Scully woke with a start. For a split second, she did not know where she was. She had been dreaming she was walking alongside someone, but could not place them. The person would sometimes be ahead, sometimes right next to her, but never behind. This presence had felt.. overpowering, demanding even. Pushing her, challenging her to prove herself to them. When they were side by side, she felt she had performed well and done what was demanded, proved herself to be a "good girl." When she was behind, she felt incompetent, childish, needing to push herself harder. If she failed, she could feel the disappointment and shame emanate off the mystery person. She felt so tired at this constant chase and then fall behind.
But then, there appeared another figure. This one felt different. She could see the first figure gaining distance- still calling, demanding answers, the proving of her worth. The new figure created a sense of calm, a slowing down, giving her time to be sure of herself. This figure was by her side continuously; encouraging, asking questions, challenging, but not demanding. There was a sense of camaraderie, a push and pull, ebb and flow. Then the figure began to walk ahead. The first figure was long gone, not even a spot on the horizon, and she found she didn't care, had completely forgotten about it in fact. But two steps ahead and the second figure left her with an ache she couldn't explain. She woke before she could catch up, feeling that ache change to overwhelming sadness.
She was on Mulder's couch. Covered with his Navajo blanket. It was dark, the fish tank giving off the main source of light. She must have dozed off. How long had she been sitting here? They were mid conversation, his voice soothing. What had they been talking about? Right.. which paths had been taken and left in the past. The choices made and how they led them to this point.
Her dream was not really surprising, considering the past couple days. She could place the figures now, of course. Daniel, the one who pushed and demanded so much from her. Always forcing her to prove her worth, to fight for a spot by his side.
And Mulder. Mulder who challenged, pushed, praised, argued, and frustrated her. God, that man could drive her crazy. Through it all though, she was his equal. He trusted her implicitly, he valued her opinion and her expertise. His drive was not to advance himself at the expense of her career. He has taken the fall for her and she for him numerous times. Daniel would not have put her needs first, she is sure of it.
But she had loved Daniel deeply. To see him again, to touch him, feel that love she felt, it made her come to terms with how lonely she was these days. Considering she was with another person the majority of her time, it seemed unlikely she would be lonely. It wasn't the lack of companionship, it was the lack of intimacy. She missed having someone to touch and to touch her, to hold her and kiss her. Jesus Christ, she missed sex, she thought as she lay with her head against Mulder's couch. She missed it so much.
It had been so long since she had had any physical intimacy. She spent nights in hotels or crappy motels with Mulder more often than she was in her own home. Being a field agent made any type of dating difficult. She had tried it when she and Mulder had first been assigned together, but it had not worked out. Their jobs in the field were not normal cases and it was unfair to ask someone else to understand the situation. To maintain a relationship, when she could be gone on an assignment with Mulder playing a happy couple in the suburbs, was idiotic. How could someone completely trust that this was just a partnership, a friendship?
Because, it wasn't a simple partnership. Some partners had husbands or wives. They could separate their work lives from personal ones. She and Mulder had neither and they were so much more than just partners. Closer than spouses. Intertwined in each other's lives, the others touchstone, the only one each trust's without question. How could anyone else stand a chance?
Yet, it wasn't sexual. Although, no one believed them when they said it. They had never crossed that line, but honestly, she had thought about it. How could she not? Mulder was handsome, kind, attentive, and devoted. He could make her smile and then roll her eyes with his theories or a joke. He could make her stomach flutter and her heart race with a look. But then she wanted to strangle him with another.
Some nights, in those motel rooms, she wondered what would happen if she went to his bed. If she asked him to touch her and feel again how wonderful the touch of a man could be.
She huffs out a breath thinking he would probably have run for the hills. She could imagine the deer in the headlights look he would give her. Sometimes.. sometimes it feels like he has put her on a pedestal and she hates it. She doesn't want to be seen as breakable, something to be kept safe but never used. She wanted to feel again.
