Disclaimer: I do NOT own Adventure Time or any other franchise that appears or is mentioned or referenced in this story. Nor do I own Yakety Sax. I only own Andrew. I do not profit from this story.
The morning sun rose up over the Land of Ooo. In the wide grassy field, in his rickety tree house, Finn felt some morning sun on his face, and the warmth gently stirred him awake. He opened his eyes and lept out of bed, always full of wild energy. After a few stretches, he smelt the delicious smell of Jake's pancakes cooking downstairs.
Ten minutes later, after a quick shower, Finn was all dressed up and ready for a another wild day, ready for any trouble that may come his way.
He leapt downstairs to see Jake at the oven.
"Morning, dude," Jake smiled at him. "Breakfast is almost done."
"Sweet!" Finn slinked on over to the table beside Bemo, their game console.
"You bet your last shilling it's sweet!" Jake laughed as he stacked up the last of the cakes onto a platter and brought them over to the table. "Bon Apetite!"
They each grabbed up their forks, eying the cakes hungrily, and before they could dig in, they heard a knock at the door.
"Can you get that?" Jake asked.
"Sure." Finn put down his utensils and headed for the door while his pals dug in.
He opened the door, and was shocked to find a huge mass of people greeting him. Right in front of him, leading the mob was the Gnarl from Overlord. Behind him, Finn could see thousands of monsters and mythical beasts, each carrying either a pitchfork or a torch.
"Here they are!" Gnarl shouted. "Grab them!"
Several monsters charged into the house. Fin tried to fight them off. He only managed to push back a few goblins, gremlins and imps though, before a greater fiend from Ninja Gaiden clawed him in the face, drawing blood, and then grabbing him in a strong lock.
The other monsters flooded in and grabbed Jake and Bemo as well.
Before they knew it, Finn, Jake and Bemo were all tied up in chains, and being carried across the land. Each of them were being lugged around shoulder-backed on a Vraal from Deltora Quest. A Grey Guard led them each.
"Where are you taking us?" Finn demanded.
"Quiet!" The Grey Guard turned and jammed a sparkling rod at Finn, shocking and burning him.
"Hey! Nobody does that to my-OW!" Another guard jammed Jake with a rod for speaking.
"Okay, we'll stop talking," Finn said, now scared, before he was shocked again.
Jake suddenly sneezed, but that did not earn him any pity from the guard. "Hey! That was just a sneeze, jerk!" Again he was shocked, but this time with more volts.
"Jake, let's just be quiet!" Finn snapped back at him, before getting shocked again.
"I'm getting sick of this!" Growled a gruff voice. Finn suddenly felt something crawling along his back, up his head, and over his head, until a grizzly-looking rat dressed in wealthy attire clung to his face, digging his claws into his flesh more. He held a sword in his hand, which he raised, poised to slice right into Finn's eye.
Finn's eye widened in horror. He tried to struggle against the chains, but they only cut into his arms and legs more, drawing more warm blood.
"No, Jenner!" shouted a man wearing a red cloak and an opera mask. A gauntleted hand reached over and grabbed Jenner before he could slash at Finn's eye.
"We must be patient!" The man said musingly. He was the Regent of the Mask from Ninja Gaiden 3. "Andrew said we cannot harm any of them badly until they are brought before him."
"Who's Andrew?" Finn demanded.
"Shut up!" He got shocked by the Grey Guard again, but this time, right after, he got blasted by some flames. He looked to his side and saw the black figure of Aku from Samurai Jack.
"How much longer must we wait!" Snarled a man with a burned up face and a stripped sweater, Freddy Krueger. "I want to teach this little bastard a lesson!"
"Yeah, and his hands are looking quite tasty there!" grinned a grey llama in a green hat. It was Carl from Llamas with Hats.
"Yes, I know," Gnarl grunted from his chair being carried by his goblin minions. "But we must wait until Villain84 has his say."
After a long time of walking, they were finally brought to a wide open field of grass before a massive crowd of all sorts of mythological, mystical, mysterious people and creatures, all from fantasy franchises that many would easily recognize.
Finn, Jake and Bemo were dragged though the crowd by the grey guards, hundreds of angry faces glaring at them, until they were finally brought to the center, where they were roughly thrown onto the ground.
Looking around they noticed the many familiar faces of their friends; Princess Bubblegum, Marceline, The Ice King, Gunther, Peppermint Butler, Cinnamon Bun, Marceline's Dad, Lumpy Space Princess, Lady Rainacorn, the Lich, Susan Strong, and even Lemongarb and Ricardio. All were in chains and could only squirm. Some sat still.
They even saw Fiona, Cake, and Prince Gumball there.
They also noticed that behind them was a crowd of many helpless civilians of the land of Ooo, all looking scared and terrified.
"Same rules as the others!" Growled a raspy voice. Finn and Jake turned to face a blue knight holding a huge red, glowing sword. It was Nightmare from Soul Calibur. "If I see you using any sort of power or funny moves to escape, I'll cut you down!"
His voice was so threatening, neither Finn nor Jake dared talk back to him. They just turned to face their friends.
"Guys!" Finn exclaimed, "What's going on?"
