Eheh...So. I wrote this fic...AGES ago. Typed it AGES ago. Found it...yesterday. X''D
I also found 2 other fics too...and then I remembered all the fics that I have...but just have yet to type and are hiding in my notebooks...
I'm very sorry for being so lame lately guys. Life...has been busier than I'd like lately.
Beauty and the Bastard is...written - but I need to do some major reworking in the middle of the chapter. I realized it didn't flow right and...grah. It was a tad upsetting. But I thank Mii-Ch4n for pointing it out ^^;
So yeah...you all remember Pilates? That fic from long ago? This fic is kinda the sequel to it. Or it could be read as a stand alone fic.
I hope you all enjoy, and I promise I'm trying! hahahaha
He had been going to health classes for the past month and had practiced a few of the things he learned on Roy. He had enjoyed Ed's adaptation of CPR and a few others quite a bit. Today was the last class, and Roy was quite excited as to see what he had learned.
Roy leaned against the back of the couch and relaxed, waiting for Ed to come in and tell him about his class.
When he felt Edward's arms wrap around his shoulders, he lay his head back and was greeted by a kiss. When Edward pulled back, he smirked down at Roy, his bangs falling around the general's face, tickling the man's cheeks.
"I think we should retire to the bedroom."
Roy nodded and stood up, smiling a little when Ed intertwined their fingers before guiding him upstairs and into the bedroom. He was confused as to why Edward didn't begin to strip him or himself down, but continued to walk toward the bed. He sat down on it and took Roy's other hand and made him sit as well.
"Roy, I want us to use protection."
The general didn't quite know what to feel about the blonde's declaration.
'Does he think I'm cheating?' Roy felt a cold chill go down his spine. He hadn't been with anyone other than Ed for three years, so why... 'Is Ed cheating?' He could feel his stomach twist horribly at the mere thought. But when he looked into Ed's bright golden eyes, he knew there wasn't any way he'd cheat on him. So why...His eyes widened and he could feel his chest constrict, 'Maybe he was rape-'
"Nothing's wrong, Roy, I promise," Edward tightened his grip on Roy's hands. The man winced a little, he must've been making on odd face. "It's just for tonight. We learned about it today and I want to test it out." Roy was a little more than shocked to hear Ed be so...soft-toned and serious.
"Sure, Ed," he lifted his hand to brush some hair out of Edward's face. "I think I still have some in my dresser." Roy stood and shifted through his top drawer and pulled out a box. Bringing it back to the bed, he opened it up and took one out.
He jumped a little as Ed grabbed both the box and the condom from his hand.
"Damn, well at least we got the first step done." Edward muttered as he tossed the box and the condom into the nearby garbage.
"Wha- Why'd you do that! Those had never been opened!"
"Yeah and they're four years out of date," Edward crossed his arms over his chest and frowned.
"No one cares about the dates!" Roy stood to get the box.
"I do! Besides, this is one of the steps we have to follow." Edward stood in front of him and blocked him.
"Why do you-" Roy stopped himself as he thought of the other part of what the blonde had said. "What do you mean steps?"
Edward rolled his eyes impatiently. "Geez, you would think with all your years of womanizing, you would know about this." When Roy said nothing and continued to stare at Ed, confused, the blonde sighed. "There are twenty steps to using a condom. So we have finished the first step and now we have to go do the second." He grabbed Roy's arm and began to lead him out of the room.
"Wait, why are we leaving?"
"To go do the second step, I swear you're going deaf, Bastard." Roy waited until they had gotten to the bottom of the stairs before pulling against Ed's hold.
"Okay, I'm not going anywhere else until you explain a bit more than just 'steps.'"
Edward sighed and dropped Roy's hand. "There are twenty steps to using a condom correctly, and I want to be sure we do it all right. And because your condoms are out of date, we can't skip to part five. So now we have to backtrack to part two where we have to go shopping for condoms."
Roy couldn't help but think of how weird it was to hear Ed say 'condoms' so many times; he had a feeling he'd be hearing that word more later on.
"Ed, do we really have to do this? We could just use perfectly fine ones upstairs."
"Roy, we are going to the damn store now. So you better hurry up and get your ass in the car unless you want me to drive." At that threat, Roy quickly made his way to their car.
Roy sat with his forehead resting on the steering wheel as he breathed deeply, trying to calm himself.
Edward had gone a little crazy, pulling off nearly every type and brand of condom from the shelf.
