The Civil War is over and has left the country in ruins, just as Katniss's life was. The young widow had the weight of the world on her shoulders. She had a farm to run and a family to raise all on her own. Help arrives in the form of her late husband's comrade, Peeta Mellark. Can they help heal each other or will Katniss make good on her promise to never love and marry again?
The Reconstruction of a Heart
Katniss
May, 1865
"Whoa Claudius, whoa Caesar," Katniss commanded the two red oxen ahead of her. She pushed back her straw hat, dabbed her brow with her sleeve, and took a drink of water from the little canteen around her neck. The spring day was pleasant, but the work was hard; plowing the soil was punishing work. Looking at the angry red marks forming on her palms, she wished that she'd worn gloves.
She was exhausted. It was early afternoon and her body already ached. It was hard work for someone so small, especially in a newly cleared field. She was constantly running into old tree roots and large rocks, and it was very slow going. The property had over one hundred acres, but more than seventy of it was covered with woods; another twenty were pasture. The ten acres that were tillable ground was rocky, hilly, and mostly clay soil—muddy with at least a little bit of rain and hard as a brick in the summer sun.
Fourteen-year-old Vick had offered to do it this morning, but Katniss insisted that he go to school; she'd promised Hazelle that he would get a good education.
She dismissed the hired man, Mr. Cray, a month ago when she caught him peeking in her window late at middle-aged man tried to smooth things over by proposing marriage, to which she responded by threatening him with a pistol. As he packed his things to leave he yelled at her, "Marrying me is the best thing that a barren, plain widow like you could hope for."
The memory still made her roll her eyes. Even if she wanted to marry again (which she had no plans to), the pudgy, lazy, frequent whorehouse patron, Mr. Cray, would be her last choice.
The worst part about having no hired man, besides being left with much of the hard labor, was that the family appeared vulnerable to the outside world, a house full of women and children on a remote farm.
Katniss scanned the landscape around her and sighed; it was all so overwhelming. She had a lot of work to do if she was going to get the entire half-acre done today.
A man on horseback in the horizon caught her attention; she remembered the knife in her pants pocket and felt a little sense of security. These were odd times; the war had recently ended and strange people were wondering the countryside—former slaves, displaced families, and soldiers who now had no cause. Everyone was still in shock after the assassination of President Lincoln just a few weeks ago.
Her neighbor, Mr. Abernathy, had pleaded with her to get another hired man after the incident with Mr. Cray; he thought that she needed a grown man around. Even if they could afford help, which they really couldn't, she was leery to hire anyone. She'd heard enough horror stories of hired men raping and robbing to make her apprehensive. Katniss would not allow anyone around her family that she did not wholly trust.
The mounted figure rode closer. She pretended to ignore him and began to drive her oxen again. The man came to the edge of the field, dismounted, and approached her.
"Excuse me, sir?" he called out in a friendly tone from behind her. "Can you tell me if I'm near the town of Seam or the Hawthorne farm?"
"Whoa," she called out to the oxen then threw her long, thick braid over her shoulder and onto her back.
"I apologize, ma'am. I just saw the trousers and assumed that you were a man." She could heard the regret in his voice.
"It's next to impossible to plow in a skirt," she retorted and turned to the newcomer. Katniss had more smart comments for the man, but she forgot them when she saw him. He had a short, ash-colored beard and was in a Union uniform; the wool material made his eyes seem so intensely blue that it put the spring sky to shame.
They stared at each other for a long moment. Finally the soldier had an expression of recognition and whispered, "Katniss?"
"How do you know my name?" she scowled and moved her hand to her hip, closer to her knife, as useless as it seemed now. The man appeared to be full head taller than her.
"I-I I'm sorry please forgive me, Mrs. Hawthorne," he stuttered sincerely and his face flushed. "It's just that Gale showed me your picture so many times and spoke about you in such a way that I feel like I know you. I should have seen that it was you right away. I've come here to find you."
Katniss was stunned; she didn't know if she was more angry or upset. "Who are you?" she demanded.
"My name is Peeta Mellark, ma'am," he said and took off his hat, revealing a thick mop of wavy blond hair. "I was a friend of your late husband."
"Oh," she whispered. The name was familiar—it should have been, as he personally paid to have Gale's body sent home to them. Thanks to this man, her husband's body laid with his mother, in the family plot, and not in a sea of headstones hundreds of miles away in Tennessee.
Sometimes when Gale would send them a letter, he would include a picture drawn by Mr. Mellark; they now resided on the walls of her home. In fact, the last likeness she possessed of her husband had been by the hand of the man before her. "Petty Officer Mellark, it is a pleasure to finally meet you."
"Actually, it is Lieutenant Mellark…or it was," the man said humbly. It occurred to Katniss that he had been promoted to Gale's post after his death. He shared, "Although, now I would like to be simply Mr. Mellark again. I would like to leave the past behind me."
Katniss found it hard to believe that this man was currently in her presence. He had written her and the family a letter informing them that Gale had died. Of course they had already known that Lt. Gale Hawthorne had met his demise the previous November at the Battle of Franklin, but there were no real details in the government telegram—and no comfort.
Mr. Mellark's letter chronicled Gale's final moments: he had taken a musket ball to the chest and had known that it was a mortal wound. Gale had called for Mr. Mellark and had told him to repeat his words to his family, "Tell them all that I love them and that if God sees it fit, we will all be together again."
Even when Katniss, who was very rarely moved by words, read the letter, she was reassured by the commiseration offered by the unknown man who had been her husband's friend and comrade.
"Thank you, Mr. Mellark," she said softly. "Both for what you did and for the letter. It was especially comforting to Gale's younger siblings. You explained things better than I ever could have."
"Gale was a good man," he said, and Katniss thought that she could hear his voice crack. "He deserved to be near his family."
"Would you like to come to the house?" she offered. Katniss hated to stop her work, but this man was worthy of her hospitality; in fact, he deserved it.
"That would be very nice," he said with the smallest of smiles. Katniss detached the draft animals from the plow, and was about to drive the animals to the barn when Mr. Mellark reached his hand out. "Please, let me take them?"
Before she could say 'no,' his hand brushed hers as he took the reins from her hand, and she felt a rush of warmth. She decided that it was because he'd touched the raw spot on her palm. "Point the way."
She was going to ask about his horse, but Mr. Mellark called, "Come, Demeter," and the Palomino mare trotted after them.
Katniss led him to the barn; she noticed that Mr. Mellark had slight limp and she remembered Gale writing to say that he'd been shot in the leg earlier in the war.
