The Truth Is Out There

The real, true explanation of why Luke Danes became an idiot during Season 6.

It was that time of night, just slightly past crazy o'clock, and Lorelai Gilmore took up her now-accustomed spot. She leaned against the doorframe and looked vacantly into Rory's room. Her thumbs hooked into the belt loops of her jeans and her mind at first drifted, then went blank, as she stared mindlessly at the things that had once tethered her daughter to their home. Rory was now out living her own life, making her own mistakes and finding her own loves, and with any luck she would figure it out a whole lot better than Lorelai had so far.

Lorelai had discovered the therapeutic influence of Rory's room by accident. Night after night she'd spent hours wandering through her house, her mind churning endlessly from the would'ves and should'ves and could'ves of the past year. The continuous loop of self-recriminations and accusations threatened to drive her mad until one night she paused in her pacing to stare into the dimness of Rory's room. Soon other memories, pleasant ones, crowded out the overwhelming despair, serving as a sort of mental white noise to cover the tumult in her brain. It was such a relief to have the reproachful voices in her head stilled that she stood there until her feet and knees began to protest, the needles and pins sensation finally becoming annoying enough to interrupt her Zen-like reverie.

On this particular September night she hadn't quite attained the zombie-trance state yet. She was still thinking about the groceries she should pick up at Doose's tomorrow, (Why had Luke shut her out?), and the window sticking in Room 6, (Why didn't he want her to be around April?), and what Rory's schedule was for the rest of the week, (And why, oh why, had she foolishly given him an ultimatum?), and…Well, maybe she should just give up and call Chris. At least he was still standing by her, willing to wait for her. Maybe she should –

A sudden noise broke through her thoughts. Was someone knocking on the door? Lorelai stepped further out into the hallway, trying to determine where the sound was coming from.

The fast tapping noise came again, and her head swiveled from the front of the house to the back. It was definitely coming from the back door.

Hesitantly she stepped into the kitchen, knowing that whoever was at the door would be able to see her once she did. True, it was probably Babette, but it was late at night, late enough that an unexpected visitor standing on her back porch was sufficient to turn her cautious.

It wasn't Babette. One glance showed that the surprise guest would tower over her height-challenged neighbor. The second glance rooted her feet halfway to the door, because his was a silhouette she'd know until her dying day.

It was Luke. Her beautiful Luke. The last person she thought would ever be standing at her back door again. The one person whose presence she craved, every minute of every day. But no matter how much she longed to see him, she'd still choose a sugar-free existence for the rest of her life rather than have to face him ever again. That Luke.

She froze, not trusting her vision. He peered through the glass at her and knocked again. The expression on his face was pleading. Beseeching. Desperate.

Suddenly she thought of Jess, and April, and Liz, and the baby that was going to make him an uncle again. Compassion finally freed her feet. She lurched to the door and opened it, cautiously, in spite of her desire to help him, if help was what he needed.

He swept her up into his arms and held her so tightly she thought her ribs would snap. She could hear the air laboring in and out of his lungs, almost choking him, sounding as if he was trying hard not to cry.

When he finally released his hold on her he moved his hands to either side of her face, his eyes greedily looking her over. "My God," he murmured, still sounding close to tears. "Lorelai. Lorelai, sweetheart. I thought I'd never see you again."

"I didn't think you'd ever want to see me again," Lorelai replied as casually as she could, as if it was perfectly normal for her ex-fiancé, the man she'd cheated on, to be holding her again. Her thoughts spun in confusion. She couldn't figure out what was going on, but she suspected her heart was going to explode in about another minute, if it kept trying to beat as fast as it was.

Luke cupped her cheek, almost reverentially. "Dear God, I'd almost forgotten how beautiful you are."

"No. I'm not." She found the willpower to remove her face from his caress and looked down at the floor. Beautiful was the last thing she was at the moment. Sleepless nights and those nagging evil thoughts had dulled her eyes and trapped her smile between the deep lines etched on either side of her mouth. Beautiful was in the past – which was where Luke's regard for her should have been too.

"Beautiful," he insisted softly, and then he caught her up again. This time, when she raised her face to gasp for air, he bent down and kissed her.

A highlights reel of their kisses revolved through her mind. The first one at the Dragonfly switched places with the passionate make-up kiss at the front door while Judy Garland serenaded them. She remembered kissing at the gazebo, toasting their ill-fated engagement with Zima. She remembered a multitude of kisses in the stairway leading to his apartment, those after Sniffy's, and again, after a drunken limo ride home.

She wanted to melt. She wanted to let whatever crazy impulse was flowing through him to carry her away too. More than anything, she wanted this to be real and true.

