Author's note: I did an edit of this chapter to both make it longer and give a bit more credit to the events of Mass Effect 1. I did go out of canon on parts. Because I like it better that way. I hope this revision was worth it! Thanks for reading!
My name is Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. I'm a quarian who's spent the last 8 months aboard the SSV Normandy, a stealth warship commanded by Commander Kate Shepard, the first human Spectre, N7 marine, extremely talented biotic, and holder of my heart. I still remember when I first met Shepard. I was a just a stupid kid on her pilgrimage who had just arrived on the Citadel. I didn't think I needed my barriers up.
That was my mistake. Saren's men shot at me and punched a hole clean through my suit. I tried to get some help but no one cared. I made a stupid business deal with the shadow broker expecting someone to help me, but he turned on me like I should've expected him to. I thought I was dead. Until a beautiful young commander came to rescue me.
I honestly didn't know what to think about you at first. All I knew was you interested me. I joined your crew on the Normandy and we started talking regularly. As we talked more and more my interest in you grew so much in so little time. I then grew to be attracted to you over time. As something much more than a friend.
Together with the rest of the crew of the Normandy we hunted Saren Artimus, a rouge spectre, to try and stop him from his maniacal plans. Our search led us to many places all around the galaxy. I still remember all of our talks. I remember growing to trust you so much that I told you about my mother's death and about my relationship with my father. After we picked up an asari named Liara T'Soni, however, I noticed you were coming down to engineering less and less. I felt selfish for thinking you could only talk to me. But I missed you. So much.
Then one day, I was in a particularly bad mood and I was taking it out on the poor drive core try to disassemble a particular part for repairs and I was having trouble.
"Stupid bosh'tet piece of junk!" I yelled with anger.
"Having trouble?" You asked. I was surprised by the fact you came down to see me at all. I thought you had forgotten me.
"Yes. Just a little bit. This piece of junk just takes a simpler mind than mine to take apart."
"Great! Hand it over then!"
"Shepard, you're no engineer. You couldn't hope to take it apart."
"Ouch. That's true. I'm no engineer, but I have a few tricks on my own remember?" I sighed a sigh of defeat and handed it over to you. And I was surprised when I saw you slowly but carefully disassembled it piece by piece with your biotics. I knew you were good with them, but I never realized you had that much fine control over them.
"Here. Told ya so." And you smiled a triumphant smile. I always melted a little when you smiled. You had a habit of getting under my suit.
"Thanks Shepard. Now what are you doing down here?"
"I wasn't aware I needed a reason to see my favorite quarian." Keelah…you always knew what to say.
"You don't. It's just that I've noticed that you don't come down as often anymore. You've been spending a lot of time in the med lab."
"You're right. I have. But I enjoy our time together Tali. I enjoy our talks. But if you'd rather I leave…" you then started to walk away. I had to do something so I said,
"Wait! Don't go. Please."
"Alright. I'll stay right here. And don't think you've escaped me yet. I'll be coming down here a lot more often starting today." And you lived up to your word. You started coming down everyday at least once. Eventually we went to Virmire. A lot happened there, your standoff with Wrex, destroyng the Genophage cure, but worst of all Kaiden's death.
After we got back to the Normandy I looked for you. I finally found you in your cabin sitting on your bed looking at the floor.
"Hey. Are you okay?" I asked you.
"No Tali. I'm not. I just left a good friend of mine to die. He's dead because of me."
"That's not true and you know it. You had to save as many people as possible. And you did. Think of all the people who will live to tell this story because of you. Me, Wrex, Garrus, Liara, Ashley, that STG captain and his squad. You saved so many people. You're a hero. And if Kaiden were here he would tell you the exact same thing."
"Tali…"
"I'm here for you Shepard. Whenever you need me." And I reached over and put my right hand over your left. It was the first time I'd ever touched you. The closest I'd ever been to you. You simply put your other hand on top of mine and said,
"Thank you." Living in the moment, I stayed with you that night. A couple of weeks later we went to the citadel to tell the council what we found. Only to be told that we were getting locked out of our ship and grounded. So we did what only we could: we stole it. It was a very daring move, but I wouldn't expect anything less from you.
After hijacking the Normandy, we immediately flew off to Ilos. It was gonna be a few hours before we got there so I went up to your room to spend what could've possibly been our last chance to talk.
"Hey."
"Hey, Tali. I wasn't expecting you."
"I know. I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you while I still could."
"You're acting like we'll never speak again. We'll be fine. I promise."
"I hope you're right. But just in case I want to be with you until we get there. If you'll let me, that is."
"Of course, I would like nothing more." And we just sat there and talked for a few hours. After we arrived at Ilos you kept me on the ship for the risk of me getting another suit puncture. I hated being a bystander anxiously waiting on some news about you. A little while later Garrus was carrying you back onto the ship. I was so worried.
