Great Secrets in Unlikely Places
By: ChuckMeMondays
Disclaimer: I don't own Downton Abbey. I'm not British enough.
Abstract: Mary has had a secret much longer than she knew.
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." ―Roald Dahl
Mary has a secret.
It's just hers. Not one she needed Mama and Anna to carry across the length of the house in the middle of the night, and not one that makes her grandmother shocked and her father disappointed, and not one Edith can write down in a letter to ruin her.
Mary's secret is the shocked expression on Matthew's face when he whips around to face her.
Mary's secret is a small spark of excitement when he gives as good at he gets at the dinner table and questions her role as a princess.
Mary's secret is the sympathetic smile Matthew gives her when she tells him her life makes her unhappy, not him, and he understands.
Mary's secret is Matthew's laugh and bright eyes over a mouth full of salt and a wounded expression at a flower show, and the deep shame of letting him down.
Mary's secret is the way Matthew's eyes sparkle when they flirt, they way they open wide with surprise when he realizes she is apologizing for calling him a sea monster, the way they are hooded and intense in the moments before he kisses her for the very first time.
Mary's secret is his soft declaration and gentle question.
Mary has had a secret much longer than she knew.
Mary's secret is that even though they're breaking each other's hearts because she can't tell him yes and doesn't want to tell him no and he needs her to tell him something, she admires the way Matthew won't let himself be streamrolled by her.
Mary's secret is a stern expression in a photograph as she kneels to pray.
Mary's secret is a small stuffed dog and a brief kiss on the cheek and a wish of such good luck, and sending him off to war a happy man when she doesn't want to send him off at all.
Mary's secret is that she is not okay with never being his.
Mary's secret is the hopelessness in Matthew's eyes, and even though he thinks his life is over, he thanks her anyway. Mary's secret is the sound and smell of sick and the warmth of his back and slightly hysterical laughter, and how nothing has changed for her.
Mary's secret is fury at an imposter and at Matthew's despair.
Mary's secret is tears in her eyes when he stands, for the first time what feels like forever, on unsure legs.
Mary's secret is a flopped show and a dance and a kiss that she truly believes at the time will be the last one.
Mary's secret is the look of hurt and confusion on Matthew's face - but not disgust and not judgment. It's the half-smile he gives her when he says he never would - never could - despise her.
Mary's secret is admiration when he throws a punch.
Mary's secret is snow falling softly around her, almost as if she's in a snow globe, and it's so cold, and how Matthew seems to radiate heat as he stands near her, and the sheepishness in his voice when he asks if she'll stay for him. And her secret is the puff of a laugh he gives when she asks him to do it properly, and the way he looks out into the night as if he's taking in the details of the moment before he kneels and takes her hand in his.
Mary's secret is the sincerity and the thrill and the passion and the dizziness and the laughter.
Mary's secret stays hers even when Matthew emerges from her father's study with a grin to tell her everything is as it should be, and the pride in his voice when he stands after the first course to tell her family that she agreed to be his.
Mary's secret is the suggestion in his voice when he leans toward her, and the chasteness of the kiss he leaves on her cheek near her jaw.
Mary's secret is an illicit visit and a kiss on the eve of her wedding, and a cheat, even though his eyes remain firmly shut.
Mary's secret is her regard for how honorable he is, and that she'd respect him less if he simply abandoned his morals to do what she wants.
Mary's secret is not a single jitter.
Mary's secret is the smile on Matthew's face as she stands beside him and a whispered conversation before the archbishop speaks to bind them together in holy matrimony.
Mary's secret is the way Matthew takes her to bed. It's the look of awe on his face when he first sees her hair flowing freely down her back, and the adoration when he tugs away her nightgown, and the gentle caress of his fingertips that sends sparks shooting up her spine and makes her dizzy. It's the way he fits her as though they were made for one another. It's the way he breathes her name into her hair as he comes undone, and holds her close all through the night.
Mary's secret is the way his back aches the next morning because he's slept on his side, pressed up against her back, with his arm over her waist, and his bashfulness when he explains that he really does need to sleep on his back because it's never going to be completely well.
Mary's secret is Matthew calling her magnificent as she rises over him, presses him back, tells him to rest his back and then rolls her hips against his.
Mary's secret is pushing him onto his back when they're done and then lying atop his chest, and murmuring that there now, this is much better for everyone, and the press of his lips to the top of her head.
Mary's secret is the heat of France and of Matthew when he hovers over her, the mid-day sun streaming through the open balcony doors.
Mary's secret is being so desperate for one another that they barely make it to the room and Matthew presses into her with her back up against the door.
Mary's secret is the way Matthew talks to her, sometimes, as he moves in and out. His breath is hot against her ear and his voice so deep it makes her gut twist as he tells her how gorgeous she is, and how much he has always adored her, and how she feels around him, and how he'll be hers forever, and how he wants to see her shatter beneath him.
Mary's secret is the way she does.
Mary's secret is the way Matthew's eyes when he's truly happy are so blue they're nearly white in the light of the sun.
Mary's secret is that she'll be Matthew's forever even if he lets Downton fall to ruin.
Mary's secret is his determination to make Downton safe for their children.
Mary's secret is that she knows the problem must be with her, that she knows it is God punishing her for her mistake. She only wishes Matthew weren't be being punished, too.
Mary's secret is a relief that she can give Matthew what she wants - that she can have what she wants, too.
Mary's secret grows inside her.
Mary's secret is Matthew's immediate and overwhelming love for their son.
Mary's secret is the last kiss he ever gives her and the promise he makes.
Mary's secret is a profound sort of confusion when her mother and father come to her with shaking hands and red eyes when this should be a happy day.
Mary's secret is the way her son looks up at her with blue eyes and an earnest expression, and she knows she will be Matthew's Mary Crawley for all time.
Mary's secret is how she and Matthew love.