But it wasn't. She knew it couldn't be. Lorelai gathered all of the strength she could possibly find and pushed him away. She stood solid, firmly on her feet, and willed herself to be stronger than even 'I am no man' Eowyn.

"Are you drunk?" she demanded, her hands on her hips, glaring at him. Every molecule of her body was weeping, crying out for him. But he didn't need to know that.

Luke snorted out one of those dismissive laughs she hadn't heard in forever. "No, I'm certainly not drunk."

"Then what's going on?" she insisted. "What are you doing here? Because you certainly didn't suddenly wake up and think, 'Oh yeah, let's go see my no-good ex, that'll be fun.'"

Luke glowered at her, then gestured up and down at his body. "Have you even looked at me yet?"

His weird, mesh-like silver pajamas finally registered, and she frowned. "Who dressed you, David Bowie?"

"Possibly," he snapped.

The shimmering material drew her in. She put her hand against his chest, feeling the warmth. But it didn't seem to be coming from Luke. It was almost as if the cloth was manufacturing its own heat.

"Huh," she said, trying to make sense of it all. Meanwhile, her eyes began to truly focus on his face for the first time. "Wow. You – wow. You look fantastic." Her fingers took leave of her mind and ran through his hair; hair that looked darker and fuller and curlier than what she recalled. They then traced over his face, which was barely lined and looked as if ten years had fallen off of him. "I guess being away from me has been good for you."

Luke's hands bit into her shoulders and he seemed to stop just shy of shaking her. "Don't say that! Don't ever say that!" He gulped and seemed to collect himself. "Every day without you has been hell, Lorelai. Absolute hell."

She refused to let herself believe this was some sort of reconciliation. "And a lot of the days together were hell, too, or have you conveniently forgotten those?"

He growled and seemed to be reconsidering the shaking thing. "OK, let's talk about those days. Think back to about a year ago. Can you remember the last time we were together when it wasn't hell?"

"Umm…" She lost herself for a moment, staring into his demanding blue eyes. "Sorry," she said, giving herself a shake instead. "What was the question?"

"A year ago. Us. When wasn't it hell?"

She tried to focus, forced herself to remember things she didn't want to. "Well, that night Sookie and Jackson came to dinner certainly wasn't heaven, when you did your drama queen act and stomped off."

Luke shook his head, looking chagrined. "Sorry, that one was really me."

Lorelai was starting to get an eerie feeling in the pit of her stomach. "What do you mean –?"

"Never mind," he insisted. "Go on. Think."

"Well…" She tried to remember; tried to think back when they were a unit. Unbreakable – or so she had believed. "After you left in a huff that night, I came over to the apartment to find you. We talked, and seemed to reach an understanding. And then later, we tried to make-up, but we were tired and still sort of mad at each other, so we ended up just going to sleep. But the next night…" Unbidden, her palm landed against his solid chest, while her mind danced over the intimate memories. "The next night was incredible. Best make-up sex ever." She tried to smile, but it swiftly disappeared. Her voice wobbled. "But that seemed to be the last time…" She had to stop and get back into control. "That sort of seemed to be the last time you really had any desire to make love to me. After that it seemed more like duty."

"Yes!" he cried out triumphantly. "Exactly!"

She didn't understand him at all. "And that's a good thing?"

"Yes, Lorelai, because that was the last night it was really me!"

"Luke." She laughed skeptically. "Are you going to tell me you were snatched up by aliens or something?"

The triumphant look faded away. "Well…" He pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and sat down heavily on it, hunching over and clasping his hands between his knees. "Yes. That's exactly what I'm going to say."

"Luke!" she laughed, scathingly. "Come on!"

He looked at her, not smiling. Not trying to add anything else, or say he was kidding, or changing the subject. Just watching her closely.

"Luke." She pulled out a chair and sat down across from him. "Tell me what's the joke here. Because obviously you're pulling my leg, or something. What's the point of this? I mean, it's the wrong time of year for an April Fool's prank."

He thought quietly for a moment, chewing his lip. Finally, with a sigh, he reached across the table for one of her hands. "Lorelai, for years, you've fed me tall tales. You've expected me to believe them – or at the very least, be amused by them. Now it's my turn. I'm going to tell you everything I know. Then it'll be your choice, whether or not to believe me. But I hope you do. I…I don't know what I'll do if you don't." His eyes once again looked straight into hers, and something familiar fluttered in Lorelai's chest.

"Your eyes," she murmured, captivated.

"What about them?" he asked anxiously.

"They're…they're yours," she said, feeling foolish after she said it. "They have this light…" She stopped, trying to think how to describe it. "I just…haven't seen it for a while."

