Hey, everybody! I think this is a new thing. Y'know, commentary for a commentary? The original commentary belongs to the Midnight Crew, who I did ask for permission to do this thang.
Bold is MC.
Bold underlined is Spades.
Bold italics is MOI!
M.C groaned as he sat in his seat, Spades next to him half asleep, "Hey guys," he said to the crowd, "We got a new story for you. This story was suggested by several people," he announced to them.
Beside him, Spades jolted a little, trying to stay away, "It's called Moon Daughter, and is by xxMoonlitexx," she said, yawning and falling asleep a little before waking up after being elbowed by M.C, "Sorry, sorry. Didn't sleep well last night," she yawned.
"Anyways," M.C said rolling his eyes, "Let's get on with the review. It's a Percy Jackson story and considering it's title is 'moon', I got the feeling I'm going to be raging within the first chapter."
Spades smiled beside him, "Any story we review has you raging in chapter one."
Chapter 1…Where I get Claimed
There are so many ways you can decipher that.
My gray eyes satred back at me from the fountain, sad like the end of a summer storm.
How is a summer storm sad?
That is an interesting way to compare sadness though.
It's a storm. Shouldn't you be happy it ended?
Luke was dead….Percy Jackson killed him last year in Olympus.
Wrong.
Luke killed himself, he sacrificed himself to help the Demigods defeat Kronos, he stabbed himself in his Achilles Heel.
Right. How'd you hear that in Percy's camp? It should logically take his side, right? So either you were there, and saw something no one else did, or you're just an idiot. (Inclined to the second one.)
I groned as I sat up in bed. I had a dream last night where I was claimed.
Oh, so now you're a fortuneteller, huh? No demigod gets a dream that specific.
I didn't know my parents ever, I was an orphan on the Streets of NYC city until a family on a farm took me in,
You got adopted. Good for you.
How'd you get from NYC to the farm anyways?
but soon I was bullied by their daughter Brittany.
She probably deserved it.
Is it just me, or are all people named Brittany stereotypically mean girls?
with four diffrent coach Purses
They live on a farm. People who live on farms do NOT have Coach purses.
and bitchy blond hair.
Don't-
My hair is blonde. Are you saying every blonde out there is a 'bitchy blonde'?
How did her hair get dragged into this mess? Dude. It's HAIR.
She called me a freak because I had sliver eyes, black hair I cut by myslef so it was uneven and wore the same lether jacket everyday.
She probably called you that because your eyes were silver. That's not natural.
Hmm. I'm thinking also because of your terrible spelling, your incredibily-inflated ego, your skewered looks on life.
One day I had enough
Oh what your life? Join the club!
so I ran away only to find my way to Kronos's Army…..and Luke. I was a deimgod!
Woop-de-fucking-doo.
I knew I claimed today, because demigod dreams are like that,
I haven't read The Lightning Thief in a while so I don't know if that is true or not.
Same.
No. They're not. They're vague glimpses, and certainly not a trivial event like the claiming, especially if it's been years and years already.
were not like normal people.
Well duh, you're a demigod.
I smiled to myself because I hated cabin number 11.
I would hate being in there too, it's so cramped and it's full of a Hermes and Unclaimed demigods.
And a certain Flavia.
The other demigods were mean and bullied me because I wasn't claimed,
Uh, half the people in Cabin 11 are unclaimed.
also they always talked about how evil monsters were,
Most monsters are.
Tyson and Ella are the only good monsters in my opinion.
but Luke and I knew better because the monsters in the army weren't evil, they were actually misjudged because they worked for Kronos
Um...they worked for Kronos.
Yeah, they kind of were with the guy who wanted to basically take over the world. I think they're evil.
Right. Tell that to the judge. "I'm innocent because I'm only WORKING for the bad guy!" Right.
but many had good hearts, a draceema saved my life
Hey, she must have recognized you as a fellow monster!
once from an evil rappist
Who would want to rape her?
when I was in the streets.
Why couldn't it have been a killer and they let him kill her?
That might even reduce your jail sentence. Evil for the greater good.
"Hey Flavia,
Flavia. Wow.
you talking to your monster friends," Laughed Annabeth, Percy's slutty girlfreind.
Did she just...
She just did.
We must kill Flavia.
No one calls Annabeth a slut.
