Chill
Cephied Variable
Afterwards, Roy shrugs on his clothing and pours himself a hard drink, knocking it back in one gulp. He inhales sharply- his throat is raw and there is a perculiar, unfamiliar feeling rising in his chest. He feels like he is suffocating.
"Is that it?" Roy tips his head back to watch the way Edward's eyes catch the light of every streetcar that passes by through the darkness. Giant golden discs reflecting the yellow light like metal sundials.
Roy carefully picks out another glass, pours another shot of brandy and delicately hands the glass to Edward. Ed takes it gingerly and raises an eyebrow at his commanding officer.
"I'm years too young to drink. You know that right?"
And Roy almost wants to shout out the fustration. He manages to restrain himself and in an even voice, says: "Fullmetal, you are also years too young to-" his mouth hangs open and he turns to pour himself more brandy. He can't finish that sentence, "- too young for... this."
"Mmm." Ed replies prolifically, regarding the shot with some curiosity before he pours it down his throat. Roy doesn't watch Edward collapse in a coughing fit on his bed, but he does spin and duck to collect the glass as it clatteres and rolls softly across the hardwood floor. He arranges the dirty glasses neatly on top of the liquor cabinet and begins pouring himself yet another drink.
Edward clears his throat and shifts noisily on the old mattress, "Are you just going to stand there and drink all night or what?"
Roy freezes and slams the bottle down, turning to meet Edward's demanding gaze with a serene expression and an amused chuckle, "Well, well Fullmetal. I never pinned you as the cuddling type."
Edward's face screws up- Roy wants to call it adorable because it is adorable. Adorable and very childish, "Fuck you. It's cold." as if to emphasize, he wraps his arms around himself, "The automail sucks all the heat out of my body. And the fact that you're apparently too cheap to pay your heating bill doesn't help matters much."
Roy says nothing and sits on the edge of the bed. He stiffens when Edward presses up against his back, wrapping arms- one flesh, one metal- around his waist in an awkward and childish attempt at physical intimacy. He rests his cheek against Roy's back and hums contentedly.
"I need to go to work in a few hours, Fullmetal." Roy reminds, voice utterly dry.
"Same place as me. And you'll probably give me some shitty mission with no relevance whatsoever to my quest, bastard." not good enough... never good enough, there is a whine in Edward's voice.
Suddenly Roy is confronted with the ugly truth of just how much he loves Edward Elric (love? that's hardly the right word) and he is terrified. He is terrified at how easily the boy's hands slid beneath the lapels of his uniform and across his chest. He is terrified at how easily his own hands threaded themselves through Edward's hair (all golden and coarse like straw, nothing like a woman's hair). He is teriffied at how easily it all happened, how easily he lost control of the situation. At how responsive Edward's body was (thrumming like an electric current);terrified by the sheer volume of Edward's need and desire.
He is terrified at the lengths he would go through to keep Edward satisfied. Because there is no making Edward happy, only the fufillment of temporary needs. He is terrified because he most certainly did not want Edward like this. Edward is a child and Roy is left with the sickening realization that he has just broken about a dozen laws and twice as many social taboos simply because, despite his various roundabout ways of saying yes, he cannot say no to that liquid gold stare- intent and fierce and angry and so damn alive.
And he is terrified because he knows that it will never be enough. When it's all said and done, Edward will simply cock his head to the side and ask: "Was that it?"
He manages to sound exasperated, "I'll sleep beside you, if that's what you want Fullmetal." not only does he manage to sound exasperated, but chiding and condescending as an added bonus. Behind him, Edward bristles.
"Hmph. Who said I wanted you to?" but his fingers tighten around Roy's side- possessive and needy.
Roy knows that he should stop this immediately. He should pull away, turn to ice, explain to Edward that it was a mistake- all of it.
Unfortunately, he also knows that he won't.
fin.