He took the yolk off the animals. Katniss took note that he did not appear to know what he was doing exactly. When he completed the task, he said, "This is a nice farm. I feel as if I've been here before. Gale used to tell me about this place so often; he really loved it here."
Katniss felt a bit of long withheld resentment rise up, and she couldn't bite her tongue before she replied in a low tone, "He didn't love it all that much. He had no problem leaving, time and again."
The blond-haired man gave pause; he obviously knew that he'd touched a nerve and chose not to pursue the subject further.
She led the man to the family's small house, and she felt a little ashamed of home's state of disarray. Prim used to be the primary house keeper but she had been offered a teaching position by the Seam school board, male school teachers were in short supply due to the war and teaching farmers' kids in a log school house was not a position most people wanted anyhow. Prim was known to be smart, good with children, and well-liked by everyone. She jumped at the opportunity and became the first ever female school teacher in Seam.
With Prim teaching and Katniss working on the farm, there was little time to keep house. Posy's dolls were scattered, Prim's knitting was on the rocking chair, and Vick's animal traps were on the floor.
"I'm sorry for the mess. I've been busy elsewhere."
"No, it is very…homey," he smiled. "It's been ages since I've been in a family house. I'm so used to tents now I feel like some sort of nomad."
Katniss made tea and laid out some bread and cheese for them to eat. She handed her guest a steaming cup. "I would offer you some sugar, but we are all out. I have to go to town."
"That's fine. I don't take it anyhow," he said kindly and took a sip. "I must apologize for my appearance; I had planned to stop for a bath and a shave in Seam before I got here."
"You can take a bath later. We have a large tub. I believe that there is a shaving kit here somewhere."
His comment got her thinking about her own state of dress, and she excused herself to go change. In her little closet was her scant wardrobe to wear for company. But her current choice was more limited, being a new widow: her black wool dress and her black cotton dress. Given the temperate weather, she chose the lighter of the two. She re-braided her hair and wrapped it into a low bun. Usually she didn't care about how she appeared, but something about this man made her care; she wanted him to have a good impression of her.
When she came back into the kitchen, Mr. Mellark's eyes went wide when he observed her change in dress, he must have approved. She was burning with curiosity and was never one to beat around the bush. "So Mr. Mellark, may I ask what made you want to visit us here in Seam. As I recall, you come from Merchantcenter. We are hardly on your way home from Virginia."
"I have a promise to keep," he said simply.
"A promise?" she raised an eyebrow.
"Yes," he affirmed. He set down the cup and looked at her soberly. "I promised Gale that I would come and help his family when I was released from the army."
Katniss felt her face flame; she gritted her teeth and said evenly, "We don't need any help, we are getting along fine."
The man gave her a humored grin. "Gale said that you would say that and told me to tell you 'I owe him.' You see, Gale always looked out for me. In fact, he saved my leg. The surgeon was ready to hack it off. Gale wouldn't allow it; he threatened the doctor…he is the only reason that I am able to walk today. The least I can do us help his widow and his family. He said that you must let me pay you the debt I owe him."
"You have paid your debt already. If anything, I owe you," she reminded him. "You sent Gale's remains home to us, and I have been trying to save the money to repay you. I know how costly it must have been. Anyhow, I'm sure that you have people who love and need you."
"Nobody needs me." Mr. Mellark gave her a sad smile.
"I can't let you do it, Mr. Mellark," she insisted.
Mr. Mellark seemed to be rolling an idea around in his head; then he offered a compromise, "If you feel that you owe me, then pay it by allowing me to stay for a while. You see, I have nowhere else to go and no prospects at the moment. I think some time in the country would do me some good. Let me stay at least through harvest, and then I will consider us even."
Katniss bit down on her lower lip so hard that it nearly drew blood. She thought about it; it could be the solution that she was looking for. But she hated looking to an outsider for help. If Rory hadn't of have left they wouldn't be in need of help, but with the war over, hopefully he would be back by year's end…if he hadn't inherited the wanderlust that seemed to run so strong in the Hawthorne men.
"I'll have to think over it, but you are welcome to stay a few days," she said and looked out the window. She saw her sister and her young brother-in-law and sister-in-law walking up the lane. She looked at the clock on the mantel and cursed under her breath that it was so late. She'd wanted to get so much more done today. Katniss sighed and informed her guest, "You're about to meet the family."
Posy burst through the door first. "Katniss, where did that pretty horse come from?"
Katniss waited for the other two come into the door before she made the introductions. Prim made a lady-like curtsy, and Katniss didn't miss the subtle blush her sister had when she shook Mr. Mellark's hand. Vick looked at the man curiously and almost instantly started asking about the war. Katniss hushed him with a severe look—war was not a topic that she liked to hear about. Posy looked at the guest with an awed face, and for once she was actually seen and not heard, which was totally out of her nature.
He invited the group to call him Peeta, if they liked.
"That's an odd name," Vick said.
"Vick, don't be rude," Prim nudged him.
Peeta laughed heartily."That it is. It's Dutch for Peter. My father was from Holland. I feel as if I know you all so well. Gale spoke of you all so often that it's like I know you all better than my own kin. Anyhow, hearing my surname all the time still makes me feel like I'm still in the ranks. I know it sounds funny, but I prefer it to Mr. Mellark. I am only 22, after all."
That struck Katniss. He is my age but he looks much older.
Katniss reminded the children that there were chores to do. Posy hung back and eyed Mr. Mellark and then asked in a whisper, "What is your horse's name?"
"Her name is Demeter," he said with a little bit of pride. "I named her after the Greek goddess of the harvest and grain."
"I like that," Posy grinned. "Can I feed her?"
Mr. Mellark looked at Katniss, as if to ask permission. She cleared her throat. "Posy, there are some oats in the barn. Have Vick help you and tell him to take the saddle off and put her in the corral. Mr. Mellark will be staying with us for a while."
The little girl nodded her head happily and ran out the door. When she was alone with Peeta again, the room was silent.
"Thank you for letting me stay," he said sincerely.
"Well I haven't made up my mind about letting you help," she said with a bit of authority.
He smiled. "That is a start."
Katniss set about making dinner. She thought that their guest was worthy of the last ham in the cellar, biscuits, young potatoes, and salad. When she set about making the dough, Peeta stopped her.
"That is far too much baking powder."
"Oh, I thought that you were a Lieutenant, not a cook," she said sarcastically. Then she immediately felt bad for speaking to him thusly. She was so used to doing things her way and having to defend herself to most every man she came across.
"I was," he conceded and seemed amused, not offended. "But I also grew up in a bakery." He rose from his chair and then came to the table. "Why don't you let me do this, and you can work on something else."
