one-shot, angst
He remembered peace. It felt like that exact moment right before taking the first sip of coffee in the morning. The fraction of a second of absolute quiet just as a diver plummets into the water from the diving board. Gold's never been skydiving. The thought of free-falling from a dangerous height was enough to make his stomach twist itself into a knot. But he imagined that there was peace to it. He was never a thrill-seeking person. But in that split second of their car being airborne, Gold considered taking skydiving lessons.
He could hear her voice now.
"Have you gone insane? What on earth has possessed you with the notion of doing something so foolish? I refuse to see my husband in a body bag."
Belle was daring in her own respect. As was he. Their idea of thrills was he and her staying up half of the night just to see who could outlast the other. She always won. Or deciding not to open the umbrella during a thunderstorm and jumping over the puddles while playfully running to their car. She would grab the handle, but he wouldn't allow her to enter yet. Instead, he touched her. Padding his hands under her soggy clothes and over the wet prickled skin of her shoulders and arms. Listening to her short pants, as her chest rose and fell in the rhythm of his favorite song, simply titled, Her.
The low rumble of thunder in the distant would startle her, but not for long. She never remained afraid whenever he was close. He closed in more and kissed her gently on the lips, wet with rainwater. It felt like they shared the same body, same temperature, same thoughts, and same desires. When he moved to kiss her neck, she could still taste him on the rain as it continued to pelt them with soft drops from the heavens. Belle wasn't cold anymore. On the contrary, while in his arms, she was on fire. A fire she would gladly let consume her.
If he were to make it out of this alive, he would give anything to live in that peace for the rest of his life with Belle. But who was to say they would survive this. The truck that hit their mid-size car was going at least 60 miles an hour at the time of impact. Their vehicle collided on solid ground with a thud and a heart-wrenching screech as the car slid across the pavement on its side.
The horn was blaring, and somehow, the turn signal came on. The green arrow blinked right with a steady tick-tock. Both airbags were deployed, and thankfully Belle's head rested safely on the passenger side one.
"Eh… What- what the- B-Belle-," He groaned in agony. He couldn't move his right leg or even feel it. His ribs ached and made it difficult to turn and unlatch his seat belt. Unthinking, he tried to reach out and touch her. Just to brush her hair from her face, to see if her eyes would open.
"Sir, I'm with the fire department. Just try to stay calm, and we will get you out as soon as possible."
"No- p-please. Belle first please." He tried to say. Everything hurt, even talking shot daggers into his ribcage.
"I'm sorry sir, but I have to get you out first. The woman passenger is unresponsive." The paramedic said.
"No!" Blinking away his concussion, he jerked the paramedic's hand from his seat belt. "Check her. Check on her. Sh- she's my wife."
Slowly he slipped away, and everything faded into darkness.
xox0xox
The beeping from the heart monitor woke him up suddenly. A hard, resonating migraine drummed in the back of his head, making him feel dizzy and light headed. The bright fluorescent light only added to the problem and blinded him, making it almost impossible to see beyond the glare. Then it all came flooding back to him. He was in a car accident, a bad one, from the looks of the cast and ace bandages wrapped around his right leg. But where was his wife? Where was Belle? Did the paramedics listen to him, and rescue Belle first?
He had to find her.
He began ripping off the tape that held down the IV in his arm, before simply snatching the IV needle out of his arm, wincing in pain as he did. He took the EKG monitors on his chest off and sent the machines blaring. A doctor barged in with two nurses following close behind and forced him back into the bed with restraint.
"Mr. Gold, you need to remain still. You just experienced a massive trauma, and your body is in shock." The doctor said.
"Where is Belle. Where is my wife?" He demanded while struggling to get out of the nurses' grasp.
"Mrs. Gold is in the ICU, and now isn't the best time for you to see her." The doctor said in that sickly dispassionate voice that all doctors had. Not an ounce of feeling could be felt in his tone.
His heart leaped. "The ICU? What's her condition?"
"It's been pretty touch and go so far, Mr. Gold. But right now, you need to be focused on rest and recovery. If Belle does make it through this, she would want you to be healthy." The doctor explained.
He wanted to cry. He wanted to know if they were doing everything possible to save his wife. But he knew he wouldn't find out anything with this doctor being so vague about everything.
"Let me see her." He said, this time calmly and without struggling to get up. The nurses let him go and stepped away from the bed.
The doctor sighed. "Mr. Gold-"
"Please Doctor, let me see her. I have that right. I have a right to see my wife." Gold said.
The Doctor groaned and scribbled something on his notepad before addressing the nurses. "Go get Mr. Gold a wheelchair, and take him to the ICU."
The nurses got him ready. They put him on a fresh hospital gown, patched up the hole in his arm from when he ripped out his IV, and gently helped him in the wheelchair, using soft pillows to elevate his right leg on the leg rest. There was pain during the process but not as much as he expected, assuming he was heavily medicated with painkillers.
They rolled him down a series of corridors and passed a dozen of nurses and doctors. He passed other patients who were being pushed in wheelchairs too, some on stretchers with hanging IV bags attached to their rolling bed.