"Wish I knew," Marceline shrugged.
"Is everyone we know here?" Jake asked squirming over to Lady Rainicorn.
"It seems so," Princess Bubblegum answered. "They just took most of the biggest faces in Ooo, and brought them to this place."
"Who are all these guys?" Finn asked. "What do they want? Why are they so mad at us?"
"I don't know," The Ice King whimpered. "I just hope they don't harm any of my dear friends... but you know, up over there, I think they're talking about something." He gestured with his head over to the top of the hill, where they could see several faces.
One was a figure in a black hood and a mask. It was Darth Vader. Next there was a red-hooded figure with horns atop his head; The Horned King from The Black Cauldron. Beside him was a Purple-haired girl; Mizore from Rosario + Vampire. Beside Mizore was Moka, in her white hair and Yokai Academy dress shirt. Beside her was Ruby, in her read dress and black hair.
Next came Sauron and Saruman from The Lord of The Rings, then Freddy Krueger, the the Overlord from Overlord, then Fallow from Deltora Quest, Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter, Aang and all his friends from Avatar: The Last Airbender, even some of his enemies, and finally ending with Naruto Uzumaki and Madara.
They all stood before a thin man in a pitch black cloak, his face barely visible. What was visible was a pale chin, and some equally pale hands, and some black boots where the bottom of the cloak was torn.
"Lord Villian," Madara said with a bow, "We have brought you all the people on your hit list."
"Well done, everyone," The hooded man said in a soft, misty voice; a voice like that of Gary Oldman. "Now, the fun can begin!"
Evil grins were exchanged among the circle as the man known as Andrew stepped forward. He raised a hand, quieting the crowd. All eyes, even the eyes of Finn and his friends, glued to him.
"Attention, Adventure Time characters," He announced. "...YOUR SHOW SUCKS!"
"What?" Jake shouted angrily! "What is your-"
"Shut it!" Azula shot Jake with Lightning from the leader circle. He groaned in pain for a moment.
"Thank you, Azula," Andrew nodded before he cleared his throat and continued his speech. "Your entire show is an insult to every decent fantasy series out there. You've even insulted shows that have nothing to do with fantasy. Surrounding you now is every fantasy character that you have ticked off. Now it is time for your to meet your judgment.
"You will each be beaten by these characters to an inch of your miserable lives, and then you will be nailed to these crosses here," He pointed to a long row of carts with piles of large wooden posts shaped in crosses. "And then, we will set this land ablaze, and you will all burn along with it.
"By the time we're done with you, you'll wish the short film that spawned your little cartoon was never aired."
The AT characters' eyes widened with horror. The mob of fantasy characters all lightened up and gave evil grins and chuckles.
Just then, Andrew raised his pale hand and snapped.
"Vader, Horned King!" He commanded, summoning the two villains to his side.
"Yes, master?" Vader asked as he and The Horned King bowed.
"Take your assigned henchmen and teams, and take the civilians and minor characters to the plains for the crucifixion.
"NOOOO!" Finn screamed.
"Shut up!" Nightmare kicked Finn in one leg, cracking it and making one bone pop out from behind through his skin, making him shriek in pain.
"Don't worry, Finn!" Andrew called over to him. "Your suffering will end soon enough." And then he put a finger to his chin. "Actually, you know what?" He continued, "Jake doesn't get beaten up on the show enough. He never pays for his stupidity."
"Wow, dude, I don't like where you're going with this part," Jake muttered.
"Azula," Andrew shouted, "Zap him again!"
Another bolt of lightning lashed out from Azula's fingertips, striking Jake again, making him scream as his fur boiled.
"Thank you," Andrew nodded. "And by God, you are hot!"
Azula blushed as Mai and Ty Lee rolled their eyes.
Darth Vader and The Horned King were leading a large crowd of goblins, storm troopers, undead skeletons and zombies, ninjas, fiends, demons, and other whatnots as they hoarded away the citizens of Ooo, both the cute and cudley characters, and those that were less so. Some of the more crude evil henchmen kicked or punched or threw down the characters, or threw knives at them.
Finn wanted to help them with every bone in his body, but his leg was still in searing pain, and tears were streaming from his eye. he pushed hard against the ground, trying to ignore it, but it was still so agonizing.
As this half of the mob departed, there were still a lot of fantasy characters still surrounding Finn and his friends.
Andrew was walking down the hill towards the group as fantasy mob was staring them down.
"Before we beat the crap out of you," Andrew said, loud so everyone could hear again. "There's one little thing I need to fix here."
The AT characters watched in horror as he approached the Ice King.
"What do you want with me?" Ice King whimpered. "Look, take Gunther instead why don't ya?"
Andrew drew a bejeweled dagger from his cloak, and everyone held their breath. He reached down...
...and cut the Ice King's chain link, making it disintegrate.
"Ice King," Andrew said, "You're free to go."
"WHAT?" The other AT characters screamed.
Andrew then leaned down to free Gunther as Ice King stood up.
"Wait, why are you doing this?" he asked as he scratched his head.
"Yeah!" Bubblegum screamed. "How come that butt doesn't have to suffer like the rest of us?"