She wanted to stand her ground, but he'd been amiable despite her recurring rudeness. Everyone complained about her baking anyhow. She backed away from the bowl and motioned to it to invite him to proceed. He grinned at her, and she bit her cheek to keep from returning it.
Peeta started to work with a purpose. After a few minutes, he asked, "Mrs. Hawthorne?"
Katniss cut him off. "Peeta, if you are going to be called by your Christian name in this house then I ask that you do the same. I cannot be called Mrs. Hawthorne without thinking about my late mother-in-law. She is still missed dearly in this home and I am nowhere near her equal."
"Alright, Katniss." He said her name as if were a delicious dish. It sent the strangest sensation down her spine. "I hate to intrude, but if I'm not mistaken, Gale had another brother, Rory. May I ask where he is?"
Without taking her eyes off her work, she answered, "Rory and I had a difference of opinion last winter, and he left us to join the Army as soon as he turned eighteen."
"I am sorry that he did that; it was not right to leave."
"That is what Hawthorne men are known for…leaving," she said matter-of-factly. "My uncle left his family a few weeks before Posy was born, supposedly to go prospecting, and he was never heard from again. Gale left as soon as he could; the war was just a more noble excuse than his father's. Rory was not given permission to do what he pleased, so he ran away."
That was the last of the conversation before dinner. When Vick and Posy came back in, they swarmed Peeta, who seemed to oblige their attentions. Prim was very polite to him, making up for some of Katniss's curtness. They all raved about the biscuits. Katniss could see that the children were intrigued with Peeta.
After dinner, the girls did the dishes and Vick showed Peeta around the farm. Katniss made her own bed for their guest in the small downstairs bedroom. When Peeta came back in the house, Katniss shooed the girls upstairs to get to bed and had Vick help her get out the tub and fill it with hot water.
When it was filled, she also sent Vick upstairs.
Katniss set up the small privacy screen. "Here you go."
"Thank you, Katniss," he said earnestly as he admired the rudimentary screen and then went behind it. "The screen is nice."
She rolled her eyes. "That awful thing? Hazelle had Gale make it after we were married, although he was no craftsman. It was necessary, combining two families and having boys and girls of the same age together in a small house."
"I bet," Peeta said, and she could hear the water slosh. "I had two brothers so that was never a worry in my house."
As she tried to locate the shaving kit, she responded, "Living in a house full of boys was a shock when Prim and I moved in." It struck her as odd that she was having a conversation with a naked man who she barely knew, but it didn't seem to bother him.
She found the kit and began to sharpen the blade; it had been ages since it had been used. In fact, it had been the last time Gale was home…almost a year ago. She shook her head to forget. The last time she'd seen her husband alive they'd fought bitterly. Although they'd made up before he left, she hadn't totally forgiven him. She regretted that.
By the time Peeta had gotten out the bath and into his civilian clothes, the shaving kit and soap were waiting for him on the table. He lathered up his face and picked up the broken hand-mirror. She watched as he struggled to shave "Would you like me to hold the mirror for you?"
He smiled sheepishly, "I don't think it will help. I can't really see too much in it."
"I suppose you're right," she agreed. "Posy broke it when she was a toddler. If you're not used to looking at it, it would be hard to figure out what you're doing."
Peeta tried to shave blind and almost instantly he flinched when nicked himself.
"Let me," Katniss said and stood then took the razor from his hand. "Although I can't promise that I'll be any better. I haven't done this in years."
"For Gale?" he wondered aloud.
"No, he couldn't grow too much of a beard; at least not when we first got married," she recalled. "My pa used to let me shave him. He'd grow a beard for the winter and then he cut it off in the spring. I liked it; it was like shearing a sheep."
He chuckled lightly and she could feel his breath on her hand as she shaved him – it gave her goose bumps. It had been so long since she'd been this close to a man, a real grown man.
She carefully shaved him and took notice of how fair his skin was. She bet that he would burn before June, and couldn't help but wonder if he would turn golden or ruddy in the sun. Soon she was done, and she found herself staring at him. She had not expected him to look so altered without whiskers, but he had a very boyish face. Finally she whispered, "There you go, all done."
He ran his hand over his jaw. "Thanks, it feels much better."
Katniss began to clean up, scooping buckets of water out of the tub.
Peeta stopped her and took the buckets from her. "Please let me."
He lifted the load with ease and dumped the water off the porch. When all was set right, Katniss showed him the room in which he'd be staying - her room.
"Katniss, I can't displace you. Please, just let me sleep in the barn. Isn't that where your hired man lived?"
"Yes, but I burned the bed after Mr. Cray left. Anyhow you are not a hired man, you are my guest," she reminded him. "There is plenty of room in Prim and Posy's bed. I don't usually sleep much." She internally scolded herself; she'd shared too much information—not just now, but all evening long. "Good night, Peeta."
She turned on her heel before he could reply. When she got to the girls' room, they were in bed, Posy's arms and legs were splayed out. Katniss stripped down to her chemise and pushed her little sister-in-law over so she could lie down. Posy was sound asleep and didn't even flinch.
When Katniss settled in, Prim rolled over and whispered over the little girl's head, "So that is Peeta Mellark? I was expecting some little bookish fellow with spectacles."
Katniss understood what Prim was talking about, although she had never really thought much about who Mr. Mellark was, other than a very kind man who'd done them a great service. To her, he was simply a character mentioned sometimes in Gale's letters, which were always brief and lacked flowery descriptions. But she never expected the sturdy young man who happened upon her today.
Prim continued, "I always imagined Petty Officer Mellark to be like our old schoolmaster, Mr. Crane: a fancy man with small hands and talented with words because he lacked physical strength. I never expected him to be so…massive. Granted, he's not as tall as Ga-," Prim quickly corrected herself, knowing that Gale could be a sore subject. "I mean he's not as tall as Rory, but he is broad. I'm sure that he must be nearly as strong as Mr. Abernathy's man, Thresh."
Gale had often written of Peeta's ability to sweet-talk higher ranking officers into better rations and how he even once talked a wounded Confederate soldier out of shooting himself. Usually men of strength were not men of words—at least it had been true in Katniss's experience, which was very limited; she'd never been further than ten miles in any direction.
"Primrose Everdeen, do you need to write Rory and tell him that the engagement is off?" Katniss challenged playfully.
Prim gasped, "No!" then giggled girlishly. "I was just thinking that he seems like a very fine man."
"Whom we only just met!" Katniss hissed to her sister. She knew what Prim was implying: that he was a fine man for her. Her sister was the only person who she confided in that she and Gale fought frequently when they were alone and how discontented she'd been after he had left the last time. Prim was always reminding Katniss that she was young and could very possibly find love again, Katniss scoffed at the idea.
