Hello again, and welcome to my latest story. It's set just after Details, which is such a brilliant episode. Written by Mike Norell too, it's the perfect mix of drama and laugh out loud comedy, as poor Johnny has to deal with Valerie's kids. Love how Roy just sits back and leaves him to it!

Beyond that, though, it also showed the depth of friendship between them, and the loneliness that Johnny tries so hard to hide. So here's my thoughts on what might have happened afterwards, as he tries again to 'live his dream.'

Enjoy!

Living The Dream

To a friend who was sensitive enough to notice, this was... serious. A wrongness that set Roy's big brother instincts to their highest alert. Anything that had Johnny this quiet tended to kick them in - especially when it put him off his food.

Hank had noticed it too, a questioning glance met with an equally puzzled shrug. From that alone, both of them frowned. If his closest friend didn't know what was wrong, then - yeah, it had to be bad. Even more so when it was so inexplicable.

When they'd gone home the previous day, his partner had been on cloud nine, and heading ecstatically into orbit. Telling anyone who'd listen that... yes, he'd really found her this time.

The one. Yet another girl of his dreams.

Valerie Duggan, that little gold-digger who'd come so close to snaring him, was a thankfully forgotten memory. In her place had come Chrissie Wells, Rampart's new theatre nurse. Single, a (truthful) twenty five, with the kind of vivacity that Roy had liked in her too.

No secret kids either. Just her mom and dad, back home in San Francisco. His own subtle checks at their first meeting had established that. If she'd suspected his protective motives, she hadn't shown it.

There'd been that little spark on her side as well, that Johnny had gladly returned. Their first date has passed without a hitch, with both equally excited about the second. Dinner and a movie that had, again, passed without the dreaded '...well, it's been real nice and all, but...' ending.

He could talk to her, too, without putting his foot into a tongue-tied mouth. They clearly loved the other's company. And last night, for the first time ever, he'd reached unknown territory. A third date, with a girl who was as smitten with him as he was with her.

Something, though, had happened. Something had gone wrong, badly enough to leave him in this brooding silence. A misery that now niggled at Roy's conscience, for all those times when he'd wished it to happen. Those times when he'd yearned for his motormouth partner to give it a rest. To just give him a few minutes peace from his latest fad, or rant, or crazy idea.

But as he'd soon learned, when it actually happened, he never enjoyed it. If something or someone hurt his partner, it hurt him too. When it left him so visibly upset as this, Roy hated the silence that came with it.

Chet, on the other hand, had no such sixth sense of brotherness. Even if Johnny was too upset to talk about it, he was determined to hear every last detail.

"So, lover boy. Guess it was too good to last, huh? What did you do this time? Put your foot through her dress?"

In a room that was already unnaturally tense, you could have heard a pin drop. Johnny's head snapped upwards, his eyes betraying the storm of emotions beneath. Anger. The hurt of a friend's mockery, and the humiliation he'd dreaded. Embarrassment he just couldn't face right now, as he shot to his feet, and left the room as fast as his legs could take him.

Surrounded by disapproving glares, Chet's grin vanished. He already knew he'd messed up here, big time. But as he strode past his chair, Roy was still angry enough to say what all of them felt.

"Oh, way to go, Chet!"

Then came the moment of clearer thought. Yes, he'd put his foot in it, but Chet couldn't have known Johnny would react like that. There was real contrition on his face too. The awkwardness of knowing he'd hurt someone he cared about. So for him, and the others, came the peace-making calm that all of them needed to hear.

"It's okay, Chet... guys. I've got this."

Yes, as always, he had this. He really didn't know how he'd become this crazy kid's personal counsellor, but right now he didn't care either. All he cared about was Johnny. The friend, the partner, the brother, who was hurting more than he ever deserved. More, he then guiltily thought, than any of them had realized.

Now he just needed to answer the million dollar question. Why? What the hell had gone wrong?

Naturally, his first answer to that was also the most logical. The most sadly familiar curse in his love life, that Johnny had already told him he found so hard to understand.

Yesterday, he'd been on top of the world. Now it had come crashing down around him, and - yeah, it was hurting. Being dumped was something that he'd come to terms with. But being taken for a fool was something that he was still struggling to accept.

Valerie Duggan had done it to him, all too well, and - damn it. Not Chrissie too, surely?

With no alternative, it was the conclusion he had to reach. For the second time in as many weeks, the dream that his partner craved had been snatched away from him. And Roy wasn't about to let Chet's mistimed teasing make it any harder.