He nodded patiently. "Because they haven't been my eyes."

She felt like she'd been roughed up; pummeled somehow. "So tell me," she said curtly, drawing her hand from his and flapping it about in agitation. "Make me believe this insanity."

Luke sat back in the chair, scanning the ceiling for a moment, apparently looking for the words to begin. "That morning…do you remember that morning? After the make-up night?"

Lorelai shrugged, wanting to appear unaffected. "I was sort of awake. You told me goodbye."

"I told you goodbye, but I didn't want to go." His expression softened to the point that she had to look away. "I was so close to just climbing back into bed with you; saying to hell with opening the diner." He sighed wistfully. "Things would have been so much different if I'd just done what I wanted to for once, instead of being responsible."

She smiled, in spite of her attempt to appear indifferent. "But then you wouldn't be Luke."

"That might be true," he agreed, smiling sadly. "So I started walking back to the diner. It was early, barely past dawn, and I wasn't paying too much attention to anything. I mean, I'd walked that same stretch of sidewalk hundreds of times. My focus was still on you, remembering the things you'd said and done to me during the night; feeling sad about Rory." He immediately frowned and looked at her sharply. "That's really OK now, isn't it, between the two of you? She's home and is back to school and everything?"

Lorelai nodded, feeling uncomfortable. "You know she is, Luke. I'm sure you've at least seen her in town, even if she hasn't been in the diner lately."

"No, I haven't," he said testily. "I haven't been here!"

"OK, OK, just go on," she encouraged him, not wanting to get hung up on the details. "Yes, Rory's home, everything's fine."

"She's back at Yale, right?"

"Yes, Luke, she's back at Yale."

"Is she still with –" he paused to grimace – "Logan?"

"Yes, she is," Lorelai said noncommittally.

"How can you let her keep on with that –?"

"Luke! Focus. Aliens, remember?" she taunted him.

He groaned and ran his hands through his beautifully thick hair. "OK, walking to the diner, my mind elsewhere. Suddenly there was just this huge flash of light, like in the videos you've seen of nuclear blasts. Absolutely blinding. And then there was just…nothing. And somehow, I was aware of…of the nothing. Like I was floating, or asleep, or something. Eventually – I didn't wake up, not exactly. But when my…consciousness, I guess you'd call it, came back…it was like I already knew what was going on. Like it had all been communicated to me somehow, while I was…drifting." He glanced over at her, obviously hoping she was following him so far.

"Go on," was all she said.

"And I understood I wasn't on Earth. The air I was breathing didn't seem like regular air, it was like you could actually feel it being pulled down into your lungs. The atmosphere; the way sounds carried – nothing was the way it should be. It was all just…" He smiled grimly before uttering the word. "Alien."

She smiled back tentatively, appreciating the pun, although still disturbed by his story.

"So when I came to up there, they'd already implanted a lot of the details in my brain. I knew why they'd grabbed us –"

"Us?" Lorelai interrupted.

"Yeah, me, two guys from Seattle, some guy who I think was Swedish – his name was Keurig or something like that – and the original Juan Valdez."

"I'm sorry." Lorelai leaned forward in her chair looking at him intently. "Juan…Juan Valdez? Are you talking about the coffee guy? The guy with the donkey?"

"Yeah, exactly." Luke nodded vigorously, but then paused to consider. "He didn't have the donkey with him up there, though."

"But why…?"

"Because of the coffee. They're addicted to coffee. They're worse than you are."

"Aliens are addicted to coffee," Lorelai reiterated flatly.

"These are. They were on Earth back in the Fifties and started drinking it to fit in. They took some back with them to their home planet, and it quickly became the most valuable commodity in their universe. It's like platinum would be to us, I guess. They've tried growing it; tried different ways of brewing it, but nothing came close to the coffee they'd experienced here. So coming back to Earth and trying to figure out the secret to it was sort like finding the Holy Grail to them."

Lorelai couldn't stop shaking her head. "All they care about is…our coffee?"

"Yeah. Crazy, right?"

"Yep, crazy seems like the right word."

"Anyway, it wasn't supposed to take very long. They came to Earth, grabbed us, gleaned our knowledge and flew away again – that was supposed to be the mission. But things went wrong before they even woke me up."

Well, she had to find out, didn't she? "What went wrong?" Lorelai asked with a heavy sigh.

"Some sort of massive solar flare. They had to bug out of our atmosphere fast and find someplace to hide until it was over. Then one thing after another went wrong and they kept having to delay the return to Earth."

"So what did these coffee-worshipping aliens look like?"

