Emotionless
They've always called me emotionless, coldhearted. I guess it must be true if everyone says so…
That must be the reason why I couldn't feel anything at that time.
Not even as her wide almond eyes locked with mine.
Not even as she yelled my name and ran to push me out of the way of danger getting hit herself.
Not even as she smiled weakly at me and tried to speak but her voice just wouldn't reach me.
Not even as I watched her cold limp body hit the ground.
Not even as I heard her friends screaming and crying for help rushing to her side.
Not even as she tilted her head to face me one last time before her eyes shut, probably for good.
Not even as Imai walked up to me looking completely devastated and started screaming and insulting me, tears flowing from her eyes nonstop.
I guess she just felt so powerless that for the first time there was nothing she could do for her friend now that she was in dire need of help. The pain of knowing the last thing she told her was "Don't touch me you idiot" when she'd tried to hug her and told her she was her best friend. She just needed to take it out on somebody, namely me, because it was after all my fault…
I just stood there and took it all without saying anything, even the repeated slaps, until she fell to her knees and hid her tearstained face in her palms and started shaking violently.
An ambulance came soon after and she was taken away. Only her best friend was allowed to ride with her and all the others went their separate ways.
Ruka stayed behind and looked at me rather concerned, tears clearly visible in his blue eyes. I stared back with a blank expression. His face showed something caught between pity and disgust for a moment before he walked away.
I was left standing all alone. No thoughts came to my head. My mind was as blank as my face as I stared at the spot where her body was lying some minutes ago.
And still I couldn't feel a single thing.
Not even as I remembered her bright smiling face to which I'd gotten used to watch every morning and had grown so fond of.
Not even as I recalled all those times I held her tightly in my arms as she cried for some reason or the other, wishing to take all her sadness away and bear it myself if need be.
Not even as I thought about all the things I wanted to tell her, I could've told her, I SHOULD have told her.
Not even as the last words she tried to utter suddenly became clear inside my head.
Not even as I absentmindedly muttered the same words to the wind.
Not even as I imagined hearing her sweet voice coming from behind me.
Not even then could I feel a single thing except for a huge emptiness in my chest and the familiar sensation of being incomplete, a sensation I hadn't gotten for a while now, ever since I met her.
They've always called me emotionless, coldhearted. I guess it must be true if everyone says so…
But she never did… because she knew better than that. As much as I could fool everyone, including myself, I could never hide anything from her.
That's why at that moment for the first time in my life I stopped lying to myself and to her, and allowed myself to feel for the first time.
To let all my feelings out for the last time
To cry
To kick and scream
Just for the both of us and no one else to see.
I will just have to go back to pretending tomorrow…
A/N: I don't know what in the world possessed me to write this. But there it is… Just a short one-shot I sort of felt like writing.
It's pretty obvious who's PoV this is and everything without me saying so…
This is like my first one-shot ever, so it'd be nice to know what you thought about it, so if you have the time drop a review.
Anyone feels identified by this? (The emotionless part I mean) cause I do… a lot.
Hope you enjoyed it.