Will You Catch Me If I Jump?

Dear Logan,

15 days. 15 long and sleepless days. No texts no calls nothing. I dont want to quote Sinead O connor too much but tell me baby where did I go wrong? Ok seriously, this is ridiculous I get that you wanted more but did it really have to come down to this ultimatum? This isn't us Logan! We work through things, we don't just just give up. I just needed time to get myself straight to make a real name for myself before I became Rory Huntzberger... I can just see you rolling your eyes right now and I know thats not what you meant when you asked me. I know your heart was in the right place but I cant just go all in like that when I'm uncertain of my future and how we will factor each other in. Please if you valued us at all just answer this email and my one question... I just want to know... are you happy? Honestly, because I am miserable. Nothing compares to you. I'm not trying to be cute I'm being honest, nothing can come close to us, I told my mom I thought you were the one. I stand by that. Please just talk to me.

We can figure this out.

Love Rory.

Logan stared at the email infront of him, swishing the scotch in his glass as he read Rorys heartfelt words for what felt like the millionth time, he'd had the email for two months before he even read it.

He assumed it would practically be a Dear John letter filled with plattitudes such as its not you its me! You're damn right its you, his angry drunken mind ranted. What did she want from him? He bared his soul to her infront of everyone they knew, ok slight exageration, but many people they were both aquainted with were there when Logan made a complete fool of took him another 6 weeks of reading it before he finally came to some sort of decision.

He angrily downed his glass of scotch and reached for his phone before he could change his mind again. Opening a new message he sent one simple text to a number he knew off by heart. I'm not happy, Ace.

Rorys phone vibrated on the kitchen counter as the sound of a new message made her jump, she reached for her phone and nearly dropped it in shock when she saw who the mystery texter was.. Logan.

The words staring back at her made her heart ache. He wasnt happy. She wasn't happy. They were not happy.

Now what? This would have all been wonderful a few months ago but now Rory was technically seeing a guy she met on the campaign Nate, he was ok. Sweet, kind and she was in no danger of ever falling in love with him.

She weighed up the pros (so many!) and cons (not quite as much) and bit the bullet and typed out her reply.. Coffee?

Logan was nervous, for one of the only times in his life he was palms sweating, knees trembling and stomach twisting nervous. He watched the doorway in anticipation for the object of his anxious state to walk through at any moment, as usual Rory surprised him.

His phone beeped ...I'm behind you. He turned around quickly to see his blue eyed beauty sat at the table directly behind him nursing a cup of coffee and gesturing to and empty seat and an identical coffee cup one he assumed was for him.

'Hey stranger. Long time no see. How you been?' Logan laughed bitterly 'Not great Rory, I have to say I could be better.' Rory frowned 'I'm sorry Logan I was going for blase, casual, breezy, cool easy going.. mellow! on the low down... please stop me!'

Logan smiled inspite of himself 'Now there is the rambling Rory Gilmore I know and...' he stopped himself clearing his throat as he sat down across from the only woman who simultaneously stole and broke his heart. 'Hi Ace.' Rory smiled relieved that the awkwardness that had permeated the atmosphere seemed to have dissipated slightly.

Logan and Rory spoke about everything and nothing in the two hours they spent drinking coffees and eating donuts in the quaint cafe that was one of their favourite haunts when they were together, they spoke about their respective careers, enquired after family and friends and spoke in excited tones about books they had read and movies they had seen, it seemed even though they hadnt been around each other in quite a long time they still fell into their familiar back and forth and quippy nature.

The only problem was when they each turned to say goodbye they realised they had not touched upon the important stuff such as Logans proposal or Rory and her kind of slight boyfriend.. thing.

They would have to figure that out next time they saw each other.. as they made plan for that exact event and wrote down the details of the hotels they were staying.

Finally after another half hour of attempting to say farewell they held out a hand each to shake, friendly and show there was no hard feelings on either of their sides they smiled at each other and leaned in to hug, again, friendly.. this was the watch word for them right now.

