The Things That Stop You Dreaming

Bonnie Bennett

How did I get here?

I sit up in the bed that I'll never truly call mine and think about everything that has brought me to this point. My life is nowhere near where I'd dreamed it'd be, but then again, I haven't dreamed in years. I gave up on that notion when I died. I remember so vividly that depression that hit me when I realized there was no reason for me to hope anymore. I'd never go to college or get married or grow old. I was gone forever. I was just another dead Bennett. But that was okay. Being a ghost and somehow away brought me some semblance of peace. I had my Grams, I had Jeremy, and I could still watch over my friends. For a while it was nice to not be used for my powers by all of them. It was great to let the responsibility of preserving their lives lie in their hands where it belonged. For a short time, in my time of death, I was strangely happy.

Of course, that feeling was very short lived. It wasn't real anyway.

Eventually the chaos of Mystic Falls came back to me. Silas changed everything. As fate would have it, Elena wasn't the only doppelganger walking around Mystic Falls. Both Stefan and I were doppelgangers; I of Quetsiyah and Stefan of Silas. And with us out of the way, Silas started working towards getting what he really wanted—Qetsiyah. The true story of Silas was lost in translation just as the true meaning of the sun and the moon curse. It was believed that Qetsiyah created the Other Side so that Silas would be trapped with her for eternity but it was actually created as a failsafe in case anything was to go wrong. And it did. The truth was Qetsiyah and Silas actually were in love and they wanted immortality to protect themselves from an evil far worse than either of them could handle. Silas' "lover" was just the sacrificial lamb needed to complete the spell. But before they could fully complete the spell and give Qetsiyah her immortality, she was killed by the thing they were trying to escape. And this thing was what entombed Silas with the cure so that no matter what he chose, he would forever be separated from Qetsiyah. So on the Other Side, Qetsiyah attempted to execute Silas' escape and her resurrection by manipulating her ancestors. It took over two thousand years but eventually, it almost happened. Silas was out and he had the vessel he needed to bring Qetsiyah back. My death, though accidental, gave Silas and Qetsiyah exactly what they needed to bring her back as the woman she once was. Genetically, I was identical to her and with me gone she could live again. They even had all the pieces they needed to complete the spell for immortality. However, with a lot of trouble, sacrifices on our part, and the help of my cousin Lucy, we were able to send Qetsiyah's soul to Hell and trap Silas permanently.

And in the process, I was brought back. I suppose I should have considered it as an option. Considering the number of times I had brought Jeremy back, there was a chance—though small—that someone could do the same for me. Only for me, there was a greater price to pay because of the things I had already done. The spirits needed to stop Qetsiyah from coming to this world because of the destruction she and Silas would surely bring, but they would not let it be done so easily. A few things on this world had to be set right first. So on the same day that my heart started beating again, it broke. To set things right with the spirits and balance the cost for my life, my mother and Jeremy died. They willingly sacrificed themselves so that I could live again and Qetsiyah could be stopped. In the end, perhaps Jeremy was meant to die. After the sacrifice he didn't end up on the Other Side. He found peace. And my mother, she died proving to me and everyone that she loved me. She truly loved me, despite everything that had happened between us. She died because she wanted me to live.

I wish I could have stopped it, just stayed dead, because this life that I'm living can't be what they wanted for me. After my resurrection, I went back to the life I had had before. I don't know why but I guess a part of me thought that was why I was alive, to be what they needed me to be. I stayed the girl that I was; the friend and most importantly the witch. And though I was living and breathing, I felt less alive than I had been before. I knew that in this life, those things I had imagined I'd one day have were still never meant for me. Years have passed since then. Lives have been lost and saved. Friendships have grown and changed. And I have learned to accept where I am. But every now and then, I'll wake up on days like today and wonder: how did I get here? And will I ever find something or someone that can help me dream again?

A/N: Hello! This is my very first fanfiction so please go easy on me! I have been mulling over my thoughts on the finale of TVD and I've decided that I can't accept the fact that Bonnie died so I'm going to use it to create my own story. Yes, it is a crossover so next chapter we will meet the Supernatural boys! Please let me know what you think so far.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story! The characters are the property of the CW.