Hey Guys this is my first NCIS LA fic, I was watching the season finale again last night, and this idea just wouldn't get out of my head.

It's inspired by the scene with Hetty and Hunter in the morgue.

Please let me know what you think

Oh and I don't have Beta, so any mistakes are all mine.

She made five...

And she was done.

Because she simply could not do this anymore.

Because even the basic operations were turning into life or death situations.

And yes that's the job.

Yes that's what they signed up for.

But her job description was to protect them.

And the evidence was piling up against her ability to do that.

Because today made five

And that was five to many.

Because this operation wasn't fancy, it wasn't dramatic.

It was a simple undercover operation, in and out, like they'd done so many times.

But it wasn't

It was a mistake.

A shit decision that came back to her.

Because she assessed the risks

She gave the green light, like she had so many times before.

And because of that Special Agent Kensi Blye was dead.

And Henrietta Lang was done.

"AGENT DOWN, Eric we need ambulance now" Deeks never heard the words that were screamed from Sams' mouth.

He never heard the bullets after the initial shot tore through his partners' unprotected flesh.

He never heard the screams of the bystanders,

Nor the sirens when the ambulance, finally showed up.

Marty Deeks didn't hear any of that.

The only sounds that made their ways to the young detective's ears that day, were the pathetic whimpers that made their way from his partners lips.

"Kensi, hey hey Kens, look at me, stay with me girl" The look of fear in her mix-matched eyes, was like nothing he's ever seen before.
"It...It always hurts so mu.. more when you're not wear... vest" She gasped out, curling her lips in painful smile at an attempt to laugh at her own, poorly executed joke.

"You're gonna be fine Kensi, alright you're gonna be just fine..." her attempted joke going completed disregarded , as he took hold of her hand. "...They'll take you to hospital fix you up th..."

"Deeks.." She whimpered her body literally shuddering in pain.

"..then you're gonna take me to Hawaii and then.."

"Deeks I.."

"..I'll teach you how to surf, then we were gonna settle down remember? We were gonna say..."

"I'm sorry.."

"...goodnight to each other at the end of day..."

"Deeks..." She begged locking onto his eyes.

But he just continued on talking, because Marty Deeks didn't hear anything that day,

And everyone knows he can talk.

He's been told that on more than one occasion.

And shit he talked that day.

He told her everything and anything, oblivious to everything else around them.

He talked so he didn't hear Callen and Sam kneeling down next to them.

He talked so he didn't hear her call his name.

Because hearing her would've meant hearing her say goodbye.

And there was no way in hell he was ready for that.

So he talked.

He talked until the grip on his hand slackened.

He talked until the once fear filled eyes that stared at up at him were full of nothing.

He talked until long after that.

Until the ambulance tore him away from her body,

Until he reached OSP

He talked Until he saw the look in Hettys' eyes.

And then he stopped.

Because the look in her eyes was all it took for him to realise that this was all real.

It was all it took for him to realise that he'd spent his last minutes with her talking shit.

It was all it took for him realise that no matter how much he talked, he never said what he wanted too.

The look in Hettys' eyes was all it took for him to stop.

Because what's the point of talking if you not fucking saying anything?

And she thinks that maybe it was that look that finally broke her.

Because after all that had happened he'd still look to her.

They all would.

And she couldn't take that anymore.

Because maybe if they had a little less faith in her, then maybe they'd question her decisions.

But they haven't and they won't.

Because they trust her.

Because Kensi trusted her.

And now she was dead.

And she tells herself she doesn't pick favourites,

That they're all one in the same.

But there was something about Miss Blye, from the very first time they met.

And it wasn't the text book smarts,

Or the street skills.

Or anything else along those lines.

There was something deeper, something accessible about the younger agent,

Something more.

And it's not until she's sitting next to the body in the morgue that she realises it.

Because without her Deeks clammed up.

Without her, Sam's anger got the best of him.

Without her, any attempt made by Callen to settle down failed miserably.

Without her Eric's and Nell's witty banter in OSP died.

Without her, the team broke.

Because without her Hetty was on her own.

Without her Hetty was left to hold the team together by herself.

And by god she didn't realise how hard of a job that was until it all came down to her.

So she sits in the morgue,

Talking to no one,

Saying everything.

"You know it's always the good ones who feel the need to apologise"

Maybe they feel they should've done more

"Is that what you think?"

I don't know Hetty you tell me.

"Did I ever thank you for everything you did Kensi?" She asked turning to stare at the nothingness where she imagined her dead colleague to be.

Not directly

"Were you scared?"

Wouldn't you be?

"That wasn't the question"

It wasn't an answer

"This is the problem with talking to yourself, can never get a straight answer"

Yeah that's the only problem

Hetty smirked at the words that were dripping with sarcasm, before looking up into the eyes of the person who wasn't there;

Trying desperately to find closure,

To find something that would make any of this tolerable.

But she couldn't seem to find anything.

So she settled for the words she'd used so many times in the past.

Because that's honest to god all she had left.

"I am so sorry Kensi"

I know.

And it wasn't the answer she was hoping for, but considering it came from her own head, it sure as hell was the answer she was expecting.

Deep down she knew if Kensi was here she'd tell her it wasn't her fault.

But she wasn't here and that's the problem,

Because she was gone, and she took the team with her.

And Hetty couldn't stand to watch anymore.

Because Kensi Blye made five.

And Henrietta Lang was done.

So...

If you're super confused I understand, i'm still kinda confused as well.

But please Review and let me know what you guys think.