"Yes, but Gale never would have asked him to come and help us if he weren't trustworthy." Prim said earnestly.
'It would have been one of the few times Gale thought of us,' Katniss thought bitterly. She would not dare say it aloud; she would not bash Gale to his family. His sister lay next to Katniss and his brother just on the other side of the thin wall, and Prim had loved Gale as a brother too.
Katniss finally mustered a reply, "Perhaps. Now you need to get some sleep. You have school to teach in the morning."
The sisters said their goodnights, and soon Prim was snoring lightly. Katniss liked times like this; it was like the old days, she and Prim whispering in bed. It reminded her of her more carefree days.
A few months ago she wondered if her sister was ever going to speak to her again. The disagreement that Katniss had with Rory centered on Prim. After receiving the news of his brother's death, Rory announced that he was going to join the war effort the first chance he got. Katniss could not stop him, although she couldn't stop him from joining the army she could stop him from following through with his other plans: to marry Prim. The young sweethearts told her that they wanted to marry before Rory's birthday. Katniss would not give her blessing; she didn't want her sister to go through what she had as young wife to an absent husband. While Prim heeded her sister, she was not happy with Katniss. For weeks after Rory left, Prim would not speak to Katniss other than in one-word replies.
Katniss lay on her back and tried to find some sleep herself, but her mind was abuzz. She thought about their guest. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw his blue ones.
She reminded herself of the promise she made when she got the telegram telling her that she was a widow: I will never get married again.
Peeta
"Not like that," Katniss sighed and then shook out the newly-cut long grass. "The hay will never dry all clumped up. It has to be spread out or it will mold." She showed Peeta the proper way to cut the hay. When she handed him back the scythe, she rolled her eyes, "I can't believe that you convinced me to let you stay and help."
"I said that I could be a help," he said honestly. "I never promised that I'd be good help." She gave him one of her rare smiles; her nose crinkled slightly and her eyes twinkled. He knew that smile well now and felt blessed whenever he got it.
A month ago he had finally talked Katniss into letting him stay until fall. He cited that really she was down two workers with Rory gone and no hired man. The town-raised Peeta promised that he was a quick learner and very strong. After Prim and Vick argued on his behalf, Katniss caved.
Peeta found that he liked the farm. It was a new and interesting. The cow and the goats got milked twice a day, the hogs were slopped, and the eggs were collected each morning and evening. It kept him busy and the routine gave him something to concentrate on. The war was never far from his mind, and every Confederate he killed still haunted his dreams. Every night he had nightmares and sometimes during the day he would feel like he was suffocating for no apparent reason at all.
They were alone today, although the children were out of school for the summer. Prim and Posy were calling on a neighbor lady, Mrs. Odair, and Vick was hunting. Peeta enjoyed being alone with Katniss, especially when they were outside. She seemed freer outside and her smiles came easier.
When he came to the Hawthorne farm six weeks ago, he naively thought that he already knew his friend's family and wife. Most of them were exactly how he imagined them to be.
Prim was pleasant and kind-hearted. Vick was bright but quiet. Posy was sweet and chatty.
The only one who'd surprised Peeta, the one he'd been the most curious about since he and Gale became had become friends, was Katniss.
Peeta had spent his life watching people and was an authority on them. He was able to sense the subtle cues that most others missed. He knew when a man was truly full of himself or when he was overcompensating. He could tell when a woman was really taken by a man as opposed to obliging to him because of his wealth or status.
But he was at a total loss with Katniss. He could never tell what was going on in her head. She was an enigma in the best possible way, and she kept his mind off his problems. He admired her, more so than a man should for his comrade's widow. He didn't want to care so much for her; in fact the entire ride from Virginia to Ohio he had promised himself that would not covet her—no matter what.
Even when Katniss Everdeen Hawthorne was nothing but a tin-type image and story, he had been enchanted by the thought of her. She was nothing like any woman he'd ever known. The thought of a woman who bore no resemblance to his former sweetheart Delly Cartwright was a welcome one.
When Peeta first met him, Gale had always been eager to talk about his wife, especially on long cold winter nights in their tent. He had told Peeta about his cousin and neighbor who had become became his bride. Gale had spoken highly of his wife, although Peeta got the impression that she was as much his friend as a lover.
While other soldiers spoke of how their women could sew samplers, play piano, cook, how they would spend hours arranging their hair and putting on petty coats. Gale bragged over how his wife was the best shot in the county, could skin a buck proficiently, run the small farm as well as any man, and how she was prettier with a simple braid and apron that most women were in curls and silk.
Peeta never knew that such a woman existed, and he liked the idea of someone who was the nothing like any other woman he'd known, although sometime she thought that Gale had been exaggerating about all the fine qualities his wife possessed.
But now that he saw her in person he knew that she was all of those things and more. She protected those she loved fiercely, and had a sharp tongue but a good heart.
Peeta was impressed with her in every way, but there something that struck him as odd. Katniss did not seem like the grieving widow that he'd expected to find. If anything, she seemed to him as being more angry at Gale rather than sad about his passing. Peeta reminded himself that Gale had been dead for months and she had not even seen her husband for a long time before he passed. She never said anything disparaging about Gale while around his siblings, but it was little comments here and when it was just her and him—like that first day when she commented that Gale had no problem leaving time and again.
He found that he liked working with Katniss and watching her when she wasn't looking. She was small but strong and confident. When she thought he couldn't hear or that he wasn't paying attention, she would hum a song. He wasn't sure what the tune was, but he thought that it sounded pretty. They soon were done with hayfield, and they made their way back to the farm. When they were alone, they didn't talk much but there seemed to be a measure of comfort between them.
"I wonder who that is?" Katniss said when they heard the familiar sound of a horse and cart. When they came around the bend they saw Katniss's nearest neighbor, Haymitch Abernathy, in front of the house. He was a frequent guest at the Hawthorne home, and Peeta had gotten to know him well.
At first Peeta wondered if the gruff widower was there to court Katniss, but the idea was soon dashed. The pair was more like an uncle and a niece, trading banter and knowing looks. The older man seemed suspicious of Peeta but then warmed up to him when he found out that he could play chess and knew how to make beer.
"Sweetheart, Dutch boy," he greeted from the seat of his cart. "I just came from Seam. I got your mail for you."
"Why don't you come inside, and I'll make you a cup of coffee?" Katniss offered.
"I don't mind if I do," Haymitch replied.