"SHUT IT!" Spyro spat a fire ball at her, burning some of her skin. She screamed in pain.
"Thank you, Spyro," Andrew nodded. He turned back to Ice King. "You see, you are the only character on this show that I like."
"You... like me?" Ice King gave a wide smile.
"Yes. I think deep down you are a nice guy, and you just want people to like you, and you're socially awkward and have a hard time making friends and getting dates, and everyone just spurns you! You're not a villain, you're a victim!"
"You've gotta be kidding me!" Finn shouted. He could not believe what he was hearing. "The Ice King is evil! How the heck can you NOT see that?"
"How many times do we have to say 'be quite!'?" an annoyed voice whined. Maleficent came over and brought her staff down on Finn's head as hard as she could.
"Thank you, Maleficent," Andrew nodded at her as she backed up to the crowd.
"So, I'm free to go?" Ice King smiled as he held Gunther in his arms.
"Yep. You and Gunther are awesome. You're off the hook!"
The Ice King turned his huge smile to his penguin companion.
"Gunther! I have a true fan! This is wonderful!"
"Wan-Wan," Gunther squawked.
"Oh, uh, one thing though," Andrew muttered as he raised his fist. He threw a hard jab at the Ice King's face, pushing him to the ground.
Then, he raised his other hand and snapped. "Gamabunta!"
The huge red toad stepped forward, and stepped on The Ice King and Gunther. After a second, he lifted his foot.
"Ow!" Ice King muttered. He slowly got to his feet and dusted himself off, then helped Gunther up. "I thought you said we were off the hook!"
"Well, I can't let you get away totally unscathed," Andrew shrugged. "You're still part of the show, after all."
"'Ey, don't stress it," said Hades with his friendly smirk. "Compared to what everyone else is gonna get, that was just a flick to the forehead."
"Alright then," Andrew smiled. "You're so you're free to go, Ice King."
"Great, thanks!" Ice King smiled as his beard started to flap. "It's been nice knowing you guys." He tipped his crown to the other AT characters as he and Gunther flew away.
"You shouldn't go back to the Ice Kingdom!" Dr. Victor Frankenstein shouted after them. "It will be burnt in about half an hour!"
"Is that possible?" Ice King called back.
"For our wrath?" Ozai answered, "Yes!"
"Okay, got it!" Ice King continued to fly off into the horizon.
Andrew walked back up to his hill, and raised his hands as the fantasy mob started whispering and chuckling. They were becoming anxious.
"Alright everyone," Andrew announced with one hand raised. "Do your worse, just remember, nothing sexual! We need to keep this to an M rating."
Amongst the crowds, there was some more whispering between Iago and Jafar.
"Now why would he bring that up?" Iago asked his master. "I mean even before the whole rating issue here a few months ago, he wasn't thinking of making us do anything sexual to these guys."
"I believe he's just trying to make a little fourth wall joke here, Iago," Jafar grinned.
"Now, cue Yakety Sax!" Andrew pointed over to Shrek, who was holding an ipad hooked up to some large speakers. Even with his big fingers, he was able to push the buttons on the touch screen. Out of the speakers boomed the classic jazz music that always fit perfectly to any chase.
"I'm pure evil," Andrew chuckled to himself.
The AT characters gulped.
Andrew then raised both of his hands and cried "LET THE PUMMELING COMMENCE!"
"YEAH! GET 'EM!" roared the mob as they charged at the AT characters.
"Oh, lump!" LSP grumbled.
"Oh, crap!" the Lich hissed.
"Swearing and trying to sound more adult won't save you!" Rasputin barked.
The AT characters whimpered and awaited the pain. In moments, the mob was upon them.
Rasputin's imp minions swarmed out from his reliquary as they latched onto Lady Rainicorn's body, clawing and biting at her.
She squirmed and wriggled in pain.
Next, Sasuke faced her. He combined both a fire and a lightning jutsu to inflict serious pain, burning and scarring her.
When he was done, Eris's huge finger reached down, and pressed Rainicorn's head into the earth, grinding it as though it were a beetle.
Moka and her friends gathered around Marceline.
"So, you call yourself a vampire? Is that right?" Moka asked, her voice bleeding with malice.
"Well, at least I'm a real vampire! I'm closer to Dracula than you!" Marceline nodded angrily. "You guys are on par with Twilight!"
"Oh, no she didn't," Kurumu muttered.
Moka leaned in closer to Marceline, glaring her in the eye.
"Say that again," she hissed.
"You guys are-"
Before she finished, Moka punched her in the face, trying to crush her skull, smashing her into the ground.
"Ha!" Marceline chuckled. "you can't kill me!"
"Which means we don't have to hold back with you!" Yukari smirked.
"Now shut up!" Mizore's fingers turned to ice as she slashed down at Marceline, slicing into her stomach, cutting her all over her body.
"Allow me!" Amon raised his hands, ready to do some bloodbending.
Marceline felt some pulling at her arms. The pulling got stronger and stronger until her arms were ripped clean off from the
"Shove 'em all the way down your throat, bitch!" Kokoa picked up the arms and shoved them into Marceline's mouth, choking her.
