Author: Trilla Weasley
Rating: R for slash, non-graphic rape, and sexual themesPairing: Harry/Ron
Word count: 664
Genre: Angst, drama
Summary: Harry watches and waits...
Harry watches and waits. It is Christmas holiday, the common room is silent, and the boy's dorm empty save for one person. The raven-haired boy badly craves a release and feels no guilt or remorse in the deed that satisfies it...not yet anyway. He cares not for the other boy's feelings or proclivities but instead accosts him as he had many times before. After the much-needed liberation comes, he doesn't stay but instead hurriedly leaves in disgrace without sparing a backward glance.
His heightened emotions are always lessened somewhat after such encounters, if only for a few minutes, until the memories come rushing back again. He knows he is addicted to pleasure as a beggar is addicted to nepenthe; it helps him handle the feelings that threaten to consume him.
He uses Ron for his own carnal acts with no regard for what the other boy is feeling. He knows he is being selfish and controlling but it is this that he enjoys, actually being in control for once, someone submitting to him instead of him being under the influence of someone with his "best interests" in mind. How could anyone but himself know what he is feeling at this moment?
He also knows that if he stops, the withdrawal would make the outcome of his nightmares much worse.
He retreats to the common room every night after his escape. Here the silence allows him to dwell on his actions. During these experiences he feels no guilt but after, like now when he has time for reflection, does he tell himself, "that's it, that was the last time, never again." Every night he makes this promise and the next night he always breaks it.
---
The slow breath of sleep is unpunctuated until the screams from the raven-haired boy waken the red head. Without noticing or even realizing what he is doing, Harry is in his best-friend's bed seeking his own comfort and remedy for the demons that haunt his sleep.
"I'm so sorry..." He sobs when it is over. He cried into Ron's shoulder that night, cried himself to sleep while, for the first time, staying wrapped in the comforting arms that always longed to hold him close. He stayed, as though drinking in the forgiveness that flowed from one to the other, begging confirmation that he was not alone.
---
Ron feels and understands. He knows he is helping Harry but doesn't say anything, speaking is pointless when he can feel the emotions conducted through the other boy's skin. Ignoring the part of his brain that screams every night, "this situation is wrong, unnatural!" instead he feels the loneliness and yearning seep through him like a slow, painful death every time Harry leaves his bed in shame.
---
Ron knows Harry has finally broken when he is wakened one night by his best friend's screams and then he feels Harry touching him, holding him, the other boy's breath wafting lightly over the nape of his neck, and Ron stays passive.
Never had Harry spoken before, during, or after as though refraining from mentioning makes it easier to forget the guilt Ron knows Harry feels in the morning.
This night is different.
"I'm so sorry..." Harry sobs. Ron knew Harry was finally at a turning point and when the raven-haired boy fell into a peaceful and unflawed sleep, the tears not yet dry on his flushed cheeks, Ron reassured his best friend at last by saying what had been previously unspoken before.
Now, as Harry lay wrapped in his arms and he himself gaining reassurance from the sleeping form, he whispers in the other boy's ear, "I love you, Harry," knowing Harry would feel the forgiveness radiating from him. Ron lightly kisses Harry's temple and the raven-haired boy smiles as though an angel has visited him in his dreams.
Fin