Gold was never afraid of the stigma that came with hospitals, the blood, surgery, and death. But as he passed through the passcode required doors that led to the ICU, he instantaneously felt uneasy. The foreboding area was dimly lit, no sunlight penetrated this wing of the hospital, and everywhere he turned, he could see that all the patients were unconscious. It felt like he was staring at the veil. The veil between life and death. It felt forbidden, like he wasn't supposed to be there, like he wasn't supposed to see these people so close to death.
Finally, the nurse stopped wheeling him when they reached a private room. On the door, it read Gold, Belle and under that, it said, Please see charge nurse before entering.
"Ok Mr. Gold, this is your wife's room. Just tell the charge nurse to call me when you're ready to go back to your room." The smiling nurse said. "I'm Ruby by the way."
"Thank you, Ruby."
She pushed him in and closed the door behind her as she exited, closing off the couple from the rest of the dying world just beyond their door.
The sight he saw before him was enough to bring even the strongest man to tears. She laid there, unmoving, eyes closed, and pale as a napkin. She was hooked up to so many wires and cords. There was one in her hand, in the bend of her arm, on her chest, but the one that scared him the most was the breathing tube coming from her mouth.
It was life support.
Without that tube helping her, she wouldn't be here at all. It all hit him at once. He was going to be a widow. The light and love of his life was going to die, and he wouldn't be able to tell her how much he was going to miss her.
Perhaps this was just a precaution. She wasn't going to die. It was only a car accident. They happened all the time, and most people survived. He survived, surely, she would too.
He took her by the hand. It was cold and limp. "Sweetheart, if you can hear me, please wake up." He asked, but he didn't get a response, just the beep of her heart monitor.
"Belle please, its time to wake up. I know you're still here sweetheart. Just wake up, now, please."
No answer.
He kissed her hand. Belle always like that. She said it made her feel like a princess, and he would always reply that he was her most loyal servant. Maybe that was a lie too, he couldn't even protect her, and in fact, it was probably his fault she was clinging on to life. He was the driver; he should have been watching the road instead of gazing at her.
"So that's it, Belle?" he asked dropping her hand. "You're just going to leave me, alone, forever? I knew you never loved me. I mean, who could? Just look at me."
"Why would you do this to me, Belle? I never cared about love or feelings or any of that mushy stuff until you. Why show me how to love then take it all away. Why give me your heart then die?" He asked, but still nothing. She laid there motionless as the noisy life support machine hummed, expanding her chest and lungs with oxygen before deflating them.
"Are you even listening to me?" He asked, slightly tugging at her wrist. "Belle. BELLE."
"If not for me, wake up for Gideon. I can't raise him by myself. He needs his mother." He said. The thought of Gideon without his mother made him upset. "Think of your son, Belle. It's not just me you're leaving. What am I supposed to tell him when he cries out for you? Tell me. Damn it Belle, TELL ME!"
No answer.
He began to cry. His fallen tears dampening her hand and the thin hospital sheets below. Gideon was only three, too young to comprehend what happened to his mother. And when he became older, would he even remember her? Would he remember how she stayed up all night when he was sick, how she would rock him and loll him off to sleep with a lullaby. How bad she stressed herself out about his first birthday, just to make it perfect. Or how when Gideon was born, she threatened the nurse for trying to take him away from her.
"You'll be pulling back a stump if you try to take my son from me." She had said.
"B- but Mrs. Gold, you need to rest." The nurse said nervously.
"I'll have plenty of time to rest once I'm home. Gideon will stay with me."
Gold chuckled. "So you've decided on the name Gideon?"
"I think it's perfect for him, don't you?"
"I do."
It felt like an eternity since that happened, and now all he wanted to do was go back to that moment and relive it from the beginning. He would give anything if he could. Even his own life, if that meant Belle would live.
"What will it take for you to wake Belle?" he asked. "Money, jewelry, a bigger house? I can give you all that and more. You always said you wanted a new minivan. I can leave here, right now, and buy you the best, biggest, safest minivan. Will that be enough? Will you wake up now?"
She said nothing.
He tilted his head up, up to the ceiling, up to the heavens. He was never a religious person, but he did believe in a higher power. Maybe that was who he needed to speak to.
"God, or whoever is listening, please don't take my wife from me. Please don't take my light. I need her. And not just me, but Gideon too. Hell, the whole world." Belle was always able to brighten anyone's day with her cheerful disposition and optimism. She was a gift to the world, a heaven-sent angel. The world needed people like her.
"Give me a sign, God. Show me what I need to do. I'll donate all my money to charity. I'll volunteer. I'll do anything. Just don't take my wife from me."
Nothing. Just the steady monotone beeps from the machines.
He was foolish to think there was a God listening to his pleas. If there were a God, bad things wouldn't happen to good people, and it would have been him lying in bed with all those tubes and cords attached to him, not her. She was the angel, and he was the sinner. He was a cruel man, unsympathetic, and a lush. That was until he met Belle, who showed him the simple act of kindness. He found something God-like within her. She didn't care about his past because she saw the man behind his deception. She saw the man who needed to be loved.