She felt tears begin to sting her eyes. She was so lonely, so tired of running from what and who she truly wanted. She sat forward, the blanket falling to her waist, and put her face in her hands.
Mulder carefully opened his bedroom door on his way to the kitchen for a drink. He glanced at the couch expecting to see Scully still sleeping. The last couple of days had taken a toll on her it seemed. He did a double take as he saw her sitting forward, her head in her hands.
"Scully?" he asked.
She brought her hands down in surprise. She hadn't heard him enter the room.
"Jesus, Mulder! You scared the shit out of me," she said as she tried to collect herself.
He chuckled and walked toward her. That was when he noticed the tears on her face.
"Scully, what's wrong?" he asked as he sat on the coffee table facing her.
She couldn't meet his eyes. After her thoughts of lack of sex and the desire to be touched- by him- she couldn't do it. Especially when he was wearing pajama bottoms and nothing else. She could see his chest, the muscles, the soft hair that covered it. She was trapped by his legs on either side of hers. She began to feel flushed.
"Speak to me Scully," he breathed, taking her hands in his and rubbing his thumbs along the tops.
Her breath caught in her throat and all she could focus on was his thumbs on her skin. He created a path of fire, that only she seemed to notice.
"Daniel was one of a handful of men I ever slept with," she started. She felt Mulder's thumbs stop for a second as he absorbed this information. "I was never very promiscuous, Catholic upbringing and all, but I had a few.. lovers."
If Mulder was curious why she was telling him this, he didn't let on. He continued rubbing her hands; over the tops, each finger, then back to the tops again.
"I only slept with two people while I was in college. With both men.. it was more of a distraction. A way to destress. I... I wasn't there to.. screw around and go to parties. To do the asinine things some of my fellow students were doing. I had a plan Mulder."
This time she does look at him. She sees his understanding and he nods. She breaks their eye contact, it's too much.
"The plan was always to excel. To be the best. To get into medical school, then residency, then pick a specialty. I had a plan," she says again.
Mulder feels a knot somewhere deep in his stomach. Telling him she had a plan seems ominous. As if she is preparing him for something. He holds her hands a little tighter, not wanting to break their connection.
"I.. I did excel-"
"Of course you did," he said with a half smile, "not many people can rewrite Einstein. Or create a new interpretation."
She looks at him and gives him a sad smile. He squeezes her hands telling her to continue her story.
"Then, during the chaos of med school, I met Daniel. He was older, obviously, and I was attracted to him instantly. He was incredibly smart, calm and level headed during emergencies. He was an amazing teacher, but also very demanding. He wanted me to push further and strive to be the best, sometimes, no matter the cost."
She got lost in her memories of the past. The demanding way Daniel would speak to her. How his face looked when she stumbled over an answer. He was also demanding, but passionate in the way he loved her. She had been so young, she thought that was what she wanted. God, she had been so wrong.
Mulder's hands brought her out of her reverie. He was lacing and unlacing their fingers. She looks at their hands. His fingers so long and tapered. Hers, small but sure.
"I left not long after for Quantico, completely deviating from my plan. Everyone: my family, friends, the other residents, Daniel, they all said I was making a huge mistake. But I needed a change. I.. I had an affair with a married man.. and I..."
Mulder bumped her knees with his. He released her hands and placed his hands on her knees. He began to stroke them with his fingers.
He made a humming sound in his throat and leaned forward until their foreheads were touching.
"Did you leave because of the affair or because you wanted a new plan?" He asked, his voice low. Scully felt a shiver run through her body. His voice like that always got to her. His fingers running across her knees was adding fuel to a fire that had already been lit.
She put her hands on top of his and brought them back to a safer area. She pulled her head back a little so they are no longer touching. This forehead thing they do.. Jesus.. it's like their version of sex. Sometimes.. it's too much. She needed to tell him these things and she won't get through it with so much of him touching her.