She is blond and a Bitch, and from Athena, who are all like that.
I hate this bitch. Not Annabeth because welp, she's awesome.
She just incurred the wrath of the entire Athena cabin. This might be enjoyable...
She used have a crush on Luke, but she never had a chance…..
Because she was in love with Percy.
Key word: Used to. She moved on.
Luke told me himself the only one love was me. Before he died.
So, Flavia was there when he sacrificed himself. Why would she join Camp Halfblood than?
My eyes blazed wrathly, I knew she meant my BFF Ivy the Dryad.
So you're admitting she's a monster.
Oh, God, not a Wood Nymph too!
Ivy was bullied by the other deimgods because she is a Dryad and they hate Dryads because they are monsters.
Somebody obviously didn't pay attention to the books.
They were treated pretty well in the books, at least the ones at the Camp. Grovers girlfriend, Juniper is a dyrad. Coach Hedges' wife is a freaking Wind Nymph. Camp. Halfblood. Likes. Nymphs.
Wonder what would happen if I called my BFF a monster. *shivers*
"Eff off! My god parent is powerful to defend Ivy,
So Athena defends Ivy. Okay.
So now Annabeth is defending Ivy?
she has no friends!" Annabeth sneered,
WHO IS THIS AND WHERE IS ANNABETH?!
It must be an AU or something,. Y'know, where Annabeth is a bitch and Percy's afraid of water. Or something.
"You have no god parent!
Favia, you need to get out of the camp. You have no godly parent so you are not a demigod.
Just because she's unclaimed doesn't make her mortal. Plus, she's inside the mortal-repelling border things. So...
Your not claimed and nobody will claim you ever!" she put the haedphones back on, listening to 1 D like a slut.
*RAGE MODE ACTIVE*
ANNABETH IS FUCKING AWESOME YOU BITCH! SHE IS NOT A SLUT SHE IS NOT ANYTHING BAD THAT YOU CLAIM HER TO BE!
Apparently, anybody listening to 1D is a slut.
I could feel a tear went down my face as Annabeth went away.
I do not feel bad for her.
Correction: Can not.
Ivy came out from behind cabin 11 and I could see she was crying. "You heard her?!" I said.
"Yeah. Grow a fucking pair already, bitch."
Ivy was crying chloryful which looked like normal crying but green, because she was a Dryad (Because Dyrads are from trees which have chloryful.)
Worst excuse ever.
It's not chloryful. It's Chlorophyll.
I'm suprised she doesn't think gumdrops grows on trees, and trees are green because the Green Queen made the card people paint them.
"Oh Flavia, its not fair,
Dude. Look around you. Everybody else hasn't been claimed either.
you will be claimed I know it," She hugged me and I felt better.
Why would anyone in their right mind want to claim this bitch?
I think it takes place in the Heroes of Olympus series.
Oh, so the gods aren't in their right mind. No wonder she gets claimed.
Uh, no. You don't feel better. You're more of a bitch than ever.
I wiped the tears off my face and looked in the fountain where we were sitting, by cabin 11. Now my jet black hair with a wave at the back of the neck has a white streak that was from depression when Britany bullied me,
So you gave it white streaks? Lame.
I spy with my little eye, a Percy reference.
but I think it looks nice so I kept it. I have silver gray eyes which is why Luke called me Moonlite.
Blah! At least spell the freaking word right.
Freak spelling for a freak. Makes sense.
I wiped away another tear when I thought this, it hurt so much to think of him killed after all we'd been threw together.
You betrayed the Gods when you teamed up with the Titans. You are a disgrace of a Demigod.
But the moon reminded me "What if I am a daughter of the moon Goddess? Artmeis"
FUCK. NO! Artemis is the VIRGIN Goddess. She turned men blind and killed them just for stumbling upon her naked! Look at Actaeon for example!
And how did the moon remind you that? Is this like, Rise of the Guardians or something?
Ivy shook her head, "Artemis is a virgin, that means she cant have kids, like ever."
Exactly.
A small piece of logic in an illogical world.
Artemis is my fav Goddess, she looks kind of like me but her hair is Ginger
The books describe her as having auburn hair, not ginger hair.
and she has a silver bow and arrows. I saw her once with all these girls that follow her and also have silver bows and arrows, but that's not the same as being her daughter which in my heart I wished I was.
