I Can't Push You Away, a vampire knight fanfic

Disclaimer 2: I do not own the song "Not a Single Word of This" by Alesana.

Author's note: While I was looking up the lyrics to another song I came across this one and it reminded me of the torment Zero feels as he battles himself to contain the love for Yuuki he doesn't think he deserves to give.

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I Can't Push You Away

I'd push you away but you are the only thing I know

Zero holds Yuuki even though he knows he should push her away before he hurts her again. He doesn't want to submit to the thirst that claws at his throat demanding that he drink her blood. Zero wished he could only hold her without the threat of the vampire lurking inside him.

I'd push you away but you are the only thing I know

At your feet I now lay for you are the only thing I know

Zero knew if he could fight the thirst he would. Each time it taunted him he felt the pain from the beast. He knew it was not something he could escape, he was forever trapped with this curse this affliction. A disease that was eating him away on the inside, but Yuuki always brought him back from the brink of insanity. Yuuki's blood always warmed the acid cold of the vampire in his heart.

I stare blindly into my reflection

A piece of me lost…I am terrified that I cannot breathe without you

I am nothing in my eyes if not lost

I can't see past your eyes, without them I would die

Shackles cut my wrists as I fight the chains

None can hold me

Yuuki pulled away from Zero to gaze into his eyes. Zero felt as if he could drown in the eyes that held his reflection, an image captured in her warm whiskey eyes. His breath caught, he felt like he was suffocating, Yuuki stole his breath away. Zero looked down to see the pulsing vein in her neck. Her neck was so pale he could see the vein so clearly, see the blood pulse with each beat of her heart. He tried to rein in the beast, his vampire half, shackling with chains, trying to keep it locked away.

He knew that nothing could stop his vampire blood from winning. He hated the realization. Yuuki could see the blood colored luster in his eyes and without hesitation she tilted her head baring her neck to the raging beast within in.

"Go ahead Zero take my blood."

I'd push you away but you are the only thing I know

At your feet I now lay for you are the only thing I know

Zero pulled her close as he sank his fangs deep into her neck. Her blood was like a rich wine, the sweetest nectar for the addict he had become. Yuuki, her blood, the essence of who she is was all that Zero knew as her life flowed into his mouth and down his throat, the vampire part of him humming with its power.

He felt the tears form in his eyes, glad that Yuuki could not see his face. He didn't deserve what she gave him. He didn't deserve to love her as he did. He was a predator and she had become his prey. She deserved so much better than this…this inhumane torture.

But Yuuki always stayed by his side protecting him, feeding him, saving him from becoming what he was destined to become. She knew of his feelings for her and she never once condemned him to hell for them.

In a room where I once told you everything, I am alone

Once beholden to nothing and no one

How is it that I am a slave to these eyes which glisten with untold secrets

That I crave so wildly to understand?

Zero pulled away from her to see her own eyes glistened with unshed tears. He saw something in them that made his heart constrict with hope, a hope he should be denied.

"What is it Yuuki?"

She closed her eyes and bowed her head hiding whatever secret she held in their depths from him. Tears slipped through her lashes. Zero couldn't bear to see her cry, not for him. He didn't deserve a single tear from her.

He pulled her to him once again, her head pressed against his chest as her tiny human hands clawed at his bare chest, scoring it with reddening welts, but he didn't care. This he deserved, this pain was something he could and would endure for the girl who had given him so much. He owed her so much more than this one little thing.

Her tears dried and when she looked up into his face his heart stopped.

I must steel my heart to you warm gaze

I'll claw out my eyes and see you no more

Her eyes held so much warmth that he felt like he would catch on fire if she didn't stop gazing at him. He didn't want to see the warmth there, it only gave him false hope but he could not look away. He wished he could close his eyes and block out the sight, but he knew that the warm loving fire in her eyes was for him and only him.

"I love you Zero."

It's because of you I sometimes wish that I could die

Sometimes I wish I would die leaving you behind

Enraptured by my ignorance, I now deserve no sympathy

How could Yuuki love him? He had never done anything but hurt her, damn her along with himself. It made him want to die, to cease existing so she would never feel the pain of his bite or the torment of his soul. He wished he could die, leaving her alone so she could be happy and live a normal life without the worries of blood letting for an uncontrollable beast. Knowing this, why couldn't he stop his heart from soaring at her words? Zero knew the answer to that; because her love was what he yearned for more than he yearned for her blood. He didn't deserve it but her love was his.

Zero tightened his hold on her, pressing her head against his chest so she could heart his rapidly beating heart. His vampire blood may be what damned him to eternal hell but it was what gave him the salvation of Yuuki's love.

Zero couldn't find the words he needed to verbally express his love so in his silence he continued to hold her letting the beating of his heart tell it all. Inside his head one thought remained…

I can't push you away Yuuki because I love you.

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Okay this one didn't turn out as well as I had hoped but its still okay. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading. You know the drill: review or flame the choice is yours. Ta!