Effy's Fangirl Problem
Prologue
A/N: So. This is crack, mostly. A random idea I had months ago and it's been sitting on my laptop for ages. I figured it wouldn't hurt to post, so, there you go. Enjoy it, or don't. Your choice. Don't take any of those rules at heart, it's just whatever I could think of at the time (I also like the number 7) and there's much more to it than just that. We'll eventually get to see more about the other characters, so just...I don't know. Read ahead if you like. Have fun! (Hey, look, I suck at this.)
Disclaimer: Nothing in here is mine. If Skins were mine there would be such a thing as 'Naomily: The Movie' and clearly there isn't, so, moving on.
There are seven unbreakable rules in fangirling.
Number 1, many would say, would be to shamelessly flail (bat your arms around, squeal, faint, build a pillow fort, sob, choke, roar in laughter, fall off your chair, gulp, stop breathing all together, hyperventilate, drool, shout, … depending on the dimension of the matter) at the mention of your idols' name or anything in any way related to them, should said idol be real, fictional or anything in between.
Number 2; to be able to read your idol as an open book. Naturally, this comes sometimes more easily when your idol is a fictional character which therefore allows you to have many of their reactions and thoughts played out to you, but it can be applied to many circumstances. A fan should be able to know her idol's reactions and thoughts in different situations, as AU as they might be; an idol must always be canon.
Number 3, a fangirl must always have what is commonly known as "ships". Now if you are reading this, you should be expected to know what this means. A "ship" is nothing else than a possible relationship between two characters, persons as it pleases, for which a fan would virtually die for. (i.e. "OMFG DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE/SHE LOOKED AT HIM/HER? OMFGWTFBBQ –dies-"). Exaggerated emotions on seemingly meaningless actions undertaken by the couple in question are tolerated and welcome. Ships are never heterosexually bound or even human-bound, and can and shall go across all race, species and sex boundaries. They can be timeless, illogical and even defy the entire time and space continuum of this universe so much as they are made for each other, even if in the most contradicting ways.
Number 4, never back down or let yourself be told what to ship or what to think. A ship is whatever you want it to be (although, yes, One True Pairings exist and if they are ever doubted, you will probably be threatened into being burned on a stake and/or beaten to death with a baseball bat in an effort to knock some sense into your head. Virtually, of course.). If provoked, build yourself your own battle ship (as in a real ship) and fight for them, fight for whatever love you believe they share. This can also be done by rolling your eyes dramatically and either closing whatever internet page you're on or making a 'talk to the hand' gesture to whomever you are talking to.
Number 5, you are not required to create videos, fan fictions or even icons and wallpapers of any kind to be a true fan. Hell, you are not even required to follow news with spastics refreshing of internet pages or such. But your heart should be in it (and yes, many would say: "oh that's pathetic") and by that I simply mean this: it's not all about what your idol is, where they're from, their absolute mouth-watering attractiveness or even what they are doing at the moment. Sometimes, it's just about what they mean to you at this stage of your life, what they represent, and how often you can apply what they do and what they learn to your daily life and sometimes, sometimes, just make it slightly better. All in all, a fan must learn from their fandoms.* **
Number 6, a fan must always be tolerant with other fans and non-fans. Alright, so I previously mentioned ship-flaming and provocation, but it is nevertheless necessary to remember: if no one can tell you what to think or what to ship, therefore neither can you tell them what they should believe in. Yes, you will encounter many people who have the most impossibly wrong point of view on your fandom (whether it's the most improbable ship or just a whole different conception). In the face of those situations, you should simply maintain a peaceful demeanor and ignore the filth being thrown at you or simply take it in your stride. No, disagreement upon a fandom is never a good reason to end a friendship (even less so a relationship) or even to mercilessly flame people online. That is taking this whole fan business a step too far. However, yes, some raging is allowed, we are only mere human beings after all.
Number 7, fantasize about meeting your idol; yet, if you ever do, act aloof and cool – slipping compliments here and there – so as to fully earn their trust and possibly their friendship (natural behavior is always preferred when seeking a sustainable friendship and/or relationship as opposed to a mere autograph/hug or even a one night stand – knowing fans though, get anything you can). If you are your idol's friend, then you are in a whole different rank of faning. That is, if you have been able to remain alive long enough to be their friend – many might be known for fainting, nosebleeds and even fatal heart attacks at their mere sight (hopefully not the latter, though). If you fangirl on a fictional fandom, pray every night and try as hard as you can to dream of meeting them in your dreams, unfortunately that is as far as we'll get (Sometimes I weep at night because of it).
Appendices: (Bonus Law of Fangirling):
Once I saw my idol wearing a pearl necklace and leopard print, so I bought a pearl necklace and a leopard print dress.
This one time, my idol punched me in the face. It was awesome.
* Restrictions apply: if your idol decides to jump off a cliff (or jump on a broom and fly away from a window), do not – in any circumstance – repeat the action. Reason and careful consideration upon the morality and safety of your idol's actions (as well as the general reality in which he/she/it lives) and lessons should always be carried on carefully.
** Health Warning: Any sort of hallucinatory drugs contains even more risks to fans. Use wisely or restrain entirely.
Effy Stonem did not like to think of herself as a fangirl, or at least not a typical fangirl. You see, unlike many others, she rarely got worked up enough about a book, some show on the television or even a movie to go dig pictures and information to discuss the latest happenings with other raving hormone-filled young people on the internet, let alone fantasize over such and such character. Flail and squealing was left to the likes of Pandora and Katie Fitch of this world, although she doubted either of these girls actually took part in the co-mingling. Pandora for one was far too over-excited to seat through an entire fandom and Katie Fitch, well Katie Fucking Fitch would never be seen mingling with 'g-e-e-k-s' and likes.
No, Effy Stonem was not and would never be your typical fangirl. In fact, Effy Stonem was a master in the art of apparent carelessness, bluntness and general stoicism in the face of others.
But you see, Effy Stonem had a secret. A secret that no one as much as scrapped the surface of.
A secret she was confident not a soul would even come to suspect, not even her brother. You see, that particular secret was usually brushed off as a mystic mind reading power she would have over people, the power to scrutinize every single one of their actions and thoughts with as much as a glance. To be honest, most were highly intimidated by her abilities and would rather fuck off as fast as possible than to actually sit and try to make out what she really was.
In fact, if anyone ever got close enough to as much as guessing her innermost secret, they would have brushed it off as some sort of 'caring' she would have for people, genuine heartfelt caring.
But you see, Effy Stonem's secret was much better hidden than anyone could ever suspect.
Because, as you might have guessed at this point (if you are careful enough as to follow all the clues, or maybe not because Effy Stonem would like to think of herself as more mysterious than most), Effy Stonem was somewhat, not-entirely but in some sort of shape and form, a helpless fangirl.
Oh no, not as you intend it. Effy Stonem is not like everyone else, never was and will never be.
Effy Stonem's idols were much more complex and intriguing than most, had they been any other way they would never have deserved her attention in the first place.
Effy Stonem fangirl-ed on actual persons she would meet through her journey in this world.