Let me just start off by saying that no, I am not dead. I know I haven't updated anything in a while… But I'm here to make up for it. Enjoy!
"Ow! Mah tooth!" Big Macintosh screamed. He had just bitten into an apple and found one of his teeth was very sore.
"What's wrong?" said Granny Smith.
"Nothin'", Big Macintosh lied. He knew Granny's way of treating sore teeth... She would tie a one end of a string to a door, one end to the tooth and slam the door.
Granny glared at him and said, "Tell me the truth, boy!"
Big Macintosh lowered his head and said, "Ah just got a tooth ache, Granny."
Granny nodded, made him open his mouth, looked in and said, "Ah can't see which one it is. You're going to see Doctor Yank. First thing Tamara."
Big Macintosh opened his mouth to argue, but the immense pain made him stop. He just nodded in agreement.
The next morning...
Big Macintosh was in the waiting room of Dr. Tug and Dr. Yank's office, flipping through an old National Geographic magazine, trying not to think about what the doctor was going to do to him.
"Big Macintosh" said the receptionist, "The doctor will see you now."
Big Macintosh felt like he was walking the green mile as he walked down the hallway to the exam room. He slowly sat in the chair and waited for the dentist.
As he waited, he read a poster on the wall of dental care rules.
#1: Never pick your teeth with any sharp metal object.
#2: Brush and floss every day. No excuses.
#3: There is no substitute for flossing.
The list went on and on.
Finally, the doctor walked in and said, "Good morning, Big Macintosh. I'm Dr. Yank. What seems to be the problem?"
Big Macintosh started to answer, but had to strangle a yelp when the air hit his tooth.
"That bad, huh?" Dr. Yank asked, "Let me take a look." The first tool he grabbed was a steel hook. He asked Big Macintosh to open his mouth, and he began to poke around in the area Big mac had come to have looked at.
After making Big Mac cry out in pain several times, he said "Well, let's take an X-ray."
After X-raying Big Mac's teeth, Dr. Dentine looked at one of the X-rays and said, "No wonder you're in so much pain. You've got a cavity on the biting surface of one of your molars."
'A cavity?' thought Big Macintosh, 'Ah've never had a cavity in mah life!'
The Doctor took the X-ray down and said, "Don't worry. It formed in an area that no amount of brushing or flossing would have helped." He then readied the drill and a needle. He held up the needle and said, "This is Novocain. It's to kill the pain. Just relax and you won't feel anything."
Dr. Yank then slowly stuck the needle into Big Mac's gums and began to talk to him as he gave him the Novocain. "So, do you do any fishing?"
"Gaaa haaaaa" Big Mac answered...
"Where do you usually go?" asked the doctor.
"Gaaaa haaa haaaa" said Big Mac.
"Oh yes, I've been there many times myself." said the doctor, taking the needle out. He then left the room to dispose of the needle.
While he was gone, Big Macintosh began to feel like his face was sliding off of his skull and his lip was now in his lap. When the doctor came back he said, "Excubes mebe. Whabut ibs wrobong with my fabace?" He couldn't talk right, because he couldn't feel his face.
"What's the matter?" asked the doctor.
"My fabace!" said Big Mac, "Do you segee my fabace! It wabsnt like thbis when I cabe in heee."
"Don't worry. I'm going to fix it", said the doctor.
"I hobe so", said Big Mac.
The dentist then began to drill.
After a few minutes, Big Mac began to see and smell smoke coming out of his mouth.
"Oh dear, this is pretty bad Mr. Macintosh." Dr. Yank commented as he drilled and poked around Big Mac's mouth.
He sighed and pushed a button, "Nurse, send in Dr. Mix. I'm afraid this patient needs a little something more." He went back to work.
The door opened, and an all-black pony trotted in wearing a white lab coat and goggles.
"Where is the experiment?"
Big Mac tried to react, but he couldn't because he was afraid that if he got up fast, his face would slide off.
The pony smiled maliciously. "Oh! You must be my sister's friend's brother." he giggled, "Oh it will be just smashing to work on you."
"GAA LLAAA HAAAAAA! NYAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Big Mac screamed. (Which translates to "No! Stay away from me! HEEEEEEEELP!)
"Oh hush!" He smacked Big Mac in the jaw, hitting the spot that was being worked on. "Oh, I'm sorry! Was that your cavity? That was your cavity." he grabbed Big Mac's hoof and held a pen in it. "Now, I need you to sign this waver. We'll be doing a lot of nasty stuff to your mouth, and well, I'll be frank. I might slip and accidentally hit a vein and well I'll be honest, I'm a little shaky in the hoof and I don't really like to clean my tools..." he made Big Mac sign the waver. "Good, good! Now let's begin."
"I'll leave you to take care of it" said Dr. Yank, as he left the room.
Dr. Mix turned around and grabbed a tool… He came back with a power drill that had a two foot long mason bit on the end… What made it worse was it was covered in fresh blood and small chunks of flesh.