In the house Katniss put the water to boil and began to cut up a loaf of bread. Haymitch eyed it wearily. Katniss shook her head. "It's safe. I didn't make it, Peeta did."
"Oh, in that case I'll take a piece." He took a bite and the man's eyes went wide, "Well, boy you may not be the best farmhand but you're a hell of a domestic servant. You might be a better cook than Seeder, but don't tell her I said that." After he ate his slice, Haymitch announced, "I'm going to have some visitors next week."
"Oh, really," Katniss questioned as she gathered tin mugs. "Who is that?"
"My niece Madge and Miss Trinket."
Peeta noticed her lips made a thin line, but she quickly collected herself. "Miss Trinket is still with the Undersees? Madge is my age; I'd think that she would be well past needing a governess."
"They call her a companion now," Haymitch said in a haughty voice, making Katniss smirk. "It keeps her parents from actually having to do their job. According to the letter from my sister-in-law, Madge is looking ill and needs some time in the fresh country air. Anyhow I'm inviting you and the family and the boy over for dinner while they're here to visit."
"Haymitch, I'm not sure that is a good idea," Katniss said hesitantly.
"I'm sure that Madge has gotten over that quarrel you two had," he assured her. "It was over five years ago and the cause of it is gone now. You two ought to be friends again…neither one of you have too many."
"I don't need them," she said coldly. "Peeta, I'm going to check on Lady. Could you entertain Haymitch?" Katniss didn't really stop for a reply. She just headed for the door.
"Alright," Peeta said for her to hear.
"You both cared about him!" Haymitch called after her. "Damned moody woman," Haymitch said under his breath when she was out of earshot. "Is she like that all the time?!"
Peeta thought for a moment and then replied, "Only when Gale is mentioned."
"That boy put her through it," Haymitch commented. "I know that Hawthorne was your friend and I mean no disrespect. But he wasn't much of a husband. They were too young and got married for the wrong reasons."
Peeta wanted to hear more; he'd tried to glean information whenever he could. Gale was rarely mentioned in the house and Katniss instantly tried to change the subject
"I always got the impression that Gale loved her very much," Peeta said in defense of his late friend.
"They did, but it takes a lot more than love to make a marriage," Haymitch explained. "They were thick as thieves as kids. They relied on each other. When Mrs. Everdeen died in the house fire, the girls needed a place to stay. They could have lived with the Hawthornes, and no one would have thought anything of it, since they were kin and all. But Gale convinced Katniss that getting married was the perfect solution. She trusted him, so she did it."
'When the war started, Gale was the first to volunteer. Katniss was not pleased. Hazelle, his mother, was sick, and there were four children in the house. Hazelle convinced her to let him go. That was back when the war was going to last a few months…you know how that turned out. When it came time to sign back up, Katniss asked him not to. He did anyhow, and they just grew farther and farther apart while she was stuck here, watching Hazelle die, raising kids, and keeping everything together. And he was off, in the wider world having adventures and living his childhood dreams."
Peeta gritted his teeth. "The war was not an 'adventure'."
"Gale signed up for it. Katniss did not and she had to deal with the decisions that he made. My sympathies are with her, especially after the baby."
Peeta froze. "The baby?"
"Ah, something that you didn't know about?" Haymitch questioned. "If you want to know details, you'll have to ask someone else…I don't have the heart to talk about it."
Peeta, for once, was speechless. He had just gotten a lot of information that he could not process at the moment. He knew that Gale was far from perfect husband, although he thought it was for an entirely different reason. But it was easy to forgive someone their faults and misdeeds after they were dead.
Haymitch finished his cup of coffee and showed himself to the door. He looked over his shoulder. "You may want to go find her…she hides in the barn when she is upset. You ought to get her out before the kids get home. I would get her, but she's cross with me."
The men said their goodbyes and then Peeta thought about what Haymitch had told him. He tried to remember every conversation that he and Gale had, and he had never once mentioned a baby or a lost pregnancy.
He looked around the house and thought about a teenage Katniss left by her husband to deal with everything, the only able-bodied adult in the home. Peeta never realized until the last few weeks how much it took to run a home and a farm. From dawn to well past dark, it was all that Katniss did. She had no hobbies or pastimes; she was always doing something for the family. His already considerable admiration for Katniss had only grown.
Peeta walked out to the barn. Katniss was sitting in the corner of an animal stall, and the ancient nanny goat, Lady, rested her head in Katniss's lap. All the other livestock on the farm were out on pasture, but Lady was too feeble to join them. The animal had seen better days and even Peeta knew that it was only a matter of time before she died.
Katniss looked so despondent—finally she looked liked the saddened woman that Peeta thought he would find. The sight broke his heart. She was in a black skirt and a dingy cotton shirt. He longed to see her in a more colorful wardrobe. He imagined that she would look sweet in lavender, stunning in red, but most often he thought about how she would look in his favorite color, sunset orange, and how it would play against her olive skin, glossy black hair, and silver-grey eyes.
"Has Haymitch left yet?" she asked, startling Peeta from his daydream.
"Yes," Peeta replied and came over to where she sat and took a seat next to her and began to pet the goat too."She must be old."
"She is…poor Lady," she whispered. "Her spirit wants to live, but her body wants to give up. Even Prim has said that she ought to be put down, but I can't do it. Gale and I got her for Prim's tenth birthday. We traded the goat herder on the other side of town for her, for a buck's skin. He drove a hard bargain, but finally Gale pointed out that she was lame with foot rot and the man gave in. Gale carried her all the way from the other side of town to my house. I think he just wanted to see Prim's face when she got her."
A single tear slid down her face. "That is the Gale, I miss. The boy I hunted with in the woods, and who would carry a blasted goat three miles just to see my sister's joy. For some silly reason, I feel like when this stupid goat dies that I'll lose my connection to my best friend."
Peeta wanted to wipe the tear off her cheek and hold her, but he didn't know if it was proper or even would be welcomed by her. He wanted to comfort her and to tell her that everything would be alright. But how could he when he didn't know that himself?
Instead his hand reached for hers; she gave it a little squeeze and looked in his eyes and appeared at ease with the action. Peeta never allowed himself to think about how comely she was; it was a line that he didn't want to cross—although at the moment he couldn't stop himself.
Katniss would not be considered a beauty by the modern standard, but he thought her more appealing than any other woman he'd ever met. She was not the plump, alabaster-skinned, soft-handed lady that he'd been told since childhood would be his ideal wife. But when he looked at Katniss he couldn't help but to be reminded of the Song of Solomon: a beautiful girl who was dark-skinned and strong because she was forced to work in the fields. In his imagination, she was akin to the storied beauties of the Old Testament. Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Ester now all looked very much Katniss in his mind.