Again, he found him in the locker room. Again, he picked up a towel to dry a face that wasn't just wet from water. And as Johnny sat down by his locker, so Roy moved that little bit closer, until the sides of their knees touched together. Just the slightest of contacts, but enough to let Johnny knew he was there.

A faint smile told him how much it was appreciated. Enough for him to smile back, and say what his partner needed to hear.

"Johnny, you know I'm the last person in the world who's gonna laugh at you right now, so... c'mon, Junior. Just talk to me."

Usually, of course, that wasn't a problem. His partner could talk all four legs off that proverbial donkey, let alone the hind ones. Yet Roy resisted the temptation to say any more. For it to start healing him, that breakthrough had to come from Johnny himself. Several sighs and lip-bites later, it finally crept out of him.

"Chrissie called me last night. Her mom's been in a car crash... a - a bad one, and... well, her dad needs her back home to look after her."

Oh, hell. To hell with subtle contact too. If ever there was a time for a brotherly arm around his shoulders, this was it. But in true Johnny Gage tradition, there was worse to come.

"She - She called me too, Roy. Valerie, she... uh, called me too, just after Chrissie. Asked me to babysit while she and her new fiancé went out to dinner."

Ah yes. The second bombshell that had turned his already lousy night into one of 'you're kidding me' fury against the fates who seemed hell bent on ruining his life.

Still digesting the first, Roy's reaction to it was pretty much the same. If he'd disapproved of her actions before, he was outright livid at them now. That most placid of faces now looked like a thundercloud with a hurricane inside it.

His eyes had darkened too, to the colour that warned everyone around him that Mount DeSoto was about to blow. So the colour they reached next made Krakatoa look like a volcanic hiccup.

"Oh, it gets better. As thanks for my... uh, services, she was gonna invite me to the wedding."

"She what?!"

To discreetly listening ears, a full scale eruption now looked imminent. Really not the moment for a well meaning captain to be caught eavesdropping around it. So the tones that sounded instead couldn't have come at a better time.

For Johnny, it gave him something more serious to focus on. And for Hank, it meant Mount DeSoto would find him by the call-desk instead of earwigging outside their locker room.

Just in time too, as Roy came striding into the bay, with Johnny as ever right at his heels. Yes, nothing like a call-out to calm his senior paramedic down, and turn him back into Mr Unflappable.

Nothing dangerous for them either. Just an overly curious child who'd tumbled into his mom's laundry box. For Johnny, it coaxed out a chuckle of laughter, while Roy's came with an equally rueful admission as the squad rolled out onto the road.

"Chris did the exact same thing last year. Guess he was a bit too keen to be mommy's little helper."

Met with another of those 'uh oh' silences, Roy glanced across to its source - reading his partner's body language as best he could while Johnny continued to stare out of his window.

Much of his earlier anger had gone now, yet Roy still felt what it had left behind. That private, wistful sadness that only he tended to notice. Whether as friends, partners, or surrogate brothers, it was a loneliness that Johnny revealed only to him.

He'd seen it, too, beyond the laughter of letting Chris play horsey on his favourite uncle's back. Or each time Jenny promised him that, when she was old enough, they'd get married.

"'cos you're all lonely, Uncle Johnny. An' I don't want you to be sad."

Out of the mouths of babes. Yeah, even at six years old, his daughter had her Uncle Johnny pretty well pegged too. This crazy kid, who just wanted to be loved. Who yearned just as much for what his best friend took so much for granted. A beautiful wife, two happy and healthy kids.

This was the dream that he wanted to live too. Even with the many downs that went with the ups, he longed to get married. Settle down, with a family of his own.

Yes, beyond everything that drove his partner and friends totally nuts, Johnny Gage was born to be a father. And a damn good one at that. Roy saw it at every rescue that involved children. He'd see it now on this callout, watching his partner comfort a hurt and frightened child, and... okay, maybe not.

"Squad 51, cancel. Boy's father's a doctor, now at scene."

"Squad 51, 10-4."

Checking it was safe to turn around, he was only just aware that Johnny hadn't just acknowledged the call, but had also done some self-analysis of his own.

"You know, Roy? Chet's right. I mean, the dumping I can take, 'cos... you know, I'm so damn used to it, but... Roy, I really thought I'd found her this time. I really thought I'd found the girl I'd fall in love with, and spend the rest of my life with, and... well, y'know?"

Okay, so maybe not the ice-breaker he'd expected, but Roy wasn't about to turn it down. This was the breakthrough he'd been waiting for, and he took it with two very grateful hands.

"Yeah, Johnny, I know. But can you really say you were dumped this time? I mean, I know Chrissie's had to go home to take care of her folks, but... well, did she say it was permanent?"