"You make me equally sick! I still like Rosario's portrayal more than you!" Dracula sneered, as he kicked Marceline in the back. Next, he reached down, and yanked out a fist full of her black hair.
Kurumu grew out one of her nails, and dug it into Marceline's eye, making her scream.
"Wait," Amon said. "Don't we need her arms for the crucifixion later?"
"I can tear her stomach open and take her arms out later," Mizore whispered.
"Yeah," Yukari added. "And then we can sew them back on!"
"You call yourself a Lich? Huh?" Arthas sneered.
Arthas raised his Frostmourne sword, and brought it down, slicing right through the Lich's head. The zombie-like head groaned as it rolled.
Jasmine grabbed the Lich's head, and thrust her dagger up his neck. She dug her blade all around unside the skull, spilling his blood and brains. Kree leaned over from her shoulder, and grabbed the lich's tongue with his beak. He then pulled hard and ripped the tongue clean out, blood trailing after it.
Rameses' overseers continued to whip the lich's body, and the hobbits continued to kick it.
"Oh, no, you guys aren't gonna beat me up!" LSP grunted, trying to sound intimidating.
"SHUT UP!" Belatrix snapped, shutting her up. "You are another one of the most annoying characters on this ass of a show!"
"God! I hate you so much!" Suigetsu snapped. He raised his sword and sliced right through LSP's top half, cutting off one of her lumps.
She started streaming and crying as purple blood poured from her wound.
"Shut up already!" Ursula's tentacles reached into her open mouth. One tenticle was on her upper jaw, the other on the lower.
With all her strength, Ursula pried the jaws wider open, making the mouth ridiculously wide. LSP moaned more in pain.
Finally, there was a sickening crunch as her mouth stopped expanding, and Ursula let go.
"That's as wide as it will go!" She smirked.
"It's not enough!" Frankenstein's monster barked. "Here, let me!" One massive hand grabbed LSP's lower jaw, and with one firm yank, he ripped it clean off.
Purple blood was spewing everywhere, like a sprinkler. She rolled on the ground, crying and screaming.
"CRUCIO!" Belatrix hissed, her wand pointed at LSP's head. She stopped rolling, and instead squinted her eyes, and started hyperventilating, trembling. She was clearly in serious pain.
A few orcs came up to stab her with their swords, and behind them were a group of fire benders ready to incinerate her.
"You think you're funny, huh?" One elf barked at her. "You think you're adorable, huh? You think you deserve to be one of the most popular characters on the show?"
A tauren was brutally pulling out Susan's hair, her hat pulled off. Clutching her bleeding skull, she tried to scurry away, but a group of gnomes suddenly jumped her, and started pounding at her with their little hammers and stabbing her with their daggers.
She wrenched and squirmed and tried to shake the attackers off, but to no avail.
Princess Fiona cracked her knuckles before she punched Fiona hard in the face.
Fiona waited to hit the ground, but first she felt something grab her legs. She noticed a shadow stretching from them to Shikamaru. He was using his shadow posession jutsu on her.
He forced her to her feet again as Fiona punched her again in the face with her large green fist.
Fiona continued to punch her until her jaws started bleeding and Fiona's fist was drenched in blood.
"My turn!" Growled Gimli as he swung his ax, chopping one of Fiona's legs clean off, making her collapse, screaming in pain as she punched the ground.
She was only given a few seconds to breathe before Dr. Facilier came over and started beating her with his cane.
His shadow minions, meanwhile, were busy with Cake. They were stabbing her shadow with needle arms and clawing at it, shredding fur and flesh and giving cuts to the real body.
"AAHH! BABY!" She screamed.
"Silencio!" Puss in Boots drew is Rapier, and stabbed Cake in the eye, careful not to go so deep that he punctured her brain.
Donkey came over and started kicking her as well.
The Grand Duke of Owls was strangling Prince Gumball with his magic breath. After a minute, he finally dropped him, letting him hit the ground hard.
When he hit the ground, Naga dashed over, and grabbed him in his jaws. He shook him angrily, gnawing at him before spitting him out before Korra struck him with a water whip, sending him careening into a Draenei, who grinned at him menacingly.
"We'll go a little easier on you since you have a small role and you have Neil Patrick Harris's voice," the Draenei said. "We're still going to hit you pretty hard though.
Tira was dancing around Marshal Lee, slicing him with her ring blade, that is until Ron Weasley struck him with a hex. He landed beside Abraham Van Helsing, who grabbed his collar, and shoved a large garlic flower down his throat.
Van Helsing handed Marshal Lee to Carl, who bit off his left hand, crunching down on the bones.
Next came Lieutenant, who shocked Mashall Lee with his stun batons.
A few flying monkies jumped in next and started jumping on him.
"This beating is unacceptable!" Lemongarb shrieked.
"Oh my god shut up!" Grunted a Pyramid Head as he rammed his huge rusty sword through Lemongarb's torso, making him scream more.
The blade popped out the other side.
Pyramid Head shook the blade around, making Lemongarb's body shake as well. He was trying to rattle and cut and shake up the organs as much as possible.
Finally, Lemongarb's body flung off, and he hit the ground, pulp and lemon juice squirted everywhere.