"All of these are good for a while, so-oh," Edward cut himself off, as he stared at the current box of protection he held in his hand. "I almost forgot the third step." He looked to Roy out of the corner of his eye. "We need to make sure we get the right sizes!"
"Sizes? Plural?" Roy held the shopping basket as Edward went through it. He then noticed that Ed had not only gotten one of each type, he'd gotten two.
"Yeah, I have to wear one too."
Edward seemed satisfied by the sizes and took the basket from Roy and went to the checkout line. Of course the cashier had an odd look on his face as he placed their items into two bags. Then Edward pointed behind himself, to Roy, and said, "He's paying for 'em," and promptly grabbed the bags and left the store.
The amount of money Roy spent on those damn condoms; he may as well have taken Ed out to dinner!
He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Come on, Roy! Whatcha moping around for? We can do part four and then onto part five!"
Roy groaned. "And what pray tell are steps four and five?"
"Well, step four is to go home and step five," was it Roy's imagination or did Ed's voice get lower? "Is foreplay."
'Finally,' Roy didn't need any more encouragement than that. He quickly turned on his car and drove, nearly speeding, on his way to their house.
Edward grunted quietly as Roy pushed him against the front door. Roy wasn't wasting any time. He wanted to get on with this before Ed came up with something ridiculous like waiting until it was dark out. He smothered Ed's lips with his own and quickly began to strip Ed of his clothes. The blonde was compliant and once his arms were free of their sleeves, he wrapped his arms around Roy's neck. Roy tilted Ed's head back and deepened the kiss, as his hands trailed down his lover's bare sides. Stumbling out of their shoes, they made their way to their bedroom, only breaking away a few times.
Falling onto the bed, Roy pinned Edward down, nipping at his neck. He could hear Ed mumbling something about steps and gently bit at the junction between his neck and shoulder, effectively distracting the younger from what he had been saying. Edward moaned and arched his hips up against Roy's. The older teased his way down the blonde's chest, lapping and tweaking at his nipples until he was writhing beneath him. He nipped at the still sensitive scar tissue from where his automail had once been attached, before continuing lower, the noises coming from Ed were truly driving Roy crazy.
He kissed the tent in the brown pants the blonde had begun to wear teasingly before unzipping them. He quickly slid them off as well as his boxers and slowly stroked at the hardened member a few times. He stood back and took care of his own clothes and crawled over Ed, leaning down and nuzzled his neck as Ed wrapped his arms around Roy's.
"Ready for step eight?" he whispered quietly.
"What were steps six and seven?" Roy couldn't help but be curious.
"After foreplay, there's arousal, then erection," Edward leaned up and nipped at Roy's ear, trying to hide the faint blush on his cheeks. Roy chuckled; Edward never did like to say sexual words (other than fuck or cock and sometimes dick) out loud.
"Well, what's the next step?"
"Checking the date of the condoms again."
Roy pulled back, his eyebrow raising. "Again? We just did that at the store!"
"It's part of the list, we have to do it!"
Roy sighed and got off of Ed, he looked around the room only to realize they had left the condoms in the car.
"You've got to be kidding me," he groaned as Ed smiled sheepishly and tossed Roy his pants. Grumbling, Roy put them back on and went downstairs. He grabbed his black great coat and pulled it on before he walked out the door. He made sure that the coat was at least mainly hiding his erection as he walked back in with the bags. Throwing off both his coat and his pants he hurried up to the room.
He took a box out of the bag without looking to see the type and tossed it to Ed who had been slowly stroking himself on the bed.
"Hey, that hurt, Bastard!" Roy rolled his eyes and crawled onto the bed, ripping open the box and making some of them fall out and onto the bed. Edward picked one up and started to carefully open it, when he looked up and watched in horror as Roy took one and bit it open.
"No! You don't do that!" he snatched the package from his hands and threw it into the garbage.
"Why'd you do that? Wouldn't step nine be to get the condom out of the package?" Roy was frustrated, and not just sexually.
"Well, yes, it is. But you don't bite it open!" Ed handed Roy another one. "You tear it open carefully; you could have made a tear in it."
Roy breathed heavily through his nose and slowly opened the new condom. He slid it down on his dick, and once he was done he looked up to see that Edward's eyes were incredibly wide.
He sighed, "What did I do wrong now?"
"You're supposed to pinch the tip before you slide it on! That's step ten!"
Roy took off the condom and threw it away and reached for another little package. He carefully peeled it off along the perforated line and pinched the tip and then looked to Ed to see he already had his on.