"Both?" She said, as she looked at their hands. "It was flattering to know that my expertise was needed and desired at the FBI. It was definitely not part of any plan I had though. I had made a terrible mistake and I needed to make a change. I accepted the position at the FBI and I liked it immediately. It was so different, but also challenging." She looked up at him and he was staring at her with a look she couldn't describe.
She felt her breath catch as she realized once again how much of his flesh is exposed to her. She felt heat emanating from him and she felt dizzy. His eyes roamed to her lips and back to her eyes.
She stood up so abruptly, she surprised both of them. Mulder slid back on the coffee table to avoid being hit by her body. She took two steps and stopped to grab her shoes. She didn't put them on, just held them as she started to walk briskly toward the door.
"Scully.."
"It's late Mulder, I should let you get to bed. I'm sure you're a bit jet lagged. I'm tired myself. I.. I should get going." Her hand was on the doorknob before he processed she was truly going to leave. He followed her to the door.
"Scully, you're right, it's late. Just stay. I'll take the couch, you take the bed. It's still strange sleeping in there sometimes," he said, trying to make a joke.
She closed her eyes at the thought of being in a bed that smelled of him. Jesus, she would have no willpower if she subjected herself to staying in there.
"No, Mulder," she said firmly, unlocking the door and standing on the threshold. "It's late and we both have had long days recently. It's best if I go home. Good night."
She turned and looked at him once more before walking down the hallway. Her stockinged feet made no sound as she all but ran to the elevator. Mulder stood in the doorway and stared after her. She didn't turn around, resolute that she would not look to see if he was watching her.
She repeatedly pushed the elevator button, wishing it would hurry the fuck up. Finally it did and she slid in as fast as she could. She stepped to the side to avoid seeing him as the doors closed. As soon as they did, she sank to the floor, still clutching her shoes.
She banged her head back against the wall of the elevator. Such a fucking coward! What was wrong with her? He was right there, holding her hands, breathing the same air, making her heart race. But, what if he was just being typical Mulder? Worrying about her and offering friendly partner comfort? She would make a fool of herself and fuck this all up. No.. that's not acceptable. It would be better to push down her desire in order to maintain their partnership.
The elevator dinged announcing the arrival to the ground floor. The doors opened but she doesn't move. Her cowardice weighed her down, made her immobile. When the doors started to close, she finally pushed her sorry ass off the floor, put on her shoes, and walked out.
Every step she took felt like she were walking underwater. Sluggish and heavy. As if her body knew she was doing the wrong thing. Leaving his place, their conversation half finished, the things she wanted to say hanging in the air above the couch. She wanted to grab them back, present them to him, tell him how she felt, then grab him and suck his tongue into her mouth. She wanted to feel his hands on her naked flesh. To feel his mouth on areas of her body that have not been touched by a man in years.
How was she still in the lobby? It felt like it had been hours since she stepped off the elevator. She had to get out of there.
She pushed the door open and turned toward her car. She felt the sobs coming up now- no way to stop them. She gulped big breaths of air, trying not to wail. She needed to get to her car before she screamed.
Finally she arrived at her car and hurried to the door. She fumbled her keys out of her pocket. They fell and, as she tried to catch them, she kicked them under the car.
"FUCK!" She growled through gritted teeth. She dropped to her knees and tried to reach them blindly. She felt her fingers graze them and then finally grab them. She stood up and her heart stopped and her breath caught.
Standing on the sidewalk, was the woman she had been seeing everywhere the past couple days. She wasn't moving, but standing by Mulder's building, staring at Scully. Her stare was boring into her, making her heart pound. She thought that the woman was gone. Thought she had somehow been Mulder, and in his absence from her, she subconsciously had been thinking of him and had borrowed his beliefs, projecting them onto this woman. How and why is she here now?
She walked slowly toward her. Afraid she would disappear if she went too quickly. Apparently, there was no danger of that happening. Since Scully had started toward her, she felt.. something. An understanding but also a confusion. As she got closer, she felt that same pull she had felt in the Buddhist temple. Time was slowing down again. She stood on the sidewalk and closed her eyes.
