Wayward Colors
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It began the day that Carly showed up in her new car, a replacement for the one Shockwave had vaporized on Cybertron. The mechs working in the entry bay all stared as she drove into the Ark. And on learning it was Carly's new car there were quiet sniggers and a few wanted their picture taken with it. A photo session followed in which each of the bots present posed with the Buick convertible, Carly and Spike wondering why they showed so much interest in a non-sentient machine well beneath their level of technology.
Within a day there were several photos floating about the Autobots' intranet, most of which could be described as 'racy' as most involved various mechs in suggestive poses with Carly's new car. A few had even been compiled from other images for comic effect. A few days later the carjackings began, and the missing maroon Buick would eventually be found in someone's office or quarters. Prowl put a quick stop to it after the car was located in Optimus' berth, a note written in Autobot glyphs attached to the hood—a note no one would translate for the humans.
The pictures continued to circulate along with several hand-drawn ones that featured the Buick drawn transformed into a femme with over-sexualized features. "What's with these guys?" Carly huffed as a cartoonish picture of her Cybertronized Buick came up on her datapad, the curvy femme sandwiched between a happy-looking Trailbreaker and Ironhide. "Why is my car so attractive to them?"
At the next party, one celebrating some Cybertronian holiday—the founding of Iacon apparently—several Autobots came sporting different paint jobs or added-on decorations. Smokescreen and Sideswipe... they came as Carly and the maroon Buick. Somehow the morale officer had put together a convincing blouse, skirt, and blonde wig. The frontliner had been repainted the same shade and wore a noticeable Buick logo on his chest. He'd even painted his lips and the area above his optics as femmes did. The result was popularly received and pair were the hit of the party. "Twenty dollars, same as during the Golden Age," Sideswipe was heard to say more than once, which always got a laugh.
Carly was about to ask just why she and her new ride were so funny to them, when the alarms went off. "They knew we'd be celebrating," grumbled Optimus Prime and he gave the order to roll out. Costumes and decorations were shed, but those who had repainted themselves had to rush off as they were.
Left behind in the Ark, the humans watched the battle played out across Blaster's monitors. Sideswipe seemed to get quite a reaction to his new color scheme. The Decepticons seemed more intent on laughing at or grappling him rather than shooting him. At one point Astrotrain managed to knock him down, and he and the command trine and Blitzwing all dogpiled onto Sideswipe as the Reflector trine stood nearby obviously taking pictures.
Unable to stand it any longer after the conclusion of the battle, the Decepticons having retreated, Carly climbed onto the monitor console and fixed her eyes on Blaster. "All right. Stop hiding it from me. No one will tell me...not even Bumblebee. What's with my car?"
Blaster stared at her blankly for a moment, and then chuckled. "You sure you want to know?"
"Yes. I do. Why do you all find it so funny and keep messing with it?" she demanded.
"All right then. But you didn't hear it from me."
"Hear what?" Her patience was wearing thin.
"Well, back on Cybertron, in Iacon during the Golden Age, pleasurebots whose primary function was interfacing... they were required by law to paint themselves that particular color, that deep brownish red. Both mechs and femmes. The law was eventually repealed, but the connotation of that color remains."
"What!?"
"Yeah. That's why everyone thinks it's so funny that you have a car that color."
Carly groaned.
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Three days later the Buick was back at headquarters, painted a pretty but mundane shade of blue.
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The End
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Need more funny-sexy stories? Check out my other stories in the "Wayward" series:
Wayward Kisses - Spike falls for a femme.
Wayward Lessons - Jazz seems to have gotten Cosmos pregnant.
Wayward Phrases - Carly and Ironhide get to know each other very well... very, very well.
Transformers and all related concepts, characters, worlds, and events are property of Hasbro and Takara Tomy. Original characters and story elements are property of E. Potter, writing under the pen name of Miratete.
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Author Notes:
The Color: Throughout history, prostitutes in various places have been required to wear certain clothing, colors, or accessories for identification purposes.
Twenty Dollars: The phrase "Twenty dollars, same as in town" is borrowed from a running gag on a favorite captioning site of mine: Inventing Situations. It became a joke between my husband and I, and it frequently gets mutated into things such as "Twenty shillings, same as in yonder shire" or "Twenty dollars, same as in Dubuque," or "Twenty-seven Euros, same as in Madrid" depending on the circumstance.
Smokescreen's Cosplay Outfit: Stolen from my story "Stung," except that his co-conspirator is Sunstreaker, disguised as Bumblebee (Carly's current boyfriend) rather than Carly's car.
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