"What the hell, why is-"
"It's step eleven, Roy." The older man blinked and slid his on happy to finally be able to-
'Why the hell is he waving another package in my face?'
"You put it on inside out." Roy could have strangled Ed at that very moment.
Once he had done steps nine through eleven correctly, he glowered at Ed.
"Anything else I did wrong?" Edward shook his head and smiled gently, placing his hand on Roy's arm.
"Now onto steps twelve through fourteen." Roy groaned.
"What are those?"
"Insertion, sex, and then...ejaculation," Edward's smile grew as one developed on Roy's face.
"Thank God," Roy reached over to their bedside table and grabbed their lube. With slickened fingers, he turned back to see that Ed had already spread his legs open and was waiting. Seeing Edward blushing and ready on his bed was always a turn-on to Roy...He just wished he didn't feel so constrained.
He was unused to the feel of condoms after his three years with Ed. Once Roy knew the blonde was his life-partner, he found them to be silly.
Roy slowly slid a finger into Ed, watching as he clenched the sheets and rolled back his shoulders. He moved it around for a moment, teasingly kissing Ed's protected member before adding another finger and stretching. Earning a slight gasp from Ed from between his clenched teeth, as he gently prodded his prostate. Roy smirked as he leaned up and nipped across the blonde's hips as he rubbed his fingers in Edward. Edward whined softly as Roy continued to bite at his sensitive skin and arched a little off of the bed. Roy had to place a hand on his waist to keep him from moving around so much.
"Bastard, please," Ed moaned as Roy applied more pressure to his prostate. He found it just a little amusing to see the condom on Ed growing a bit as his cock swelled.
"Since you asked so nicely," Roy removed his fingers and cupped Ed's smooth sac in his hand as he rubbed his thumb over it. Edward let out a long, deep moan and tried to move his hips and let out a quiet growl of frustration when he couldn't.
Roy leaned up and kissed Ed's cheek before going for the lube again and poured a good amount into his hand. Sighing in pleasure as he stroked himself, he found it odd that he couldn't feel the slickness of the lubricant against his foreskin. Deciding he must have been slick enough, he returned to Ed to find him touching himself.
"You really just can't wait, can you?" Edward blushed and narrowed his eyes as Roy laughed a little.
"Will you just hurry up and get over here?" Ed huffed before smirking suddenly and speaking with a slight whine in his voice, "I'm horny."
Edward watched and licked his lips a little in anticipation of what was to come. Roy's eyes darkened as he crawled over Ed, staring down at him lustfully. Edward knew that it had driven Roy crazy to hear him use that tone when they had first gone out, and he used it every now and then to hurry Roy along. He loved how Roy reacted and how for just a few moments, he'd be a bit forceful and rough.
Roy lifted Ed's legs and he wrapped them around his waist, Edward gasped at the hard friction as Roy roughly ground their erections together. Roy stopped a moment later with a frustrated grunt, unable to get the amount of friction he wanted.
He smothered Ed's lips with his own as he lined himself up and thrust himself in with no warning. Ed's arms immediately clung to Roy, nails digging into his back. Roy pulled away, panting and reveling in the tensing and relaxing of Ed's muscles around him.
"Damn, Bastard," Edward winced a little as he shifted his hips against Roy's. "A little more warning would be nice."
Roy muttered something unintelligible and kissed wetly at his neck. Edward tilted it back to give Roy more room and tried to focus on his lips instead of the slight throbbing pain in his ass. In his head, he thought to himself, 'Insertion, done. Next,' he relaxed his lower muscles and rolled his hips against Roy's and emitted a soft groan as Roy began to slowly pull back out and gently push himself back in. 'sex.'
Roy grabbed Ed's erection, making the man arch up into him. He stroked with one hand while his other remained on his hip. Edward writhed beneath him and glared at his cock.
"Damn thing," he growled, making Roy pause mid-thrust and look down at him with amusement playing on his face.
"What's wrong?"
"It's uncomfortable," Edward muttered as he wiggled his hips around trying to get the older to move. The blonde was frustrated that he couldn't actually feel Roy's hand, and the soft latex of the condom was beginning to get annoying.
"Ed, you do know that you don't have to wear one too, right?" Roy raised an eyebrow, quite amused by the annoyed look on Ed's face as he continued to glare down at himself.
"No, what if you had a cut on your hand? Then you could potentially get sick too." Edward stated stubbornly.