He still continued to scream, his high-pitched voice rattling the area, annoying the Pyramid Head more. He took is huge knife again and cut off the head, hopping this would work. It did not.
That is until a minotaur came over and stepped on Lemongarb's head, squishing it, and making pulp fly everywhere.
The Horned King's creeper sidekick was on his shoulder.
"We only need to keep the arms and legs, right?" He shrugged. "Andrew didn't say anything about the head!"
"Andrew wants everyone alive." The Pyramid Head grunted.
"He is still alive. Look!"
Lemongarb's squished face still had two blinking eyes.
"Let me at him!" Gnorga hissed as she waltzed over towards the impaled body, purple lightning sparking from her hands as she rang them.
A few blood elves were chewing on Cinnamon Bun. None of them swallowed, they simply spat the chewed up bits back at them. Some squished it into the victem's eyes or down their throats.
After a moment, Dumbledore came over and shot Cinnamon Bun with a red hex, making him fly up into the air, and then come plummeting down to earth, as he landed with a splat!
And that was when a few rats decided to dig into him.
Beside him, Peppermint Butler was being whipped by more of Rameses' overseers. Several scratches and scars decorated his back.
A werewolf had Ricardio in his jaws, swinging him about in his jaws. His teeth were digging into Ricardio's 'body', puncturing him.
After a moment, Ricardio flung out of the wolf's mouth, and was caught by Rumpelstiltskin, who started dancing and stomping on the poor little heart.
Up in the air, Iago and Bartok were hovering and watching the whole scene when they noticed Ricardio.
"'Ey, Iago," Bartok murmured to the parrot.
"Yeah, what?" Iago squaked back.
"I was just thinking. Ain't Ricardio the Ice King's heart?"
"Yeah. What about it?"
"Well, if he's here, shouldn't the Ice King be like in serious pain or something?"
"I don't know. Maybe this one's a clone or something. Don't think too hard about it, buddy. It's a crappy fanfiction story."
"Oh, yeah. Good point."
Prince Charming had stabbed Princess Bubblegum a few times through the torso. He and many other characters knew they could be more rough with her, since her body was bubblegum and she would be more durable than a human body.
"NO! Wait!" She cried. But no good.
Jason Voorhees also sliced at her from behind.
When they were done cutting her, Appa's tail came down, pounding her into the ground.
She suddenly felt cold, and an icy hand grabbed at her throat. She was brought before the face of a dementor, who kissed her lips, and sucked out her soul, only to spit it right back into her.
She rubbed her head as her chilled body slowly started to heat up again. But she was only given a second before she felt as though something grabbed her arms and legs, as though some suit were moving over it, and that suit were being controlled like a puppet.
She felt her arms and legs move against her will. They bent back, twisted hard, stretching the gum in her body. It hurt like Hell. She cried.
"Yeah, you like that?" Hissed a snakey voice in her head. It was Pazuzu. "Does that feel good? Huh? Does that feel good?"
At last, her body was flung off and sent sprawling over the ground. She felt Pazuzu leave her body as she did so.
When she opened her eyes, she saw Ganondorf standing over her. He cracked his knuckles.
Ruber kicked Flame Princess to the ground, and then continued to kick and stamp on her, making her grunt and cry and scream.
Overloard's minions jumped on top of her body as well, beating and biting at her.
A few fairies and pixies came up next, each one grabbing at her. They pulled at her arms, legs, dress, hair, ignoring the burns that were caused to them.
They lifted the squirming girl higher up into the air, until finally she felt a sickening toxic breath from Hexxas.
She coughed and sputtered gasped for breath as the fairies all dropped her and let her plummet to the hard ground where Voldo and some undead and some waterbenders were waiting for her.
Tree Trunks was getting kicked and trampled on by Nightmare Moon, who eventually got bored, and used her magic to toss her over to a gang of Equalists, who started punching her in the guts.
One then grabbed her by the trunk, and swung her around, slamming her on the ground every now and then, until eventually, her trunk was ripped clean off, and in a trail of blood, she went flying over to Discord, who smirked, and then started gnawing on her.
The large boot of The Witch King pressed down again and again on poor little Bemo. Witch King was careful not to crush Bemo, but hit him hard enough to dent him and crush some of his circuits.
"Eat it, you selfish little free-loader!" Witch King bellowed.
Bemo grunted and moaned in pain. His screen became static, and he coughed out nuts and bolts.
After another moment, Golem snatched Bemo from the boot, and started hammering him into the earth, breaking him more.
When Golem got bored, he passed Bemo on to a Werewolf who started teething on him like a chew toy.
Toph collected a fistfull of earth, making a rock glove as she approached Jake.
"No, no!" Jake whined. "Not in the face! That's my bread and butter!"
"Yes, the face!" Toph sneered as she threw her punch and slammed Jake in the face. She pounded him some more, loosening his head.
"Your punch is weak!" Sakura shouted. "Let me at him!" She grabbed Jake by the collar, and hit him hard with her Cherry Blossom Impact punch, sending him sprawling across the ground.
"Ow!" He yelped. "I think you threw out my neck!"
Next, Big Daddy came over, and thrust his massive drill into Jake's belly, penetrating the skin. The drill spun fast, spilling blood and guts, and making Jake screech.