Luke shook his head. "I can't tell you exactly. They'd activate some sort of a visual shielding thing when they were around us. They said seeing them as they really looked would be disturbing to us, so they made sure all we saw was sort of a blurred, tall creature."

"Tall, huh?" Lorelai smiled without humor. "Guess that old saying about coffee stunting your growth is a lie then." She leaned slightly over the table. "Luke, this is a great little story you're spinning here, but everyone in town can swear to the fact that you were in Stars Hollow every day, in the diner. Even after we broke up, I know you didn't go anywhere."

"That's because they left a replicant in my place," he explained earnestly.

"Oh. My. God," Lorelai muttered. "A replicant. Really?"

"Yes, really," he said firmly. "They had it programmed with algorithms based on everything I'd previously done in my life. And remember, at the most, it was only supposed to be used for a week or two. It wasn't supposed to have to fill in for over a year. And it might have still been OK, except that the one thing happened that nobody could've ever predicted…"

Icy dread feathered down Lorelai's spine. "April," she whispered.

"Yeah. April." Luke shifted in his chair. "Who would've ever seen that coming, that I had a daughter out in the world?"

"Not me," she confirmed, again in a whisper.

"Since they didn't have any way to reach the thing, to modify its programming, it relied on the protocols instilled in it, and their big rule is to always protect the young of the species. So it thought the right thing to do was to favor April. It saw you as grown, not in need of nurturing."

"Oh," Lorelai mumbled, ashamed at how much it still hurt to remember how he'd pushed her aside when April was around.

Luke reached for her hand and held it tightly. "I kept telling them they were wrong. I kept begging them to do anything to alter what was happening, but they couldn't fix the programming. It was like it just bounced off of Earth's atmosphere."

"How did you even know what was going on?"

"They showed me images every week, sort of a compilation of events, so that I wouldn't be completely in the dark when I got back here." He let go of her hand so he could rub both of his across his face. "It killed me, Lorelai, absolutely killed me to see you so hurt. I promised them anything in the world, if they'd just let me…" His voice choked off, and after a brief pause to deal with his agony, he pulled himself back together. "But there wasn't anything they could do. We were a gazillion miles away, flying back as fast as we could, but…the damage was done."

"Oh no. No. No!" Lorelai scooted back her chair, ready to run away, ready to flee the horror she knew was coming. "If you saw, if they showed you – then you know. You know what I did – you know that I –"

Luke grabbed her hands, kept her from disappearing. "I know you love me even more than I thought you did."

"Oh, Luke, how can you say that?" she wailed, once again succumbing to the shame of what she'd done.

"Because I know you so well. I know how impatient you are. I've watched for years as you discarded anything unpleasant in your life. I knew you loved me, but I also knew I was going to have to fight to keep you if we hit a rough patch. So imagine how shocked I was to watch you forgive being kept in the dark, and then hold your tongue and wait patiently for the whole April mess to get better. You waited ten times longer than I ever would have expected you to, Lorelai. And you did that because you love me," he said with absolute conviction.

"I do – I mean I did – I mean –" She broke off, not sure which tense was proper under the circumstances. "But still, Luke, you know what I did. You know I went to…him."

His younger face suddenly looked more weathered. "Yeah, I do, and I…I hate that you did. Of course I do. But I also know you haven't seen him since, have you?"

"No. He's called, we've talked, but, no. Nothing else."

"And if I'd been here, the way I should have been, would you have gone to him?"

Indignation flamed up through her. "Of course not!"

"Then I don't see how I can hold it against you."

Lorelai was glad she was sitting down because she suddenly felt weightless, as if she could float away. "You can't mean that," she speculated, her heart beating wildly again.

"It wasn't your fault any more than it was my fault that I was snatched away from you."

She really didn't want her hopes to get out of hand. "But still –"

"And besides, you were sleeping with a replicant the whole time, too, don't forget that," Luke added dryly.

"Yuck. That's just…Ewww."

Luke began to chuckle, surprising Lorelai.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. Just, there was one thing the dummy got right. Well, two things, I guess." Luke smiled at her, with only a hint of sadness. "One, he finally came over here, ready to elope. I guess the algorithms eventually kicked in, even if it was too late. And then he went and found Christopher and decked him."

"He – you – went to Christopher's?" Lorelai asked, stunned.

"You didn't know that?"

"No!"

"Yeah." Luke nodded with satisfaction. "For a pile of computer synapses and synthetic skin, he packed quite a punch. I asked for a copy of it. Played it over and over in a continuous loop whenever I got too depressed."

Lorelai was still trying to absorb this piece of science fiction. "So where is he – it – now?"

"He's dissipated. Gone in a puff of smoke the second my feet landed on Earth. They have a rule that no replicant can exist in the same plane as the person they're replacing."