"Ed," Roy sighed shaking his head. "We've done this for years without using protection, and we both got checked out before we went without it." Raising his hand to Ed's cheek, he cupped it and leaned closer, his cock slowly moving deeper making the golden eyes flutter a little. "I won't get sick if you don't use the condom in your experiment, Ed."
Edward blushed a little but still shook his head 'no' despite what Roy said. "I know you're not very comfortable with yours on either. I'll be fine."
Roy gave a nod with a small smile as their lips overlapped and he resumed his thrusts and strokes. Roy could tell by the increased amount of pleasure noises Ed made and by the way his thighs tensed around him that Edward was close to his tipping point. The general pressed in deeper and harder, with his head in the crook of Ed's neck, every pant and noise he made went directly into Roy's ear, encouraging his movements.
'So close to step fourteen, eja-' he thought absentmindedly as he felt Roy lap at his neck and a breathy moan flew from his mouth. His nails dug deeper into Roy's back as he gasped,
"I-I'm...Eja-ah-cul-ah-ting!"
He shuddered as he came into the condom, his face twitching a little at the odd feeling of having his come stay around his cock. But he ignored it and instead just lay back and tensed his lower muscles as much as he could to help Roy come sooner.
Roy shook and let out a small gasp as he too came. He waited a few moments for his pleasurable aftershocks to subside before raising his head from Ed's neck and raising an eyebrow at what he had said.
"Edward, please tell me you didn't say that you were ejaculating."
He blushed and looked away from the elder. "S-shut up, Bastard. I was just thinking about step fourteen and it must have just - I don't know. Hey, stop laughing at me, Bastard!"
Roy just shook his head and let out one last chuckle at the light punch Ed aimed at his arm.
"Come on, we've still got six steps to go."
"Right," Roy started to pull out of Ed when Ed tightened his grip around him. "What?"
"You don't even know what the next step is!"
"Well normally I pull out and you cuddle up next to me, oh no, wait. I cuddle up to you and you have no choice but to do it back." Roy mimicked Ed for the last part of his sentence, smiling.
"Funny, but step fifteen is to hold the base of your penis." Edward said as he scowled up at Roy.
Roy had to bite his lip to not smile at him and laugh; it was just too odd to hear Ed say that. Roy did as he was told and then looked up at Ed. "And what would be step sixteen, love?"
"To withdraw," Edward muttered with a pout.
Roy nodded and did so, watching as Ed shuddered a little as he pulled out. He was just about to take it off, when Ed sat up, holding his limp member at its base.
"No step seventeen is to turn around, or in our case, get off the bed, then step eighteen is to remove the condom carefully. And step nineteen is to twist and dispose of it." Edward said the next three steps in a rush, but Roy sighed and did as Ed did.
Edward turned from the small trashcan on the other side of the nightstand and ran into Roy's chest. He was about to stumble back when Roy took hold of Ed's arms and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around Edward. The blonde relaxed into Roy's arms as he could feel one of Roy's hands massaging his scalp and occasionally run through his hair. Ed lay his head on Roy's chest and closed his eyes.
"So what's the last step?" Roy's voice disturbed the lull the blonde's mind had settled in.
"Wha?"
"You said there were twenty steps. We've only done nineteen of them." Roy kissed the top of Ed's head and smiled to himself. "See, I was paying attention."
"Uh," Edward couldn't remember for the life of himself what the last step was. All he wanted to do was to curl up next to Roy and make sure he kept messing with his hair 'til he was able to doze off. "Um, we go back to bed."
Roy raised an eyebrow, but walked them over to the bed nevertheless. Laying Ed down first then himself, he threw the blankets over them. He smiled down at the blond hair that was suddenly right below his head. Edward had tucked his head under Roy's and had wrapped his arms around him. Roy ran his hand through Ed's thick blond hair as he watched him relax onto his chest.
"As fun as that experiment was, I don't think we should try this again anytime soon." Roy murmured, "I definitely like it better the usual way."
Edward nodded against his chest. "Yeah, but what are we gonna do with all the extra condoms?"
"Roy smiled at the yawn that broke Ed's sentence in half. "We can probably just give them to Al since the boxes haven't been opened yet."
"Maybe...Hey Roy?" he hummed in response, "I think I'm gonna sign up for some massaging class for this next month."
"Alright," he combed his fingers through his hair soothingly. After a little while he could hear Ed's breathing begin to even out. He closed his own eyes and smiled as he thought of all the benefits of Ed learning different massaging techniques.