When the Big Daddy was done, a mountain troll came and pounded Jake with his massive club. He pounded for a full minute until Jake was left as a mushy puddle.
Jafar shot him with a fireball next, grilling him and making him boil.
Next, Tzekel-Kahn came with a bowl of a green potion in his hand. He thrust it into Jake's face.
"Sniff it!" He commanded. "SNIFF IT!"
Jake instinctively did as he was told, and a burning sensation coarsed all through his mushed-up body, starting with his nostrils, then his brain and eyes, and then through his blood.
"AAAAAHHHHHH!" He screamed.
Next came Grim. "Hey, mon!" He pouted, "Remember that one episode where you and Finn went to the land of the dead and met Death?"
"Yeah?" Jake sniffled.
"That was insulting! Even I am not as ridiculous of a portrayal of the Grim Reaper as that was!" He raised his sythe and made slow, painful scratches across Jake's belly. They made the sound of nails on a chalkboard.
And if that was not enough, a banshee snaked up beside him, and screamed into his face, deafening him.
"MAKE IT STOP!" He cried.
Inside his head, Finn was being attacked by Freddy Krueger. First Freddy sliced him up a bit with his clawed hand, then sent a few rocks flying at him. Each one hit Finn, bruising him.
A few sirens crawled up close to the ears, and screamed as loud as they could.
He screamed as the screams rattled his ears. His ears started bleeding after another moment.
Finally, Freddy left his head so he could see what was coming next.
Captain Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, Barbosa, and Gibbs all came up with swords, and plunged them into his sides, cutting his hips, and the sides of his arms, though not going directly inside the skin, lightly cutting his cheeks and forehead as well.
Next, Eubaba pushed them out of the way, and raised her finger. Her ring glowed, and Finn flew high into the air. He was flung back and forth for a few minutes before a huge tongue lashed out and grabbed him.
It was Hades' Hydra. As Finn screamed, the tongue pulled him toward a huge mouth full of teeth. he was swallowed whole.
In pitch blackness, he was pulled down the throat, the esophagus squeezed him until he felt his head was going to burst.
And then, he was suddenly shoved upward, and lauched out of the mouth, straight toward Gamaken.
Gamaken raised his shield, and swatted Finn like a fly,
Chernabog's hand was the next thing to swat him, sending him tumbling and sprawling into the hard ground.
Finn felt his bones breaking. He didn't know how much longer he could last.
Some undead guys with whips came and whiped his back roughly. He knew his clothes were getting torn.
He felt the earth under him crunch and push him to his feet, just in time for a few firebenders to launch a barrage of fireballs at him. They scorched and burned him.
Next, an Overloard to come and smash him with his mace, sending him sprawling and hitting the ground hard.
Link picked him up next, and rammed him in the face and stomach with his shield, and slashed out with his sword, cutting Finn's stomach and tearing his shirt more. He finally kicked Finn and pushed him into the ground.
Before he could get to his feet, a group of ninjas crowded around him, poised to stab him with their kunais.
Before they could strike though, a loud whistle pierced through the air, making everything go still.
Everyone turned their attention to the source of the whistle: Andrew.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Andrew exclaimed.
The mob roared with angry screams.
"NO! NOT YET! JUST ANOTHER MINUTE! I DIDN'T GET TO HIT ANYONE!"
But Andrew raised both of his hands to silence everyone.
"Yes. I know we still have a lot of anger we would like to get out, but we must move on."
"You know, don't we have rights?" Jake shouted out from the crowd.
"His lordship told you to be quiet!" The Duke of Owls spat, as a gust of magic breath punched Jake.
"Yeah!" Princess Bubblegum echoed. "We're still cartoon characters like the others! I demand we get a trial here!" The Duke struck her as well.
"Hm, interesting thought," Andrew said musingly. He held one finger to his chin. After a moment he raised his other hand and snapped. "Frollo, what do you think?"
"Burn them!" Judge Frollo hissed as he stepped forth to the head of the crowd. "These vermin must be dealt with."
"There you have it," Andrew shrugged. "TO THE CRUCIFIXION FEILD!"
Everyone cheered and grabbed the wounded AT characters, all still bound in chains, and carried them off toward the plains where the crucifixion would take place.
It was not long before the mob had reached the plain where the crucifixion was to take place. A myriad of crosses had been set up, all the same size, and each holding one character from the show.
Finn looked out upon the crosses as he was walked past them. Hundreds of people had already been nailed to the posts, one hand to each horizontal post, and both feet to the bottom. A multitude of colors of blood (though most of it red) dripped from their nailed limbs, staining the grass as it flowed down with the steady pull of gravity.
Even without the nailing, many of these characters have been beaten up pretty bad, some as bad as he and his friends were. They had bruises and claw marks and scratches, and black eyes, and cuts from blades. Some of the littler ones have even been chewed up and spat out. The characters who were too big for the crosses were chopped down and layed across some barren land.
Finn saw one goblin who's hand was still being nailed to a cross by one of Overlord's minions. The goblin was crying, and with each pound of the hammer, his crying spiked louder. When he got too loud, another minion punched him in the jaw.
