Title: Darkness Of Anything
Author: Princess Twilite (Princesstwilite2@aol.com)
Rating: R - for subject matter.
Time line: Up to Super Symmetry.
Summary: What's it like Fred, what's it like to know he'd do anything for
you? ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. Post Super Symmetry.
Disclaimer: Fred, Gunn and the dead guy aren't mine. They belong to Joss
and affiliates.
Distribution: List archives, This Boy and This Girl, anywhere else, you can
have it, just let me KNOW that you have it.
Site: http://thatvisionthing.org/whip
Group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ptupdates
Feedback: Uh YEAH.
Author's Notes: Because I realize I've never written anything that had very
much Fred/Gunn. and well now, this isn't an opportunity I could just PASS
UP, now is it? I'm such an angst-whore.
"I want to dig his eyes out, just for looking at you. Yes I do. And I want to take his hands off just for touching you. Yes I do. And I want. To rip his heart out. Just for hurting you. And I want. To break his mind down. Yes I do. And I want to make him regret life since the day he met you. Yes I do. And I want to make him take back all that he took from you. Yes I do." - Nickelback
- - -
A mocking voice in her head; the constant friend and enemy from Pylea.
What's it like Fred, what's it like to know he'd do anything for you? ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. Does it feel good? Make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?
The traffic outside was her excuse not to sleep. To not close her eyes and seen the look on Charles face when it was breaking, when he was doing something for her that she could have sworn wasn't in him.
It's what she loved about him.
He lay beside her, wrapped around her, shivering.
"It's g-gonna be okay," he said this into her ear with a whisper. It made her flinch and that flinch seemed to hit him straight in the heart, she could feel it hop against her back. "I p-promise." But his body shook against her own and his fingers gripped her too tightly. She wanted to turn over and cuddle him against her chest, run her fingers over his scalp and whisper that things weren't gonna changed. She'd just make them a glass of that lemonade her momma loved and things would go on as always.
But he was shaking so hard and she thought she might be too.
She was scared as shit about the consequences of what they'd done. Of what she'd pushed him into doing. Dammit, she WOULD HAVE DONE IT!
They hadn't undressed, just climbed those never ending stairs and sat on the bed staring at their shoes until eventually one of them fell and took the other with them. And now they were clinging to each other like cold to snow.
People thought she was good, so good. They thought she was pure and holy and all those things their mothers would like out of a woman they brought home.
People didn't have a fucking clue. The things she'd had to do. the things she'd done to survive. The things she'd made the CHOICE to do.
She wondered if she'd infected him now, the one thing she'd ever really wanted so bad it made her teeth hurt and her knees tremble from it.
Charles Gunn. Save the world type with all that sweet love inside him he was just beginning to open up and give.
She loved him. She LOVED him. So much that she was sick now, hurting with it.
Oh she knew he'd done some dark things before, but he'd always tried to be good, tried to help people, make the bad things that went bump in the night go away. Tried to protect his sister.
And now he shivered like a child against her, having done something that went totally and completely against everything inside of him.
Except his love for her. And staring at the wall where the shadows twisted and the paint looked ugly, she began to wonder if maybe this love he had for her was like a slow disease, killing him.
Thought back to the signs of it, the day she should have known he'd do anything to make her happy. To keep her from hurting or doing something she'd regret.
The day she should have known he'd kill for her. In cold blood, if necessary.
Funny, it wasn't so romantic a notion after all.
- - -
They lay on the bed, laughing as they played a game they often did.
"I'd wear puke green for you." She told him as he traced a line over the naked skin of her breast, right at the curve. He sat his chin on her chest and stared up at her face.
"I'd wear a dress for you." He countered and she laughed.
"I'd. kiss Angel for you." She tossed back, grinning when he glared up at her.
"*I'd* kiss Angel for you." She stopped laughing and narrowed her eyes at him while he looked up at her innocently.
"I'd pretend to be Tina Turner for you, while you. ya know."
"I'd clean the toilet for you."
"I'd LICK the toilet for you."
There was a long silent moment where he stared up at her, face unreadable. She almost found herself nervous and laughed while he bent and took her nipple into his mouth. Maybe she'd one upped him. no wait, he was definitely upping her.
"I'd kill for you." He whispered into her breast, dangerously serious, eyes black and hot while she watched him in shock, unsure how to take what he'd said. But then his fingers were sliding teasingly up the skin of her thighs and further, where she was already ready for him. And she forgot to be scared for him. For her. For both of them.