I ran as fast as I could to the med bay. Dr. Chakwas was doing some kind of examination on you and I couldn't intrude. But I stayed outside of the med bay until she was done. Then as soon as I was able, I ran into the med bay. You were asleep so you couldn't hear me, but I stayed there with you for hours. I even went to sleep in the bed next to you so I wouldn't leave your side. I couldn't help but keep waking up to check on you though.
Eventually you woke up I heard you moving around the med bay and it woke me. Not that I wouldn't have been up soon anyway.
"Tali? What are you doing here?"
"I came to check on you. And I couldn't bring myself to just leave. So I slept in here last night so I wouldn't leave you. What happened?"
"I'm not sure. One minute we were about to head back to the Normandy, the next I have a killer headache. And then it just goes black. I don't remember anything."
"Are you okay?"
"I will be. You shouldn't worry yourself so much over me."
"I can't help it. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. I appreciate it. Thank you Tali. Let's get back to work okay?"
"Y-yes. Of course." So we did. We learned from Ilos that the Citadel was where the reapers would come from. So we had to hurry there.
We got there as fast as we could. But the invasion had already started. It was chaos. Geth were all over the Citadel. It was my nightmare come true. We fought our way all over the Citadel. Until we finally got to Saren himself. It was one of the fiercest battles I'd ever seen. Biotic warps and shockwaves flying everywhere until finally he went down. Or so we thought.
He came back. But he was different. His eyes were bright red, he was no longer turian. He was indoctrinated. Fully under Sovereign's control. But somehow you talked him out of it. And he ended his own life. But that wasn't the end. We still had Sovereign to worry about. And he made his presence known by blasting a piece of the overhead structure sending down at us. I thought that was it. We were through. And I would've never gotten the chance to tell you how I really feel…
But somehow we hadn't died. We were very much alive. I looked around and I saw you holding up a biotic field around the yourself, Me, and Garrus. I was shocked that you could hold it up against such heavy force. After everything had stopped falling you put the barrier down and fell to your knees from the strain of holding up the barrier against all that rubble.
I immediately ran to your side full of concern.
"Shepard! Are you okay?!"
"I'm fine." You reassured. You then stood up.
"Shepard!" A familiar voice yelled. We turned around to see Captain Anderson.
"Anderson?"
"Yeah it's me. Come on we have to try to find the council!" So we went through the entire citadel looking for them, only to find out they were aboard The Destiny Ascension, an asari dreadnought, Shepard then had to make a tough call between diverting the fifth fleet to the council, ensuring their survival, or to retreat and save the human lives but sacrifice the council. She chose to save the council.
After the fifth fleet and several other squadrons of ships destroyed Sovereign, she was told humanity would be given a spot on the council. She recommended Captain Anderson for the position and the Citadel was saved. It had quite a bit of rebuilding to do, but it was saved. Afterwards, the whole Normandy crew were treated as heroes. For a couple of months anyway.
After 2 months they sent us into the Omega system to hunt down remaining pockets of geth. It infuriated me that even after Sovereign attacking the citadel they still didn't believe in you. We were out there for a few days and never found any sign of geth activity. Then one day we were attacked. It came virtually out of nowhere. One moment everything is normal. But then the next there was chaos.
All I remember is running to the escape pods desperately hoping I would see you on the way there. At that moment I didn't really care about myself, I cared about you. But I never saw you. And I watched the Normandy explode with you on board.
I should've known this would happen. I should've prepared for this heartache you brought me. Damn you Shepard. Damn you for making me care so much. Damn you for making me so attached.
Damn you for dying.
Afterwards the crew separated without a word. Wrex went back to Tuchunka silently and visibly distraught. The only person he was willing to open up to. The person who helped him get his family's armor and his honor back was gone. He had no reason to stay.
Liara was understandably saddened by your death. I wanted to help her, but I didn't have anything to offer. She left without a word to anyone, not even Dr. Chakwas, who she had become great friends with.
Garrus went back to C-Sec. The move surprised me. But I remember you pushing him to go back and protect those people when it was all over. Maybe that was his way of paying tribute to your wishes.
Ashley stayed with the Alliance and got some top secret assignment.
Joker was secretly blaming himself for your death. But he hid all his emotions under humor.
And just like that, everything we had done together was gone. The council isolated Sovereign as a single threat. And all of our history was destroyed. Erased by the council. I lost respect for the council and Alliance leadership.
My love was gone. My hope, all I wanted. Lost to the void of space.
Goodbye, my love. My hopeless dream. I'll never forget you. I'll never let you go.
Keelah Se'lai.