They also passed by a row of lumpy space beings being nailed up by Twilight Sparkle and her five mare friends.
Finn could see many other little civilians and woodland creatures were still being beaten senslessly and still being crucified by Andrew's forces. And soon, that would be him and his friends.
"ANDREW!" He screamed, "YOU MONSTER!" But that did not earn him any pity from a grey guard, who stabbed him again with his sparkling rod.
Finn wanted to break free of his chains. He wanted to give Andrew a piece of his mind so bad, but he was too badly beaten, too weak. He knew he could not fight Andrew and his forces. Was this really... the end?
Up in the front of the line, Andrew ran into Darth Vader and the Horned King.
"How's things, guys?" Andrew asked.
"All is going according to plan," The Horned King answered musingly. "There were no mishaps, no real casualties. We are almost done hanging everyone. All is fine. We are almost ready for the burning."
"Excellent," Andrew nodded. He looked to his side and noticed Hiccup, Astrid, Fish Legs and Snotlout all working together to nail up a marauder, and having fun with it by the looks of it.
At last, Finn and his friends were all brought to a long row of crosses that were empty. This row was at the front of all the rows, looking out at the grassland of Ooo.
They started being walked down this row. Finn looked behind him when he started hearing grunting and screaming. He saw his friends being held up to the crosses, and the characters started nailing their limbs up. LSP was the first one up.
Finn looked away. He could not bear to see this. He heard their screams and the crunching of their bones.
At last, Finn was brought to the last cross on the row, and strong hands picked him up and shoved him up against the splintery wood. Overlord's minions and some Dread Gnomes and Raladmen were scurrying about him as he felt his wrists and ankles get tied to their posts by some cheap itchy rope.
One brown minion crawled up to his head's level, grinning, and shoved a sponge into Finn's mouth. He gagged for a moment, trying to resist throwing up.
At last the sponge sat comfortably in Finn's mouth, and he tasted vinegar.
It was then that Kratos walked up and faced him. He his mouth was set in a firm scowl, his nostrils flared, and his eyes burned with anger. He had a large wood mallet in one hand, and three large wood stakes in the other.
Kratos leaned in really close to Finn's face until they were centimeters apart, their eyes staring into each other. Finn was terrified. He dared not make a move.
Kratos sniffed, and then exhaled hard through his nose, as though he were a bull.
And then swiftly, he pulled away, pressed one stake into Finn's left hand, just barely breaking the skin, and slammed down on the head with the mallet.
The sharp, splintery stake when right through Finn's hand with a squirt.
"YEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHH !" Finn shrieked, dropping the sponge. This was almost as bad as earlier when Nightmare crunched his legs. He felt the wood go right through his bones and joints in his palm. His blood squirted out, splashing on Kratos. It was dripping like a little red brook over the wood of the cross and down to the grass.
Kratos stood by and waited for Finn to stop screaming and catch his breath. He was taking his time. He was trying to make Finn suffer.
At last, when Finn was done, Kratos turned to the other hand, and gave it the same treatment. Finn tried to squirm, getting one last glimpse of what it was like to move freely before being nailed, and felt the searing shot of pain as Kratos drove the stake home, making Finn scream again.
When Finn was done screaming, Kratos kneeled down, and drove his final stake into Finn's legs. Oddly though, since he was not going through the already-broken bones and just the skin and muscle, this one did not hurt as much. Finn still screamed of course.
After Finn caught his breath, Andrew's hooded figure came up to him. Mizore and Karui were at his sides.
"Nicely done, Kratos," Andrew nodded.
Wordlessly, Kratos nodded and left. Andrew faced Finn.
Finn wanted to jump out from the cross and beat the crap out of Andrew, but again, after everything that happened that day, Andrew could not move. He could not even think of something to say to him.
"Nothing to say?" Andrew whispered. He held out his hand.
As he did, Mizore reached out from behind her, and took out a set of silver spiked knuckles. Wordlessly, she slipped them on Andrew's fingers.
With that, Andrew walked up to Finn, pulled back his fist, and thrust it with all his might into Finn's cheek.
The punch cut into the cheek, and Finn felt his skull crack a little. He heard a vertebrae disk in his neck crack. He thought maybe his jaw was dislocated. Andrew could only wish.
"You're a pathetic waste of time and money!" Andrew whispered, his face leaned in close so Finn would here this. "We gave you front row seats. In ten minutes, our dragons, firebenders, and other beings that produce fire will start a massive wild fire on the other side of the land. Those flames will consume all of Ooo. After today, you and your despicable little friends will no longer give the genre fantasy a bad name."
He stepped back beside Mizore and Karui. "Now, if you'll excuse us, we're off to enjoy the fireworks with the others." He snapped again, and Hades pulled up in his underworld carriage being pulled by a winged Hellhound.
"Hey boss, what's up?" Hades asked.
"Just fly," Andrew answered. "We need to get these lovely ladies back to their friends."
And with that, they flew off.
Within another few minutes, everyone had been been nailed to their posts, and had nothing to do but await the flames. By now, everyone had grown accustom to the pain in their bodies,
High up above, the fantasy mob was out, and the AT characters could hear them chanting something odd.