- - -
"Please don't leave me." He whispered against her neck, mouth hot and she couldn't take it anymore. Fred turned over and found him watching her through wild eyes filled up with tears. Tears she'd rarely seen on him except for some of those nights where he woke up screaming and shaking all over the place, hollering his sister's name. "I couldn't take it." He sobbed into her shoulder. "I can't lose you."
Fred nodded, pulling him tighter into her until he was crawling on top of her, trying to tuck her into his chest while his thighs squeezed her hips in a vice grip. She gasped at the strength of the hold, at the way he seemed to be trying to drag her into his heart.
"You ain't gonna lose me," she said it furiously into his ear while he clutched at her skin. "Not ever. Not for anything."
He nodded, but didn't seem to believe her because the shaking didn't stop. Fred didn't know what to do, wanted to be sick, wanted to pound on her own skin until it made this bad thing she'd done go away. She would have hated herself if she'd killed that man, but at least she would have understood it, accepted it and gotten over this.
After all, he'd started it all by sucking her and god only knew how many students into that disgusting hell with so many suns it had hurt her eyes.
But this. this. oh god, what had she done to him?
"I love you." It was such an urgent thing, the way he said it and she burned with the threat of it all over her cheeks.
God, I'm sorry. So - so sorry.
I shoulda done better by you. I shoulda listened to you. I shoulda tied you up and drugged you.
"I love you too." So much my back aches with it.
Maybe she should leave, maybe she should go away where he would never, ever find her, and he could move on, not become the type of guy who'd do anything for her, when anything just happened to be.
SNAP.
They both stilled at the sound; shaken.
It was just tree branch outside, breaking off the tree.
SNAP.
Fred almost screamed, but suddenly his hand was covering her mouth and he was over her, the whites of his eyes a scratchy red she could see even in the darkness. Her heart stuttered, the air in her lungs wooshed out over his knuckles as her nostrils flared.
One tear, single and salty, dropped from his cheek and onto hers.
"Don't be afraid of me, Fred." It was a plea, but he still kept his hand there, not willing to hear her answer. "I'll do anything to make it better."
And that was the problem she realized.
SNAP.
The branch broke off. Fell to the ground.
"Me too." She whispered, when he'd finally released her. She could feel his heart pounding against hers, frightened, so frightened. "I'd do anything for you too."
Anything.
Even if it meant going away. Far, far away.
"Let's just make love." She whispered urgently and he nodded, brought his lips down on her in a furious way that made her think of pain and GOD please make it go away.
When he was inside her, his cock buried up as far as it could go, he looked down at her, breathing hard, his back slick with whatever was going on with his body and brain, the struggle of man vs. what the FUCK have I done?
"I'd die for you."
There was such darkness in anything.
THE END
"I want to dig his eyes out, just for looking at you. Yes I do. And I want to take his hands off just for touching you. Yes I do. And I want. To rip his heart out. Just for hurting you. And I want. To break his mind down. Yes I do. And I want to make him regret life since the day he met you. Yes I do. And I want to make him take back all that he took from you. Yes I do." - Nickelback
- - -
A mocking voice in her head; the constant friend and enemy from Pylea.
What's it like Fred, what's it like to know he'd do anything for you? ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. Does it feel good? Make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?
The traffic outside was her excuse not to sleep. To not close her eyes and seen the look on Charles face when it was breaking, when he was doing something for her that she could have sworn wasn't in him.
It's what she loved about him.
He lay beside her, wrapped around her, shivering.
"It's g-gonna be okay," he said this into her ear with a whisper. It made her flinch and that flinch seemed to hit him straight in the heart, she could feel it hop against her back. "I p-promise." But his body shook against her own and his fingers gripped her too tightly. She wanted to turn over and cuddle him against her chest, run her fingers over his scalp and whisper that things weren't gonna changed. She'd just make them a glass of that lemonade her momma loved and things would go on as always.
But he was shaking so hard and she thought she might be too.
She was scared as shit about the consequences of what they'd done. Of what she'd pushed him into doing. Dammit, she WOULD HAVE DONE IT!
They hadn't undressed, just climbed those never ending stairs and sat on the bed staring at their shoes until eventually one of them fell and took the other with them. And now they were clinging to each other like cold to snow.
People thought she was good, so good. They thought she was pure and holy and all those things their mothers would like out of a woman they brought home.
People didn't have a fucking clue. The things she'd had to do. the things she'd done to survive. The things she'd made the CHOICE to do.
She wondered if she'd infected him now, the one thing she'd ever really wanted so bad it made her teeth hurt and her knees tremble from it.