Big Mac was too scared to even scream.
"Poor sap. The last pony I used this on was not too long ago actually. I believe he was dying of a tumor? Oh well! He's dead and now being fermented in my Lab." he pried Big Mac's mouth open, "Now say Aaaaaaaaaah."
"Glaagagaggagaag" Big mac managed to gargle in his own saliva… All he could think was, 'this isn't happening…. In a few minute, I'll wake up and all will be fine'
The drill started to spin and began to move toward his mouth.
'Ok. I would like to wake up now!' He screamed in his head.
Dr. Mix shoved the drill in Big Mac's mouth, completely missing the tooth, and into his tongue, causing a spray of blood to fly over him. "Well! That was rude!" He jerked the drill to the side while it was still in Big Mac's tongue. "Didn't your mother teach you to never spit on anypony?"
He shrugged, "Oh well! Farm ponies will be farm ponies." He yanked the drill up and stabbed into Big Mac's tooth, one of the ones that didn't have the cavity. "Well aren't you a good colt? These teeth are strong!" He leaned onto the drill and smiled gleefully when he felt the drill go through the enamel and bone. "You need to floss better" he said, "Your gums are so inflamed that they're bleeding!"
Big Mac was horrified! All he could see was blood spraying everywhere… but oddly enough, even though he was fairly certain his tongue was gone, he didn't feel any pain… Thank Celestia for anesthesia.
Venom Mix yanked out the drill as it was now stuck with Big Mac's tooth. He stopped the drill and picked the tooth off of the drill. The tooth had a large hole where the drill was, and happy as he could be, he showed it to Big Mac. "Well look at that big boy! Your tooth has a huge cavity! Well it seems I was wrong! Your teeth are filthy!"
He smiled gleefully and threw the tooth over his shoulder. "This means we have to check out ALL of your teeth!" He exclaimed joyfully in his silky voice. He threw the drill over his shoulder and trot behind Big Mac. "Now, don't you move! I'll be right back with the toys!"
Big Mac wanted to jump out of the chair and high tail it out the fire exit, but he knew he wouldn't get far with his face falling apart. He wanted so badly to use his tongue to feel for what had been destroyed, but he couldn't move his tongue… It felt like it had been ripped off.
Big Mac heard the squeaking of wheels as a cart covered in a tarp came to view. The black maned pony came to view and had decided to discard his goggles. "What a nice experiment! Staying still and waiting for me!" He reached into Big Mac's mouth and pulled out a mutilated pink blob soaked in red liquid.
"Look what happened to your tongue! Bad little colts shouldn't do that to their tongues." he pulled, but what was left of Big Mac's tongue was still connected to his head by a small strip of nerves. "Now, let go. If we keep this in, it'll hinder my performance." He grabbed the tarp and pulled, showing various contraptions all covered with rust and blood of varying dryness. He grabbed some scissors and started to snip away at the nerves. However, the scissors were old and lopsided, do they didn't quite cut correctly, mostly opting to separating and just grinding against the nerves.
"Aw, to Tartarus with it!" said Dr. Mix, tearing the tongue out by the root.
Once the tongue was ripped out, Dr. Mix was greeted with a shower of blood. "Oh come now..." He grabbed a syringe and stabbed it through a vial filled with a light grey potion. "I'll have to give you a heavy dose of Lapis Sanguis. It'll stop the blood flow there and let us keep on our fun." He stabbed and injected the liquid into Big Mac's jaw, the effect immediate.
"Good. Now I won't have to work on a dead body. No fun, the dead. They don't appreciate my humor!" He grabbed a carving knife. "Now what tooth should be next?"
Big Mac could only stare in horror... One thought cross his mind... 'I'm never leaving this office... I'm never gonna see my sisters again... This is how it ends... I'm going to die...'
"I don't like the ones in the front. Let's get rid of those, shall we!?" He dug the knife into the gums and pushed down into them, trying to find a notch. He found it and started to saw the teeth at the roots. "You are being so obedient! I should give your name a little gold star sticker!"
He pushed forward and broke through the teeth, stabbing into the bottom of Big Mac's mouth. "I must say! Country ponies are so sturdy! I have..." He retracted the knife and threw it aside. He grabbed a pair of pliers and grabbed a tooth, starting to painfully rip it from Big Mac's mouth, "...to start working on them more!"
He suddenly stopped and smiled gleefully, "I have another patient coming by next week. I believe a red maned filly with an oversized bow?"
At this point, Big Mac was ready to cry... But he wouldn't let himself... Not for this monster... And there was no way in heaven or hell he was going to let Dr. Mix lay his hooves on Apple Bloom.
"Oh! Did I strike a nerve there?" He questioned as a fire was lit in Big Mac's eyes.
"Well it seems I better hit there again!" He ripped out the tooth with the pliers, leaving a gaping hole in Big Mac's gums. "I was also dying to start my experiments on the orange pony with the hat." He casually said as he picked up a jagged rusty nail from the tray with a small hammer.