Images began passing by, but slower this time. They were not of her family, but of Mulder, only Mulder. The first day they met, their first case, him playing air guitar-his face so young, him wiping barbecue sauce off her face, him stroking her face after her father had died, at her bedside on countless times in the hospital, holding her after Penny had died, cradling her after Naciamento had tried to rip out her heart, his eyes, empty and hurting, when she came to him after being in Africa, the look on his face when he told her she was his touchstone, his smile after he kissed her on New Year's Eve.
Then the last image, front and center, Mulder in a hospital bed, staring at her, telling her he loved her, again and again. She sees the look on his face, in his eyes. He meant it. It wasn't the drugs or a feverish dream. He loved her.
Then new scenes. The nurse at the hospital, handing her Daniel's chart, the same woman then crossing the street while Mulder was talking on the phone with Scully, the same woman leading her to the garden and the temple, the same woman passing her at the hospital. As she crosses her path, she finally catches up to her. Her past and future have ceased running parallel. They have collided and led to Mulder. As they were always destined to do.
Scully gasped in surprise and her eyes flew open. The woman was gone, but she understood now. She knew and she needed to fix it.
She hurriedly walked the few steps back into Mulder's building, down through the lobby, back to the elevator. The doors opened immediately, not having made a journey since she had exited. She walked in, her heart pounding, breathing erratic. She was taking a leap and she was terrified and exhilarated.
She hardly had any time to gather her thoughts when she arrived at his floor. Her stomach felt as though it had been left in the lobby. Her bones ached with the strength it took to go slow but also refrain from running headlong to him.
She was at his door now. This was it, no turning back. She knew what she wanted, she just had to stop being a fucking coward and do something about it.
She used her key and quietly let herself in, shutting the door softly behind her, leaning against it for a second. The room was dark, except for the fish tank light, guiding her way. She took off her shoes and placed her keys gently on the table.
She took a deep breath, her ears ringing, and walked toward Mulder's bedroom. The door was not shut completely, for which she was grateful. He was a light sleeper and she did not want him to hear her yet.
She walked in and stared at him. He was already asleep, the past couple of days catching up to him. She could see his chest rising and falling, his bottom half tangled in the sheet as if he'd had been tossing around.
The wind blew against the window causing a branch to tap into it. A steady beat that drew her toward him. It was like a heartbeat. His heartbeat, calling to hers.
She stopped at his bedside and looked at him. He looked so peaceful, relaxed. His mouth open a bit as he breathed in and out, in and out. She found she was matching her breathing to his without a conscious thought. It just happened. Just as so much of what they do and how they respond to situations happens. They fall in sync without effort.
She looked at his face, the face that she knew better than her own. He was so handsome. Sometimes it was hard to think about anything other than his physical features, when the outward package is so beautiful. But he was so much more than handsome. He was brilliant, so fucking brilliant. His mind works faster and farther than anyone she had ever met. He was usually three steps ahead of everyone else. He must get frustrated waiting for others to see what he does so plainly.
He stirred and her heart stopped, her body frozen in place. He settled back down on his pillow and breathed deeply.
Scully took her jacket off and tossed it on the end of the bed. No backing down, stop being a coward.
She reached the side of the bed again and brushed her hand across Mulder's forehead into his hair. He turned toward her hand and breathed her name. Her heart pounded and she touched him again. His eyes fluttered open and he saw her there.
"Scully?" He said, his voice thick with sleep. He blinked his eyes several times before he swung his legs over the side of the bed, sitting and facing her. He yawned and looked at her with sleepy eyes. His hair is standing up at odd angles. She had a hard time resisting the urge to smooth it down.
"Is everything okay? You left so suddenly, I don't know what happened. Are you okay? Is it car trouble? Do you need a ride home?" He started to stand up, but she pushed him back down, her hands on his shoulders.
He looked surprised, but sat back on the bed.