Charles Gunn. Save the world type with all that sweet love inside him he was just beginning to open up and give.
She loved him. She LOVED him. So much that she was sick now, hurting with it.
Oh she knew he'd done some dark things before, but he'd always tried to be good, tried to help people, make the bad things that went bump in the night go away. Tried to protect his sister.
And now he shivered like a child against her, having done something that went totally and completely against everything inside of him.
Except his love for her. And staring at the wall where the shadows twisted and the paint looked ugly, she began to wonder if maybe this love he had for her was like a slow disease, killing him.
Thought back to the signs of it, the day she should have known he'd do anything to make her happy. To keep her from hurting or doing something she'd regret.
The day she should have known he'd kill for her. In cold blood, if necessary.
Funny, it wasn't so romantic a notion after all.
- - -
They lay on the bed, laughing as they played a game they often did.
"I'd wear puke green for you." She told him as he traced a line over the naked skin of her breast, right at the curve. He sat his chin on her chest and stared up at her face.
"I'd wear a dress for you." He countered and she laughed.
"I'd. kiss Angel for you." She tossed back, grinning when he glared up at her.
"*I'd* kiss Angel for you." She stopped laughing and narrowed her eyes at him while he looked up at her innocently.
"I'd pretend to be Tina Turner for you, while you. ya know."
"I'd clean the toilet for you."
"I'd LICK the toilet for you."
There was a long silent moment where he stared up at her, face unreadable. She almost found herself nervous and laughed while he bent and took her nipple into his mouth. Maybe she'd one upped him. no wait, he was definitely upping her.
"I'd kill for you." He whispered into her breast, dangerously serious, eyes black and hot while she watched him in shock, unsure how to take what he'd said. But then his fingers were sliding teasingly up the skin of her thighs and further, where she was already ready for him. And she forgot to be scared for him. For her. For both of them.
- - -
"Please don't leave me." He whispered against her neck, mouth hot and she couldn't take it anymore. Fred turned over and found him watching her through wild eyes filled up with tears. Tears she'd rarely seen on him except for some of those nights where he woke up screaming and shaking all over the place, hollering his sister's name. "I couldn't take it." He sobbed into her shoulder. "I can't lose you."
Fred nodded, pulling him tighter into her until he was crawling on top of her, trying to tuck her into his chest while his thighs squeezed her hips in a vice grip. She gasped at the strength of the hold, at the way he seemed to be trying to drag her into his heart.
"You ain't gonna lose me," she said it furiously into his ear while he clutched at her skin. "Not ever. Not for anything."
He nodded, but didn't seem to believe her because the shaking didn't stop. Fred didn't know what to do, wanted to be sick, wanted to pound on her own skin until it made this bad thing she'd done go away. She would have hated herself if she'd killed that man, but at least she would have understood it, accepted it and gotten over this.
After all, he'd started it all by sucking her and god only knew how many students into that disgusting hell with so many suns it had hurt her eyes.
But this. this. oh god, what had she done to him?
"I love you." It was such an urgent thing, the way he said it and she burned with the threat of it all over her cheeks.
God, I'm sorry. So - so sorry.
I shoulda done better by you. I shoulda listened to you. I shoulda tied you up and drugged you.
"I love you too." So much my back aches with it.
Maybe she should leave, maybe she should go away where he would never, ever find her, and he could move on, not become the type of guy who'd do anything for her, when anything just happened to be.
SNAP.
They both stilled at the sound; shaken.
It was just tree branch outside, breaking off the tree.
SNAP.
Fred almost screamed, but suddenly his hand was covering her mouth and he was over her, the whites of his eyes a scratchy red she could see even in the darkness. Her heart stuttered, the air in her lungs wooshed out over his knuckles as her nostrils flared.
One tear, single and salty, dropped from his cheek and onto hers.
"Don't be afraid of me, Fred." It was a plea, but he still kept his hand there, not willing to hear her answer. "I'll do anything to make it better."
And that was the problem she realized.
SNAP.
The branch broke off. Fell to the ground.
"Me too." She whispered, when he'd finally released her. She could feel his heart pounding against hers, frightened, so frightened. "I'd do anything for you too."
Anything.
Even if it meant going away. Far, far away.
"Let's just make love." She whispered urgently and he nodded, brought his lips down on her in a furious way that made her think of pain and GOD please make it go away.
When he was inside her, his cock buried up as far as it could go, he looked down at her, breathing hard, his back slick with whatever was going on with his body and brain, the struggle of man vs. what the FUCK have I done?
"I'd die for you."
There was such darkness in anything.
THE END