"Oh! Dear me! I forgot to tell you #646586. The potion I gave you actually shuts down the use of your limbs. Mostly because of the Dragon's bane root. Nasty little poison." He murmured as he set the nail inside the hole of Mac's gums. He swung the hammer over his head and sent it crashing onto the nail, causing it to rip and tear through the nerves.
Big Mac just glared at Dr. Mix... He didn't care what it took... He was not gonna let him touch his sisters... Just then, he noticed the tray of dentist tools... 'All I have to do' he thought, 'is get one of the sharp hooks and stab him in the eye... He'll drop like a sack of potatos... Now... How am I gonna get it if I can't move?' He began to think of all the evil things Dr. Mix would do to AJ and Apple Bloom...
Dr. Mix, after working on many, and I do mean many, patients before, knew what Big Mac was thinking.
"You're not getting out of this my friend. The fun hasn't even started!" he pushed the cart away from Big Mac. He fiddled with the nail, making sure that he struck every nerve he could. "Honestly. You farm ponies are so... How should I say this?"
He yanked the nail out of Big Mac's mouth. "Stupid. Yes that's good. You're stupid. To think..." He grabbed hack saw from the tray and pried open Mac's mouth.
"...this wouldn't have happened if you had practiced good dental hygiene." He grunted, "This won't do! I need more room!" He then lined the hack saw with the skin connecting the jaw to the skull and started sawing.
In no time, Big Mac's lower jaw had been sawed off completely.
Dr. Mix tossed it aside... "we won't be needing that, now will we?"
"Oh dear. It seems our fun is almost done!" he smiled, "It has been a joy Mr. Macintosh." He then grabbed something behind the other little toys on the cart.
"I absolutely love this one."
What he pulled out was what made Big Mac cringe internally. It was a spoon.
He grabbed Big Mac's skull and set to work on carving out the rest of Big Mac's teeth with the round spoon.
"I'd better work quickly. The poison should be wearing off soon." He said as he carved out a tooth, leaving behind a bloody, mushy mess of gums. He set to work on the next, making sure to keep himself entertained by singing his favorite song.
"I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just singin',
Singin' in the rain"
With every line spoken, Dr. Mix was carving out another tooth.
Big Mac just sat there... with no tongue... no bottom jaw... And having every last tooth carved out of his head like a he was a pumpkin.
Dr. Mix smiled at his handiwork. "I do believe that this little session is all done." he chuckled darkly as his coal eyes roamed around what was left of Big Mac's face. He could barely see the rising and falling of his chest, signifying he was indeed still alive.
"Mr. Macintosh. I do thank you. You were a great experiment. #646582 was definitely one to remember." He grabbed the last toy he was going to use on Big Mac.
A nail gun.
"Any last words? No? Oh do speak up! No pony likes a gargling fool!" he sighed. "It seems I have to come up with your last words."
He cleared his throat and aimed the nail gun at Big Mac's forehead, "I, Big Macintosh of the Apple family, was so foolish as to ignore dental hygiene. So with my final breath, I admit that the undoing to myself and my family was purely out of ignorance of dental hygiene." Dr. Mix laughed maniacally, "Oh you couldn't have said it any better my good friend!"
'Not like this' thought Big Mac as he stared at the nail gun. 'Not like this.'
Dr. Mix squeezed the trigger. The nail shot through Big Mac and into his brain, causing instant death.
Big Mac snapped awake. "GAH!" he yelped...
"What's wrong?" asked Dr. Dentine, "Is that tooth still sensitive?"
Big Mac felt the side of his face... All of his teeth were still in his mouth, his jaw was still attached and his tongue was still where it belonged. "Whew... Thank Celestia" he said, slumping back into the chair.
Dr. Dentine took off his gloves and washed his hooves. "You fell asleep during the procedure... Pretty normal for the amount of painkillers I used..."
Big Mac looked at Dr. Dentine and said, "I'll tell you what. I had the worst nightmare I've ever had while I was under..."
"One of the side effects" said Dr. Dentine, "it causes strange dreams." He then held up a recent X-ray of Big Mac's mouth and said, "That cavity was pretty deep... Luckily, we were able to stop it before you would've had to have the tooth removed entirely..."
Big Mac got out of the chair, shook Dr. Dentine's hoof, and left the exam room.
On the way out, he happened to notice a strangely familiar black stallion, wearing goggles and a lab coat going into Exam room B.
As he left the building, he saw the sign out front read "Dentistry offices of Dr. A. Tug, Dr. A. Yank and Dr. V. Mix."
"That last name wasn't there when I went in..." Big Mac said to nopony.
And done! Wow… this took 7 pages in Microsoft Word and was over 3000 words! I hope my next one will be OVER 9000! Sorry. I couldn't resist. Thanks for reading. Bye!