Shut up.
Oh my fucking God! Get over your whiny crush on her already! ARTEMIS IS A VIRGIN NOW DIE!
If you like her so much, join her Hunters. It's not like you haven't met them before.
But wishes dont come true, I knew young this world was not a fairy tale field.
Exactly. And that is why uyou should never get claimed.
Lies and danger are like dark clouds above us especially if your a demigod like I was.
I hope she falls into Tartarus in Percy and Annabeths place, without there being a Doors of Death in Tartarus for her to go through.
We walked over by some demigods practising with swords and axes and mace, and I took out my bow and made a prefect Bull's eye in the target.
No one gives a shit.
What target? They were throwing swords and axes and maces? (How do you throw a mace? Way too big!)
Annabeth flipped me off because she is jealous I am the only deimgod in Camp who uses a bow and arrows.
Yeah, no.
Lee Fletcher, Son of Apollo, Michael Yew, Son of Apollo, Will Solace, Son of Apollo, Austin, Kayla and every other child of Apollo use bows and arrows. Oh my fucking God, Apollo is the God of fucking ARCHERY. READ THE FUCKING BOOKS.
So this is an AU.
"Annabeht!"
So Annabeht is the bitch, not Annabeth.
Yelled the center
What?
stood nearby.
He is Chrion, the leader of camp Half Blood,
I'm pretty sure Dionysus is the camps director.
a center half horse and half Man. He is 17 (look I know he is old in the book but this is my story so don't flame)
I'M GOING TO BURN THIS SHIT DOWN THATS HOW MUCH I'LL FLAME IT!
and his long dark hair
Long dark hair. *Whimpers and covers eyes!* They burn!
whiped in the wind above his chest. He looked sad because Kronos was his father before he was killed into Tartarus,
I'm pretty sure Chiron was happy that Kronos was dead.
and Chiron was all depressed about it, and he spent all his time in the big House by himself. Only now he come out looking wraithful.
WHY is he depressed about the GODS winning the war with the Titans?
"afti enai ena trantagma!" Yelled Annabeth,
One click to Google translate and-
"This is a bump"? The fuck Annabeth?
exept in greek because she wants to look smarter, but it was a lie,
Annabeth is smart, that isn't a lie.
I wasn't a jerk…she was!
You're just a fucking annoying, lame, arrogant bitch who is blind and doesn't know that Apollo's cabin uses bows as weapons and you're also a fucking bitch.
And we're only on the first chapter!
"Why are you always causing troulbe when we practise Annabeth?"
Practise Annabeth. Yeah, you need practise writing Annabeth all right. And just on general.
Chiron said with his mighty center eyes flashing,
Yes, his mighty centaur eyes flashed, but flashed with pride because she would drive Favia out of the camp.
"you are jealous, and because Percy is your bf you think we will let you do whatever you want is that it?"
WHY WOULD ANNABETH BE JEALOUS OF THE BITCH!?
But Ivy gasped and pointed at my head, "Look Chrion!" suddenly everyone looked at me, even Annabeth and they all kneeled!
Why? She daughter of Zeus? No? Didn't think so.
I raised by hand to flip them off but then I looked up and saw shining like a thoughsand moonbeams,
If it were a pokemon attack, she would be dead.
a silver Stag on my head, also silver Hounds and a Bow and Arrows and a thin curvy moon which was silver.
I'm pretty fucking sure that isn't Artemis' sign.
It was so beautiful I cried! also because I knew what it meant…I was claimed, by Artemis!
*DEMON RAGE MODE ACTIVE*
FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!
Nononononononono! May Artemis curse you!
I stood in aw as the other demigods covered up there eyes because it was too bright!
It's the Goddess of the Moon not Apollo you idiots, it's not that bright!
"This cannot be" Said Chiron, "Artmeis is a virgin!"
EXACTLY! WHO THE FUCK DECIDED SHE WOULD HAVE A KID?! SHE JUST DESTROYED WHAT ARTEMIS STOOD FOR!
Even if she had a kid, she wouldn't be this a-hole.
"Well now she is not," Said Ivy.
Fuck you Ivy. Fuck you Favia, fuck you fake Artemis.
And there goes sanity and logic.
This is going to be a long fifty chapters...Just DON'T FUCKING TOUCH NICO!