"I'm sorry for the way I left earlier," she said quietly, her hands still on his shoulders. She saw the scar where she shot him and she ran her thumb across it. "Does that ever hurt?" She whispered, her eyes looking at the old scar.
Her fingers felt the skin on his chest and then his back. She remembered that night, how horrible she had felt when she shot him. His hand encircled her wrist and she looked in his eyes.
"Scully?" He breathed her name like he did in his sleep. Her name, but so many questions in those two syllables. She hears them all, like whispers bouncing off the wall, searching for their mates. She shivered.
"We were talking about paths we chose. Decisions we have made that lead to certain points in our lives. Mulder, if I had stayed with him.. it would have consumed me until there was nothing of me left. He demanded more than excellence from me every day. He also demanded my time, my attention. And I didn't see it, didn't see how it was consuming me."
She looked at him. His eyes were closed, but she knew he was listening. He held her wrist to his shoulder, running his thumb across the top of her hand.
She moved her hand, touching his cheek instead. He opened his eyes and stared at her, his hand still lightly holding onto her arm.
"I didn't know, Mulder. I didn't know that it was toxic in the way it was. I was enraptured by him, he was brilliant and he wanted me. Made me feel important. I.. I wasn't like Melissa, the fun Scully sister. I was always studying-"
"You wanted to excel. You had a plan.." he said quietly, putting his other hand on the back of her thigh, pulling her closer to him. She felt her skin ignite even through her skirt at the touch of his fingers. He kept his hand there as he watched her face. She licked her lips and rubbed them together.
"Mulder," she said, her voice husky. He felt his body stir, especially the lower half. God, her voice made him hard at the strangest times. But right now, in his bedroom, sitting on his bed, half dressed, her standing between his legs, his hand dangerously close to her ass, her hand caressing his face, her voice sexily saying his name-it was an appropriate and unavoidable response.
"It was the wrong path, but it was one I needed to take. I.. I didn't really.. full circle to find the truth..do you remember that Mulder?"
He remembered. He remembered how he didn't listen to her and Kevin Kryder was almost killed. Shit. She could have been hurt or killed too. He tightened his hold on her thigh and nodded.
"Until the last couple days, I didn't know that's what I needed. I needed to come full circle. I see it now, Mulder. I see that I have found my truth."
He pushed his face into her hand and closed his eyes. He hoped this was going where he thought it was, but his heart was pounding with fear. Fear that she would tell him she wanted to leave. To have a better life, a simple one. That she was saying goodbye. Heading off to find her truth. He took a deep breath and asked the question that would kill him or set him free.
"What do you see, Scully?" He asked quietly, the wind blowing against the window, causing a branch to tap into it. Tapping out the beat of his racing heart. An SOS to her heart-please, please, please, don't leave me.
"I see what I want, what I need, where my path leads, where it was always destined to lead," she took his face in both her hands and brushed her thumbs across his lips. Their eyes were having conversations faster than their minds could comprehend. Magnets pushing and pulling, walls falling down, seeing in each other the truths they have denied. "It's you, Mulder. My path, the destination.. is you. I want you."
He released a breath as she brought her lips to his. It was soft, hesitant, like their New Year's kiss. But then Scully wrapped her arms around his neck, grabbed a handful of hair and tipped his head back. He moaned and she slipped her tongue in his mouth. She kissed him deeper and with more passion than anyone had ever kissed him before.
She felt her knees shake and she broke away from him. He learned forward as she pulled back. Magnets pulled apart, fighting to get back together.
She looked at him, her chest rising and falling, her heart racing. He was burning her with his gaze. She reached down and grabbed her sweater, pulled it up and off, and threw it behind her. He expelled a gust of breath.
"This is my decision, Mulder. What I want. I.. want.. if you don't.."
He grabbed her waist and pulled her back to him. He put his face on her stomach, her breasts, covered by her black lacy bra, grazing his head. Her skin was smooth and warm to his touch. He kissed her stomach and ran his tongue up to the edge of her bra. He ran his hands down her ass, to her thighs, and back to her waist. She was not ure she would ever catch her breath again.