Something suddenly changed between them; the air around him was thick with tension. Katniss looked up at him with hungry eyes and parted lips. A sudden and strong desire to join his mouth to hers overtook him. He was just about to give in to his baser instinct, when he heard a pair of female voices approaching them.
Katniss's cheeks flared and she quickly got up and left the barn before Peeta could even think of how to respond. He took a moment to think about what nearly transpired between them. Would she be able to love again? Could she accept me as a suitor?
He shook his head and tried to reason with himself. Peeta had promised that he would not covet her, but she didn't belong to any living man. Her husband was dead and so she was as free as any unmarried woman.
He walked out of the barn and approached the sisters, Posy was telling Katniss something very exciting. Before he came close enough to hear, a loud gunshot rang out.
"Get down!" he screamed to the girls and hit the dirt. Peeta panicked and that familiar suffocating feeling took over him and he began to shake violently.
The next thing he was aware of was Katniss hovering over him. "Peeta, Peeta you are fine," she said in a frightened voice.
"Get down, the Rebs are coming," he insisted and forcefully pulled her down on top of him.
"Peeta," she whispered and tightly gripped his shoulders. "It's not real, you're here on the Hawthorne farm….There aren't any Confederates here. Just us."
He couldn't believe her. They stared at each other for many long moments and then she began to sing. It was the song that he so often caught her humming. It was about daisies and grass and other lovely things although Peeta couldn't concentrate on the words, but he listened to her voice and watched her lips move. The song ended with the line, "Here is the place where I love you."
Finally he was able to take deep breaths and he calmed down, released Katniss from his grip, and became aware of reality. She stood and then offered him her hand to help him to sit up.
"Prim, help me," Katniss called to her sister. The two women helped him to stand and each took an arm around their shoulders and led him to house and into his bed.
Katniss murmured something to her sister and the blonde disappeared from the room. She began to pull off his boots and set his legs on the bed.
"Katniss I'm so sorry," he said sincerely. "I've never had an episode that bad before… It was so real. If you want me to leave—."
She cut him off, "Shh, of course I don't want you to go. I know that these things can sometimes happen. You know my neighbor, Mr. Odair?" Peeta shook his head and she continued, "He has them sometimes and he has been out of the service more than three years. He is better now, although when he first came back, Annie, his wife, said that he had nightmares every night."
"I'm so tired," Peeta sighed and settled his head into the pillow. "I liked that song."
Katniss gave him a little smile, "My pa thought it up. The man could just barely read and write, but he could make up the prettiest songs. I used to sing to the children at bedtime. Posy had terrible nightmares after her mama died, so I would sing it to her when she would wake."
"You should sing more often," he told her in a whisper and closed his eyes. "Your voice is so pretty."
Katniss did not respond, but covered him with a quilt. "Get some rest now, I'll check on you at dinner."
Peeta nodded sleepily and heard the door close and knew that he was alone in the room. He felt defeated. In one moment he convinced himself that he could be what Katniss needed and wanted. Then in the next he proved that he wasn't.
The last thing Katniss needs is one more burden.
Katniss
Katniss tossed and turned and tried to find a comfortable position, but she couldn't find any; she was too wound up. The room was hot and there were too many bodies in the bed. She loved her sisters but sleeping with them every night was getting tiresome.
She longed to be back in her bed for several reasons, but the most obvious one for moments like right now. She could not stop the sinful and wicked thoughts that she was having. If she were in her own bed alone she could do what must be done to relieve the dull throbbing ache that she'd trying to ignore all afternoon and evening.
It had been a strange day, though it started off typically enough. She rose to make breakfast, only to see that Peeta had beaten her to the kitchen and had started on the morning meal and had a cup of coffee waiting her. She'd come to find that she was starting to seek out little moments like this, her and him. Katniss liked to watch him work; in fact she had a small obsession with his large and calloused hands. He could make delicious food with a few simple ingredients and he drew detailed pictures. She had often wondered about what else his hands could do. They shared a few minutes of peaceful small talk before the younger members of the family came clambering down the stairs.
At breakfast Prim announced her intention to call on Annie, and Posy insisted upon going too. Vick had had plans to go hunting for a better part of a week. That left Katniss and Peeta alone for the day. She secretly liked and dreaded being alone with him, because it led her into thinking dangerous thoughts.
Katniss constantly found herself looking at him as they made hay. There was something about him that she found very appealing. He wasn't the most handsome man that she'd ever seen— that title when to her neighbor Finnick Odair, with her late husband a close second (or so according to most everyone).
But Peeta still had some very wonderful attributes. He had a strong jaw and the most enchanting eyes she'd ever seen—his blue orbs put all others to shame. Also he was impossibly broad shouldered, solid, and strong. While following behind him and watching him cut the hay, she couldn't tear her eyes away, although she did try. He flashed a wide, boyish grin when he finally got the hang of it. He was so effortlessly charming that she knew that it was just his nature and not an act.
Peeta was so at ease with everyone he met. The Odairs thought him delightful and he'd impressed most everyone in Seam. Even Haymitch, who generally disliked most people, had become instant friends with her houseguest.
There was something about Peeta that made people open up, Katniss included. Peeta was having an effect on her that she couldn't deny. She hadn't been able to tell anyone, even Prim, about why she was so hesitant to let Lady go, yet she was able to recount the entire story to Peeta. It was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders; he could bring her a sense of peace like no one else ever had.
At times he could make her feel other things too: want, desire, and even lust. She came so close to kissing him today in the barn, and she'd never known such a hunger for a man before. Disappointment was the only word that could describe what she felt when she heard the girls coming home, although she didn't know if it was at herself for being so weak, or because he didn't kiss her.
She thought that she was safe from temptation once she left the barn, and all thoughts of physical longing were forgotten once Peeta had his had heard the shot and figured that Vick was simply emptying the barrel, nothing out of the ordinary, but what shocked her was Peeta's violent reaction to the sound.
When she first approached him, she didn't know what to do. He had gripped her so tight that it hurt, and she had been at a loss as to how to shake him out of it. If he'd not had her arms pinned to her side, she might have slapped him. Finally she thought she would try to sing to him like she used to for Posy.
The look he gave her while she was sang him 'The Valley Song' was so sad and haunting she knew that she was not going to forget it anytime soon. She wondered what he'd seen and been through to damage him so badly. Then she realized while he seemed to know everything about her, she knew almost nothing about him. In the six weeks she'd known him, all she knew about his past was that he was the third and youngest son of a Dutch baker and his German wife, and had joined the Army after his sweetheart rebuffed him in favor of his brother.