Deh-Shay Deh-Shay
Bah-Sah-Rah, Bah-Sah-Rah
Deh-Shay, Deh-Shay
Bah-Sah-Rah, Bah-Sah-Rah
Finn turned to Jake, who had been hung right next to him.
"What do you think it means?" Finn asked his friend weakly.
"No idea," Jake said shaking his head.
"I don't even know what language it is," Marceline shook her head.
The mob was all hovering over the land, all flying with some sort of structure or vehicle to hold them up, waiting for the flames, all carrying on the uncanny chant. Voldemort sat beside Madara on a hippogriff.
"Say, why are we chanting this?" Voldemort asked his companion.
"I don't know. Andrew just wanted us to do it." Madara shrugged before he went back to chanting. "He thought it would be cool."
"Finn," Bubblegum called over to him meekly. "I'm scared. Is this really the end of it all?"
"I-I didn't plan for it to end like this, Princess," Finn shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you- any of you from this."
"Well, you were a pretty good hero for the most part," LSP grunted. "Sure, it would be nice if you could save us now, but ya did your best, right?"
"At least we get a nice view," Jake stated, making everyone look out at the beautiful, blank grasslands of Ooo in the sunset. Nothing but a straight line of grass off into the horizon, the jagged edges of mountains could vaguely be seen.
Finn smiled, almost chuckled. That was Jake for you; always trying to look on the bright side of life, trying to find humor even in the darkest and most hopeless situations.
He stared off into the distance, trying to drown out the goodbyes and crying he heard behind him. He was trying to truly appreciate what a beautiful land Ooo was. To him it was beautiful, but to the mob, it was no different from Deltora or Middle Earth or wherever else these people were from.
Before long, he saw a glow in the distance over the horizon, just as the sun was going down.
When the sun was totally down, he saw the flames rushing toward them, swallowing up the land as they came. A brush of smoke also appeared soon, becoming thicker and thicker.
Finn knew this was it. He closed his eyes, and waited for the burning.
The heat became stronger and stronger, until finally, the flames passed over him, and instantly, he felt as though his entire body were bleeding, as though there was one big cut over his entire body. He heard the horrid screams of his friends, wood splintering.
And soon, his black view turned white, and Finn felt nothing.
The mob watched as the flames passed over the plains, incinerating the people of Ooo.
"WOOOOHHOOOO! HORRAAAYYYY! WOO WOO WOO!" The mob roared with cheers and laughter as the people were consumed by the flame.
"Brilliant job, everyone!" Andrew cheered, getting everyone's attention momentarily. "You were all so fantastic!"
"ANDREW! ANDREW! ANDREW!" Everyone cheered until Andrew raised his hands to silence them.
"Now, let's celebrate with a parade as we fly home!"
Cheering, everyone started flying off in a long line as they flew over the burning land. As they flew, they started singing a song that Andrew had asked them to sing at this time.
Ding dong, the bitch is dead,
The stupid bitch, annoying bitch.
Ding dong, the stupid bitch is dead!
Wake up, you sleepy head,
Rub your eyes, get out of bed,
Wake up, the stupid bitch is dead!
He's gone with Satan way down below,
Below, Below, Yo-Ho!
Let's open up and sing!
And ring the bells out!
Ding, dong. A merry-oh.
Sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know
The Stupid Bitch is Dead!
Author's Comments: I probably made this clear by now, but I'll say it again anyway: I HATE THIS SHOW! HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THIS SHOW! Why do I hate it you ask? Because it's an insult to every fantasy series I have fallen in love with, such as the ones that appeared in this story, and probably many more. The show is basically a parody/spoof of all these franchises.
I thought it was okay at first, and looked more at the humor that it was trying to show us, not really seeing how insulting it was, maybe seeing in some ways how it made a little fun of Lord of The Rings or general mythological beasts. But for me, the last straw, the moment they went too far, was in that episode where Finn, Jake, and Ice King were ninjas. That insulted everything about Naruto, which is my favorite show of all time. After that, I hated the show, stopped watching it, and saw how it was an insult to every other fantasy franchise that I like.
I also hate Finn because his voice is annoying, his faces are annoying (actually, all the characters have annoying faces), and he's way too overpowered. Over half of the dangers he faces should rightfully crush him!
I think the only characters I can say I like are The Ice King and Marcalene. I like Ice King because I think his powers are cool, and I feel so sorry for him because he's so lonely and Finn and Jake are always mean to him (our heroes, everybody...), and he is voiced by Tom Kenny!
I also kind of like Marcalene. While I do kind of dislike her for having more balls and experience than anyone else (I think the show should have been about her at times), and I don't really like how they use the vampire title with her, I still think she's kind of cool with all her powers and wise cracks and sex jokes and the romantic tension between her and Finn. Plus, she's played by Olivia Olson, who also played Vanessa Doofenshmirtz on Phineas and Ferb!
Other than that, this show is pure evil!
Screw you, Pendleton Ward! YOU ARE SCUM!
You know, I can't shake the feeling that the first time I heard Yakety Sax was in a CatDog cartoon. Man, now THAT was a good show. WAY BETTER THAN THIS CRAP!