He pulled his head back and looked at her, his eyes dark and full of desire. "Scully, if you have any doubt that I want you, that I have wanted you, and will always want you.. either I've been a complete fuck up with my approach, or you haven't been paying attention."
Her responding smile could light a city for days. "You've been a complete fuck up with your approach. End of story."
"Fair enough," he said as he pulled her to him and fell back onto the bed.
She squealed and laughed before he kissed her again. Kissed her like no one ever had. He licked her lips, nibbled at them, stroked his tongue along hers. She broke the kiss and climbed off him. He complained before sitting up and saw she was unzipping her skirt and letting it drop to the floor as she stepped out of it. She stood there in black lacy panties, a matching bra, and..
"Jesus fucking Christ, Scully! You're wearing thigh high stockings?! Oh my god.." He felt what seemed to be every bit of blood rush straight to his cock. He felt he could come just looking at her. Jesus, she was beautiful.
She smiled cheekily at him. "Mulder have you ever had to wear stockings all day? Had to go to the bathroom and fix said stockings? They are a pain in the ass. So, I started wearing these awhile ago. Much easier to deal with."
She stepped in between his legs again. "Why? Do you like them?" He made a sound between a whine and a groan. "Would you..like to take them off me, Mulder?"
He looked like he had seen a ghost. He froze and swallowed hard many times.
"I can do it, if you're not.. up.. to the task," she said as she reached to take them off herself. He stilled her hands and gripped the back of her left thigh with a large hand.
He slid his hand down her thigh to her knee. He lifted her leg up and set her foot on his bed. He put a hand on each side of her leg, slid his fingers in the tops of her stockings and began to slide them down.
Scully felt a rush of moisture at her core as she felt and watched him remove her stocking. His hands on her skin felt like fire. He was the matchstick sparking a flame everywhere he touched. God, he could make her come just from this simple touch. How many times had she thought of him doing this? Usually he was using his tongue at some point, but that was a fantasy, not.. oh.. my.. god..
Mulder had reached her ankle and lifted her foot again, this time pulling the sheer hose off her foot. His hands traced back up her leg. When he got to her thigh, he held a hand there to steady her, then placed open mouthed kisses on her inner thigh. He felt her leg shake and he could smell her arousal.
Scully breathed his name and pulled her leg away from his mouth, standing up again. She lifted her other leg and set it on the bed. He grinned at her as he began to pull this stocking off as well. He placed the same open mouthed kisses on this leg. But before she could pull her leg away, he grabbed her ass and pulled her pelvis toward his face. He kissed her through her panties, delighted and aroused to find them so wet.
Scully yelped and grabbed him by the back of his head, inadvertently pushing her pelvis even closer to his face. He took it as a sign and kissed her again, running his tongue along the wet patch he found.
"Oh my god, Mulder.. you're going to make me come." She said digging her fingernails into his scalp.
He hummed a chuckle. He pulled his head back to look at her. "That's the idea Scully," he said as he slid her leg off the bed. He stood up and reached around her to unclasp her bra. He threw it across the room and looked at her. He had seen her naked before, but not aroused. Not after he had kissed her mouth, her thighs, her sex through her panties.
"Get on the bed and lie down." He said in a low voice. She shivered and felt herself get wetter. That voice...god..
She climbed on the bed wearing only her panties. She laid down in the middle of the bed. Mulder walked to the foot of the bed and moved her jacket out of the way. He pulled her feet until she was close to the edge of the bed. She moaned and throbbed with the anticipation of what she knew he was going to do, but she didn't want that right now.
"Mulder?" She said raising up on her elbows and scooting back toward the head of the bed. He looked at her in confusion. "I appreciate what you are thinking. I.. god I really do. I.. this is the only time I will say no to that, believe me. But.. I just want you. I want to feel you. Inside me. Make love to me, Mulder."