"Well…sure. That makes sense." Light sarcasm coated her words.

Luke looked at her levelly. "Does it?"

Lorelai met his gaze. "No, actually it doesn't. I'm just…Aliens, Luke? I'm really supposed to believe in aliens?"

He continued looking at her in the same steady, Luke-like fashion. "That's up to you. You decide, Lorelai. Which is easier to believe? That there are aliens circling our planet, snatching up people as it pleases them? Or that I was capable of treating you so cruelly?"

Tears stung her eyes and she had to blink hard. He kept watching her, waiting on her, maybe even loving her, until the tears spilled over. "Aliens," she sobbed, breaking apart. "I want it to be aliens!"

He was beside her in a second, raising her up, holding her to him, comforting her. "Thank God," he muttered, over and over again. "Thank God."

She cried some more. So did he. They held each other for some long, soothing minutes. Then they kissed, confirming everything.

"I should have known," Lorelai mourned, burying her face into the warmth of his chest.

"Known what?"

"That it wasn't you. I should have known immediately."

"Well, it might have been OK if it had just been for a couple of weeks, the way it was supposed to be. You probably just would have thought I was in one of my dark moods or something, instead of believing I was trying to shove you out of my life. It's not your fault the powers-that-be thought no one would notice if I was replaced with an imposter."

"Are you telling everyone what happened?"

"No way," Luke said emphatically. "For one thing, everyone would think I was a kook, and for another, that was one of the terms of my release. I promised I'd tell no one but you."

"OK." Lorelai took a deep, shaky breath, running her hands up and down his arms, trying to accept that this was all happening. To believe that Luke – her Luke – was back in her life. "I know I'm going to have a bunch more questions after I get a chance to digest all this, but the main one is: what happens now?"

"Well, I –" Luke stopped suddenly and grabbed for her left hand. "Where's your ring?" he asked, rubbing a finger over the spot where it should have been.

"It's upstairs," she confessed. "I should have given it back, but I just…I couldn't."

"Good. Then first, we'll get that ring back on your finger," he stated, but then he looked uncertain. "That is, if you…if you still want…"

"Of course! Of course I do!"

"Then that's step one. After that, I want to make love to you until I'm ready to drop dead from exhaustion."

Lorelai chuckled, even though there were still a few stray tears running down her cheeks. "That's an idea I can heartily endorse."

They started walking towards the stairs, their arms firmly linked around each other, and Luke continued the conversation. "And then tomorrow, when we wake up –"

"When we wake up," Lorelai repeated, savoring the way those words sounded.

"I'm going to check on Jess and Liz. Who knows what idiocy TJ's done in the months I've been gone? I want to make sure that baby's OK," he said, the worry evident in his voice.

"Liz was healthy and glowing the last time I saw her," Lorelai assured him.

"Yeah?" he asked, smiling down at her.

"Yeah."

"OK, well, I'll check on them, check on the diner, and then you and I are heading over to Woodbridge. I want to finally meet my daughter."

Lorelai stopped dead, almost making Luke lose his balance on the stairs. "Are you sure about that?" she asked, fearfully mumbling the words from out of her frozen mouth.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because…because Anna –"

"Anna needs to understand that you are going to be in April's life every bit as much as I will be."

She started to cry again. She couldn't help it.

"Aw, Sweetheart." Luke turned sideways on the stair tread, to hold her to him in another crushing hug. "Don't you understand? If it'd been me, none of this stuff with April would have happened. You would have known about her five minutes after I did. You would have been with me at the school science fair. You would have been with me the first time I talked to Anna. You would have always been there with me."

Her tears evaporated against the self-warming material covering his chest. She tried to hold him as tightly as he was holding her. "I love you, Luke."

"I love you too." He kissed the top of her head. "Now, can we get the rest of the way upstairs and start getting things back to normal?"

"Absolutely."

They continued upwards, turning towards the bedroom.

"Hey, Luke?" she asked thoughtfully.

"What?" His voice was already husky, probably thinking about what was waiting for them beyond the doorway.

"Did you bring back some of whatever they gave you to make you look so good? Because we could make a fortune marketing that –"

She was preparing a whole bit revolving around his good looks to tease him, but her jokes never had a chance.

Because Luke had other ideas on how to best spend his first night back on Earth with the woman he loved.

If any of you are scratching your heads over this story, you only have to check the date it was posted to figure it out. Who doesn't love a good April Fool's Day story? I've always threatened to do an alien theory one, since I've exhausted every other possible reason for Luke to turn into PodLuke.

Now on to my other April story! (The month, not the character. Don't worry, there's no April in my Year!)