The defeated expression on his face when he came back to reality was heart-breaking. She had known that sort of pain herself. When she put him in bed, she had nearly laid next to him to soothe him, although she knew that it was not appropriate by any standards. Peeta was a gentleman and Katniss had an example to set in the home, which she was already doing a poor job of by even considering lying with a man that she was not married to.
She checked on him several times and tried to get him to eat some dinner, but he had declined the invitation. All evening she thought about him, not to pity him but because she so badly wanted to comfort him and to tell him that he wasn't the only one that the war had left forever altered. It robbed her of her best friend, her husband, and her youth.
She lay there and attempted to will her physical need away. She even tried to shame it away, scolding herself for thinking about such things while Peeta was so despondent…but she was unsuccessful.
In frustration, she finally gave up trying to sleep and as silently as she could she rose from bed and went down the stairs. On her way out of the house, her eyes were drawn to the door of her old room. For a fraction of a second, she thought about going to check on him one more time, then thought better of it. Not because she didn't care about how he was doing, but because she didn't trust herself in her current state. For some reason she thought that if she ever did kiss Peeta that she would not be able to stop there.
She slipped out of the house and thought of a place where she could what needed to be done. The large moon gave her just enough light to allow her to walk about the property. The barn seemed the most logical choice. The animals barely seemed to notice as she stealthily climbed the ladder into the haymow. She found a comfortable pile of straw and laid down in it.
Katniss cheeks burned in the darkness, thinking about what she was about to do. She'd only ever done this in her bed, and it had been a long while since she'd last done it.
She closed her eyes and let her mind wander.
Peeta was there with her in the cool nest, both on their knees before each other. Why or how they got there she didn't know nor did she care.
His lips tasted sweet, like the cinnamon rolls he made them a few days ago and that he kissed just as well as he spoke…if not helped each other out of their clothes. He made quick work of all her buttons and stays. She pushed the shirt off his shoulders and unbuckled his pants. Katniss ran her fingers over his pale flesh. He was so solid and warm and he leaned into her touch. She was surprised to being so comfortable with being nude before him, as she'd never been so at ease with baring herself before.
His wonderful hands caressed and explored her body. He followed the outline of her body, first down her arms, causing her to breakout in goose bumps, then to the curve of her waist and swell of her hips. Then ever so slowly, they his hands traveled up her body to her breasts. After he palmed and squeezed them, he made her keen in pleasure when he tweaked the peaks with his thumb and forefinger.
She unbuttoned the collar of her nightgown and as she did, she imagined him doing it.
He lay her down gently and then rested over top of her. The weight of his body on hers was bliss itself; this was what she wanted to have him take care of her. But she needed more. He gave her a knowing smile and his hand descended down her body to where her thighs met.
Her own hand moved lower and tugged at her hem so she could find the long neglected kernel of flesh that demanded attention. She was already seeping arousal; the first contact was like a static shock but then it quickly became immensely pleasurable. She pretended that her two fingers were one of his.
Peeta treated her with care at first, his touch was feather soft, allowing her to become comfortable with this sort of intimacy again. He then became bolder as her hips swayed in tandem with the movements, dipping inside her to collect more moisture to spread across her slit. He had her on the edge; she was so close but wanted— no, needed—more.
She reached between them to find his length, which was thick, hard and hot in her hand, and he groaned at the contact. Katniss nearly forgot about her own desire once she began to pleasure him. He bucked in her hand. She loved the sounds he made as she worked her hand up and down and pearly fluid beaded from the tip. He cried hoarsely when she used her thumb to spread it around the head. She heard him say in an impassioned voice, "I must have you now," and pulled her hand away and replaced it with his own and guided his member into her.
The sensation was euphoric as she stretched around him. He stared at her with those huge blue eyes and for one glorious moment they were joined as one. She wiggled her hips to urge him to move, and he gave her a wicked grin and began to move at a torturously slow pace. To further her frustration he pressed nipping, open-mouthed kisses down her neck and latched on to the sensitive spot on her neck.
As she lay in the mow one hand was no longer fulfilling her need so she used both—one teasing her sensitive spot and the other filled her with void with two fingers.
Her nails bit into his flesh as gripped his muscular rear, pulling him closer and forcing him deeper. His thrusts become faster and she felt her peak fast approaching, and she knew that his was too. Ever so slightly he changed angle of his entry and it was her undoing. She clenched around him repeatedly. Her name was whispered hoarsely in her ear and he joined her in ecstasy.
In the mow she bit her lip to keep from calling Peeta's name while her own hands caused her to orgasm. Her body trembled and was sated. It took her several moments to collect her wits.
Then came the guilt. She was so confused and a little ashamed and wondered if what she'd just done was akin to adultery. Although she was a widow, she was still in mourning and she wouldn't be available to be courted for several months yet. This was unlike any other time she'd touched herself. Always before it had been out of simple physical need: her body needed a release and she took care of it. But this time was different. There was a specific cause—Peeta. Her body hungered for him. Never had she had such a vivid fantasy in all her life. It felt so real.
While she was married, Katniss thought of sex as a wife's duty, not an unpleasant one but a duty all the same. She'd never thought much of it while she was a girl. She and Gale's courtship, if it could even be called that, was short and no other man ever paid her any serious attention.
They'd never done anything more that kiss before they were wed. The wedding night was awkward, and their first coupling was quick and uncomfortable. Slowly, over time, it became less of a chore and to Gale's credit he did try to make as enjoyable for her as it was for him, but they were both young and inexperienced. Then after less than six months of marriage, Gale left for the war. While he was away, she'd learned how to take care of herself, the images she drew up were from specific memories and she never had had such an intense longing for her own husband.
She'd see him twice during the war. Once he was home for two months after he was wounded, and he had left as soon as he was cleared by the doctor, leaving her with a mountain of responsibilities and an ill-fated pregnancy. The other visit was a year ago when he told her that he'd signed up for an additional three years. They fought whenever they were together; it was what they did as a married couple. But the last fight was especially nasty; she called him selfish, arrogant, and irresponsible, he called her unpatriotic, cold, and unfeeling.
Remembering the fight made her recall how discontented they had been in marriage. All their similarities that Gale told her would be their strengths when he proposed turned out to be weaknesses. They were both too proud, held grudges, were very stubborn, and were slow to apologize. She cared very deeply for Gale, although she never loved him romantically. She loved the boy in the woods but she couldn't stand the man in the uniform. Her husband did not hold the place in her heart that he should have.