He nodded and swallowed. He looked her in the eyes as he pulled his pajama bottoms off and stepped out of them. He took hold of his cock and stroked it, unable to control himself. She was in his bed, almost naked, asking him to be inside her. How many times had he had this fantasy? The reality was infinitely better.
He placed a knee on the bed and began to climb up next to her. They were doing this, no turning back now. Their eyes never left each other's face as he reached for her panties. He hesitated at the waistband, his fingers tickling, adding to the fire that only this physical joining would extinguish.
He asked her with his eyes one last time if she was sure, she nodded and smiled. He pulled her panties down her hips, watching her body shimmy to get them down all the way. He took them off and threw them somewhere on the floor.
He trailed his fingers up her leg, around her kneecap, her thigh, her stomach-stopping at the scar from where Ritter shot her. "Does this ever hurt?" He whispered the question back at her, looking in her eyes as he grazed it with his fingertips. She shook her head and smiled, pulling his hand to her breast. He hummed as he held it in his hand, softly caressing.
He shifted his body and she opened her legs, inviting him in. He leaned back on his calves and ran his hands down the outside of her thighs, pulling them around him. He leaned forward, his right arm close to her head. He kissed her softly, his tongue running across hers as his left hand cupped her sex, sliding two fingers inside.
She gasped into his mouth as he kissed her harder and slid his fingers in and out, testing her readiness. He knew it had been a long time-for both of them, and he didn't want to hurt her.
She already felt an orgasm approaching. God, it had been so long since she had someone touch her this way. Too long. She wanted to come with him this first time so she pulled from his kiss.
"Mulder, god.. that feels so good, but I want you inside me. I want to do this together, please.." she arched her back and cried out as he grazed her clit with his thumb, his finger still pumping deep inside her. "God.. oh.. please.. I'm so close, but I want you inside me when I do."
He slid his fingers out and brought his hand to his cock. He used the moisture from her to lubricate himself and Scully had never seen anything sexier.
He took himself in hand and prepared to enter her. He looked her in the eyes and watched as he pushed into her, slowly.
"Oh..." they both moaned, at the feeling of their bodies finally connecting, the last piece to fit together.
He watched her eyes for assurance that he wasn't hurting her. She nodded at him, as she wrapped her legs around his hips and pulled him closer to her causing him to sink in deeper.
He leaned on his forearms, his face close to hers, his chest pressed to hers, as he slid all the way in and stopped.
"Scully.. oh god..are you okay? I'm not hurting you, am I?" He felt her muscles squeeze around him and he dropped his head to her neck.
"Mulder.. no.. oh god, you feel so good. Mmm.. you're not hurting me. Look at me." He raised his head and looked at her again. She wrapped her arms around his back, her arms under his. "This feels so good, so right, exactly what is supposed to happen. Enough running. Enough denying what we have wanted for so long. You are my choice. My path was always leading to this moment, this final joining with you."
He pulled out and slid back in, staring at her, seeing her in full for the first time. He smiled. "Wow, Scully.. I go away for a couple days and you become a New Age believer on me. You really do keep me guessing." They smile at each other and the time for talking is done.
Mulder picks up the pace and they work together, like they do with everything. They test out theories-seeing what pleases the other. What causes sighs, cries, a breath to hitch, a giggle, or a moan.
It doesn't take long to reach the end of the journey. It had been a long time since either had felt the touch of another. But more than that, it was that this journey was taken together. With the person they knew inside and out. The person who was trusted above all else.
As they reached the end, the branch began to tap the window again, blown forward by the wind. The slow beat affected them both. Time slowed down as they looked at each other and leisurely rocked together to completion.
He moved them until they were side by side. Entwined in each other, they listened to the tapping. She placed her head on his chest, his heart keeping time to the beat filling the room. Their breathing patterns fell in sync again.
Scully was lulled by Mulder's heartbeat and the peace this night had brought her. What had terrified her now seemed so trite. What a waste of time and energy it had been to be afraid to love this man and be loved by him in return. She pressed closer into him, placing her nose in his neck, and breathed in his scent. She kissed him there and felt her body becoming heavy with sleep. She nuzzled in again and breathed his name against his neck, then closed her eyes, letting sleep claim her.