They stepped away at the same time keeping a tight hold of the others hand before they slowly let go at the same time.. They turned away and started to walk in opposite directions and unknowingly at the exact same time they had the exact same thought screaming in their heads..

I don't want to say goodbye.

For the next few months the former lovers fell easily back into a friendly and banterful relationship... until ones arm brushed up against the other or their faces seemed to get closer and closer as they were laughing about some shared memory, or they would all of a sudden stop laughing and an identical serious expression would appear on their faces and a dark cloud would hover for a few minutes until one or the other changed the subject or said goodbye for the night. Logan was unsurprisingly the first to adress their issue..

'Ace. I think we need to have a serious chat about everything that happened before when we were you know... together.'

Rory was shocked and slightly horrified. Everything had been going so well she didn't want the inevitable fall out of this 'chat' to ruin everything they had built back up these past few months. 'No Logan. Its fine honestly! Im over it.' Logan stepped back as though he had been struck...

'I'm sorry? You're over it? Over it?! Just like that huh?'

' No of course not just like that! I didn't mean..'

'Well what did you mean Ace?! Because I'm getting mixed signals all over the place right now..

I mean first you send me a letter practically begging me to talk to you and saying we can work it out then we meet everything goes great and then we act like nothing has happened.. like you didn't step on my heart in your graduation shoes gown and hat! I mean I proposed Rory!

I Logan 'Afraid of commitment' Huntzberger. Proposed. I wanted to marry you I wanted children with you. I wanted to dance to stupid love songs at 3am with you.

I wanted to die in your arms like the old couple in that stupid film you made me watch.. I wanted everything with you. And you clearly didn't want the same.

I was so goddamn stupid and I am so fucking angry at myself and you and we are just acting like everything is fine.

Nothing monumental went down business as usual Rory and Logan. What is this?! What are we?! I need to know its driving me crazy trying to figure it out.'

Rory had tears in her eyes throughout Logans speech. Shed never considered how hard this would be.

'I'm sorry Logan. I can't answer all that. All I can say is that what we had was real and i love you still. ..

'If that's true then why are we putting on this show of platonic friendship? If you love me and I'm pretty sure you know I still love you, I honestly dont think I could stop at this point, if that's how we BOTH feel why are we playing this game? Why don't we just start again afresh?! We can take it slow as slow as you like, glacial pace if that what you want.. whatever it takes.'

'Logan if you had said that to me 5 months ago when I first sent you the email pouring out my heart I would have jumped for joy like the lead in a cheesy romance movie but you didn't you were silent... and I met someone on the campaign and I'm sort of... seeing him. '

Logan felt his heart break into a million tiny pieces, shattered like any hope he had of the beautiful girl in front of him ever coming back to him.

'Wow. And you didnt think this would be interesting information for me Ace?

Rory shrank back as she saw the hurt in Logans eyes

'I'm sorry Logan I just didn't think that...

'That's exactly the problem Rory.'Logan interrupted tears falling slowly down his cheek.

' You didn't think. '

'You know what? I thought I could be your friend but now I realise I can't it's too hard.'

Rory felt her blood run cold

'What are you saying Logan?'

'I'm saying I can't do this again. I'm sorry. I can't see you anymore'

Logan slumped his shoulders, resigned turned to walk away from the love of his life. Rory could feel the tears streaming she watched as the man she would always love stopped and turned around to face her...

'I meant what I said. I can't stop loving you'

Rory felt hope rising through her at Logans words..

Maybe it wasn't too late for them maybe he would change his mind and they could sort it out somehow they could take it slow like he said they could...

but one look at the forlorn expression on the blondes face told Rory that wasn't the case

and for the second time in 6 months Logan Huntzberger broke Rory Gilmores heart with two simple words

'Goodbye, Rory.'

*AN i KNOW IT SEEMS SUPER BLEAK BUT TRUST ME I AM A HUGE SOPHIE FAN SO I HAVE NO INTENTION OF KEEPING THEM APART.*