Katniss could not make sense of her feelings towards Peeta, she thought that maybe she was just yearning for physical intimate contact after being alone for so long. But she had been around other eligible and reasonably attractive young men such Darius Stone the blacksmith and Marvel Wilson the shop keeper's son and never had such a drawl to them.
What she felt in her heart for Peeta was nothing like what she had felt for Gale, though she knew that she shouldn't she couldn't help but to compare them. Peeta won every time and that made her feel guilty.
"I am never getting married again," she whispered, reminding herself to not become tender-hearted. "No more men to leave me, no more pregnancies to lose, no more heartache."
She adjusted her nightgown and climbed down the ladder. Before leaving the barn, she looked into Lady's stall; she couldn't see much but she could hear the goat's wheezy breathing as she slept.
The moon was even higher in the sky and she knew that it must be near midnight. After washing her hands at the water pump, she headed to the house. The dim glow of a lamp caught her attention.
"Blast," she hissed when she realized that she'd left the bedroom without her robe or shawl, which was had honestly been the last thing on her mind.
When she opened the door, she hoped desperately that it was Prim writing a love letter to Rory. It was not Prim but the house's only other fair-haired occupant, Peeta, bent over a book. When the latch clicked, his body jolted slightly.
"When did you sneak out?" he asked in a humored manner. Katniss breathed a sigh of relief. He must have thought that she made a trip to the outhouse.
"A while ago, then I watched the stars for a little bit," she lied.
Peeta must have believed her and he replied, "Let me know next time and I'll go with you, Vick said that there are bears around here. It's not safe to be alone."
"I've lived here my whole life and there is nothing out there that frightens me." Katniss chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Besides, there hasn't been a bear in these parts in years. Gale used to like to scare Vick when he was little."
She sat down at the table next to him. Peeta gave her a little grin, "Gale was always good at joshing people. Once he convinced a soldier that there were snipes out in the woods and senseless Woof actually stayed all night in the woods looking for them."
Katniss shook her head. "He did that to Rory when he was seven, and when Hazelle found out she switched him something awful."
They both smiled. Peeta leaned back in his chair and she saw that the book that he'd been bent over was a sketch book. "May I?" she asked.
Peeta looked as if he was thinking it over, he warned, "It might be…disturbing."
Katniss looked down at the book and image that greeted her was grisly. It was a man skewered on a bayonet, and it was drawn in such a way that she knew that the artist had been the one to inflict the damage…Peeta had done this. The man before her had actually taken a human life. Her face must have reflected the horror that she'd felt.
"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I shouldn't have let you see it." He tried to take the book away but she held on tight.
"No, please, I want to know what it was like," she admitted. Peeta reluctantly let go. She flipped through the pages. The details were amazing, but the sights were ghastly: A screaming man being held down by four others while a surgeon sawed off his leg, a dead solider missing half his head, a drummer boy bent over another young body.
"Peeta, these are so incredible," she whispered, "terrifying, but incredible. Are these all things that you saw?"
He sighed heavily. "Yes, when I try to sleep it all comes back to me. Sometimes if I draw them, I can get them out of my head for a little while and I can rest. I always keep the book hidden when I'm not working on it. I would hate for Posy to find it. It is a place for me to store all the memories: the gore, the angst, the betrayal of loved ones."
"I'm glad that you're letting me look at it. I always wanted to know why Gale was so drawn to it. But now I am at a loss as to why he preferred there to here." Katniss turned the page and caught a glance of a man and woman in an embrace. Peeta suddenly snatched the book from her.
He gave her an apologetic glance. "Sorry, I'm not ready to share everything."
They simply stared for a moment or two, and then Peeta cleared his voice, "Commander Boggs once said that Gale was a true warrior. That he could look at the enemy as if they were animals and nothing more."
Katniss gave him a disturbed expression.
Peeta clarified, "He wasn't sadistic about it, I knew a few who were, but Gale wasn't one of them. He didn't enjoy it, although he was able to turn off his emotions and do what needed to be done to accomplish the mission. Most of us couldn't do that. Every time I fired my weapon I couldn't help to think that I was about to end the life of someone's brother, father, or husband…I was an awful solider."
She took his hand and assured him, "But you are a good man and you must have been good enough to get promoted in the ranks. You did what you had to do at the time."
"I tell myself that all the time. It doesn't help," he said and squeezed her hand. "Killing a human being changes you."
Peeta took his eyes off her and looked out the window, and then he asked a very odd question, "Do you think that you could forgive the Confederate who killed Gale?"
Katniss thought about it and then replied honestly, "I can forgive the man." Peeta looked at her in wonder. "But I blame the war and politicians and slave owners who couldn't just do what was right on their own. I think that most mothers, wives, and children eventually come to the same conclusion."
Peeta gave her perplexed expression, as if her explanation was too simple.
She continued, "I'm sure the Johnny Reb that shot my husband was no different than you and Gale. He joined because he thought it was the right thing to do. I'm sure he didn't join simply to kill Gale Hawthorne anymore than you did to kill the man in that first picture I saw. The war ruined all those lives, you did not, Peeta."
He face was unreadable for a time, and then it slowly transitioned into a small grin. "And you say that you are no good with words."
"Once and awhile I can speak well if I don't think about it too much," she said and pulled her hand from his. "We should both rest, Peeta."
"Or we ought to try," he conceded and shut the book."Thank you, Katniss, you really helped me today."
"It is the least I can do," she said softly. "After everything you've done for me. I guess that's what we do, help each other."
"I suppose that makes us friends."
'Friends' seemed like an understatement. She had never felt this level of comfort and closeness with a man before, but anything more was a dangerous thought to entertain.
"I would suppose so," she said and rose from her seat. Peeta did the same and they wished each other 'good night.' Katniss went to the room and shoved Posy over and climbed into bed. The room was cooler and her sinful urges had subsided, but now she had another more disturbing revelation. What she felt for Peeta went beyond lust; it was deeper and more consuming. Never in her life had she felt this way about anyone, not even Gale.
The thought of being in love with Peeta Mellark was a frightening one. She would never be able to give him her heart and he wasn't deserving of anything less.
Hi, I hope that you enjoyed the beginning of my newest fic, it was originally written for s2sl charity fund raiser. This story will be told in four parts and I hope to publish it all over the summer.
I would like to thank many special for helping to get this story off the ground; Streetlightlove for pre-reading and encouraging me, ackennedy7 for my lovely banner, to kismet for beta help, and most of all Court for cheering me through, beating and cracking me up with all her comments.
You can find me on tumblr as izzysamson, there I post previews and teasers for upcoming chapters and generally fangirl over Everlark.