He picked up her hand again and pressed it against his face. It felt like it was getting colder by the seconds. "Belle. Belle, I'm afraid. I'm scared Belle. I'm scared that I might do something that I shouldn't, and not only will Gideon be motherless, but he would be fatherless too."
"What will my life be like without you. What would it be like waking up every morning to an empty bed, and going to sleep every evening alone." He would probably have to sell the house. He couldn't stay in the house that once had so many joyous times. Gideon's Christmases, Thanksgiving, movie nights. The thought of Belle not being there anymore made him resent those beautiful moments.
He just had to accept it. There were no second chances when it came to death, and she wasn't coming back. He wasn't going to let this machine keep her alive either. This wasn't living. Living was running in the rain, staying up late together, and fussing over the decorations of Gideon's first Birthday party. This wasn't his wife. Belle was full of life, always seeking her next adventure. But the woman lying before him wasn't any of that. She was a husk, and Belle was gone.
"It's alright Belle. You don't have to fight anymore." He said squeezing her hand. "Just let go. I'll do my best to take care of Gideon. 'Raise him how you would want. He'll be a scholar, just like you. I promise sweetheart. I love you."
He pressed the red Nurse button that was attached to the railing of her bed. In minutes a Doctor and the nurse, who said her name was Ruby, walked in.
"I want to take her off the life support." Gold said, detached from reality.
"Are you sure Mr. Gold?" The Doctor asked.
Mr. Gold placed Belle's hand back down on the bed softly, making it look like she was undisturbed. "I've made my decision. Belle wouldn't want this."
"Mr. Gold please reconsider-," Ruby finally spoke up. It had looked like she'd been trying to say whatever it was for a while now.
"Ruby!" Doctor Whale said, dismissively. "That's enough. Mr. Gold is trying to cope with his loss. He doesn't need your false hope."
"No, let her speak," He told the doctor, before turning his attention to the nurse. "What is it you wish to tell me Ruby?"
Ruby looked at Dr. Whale timidly before explaining the reason for her outburst. "Belle- I mean, Mrs. Gold still has brain activity, and all her vital organs are still intact."
"What?" Mr. Gold blinked, trying to process what the nurse was saying.
"Yes, it's true, but she's hemorrhaging." The Doctor said disproving Ruby's theory. "And after two invasive surgeries, we haven't found the source of the bleeding."
Ruby shook her head. "That's because-"
"Ruby-," The doctor cut her off again before she could finish. "Mr. Gold, we have done everything we can do. I'm sorry about your wife. Truly I am."
"Stop interrupting her." Mr. Gold said. "Ruby, I'm listening."
"The Doctors and surgeons have only been looking for bleeding around the wound and her brain, but I think the hemorrhaging has nothing to do with the wound," Ruby explained.
"And where do you think the bleeding is coming from?" He asked.
"I may be wrong, but I think that Belle was pregnant, and the crash caused her to miscarriage," Ruby replied. "I can give her a pregnancy test."
"Yes Ruby, please." Mr. Gold said. If there was still a chance for Belle, this was it.
Ruby ran from the room and returned quickly with a specimen cup, panting and out of breath. She poured Belle's urine from her catheter and filled the cup up about halfway. She sealed it with a lid and gave it a good shake.
"So what's it say?" Gold asked, anxiously.
Ruby smiled, but it wasn't the kind of excited smile he was hoping for. It was a sympathetic smile. "She was indeed pregnant. But with the amount of blood loss, the baby is likely dead."
It was bittersweet news. He had lost a child, a child he didn't even know he had. But on the other hand, there was a chance that his wife would survive. It was like waking up from a nightmare only to have cold water thrown in his face. It was impact after impact. It was coming to terms with losing his wife only to be told that she was going to live, but a child they made together, would not.
"Thank you, Ruby."
"Get Mrs. Gold prepped for surgery." The Doctor said. "I'll go prepare the operating room."
"Yes Doctor."
After hours of waiting, praying, and explaining what happened to her father and close friends, Doctor Whale visited Gold's room.
"Mr. Gold," He said, sternly. "Belle is-"
Suddenly, Dr. Whale was pushed aside, and Ruby entered excitedly. "Has he told you yet?"
"No, I haven't." Dr. Whale answered. "But I'll let you do the honors, Ruby."
"Belle Is Fine!"
"S- she is?"
Ruby nodded. "She's going to be okay, and she's awake too."
If it weren't for him being in a slightly incapacitated state and his leg in a cast, Gold would have ran to his wife's room. His love was alive. She had pulled through this. She was going to be alright and so would their family.
Ruby and Doctor Whale helped transfer Mr. Gold to his wheelchair. Ruby informed him that since she wasn't in critical condition anymore, the staff had moved her from the ICU to a room adjacent to his. They rolled him out of his room and into the corridors of the infirmary. The room they took him to was bright with sunlight. It didn't even seem apart of the dreary hospital. In the bed was his wife, flipping through the tv channels, frowning at what was shown on the small mounted screen. She looked the opposite of the woman he saw only a few hours ago. Her color was back. The tube was gone. She was really alive.
She shifted and met his gaze with those blue eyes he'd miss so much and smiled. "I love you too."
Thanks for reading
-RL