Mulder pulled her closer and listened to her breathing. He smiled as his own quickly fell in sync. He wrapped his leg higher around her hip as he felt her burrow into his neck. He heard her breathe his name as he buried his fingers in her hair, his other hand wrapped around her waist. He felt heavy with sleep. He closed his eyes, the feel and scent of her all around him.
He had just closed his eyes when he saw a bright light and then scenes like a slideshow, presented themselves to him- Scully walking into his office the first time, her laughing in the pouring rain in Oregon on their first case, her smiling at him in countless rental cars, her terrified face when Modell was controlling his mind, her hooked on the life support caused by her cancer, her look of surprise when he extended his hand asking her to dance, her care for him while she splinted his fingers, the delighted smile on her face when she received his Christmas gift, her smile when he kissed her on New Year's. Her smile, her eyes on his, her love for him shining like a beacon.
He opened his eyes, drawing in a deep breath. He didn't know the specifics of what he just saw, or how it occurred, but he'd be a fool not to recognize a sign from the universe. He pulled Scully closer to him, his mind coming to terms with what he saw.
Judging by what she described, that must have been similar to what she experienced in the Buddhist temple. Of course Scully would have a vision, an epiphany, in a church. It didn't matter her faith, God speaks to those who believe in Him.
Well, Mulder thought with a chuckle, he didn't believe in any god, but he did believe in Scully. Patron Saint of The Truth and Hopefulness. That was a place and a saint to which he would gladly worship. A path he would follow until the end of time.
"You are my choice too," he whispered into her hair. "My path has led to you more times than I can count. I'm sure yours looked like a straight, parallel line, until it didn't. Not mine, Scully. I can see it twisting and turning. Getting lost, jammed up, arriving at dead ends following the wrong path. Then getting so close to yours, before veering off in another direction. I tried to find yours again, always searching for it. I should have known what I needed to do. I needed to slow down, to stop. I needed to wait for you to reach me, when you were ready. Your choice-not a decision made for you. I'm so glad your path finally found mine, Scully, and that you decided to take it."
He kissed the top of her head, running his fingers up and down her back.
"That was beautiful Mulder," came her husky, sleepy voiced reply. "Now shut up and go to sleep."
He chuckled and felt her smile against his neck, before kissing him again. She sighed and her breath caused him to shiver. He pulled what he could reach of the sheet and covered her, following her as sleep called to them.
When he woke a few hours later, she was gone, but he could smell her in his sheets, on his skin. He stretched, closed his eyes and buried his nose in his pillow, inhaling her scent. He could get used to waking to her smell lingering all around him.
He wished she had stayed, but he understood. They took a huge step last night, monumental even, for them. She would need time to process it. He knew her. He just hoped she wouldn't get in her head too much and overanalyze how she felt.
He opened his eyes and glanced at the bedside clock. There was something covering it, blocking his view of the time. He sat up and reached for it.
It was a folded piece of paper from a notepad he had on his desk. He opened it up and saw Scully's handwriting. She had drawn a circle path of footprints in black ink and a path of footprints zigzagging all over the paper in blue ink. At the center of the circle, the footprints were on top of each other. On them, she had written a small "S" and a "M". He smiled the biggest goofiest grin he could ever recall in his entire life.
He noticed an arrow at the bottom of the paper and he turned it over. At the bottom of the paper she had written: "Just like with these footprints, next time-I get to be on top." He flipped the paper back open and saw that indeed the black inked "S" footprints were on top of the blue inked "M" footprints. His grin grew wider and he felt his heart race at the prospect of what she had proposed.
He read her words again, looked at her drawing. "Ah, Scully" he said placing it back by his clock before noticing the time. Shit, he needed to get his ass moving. He got out of bed and glanced back at her note on his way to the bathroom. He smiled again, his heart full, and headed for the shower.