Hopeless Place

AN: This one shot is written from Marty's Point of View and it is based on the following lyrics:

"It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it's over, and it's gone
You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good

Yellow diamonds in the light
Now we're standing side by side
As your shadow crosses mine
What it takes to come alive

It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny
But I've gotta let it go

We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place" (Lyrics from Rihanna's We Found Love)

Todd and I had found love in a hopeless place. We were both spiraling out of control when we crashed into one another. I thought that he would just be another one night stand that I would easily forget, but I could never forget Todd and the sex had left me wanting more so I begged him to stay and love me.

Todd was afraid of his feelings for me so he rejected me. It hurt so much that the man I had fallen in love with could use me for sex and then throw me away so casually. I sought out revenge by publically telling Todd that he meant nothing to me and that I would never let him touch me again. Todd got his revenge by raping me and shattering both our lives in the process.

I told myself that the damage that Todd and I had caused one another was too great and that I should stay away from him, but I had never quite convinced my heart to let him go. Sometimes I looked back on the many bad times that we had shared and I wondered if all the pain was worth it to feel the fire of his love once again.

I had tried to find love with Dylan, but I always found my thoughts turning to Todd and I would pull away from Dylan time and time again. I hated myself for loving Todd so I drank and drank in hopes that I could force myself to get over my unhealthy obsession with the man who had hurt me most.

David sat down by me and we shared a couple of drinks as we talked. He offered to drive me home and I accepted hoping that a one night stand with David would cure me from wanting Todd.

We stood in the rain and David kissed me as I looked for my keys. The rain was falling and I knew that I couldn't go through with my plan. I wasn't feeling very well as memories of the rape bombarded me. "I'm sorry David, I'm not feeling very good. You should just go home." I stated.

"I'll make you feel better, I promise," David stated as he held me tightly in his arms and forced a rough kiss on me.

"Please, don't David," I pleaded.

"Stop fighting me Marty, we both know how badly you want it," David said as he placed his hand up my skirt and traced my silk panties.

"Are you deaf Vickers, she said no," I heard Todd say as he grabbed David and threw him off of me. "No means no Vickers," Todd shouted as he punched him over and over again.

"That's rich coming from the town rapist. At least when I want to make love to a beautiful woman I don't have to hold them down and gag them," David taunted.

Todd placed his hands around David's throat and began to squeeze with all his fury.

"Please, stop it Todd," I pleaded as I recognized the rage in his eyes. He would kill David if I didn't intervene. I placed my hand on his shoulder and I could instantly feel the electric touch that only Todd could inspire.

"Biggs, get this piece of shit home before I change my mind and kill him," Todd stated as he threw David to the ground.

"You're fucking crazy...you and Marty deserve one another," David shouted as Briggs helped him into the limo.

"What the hell Marty...why would you put yourself in this kind of position again?" Todd shouted at me as he grabbed my shoulders and shook me.

"I am not to blame for what happened here tonight. I didn't ask for it...just like I didn't ask for it the night that you raped me. I fell in love with you Todd and that's the only thing I regret. I fucking hate you for not loving me back," I shouted as I slapped him over and over again until I was too exhauseted.

Todd picked me up in his arms and carried me inside. He laid me down on the couch and went to leave when I grabbed his arm. "Don't go Todd. Our love is worth the pain," I pleaded. I needed to feel his love one last time even if I knew that there was no hope that Todd and I would ever survive this hopeless place.

"I can't Marty...I can't hurt you again and if I make love to you...I will eventually destroy you again."

"Please Todd hold me," I pleaded.

"I can't," Todd stated as he ran out of the house.

I screamed out in pain as the memories of our hopeless love played like a bad movie. I would never get Todd out of my system and we would never be free to love one another because we were both too scarred by the pain of our past.

I went into the kitchen and I grabbed a kitchen knife and I shoved it into my heart.

"Marty, we need to talk, maybe we can make things work somehow, someway," I heard Todd shout as he entered my place.

"It's too late, we fell in love in a hopeless place" I said as Todd entered the kitchen and saw me bleeding on the floor.

"Marty, what have I caused you to do," Todd stated as he ran to my side. He held me in his arms as my life force faded away and I died.

I stepped out of my body and I saw Todd kiss me one last time as he picked up my bloody knife and plunged it into his heart. When Todd's spirit left his body I grabbed his hand and we ascended to heaven where I knew that we could finally love each other in a hopeful place.