on tumblr the other day and I saw a post, someone was saying "What if Merlin's magic was killing him?" The idea sat with me, but it didn't make sense or click until I read my friend's fanfiction about Morgana and Merlin meeting in and a/u after being re-incarnated for years. The rest you just witnessed, sorry it's so angsty and depressing. Hope you like it!)