A tricky question, of course, but one that still had to be asked. From the smile that appreciated how gently he'd done so, this seemingly lost dream wasn't over yet.

"Well, no. She really loves it here in LA, and... yeah, when I talked to her last night, she said there's every chance she'll come back once her mom's recovered."

Smiling too, Roy nodded with his own sense of relief. Okay, now he knew enough about this latest tailspin to do something about it. It wasn't Chrissie who'd caused it, but the self centred little madam who still thought she had his partner at her every beck and call.

Yeah, to hell with that. Time for big brother DeSoto to do what big brother DeSoto did best.

"Well, there you go. And for what it's worth on Miss Gold-Digger, I'd say you're well out of it. She lied to you, Johnny. From her age to those kids she tried to land you with. And anyone who tries to hoodwink a guy into marrying them isn't worth what you're feeling right now. 'cos you're worth more than that, Junior. Way more."

To his relief, Johnny had seen this mini lecture for what it was. A protective friend, trying to make him see how lucky he'd been. There was enough acceptance in his eyes now for him to move on to lecture two.

"And this whole hitting thirty thing, you know, it really isn't so bad. I'm happier now than I've ever been, and... look, even if it doesn't work out with Chrissie, there's plenty of time yet for you to find her. You've just gotta... you know, take your time. 'cos getting married and starting a family isn't a race, Johnny. It's the most serious commitment you're ever gonna make, and.. well, you'll enjoy it a lot more if you just slow down, y'know? Just take your time with it."

That earned him a wry smile, a nod of agreement. And one of those rarely shy Johnny-isms that, as ever, left him totally floored.

"Yeah, when I was on the reservation, my grandfather used to tell me the same thing. Slow down, Johnny, just enjoy this blessed journey of living, and... y'know, Roy, you kinda remind me of him."

"I do?"

Favoured with such a rare connection to his partner's heritage, there was real delight on Roy's face. Right until the moment when he found a tiny flaw in its flattery.

"Well, okay. Being your friend and partner I can take. This whole big brother thing too. But no way in hell am I old enough to be your grandfather!"

Intentionally or otherwise, the result was still all he'd hoped for. Fighting it for all of two seconds, Johnny then burst out laughing. And that patented eye roll made him laugh even more. But then came another of those crooked grins that revealed how much his next words meant to him.

"Big brother, huh? Yeah, I can go for that too."

Again, a shared glance between them said more than any number of words. As Cap had fondly described it, they were brothers by different mothers, with all the privileges that came with it. For Roy, it was the role in his life that he'd never realized he needed. And for Johnny, it was the simple pleasure of a home cooked meal, and time spent with the family he already had.

Of course, this whole mind reading thing that his partner had on him had its upsides too. From keeping him safe to calming him down, Roy had this freaky ability to know what he was thinking. And as they so often did, those thoughts right now centred around his stomach.

"So, since I'm guessing you've no other plans, how'd you like to have dinner with us tomorrow?"

An invite that his ever hungry partner would usually jump to accept. Yet even with this offer of another amazing meal, the grin on Johnny's face wasn't as happy as it should have been.

"Well, yeah, I'd love to, but... look, Roy, I - I don't want you to feel sorry for me, just 'cos... you know, I'd have been with Chrissie."

To his surprise, his partner just smiled, in the way that reminded him of the depth of their friendship. What others might have seen as self pity, Roy would always see as the insecurity that still plagued him. And just like his grandfather, he also knew how to assure him that such insecurities were unfounded.

Without ever asking to be, he wasn't just liked. He was genuinely, and unconditionally, loved. Respected, and valued. So the reply that answered him held no resentment. Just the gentle reasoning that he needed to hear.

"Well, as I see it, there's nothing to be sorry for. Okay, so Chrissie's out of the picture for now, and... yeah, you're gonna miss her. But you said yourself, Junior, there's every chance she'll be back. So if you want to join us for dinner, and stay on for the game, the offer's still there. It's always there."

This time, the grin came as broadly as his own. With, of course, a request that Roy already knew was coming.

"Yeah, that's gonna be some game all right, and... hey, you think Joanne could make that steak flank again?"

Okay, so he'd need to call home, and tell his wife to put their planned meal on hold, but Roy didn't mind. He knew Joanne wouldn't mind either, and the kids were going to love having their Uncle Johnny around to stay again.

But then, of course, his kid brother had to do what kid brothers the world over did best -

"So what time do you want me over... grandpa?"

- and make their big brothers wonder how the hell they put up with them.