Thanks to Laura-trekkie who beta read that fic. it was posted on Wraithbait years ago under my other pen name: Orion
Chap1
It's been one year today, since you had to leave me, but I can't forget you. I still feel your hands on me, especially at night when I lie on this bed, which we chose together.
My dreams are full of memories; whereas I'm lying here, in the dark, remembering our dreams, our hopes. One hope in particular, the hope that one day, we'll be living together. The hope to leave, to go far away from here, only us, in a haven of peace, with nobody between us. But the reality catches us, and the people around, too. They split us off, and since then I'm without news about you. I'm not alive anymore, but I think that one day, I'll be able to close this wound deep inside me. Maybe this day has come?
Maybe I should try to contact you; to be sure that nothing is possible between us? But whatever is my future, my life and my soul will be always marked by you, and this grief.
Since your departure, my life is boiling down to a search, useless I know; but it doesn't prevent me looking for you, in every person that I meet. I'm ready to do everything to have you next to me, again.
My dream now, as I lay those words on paper, is to regain the meaning of life. I dream to become again, a man, simply a man who wants to live.
One day, John, you'll certainly read this letter, wherever you are. Don't be sad, don't be guilty. I couldn't live anymore with this grief, and to forget it, becoming one with the Earth was the only answer.
Farewell, and love you forever.
Rodney.